


One day, in the future

by sariloire



Series: There's no Shepard without Vakarian [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Fluff, Mass Effect 1, Mass Effect 2, Mass Effect 3, Mass Effect 3: Citadel, Post-Mass Effect 1, Romance, documenting Garrus & Shep's growing relationship, loosely follows the events of ME2 and eventually ME3, rated for non-explicit sex, this started as a drabble and expanded from there
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2017-03-13
Packaged: 2018-07-26 22:38:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 46
Words: 120,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7592926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sariloire/pseuds/sariloire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Shepard and Garrus want to explore what their feelings for each other could mean, and the possibility of a relationship. But life, death, and a war against the Reapers always gets in the way. They both have to decide if what they want is worth pursuing, or if it's safer to keep putting decisions off until one day, in the future, when things settle down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One Day

Shepard leaned back in her chair, rubbing her eyes as she let her head rest against the cushion behind her neck. She had just forced her way through an awkward conversation with Kaidan, and the atmosphere between them was going to be tense for the foreseeable future.

The Lieutenant hadn’t kept his interest in her hidden, and Shepard had dreaded the conversation for weeks before it had finally happened. When Kaidan admitted his feelings, and expressed his hope that Shepard had similar feelings towards him, she had had to reject him as kindly as possible. She had never thought of the man that way, seeing him as only a friend and comrade. In fact, Kaidan had needed to make his feelings blatantly obvious before Shepard had caught on.

Leaning her chair forward, Shepard rested her chin in her hands while she stared at the wall. The possibility of a romantic entanglement hadn’t crossed her mind in several months until just recently. She was busy, too busy to take notice of many people outside of Normandy’s crew. They were the only group of individuals that she saw on a regular basis, and she had no desire to start a relationship with anyone that she might only be able to meet on the rare times that she visited the Citadel or some far-flung colony.

But within the crew… Yes, there was one particular member of her crew that had gotten her attention. Shepard let her thoughts drift to the Turian that was two floors below.

Garrus Vakarian. He had made his place in the Normandy’s crew with relative ease, his intense demeanor and focused behavior apparent from the start. But Shepard had come to find that there was more to Garrus than what he showed on the surface, and the many conversations they had had since he boarded the ship were proof of that.

He was struggling with the morality of decisions he needed to make, and of ways that he had chosen to handle issues that arose in his life. Shepard could only try to be a voice of reason, and had found herself pulling him back from the brink more times than she had expected when she first met him.

But she had noticed, or perhaps her imagination only fabricated the impression, that lately Garrus had seemed more at peace. He had spoken only two days previously about his decision to rejoin C-Sec and reapply for Spectre training. He wanted to make a difference, and she knew that he could, once the missions they were involved in settled down.

And because Shepard didn't want to interfere just as he was getting his life back together, she was going to keep her feelings to herself. The admiration she held for Garrus, the way she felt her heart speed up –just a bit- when he looked her way for longer than seemed necessary.

The way she could, if she was honest with herself, get completely sidetracked from his words by focusing too much on how she enjoyed the sound of his voice.

Shepard would keep her infatuation to herself. She was a grown woman, nearing thirty, not a love-struck teenager. But she could hope that maybe, one day after this entire business with Saren was over and Garrus was settled at C-Sec, she would track him down and invite him out for drinks.

Standing up and pushing her chair back to its place, Shepard could feel a small smile tugging at her lips. Yes, that’s what she could hope for during the difficult times that she knew were waiting for her. A future in which she could sit down and share a drink with the Turian she had started to care for as more than just a crewmate.

She would tell him one day.

When things settled down.


	2. Unspoken Things

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on continuing this, but it just sort of happened.

_I’m on the Citadel, leaving tomorrow morning on a mission. Want to grab some drinks tonight in Flux?_

_-Shepard_

 

Garrus had read through the short, to-the-point message more times than he cared to admit. It was only the second time he had heard from Shepard since Saren had been defeated. He had been so busy being back at C-Sec that her calls were missed, and when he was able to return them, Shepard was unavailable or locked away in a meeting.

Drinks would be nice. He could relax, enjoy some down time with Shepard, and talk about… about how he missed being on the Normandy so much that it left an ache in his chest?

No, not that.

How every time his omni-tool went off in the last month, he had immediately checked it, hoping every time that it would be from her?

No, not that either.

Garrus picked up a case file and read through it, trying to shove thoughts of Shepard far from his mind. After reading it twice, he still didn’t know what it said.

He deeply respected the Commander, more than any other human he had ever met, and almost every Turian. Since the day he had met her on the Citadel and joined her on the Normandy, he had followed her into almost every battle, fighting at Shepard’s side through thick and thin.

Five months he had spent on that ship. It was somewhere around month four that he had realised that his feelings aimed towards Shepard weren’t quite military standard.

It wasn’t really a physical attraction. If it had just been a case of lust, he could have gotten it out of his system in a multitude of ways. Garrus didn’t even consider himself attracted to humans. Their legs bent in strange ways, they had nothing protecting their soft skin from harm, and they had so many fingers that he didn’t know how the extra two could possibly be useful.

No, it was something deeper than that. It had been born from the hours and hours they had spent talking aboard the Normandy. Shepard, with her N7 hoodie and still-damp hair, settling down on the floor of the empty comm room late at night when neither of them could sleep.

It had been a lot harder for him to sleep since he had left the Normandy, and those conversations, behind.

Garrus glanced at the clock, and was relieved to see that his shift was up. He would have just enough time to change and meet Shepard at the Flux nightclub.

 

* * *

 

“I hope you didn’t start without me.”

At the familiar voice, Garrus turned on the barstool he was occupying. Shepard bumped his shoulder with hers in greeting as she climbed into the next stool and signaled for the bartender. She looked tired, strained.

“Well, Shepard, I know you can’t hold your own with me, so I thought I’d do you a favour and even the stakes a little.”

Shepard snorted as she ordered herself a drink and requested that Garrus’ glass be kept full. “You keep telling yourself that. I know the truth, that dextro crap mostly water.” She leaned over, sniffing his glass in feigned suspicion. Garrus smelled the familiar scent of her hair, the same scent he had smelled when they had their late-night talks.

As the bartender set down several glasses in front of them both, a comfortable silence settled. Or, Garrus hoped it seemed comfortable. It was anything but comfortable to him, as his mind was racing with a million different things he wanted to say to the woman sitting next to him.

“How’s your time back at C-Sec going, Garrus?” The sudden question shook him out of his thoughts, his hand starting and almost knocking over the small glass he was clutching.

“Oh, ah, it’s going fine. Back to dealing with the red tape and all, pretty different from our days hunting Saren.” Shepard held his gaze with her own, and he felt the need to justify his words. “Not that I mind it as much anymore. Someone very wise once showed me the importance of not jeopardizing who I am just to get a job done.”

The smile that worked its way across her face was far softer, more sincere than he remembered ever seeing it before. The tired lines around her eyes seemed to smooth as she reached over and patted his hand. “Glad to be of service, Garrus.”

He felt the atmosphere change between them, ever so slightly, and he was at a lost as to what to do about it. He let go of the glass with his free hand and covered Shepard’s for a moment, squeezing it gently before letting go. “I’m serious, Shepard. Thank you.”

Something flickered in Shepard’s eyes for a moment, but she turned her head and chuckled as she reached for her drink, breaking the serious mood. “Hell, Garrus, I only scolded you four or five times until you got your head on straight. It’s not like I saved the galaxy or anything.”

Chuckling in return, Garrus was happy for the mood to be back to normal. Mostly happy, anyway.

Maybe about halfway happy.

Because sitting here, his left arm inches away from Shepard’s, so close that he could see the grey flecks in her green eyes, he wanted to let her know how much she meant to him. And not just in a ‘thank you Commander for putting up with me’ way, but in an ‘I liked how your hand felt in mine’ kind of way.

She looked over and he couldn’t tear his gaze from hers.

The years had not been kind to Shepard, just as they hadn’t been to him. She had scars, too many visible for the small amount of skin she showed. The one through her left eyebrow and the one above her mouth were the most obvious, but in better light he knew there would have been many more that were just as easily distinguished. Her pale blonde hair, light pink lips, soft green eyes.

He felt as if he could spent several weeks sitting there, staring into her eyes, and never once get tired of it.

Garrus felt a touch on his hand again, as Shepard had moved hers to cover his own. Her face was serious, but not somber. There was a thoughtful shine in her eyes when his eyes flicked from their hands back to her gaze.

“Garrus, there’s something I-“

Her omni-tool beeped, and Shepard jerked her hand back at the noise. The look of frustration on her face didn’t go away when she waved her hand and tapped her fingers against the orange hologram. “Sorry, Garrus, give me a minute.”

It was Joker.

“Hey, Commander, I-“ Joker’s voice stopped suddenly. “Are… you at a club?”

“Just enjoying my last free evening, Joker.”

Garrus looked down at his hands, now clutched around his drink. He emptied it in one go, signaling for another. His heart had been ready to pound out of his chest only moments before. He needed to settle his nerves.

“Oh, well you of all people need to relax, so I won’t keep you. We’re leaving the dock at 0500, I just got clearance from the tower.”

“Thanks, Joker, I’ll be there.”

The call ended and Shepard sighed, downing the rest of her drink. “I should have known better than to expect one evening without work interrupting.”

Garrus gave her a moment before speaking, “Is that the mission you mentioned in your message?”

“Yeah, we got some info about a geth squadron and were asked to take care of it.” She angled her head at him, a tired smile present. “I’d have asked you to join us, if not for your job.”

Her words drew a smile from him, though he wasn’t sure if Shepard could even tell when a Turian smiled. "And I would have gladly accepted, had I been able.” Garrus glanced at his own omni-tool. It wasn’t that late, but if Shepard needed to be ready for flight at 0500, she would need to sleep soon. “How long is Joker predicting for the mission to take?”

“Two weeks, optimistically. No more than three, at most.” Shepard was reaching for her credit chit before Garrus stopped her with a hand on her arm.

“My treat, Shepard.” He pushed payment towards the bartender, wishing more than anything that the night wasn’t having to end so quickly.

“I invited you out, Garrus. Let me pay.” Shepard looked amused, but her gaze was determined.

“Not tonight.” Garrus retrieved his chit and slid it back into a pocket on his shirt. “How about you pay next time? I think I’ll have another evening off in a few weeks. In three weeks, actually.”

That soft smile was back on Shepard’s face as they both stood, pushing their barstools back under the counter. “In three weeks, then. Right here.”

Garrus nodded at her words. “Now go get some sleep, you look dead on your feet.”

“Goodnight, Garrus.” She backed away, raising a hand in a farewell wave as they went their separate ways.

“Goodnight, Shepard.”

He hadn’t told her how he felt, he hadn’t explained how much he missed her. He was glad she didn’t turn around to glance over her shoulder as she walked away, because he knew the disappointment at his own shortcomings had to show on his face.

He wanted to believe that there was something between them, but he didn’t know anything about human rituals. For all he knew, the way she had looked at him and touched his hand were completely normal actions for friends to make.

He would tell her the next time he saw her.

Saren was defeated, Garrus was back working at C-Sec, and Shepard was off on a routine mission to take out some Geth.

He would have his chance to tell her. In three weeks.

When things settled down.


	3. Six Weeks and One Day

It had been two weeks.

Garrus emptied his glass, checking his omni-tool to make sure the message had sent, as if he hadn’t already double and triple checked.

Shepard had told him that the mission would ‘optimistically’ take only two weeks. Garrus had taken Shepard at her word, and was waiting at the bar in the Flux nightclub just in case she happened to show up unannounced. He had sent her a message the day before, just a friendly check-in to see how the mission was going.

She hadn’t responded.

Garrus wasn’t worried, he knew how things went on the Normandy. Someone’s plans got screwed up, Joker pulled off some stunt flying, and Shepard yelled until the situation resolved itself. Standard procedure for the months he was on the ship.

He took a drink from the refilled glass, passing over his credit chit to the bartender.

It had been a long shot to hope that Shepard would show up tonight, he had known that. But he had also checked over his shoulder non-stop ever since he sat at the bar an hour earlier.

Their actual meeting was still a week off. He would come back then, Shepard would rib him about his worrying, and they would get on with their night of drinking to celebrate the end to another routine mission.

Just one more week.

 

* * *

 

Three hours and his glass was almost untouched. The bartender was sending him concerned looks, and had asked twice already if there was a problem with the drink he had mixed for Garrus.

He had moved in his seat after the first hour, angling himself where he could see the door and still have his omni-tool open to keep the message tab up.

It had been three weeks.

It was the night they had agreed on, the place they had agreed on, and a time frame that should have worked for both of them.

Shepard had never responded to his message.

She hadn’t responded to the second one he sent, either, asking about mission progress and making sure she was still on for drinks when the Normandy returned to dock.

Garrus was working hard to convince himself that the mission was just taking longer than normal, and that Shepard would walk through the door at any time. But in the back of his mind, he worried that he had been too forward the last time they met. What if Shepard felt that they were becoming too friendly, and that’s why she hadn’t answered his messages? He wasn’t overly familiar with human interactions, he could have easily missed discomfort if she had shown any.

He continued brooding, checking his messages, not drinking his drink, and watching the door until the bartender called that the nightclub was closing. Garrus rubbed his tired eyes as he stood, his legs stiff from sitting at the bar for over five hours.

He felt… uneasy.

But surely Shepard would be back next week. He’d come back then, he only had to give her some more time to finish the mission.

Just one more week.

 

* * *

 

Weeks four, five, and then six arrived in quick succession.

Garrus had taken to sitting further down the bar, against the wall, where he could be sure to see everyone that entered the nightclub. He was drinking enough to justify taking up a seat, but not enough to cloud his mind in the off chance that the familiar blonde head appeared through the door.

Surely she would show up this night.

She had still not responded to the messages he sent. Any of them.

Garrus shifted in his seat, staring at the opposite wall for several minutes, ignoring the noise and chatter that surrounded him. He sat that way for minutes –or was it hours?- before he was jerked back to the present by the sound his omni-tool beeping.

It wasn’t C-Sec, he had long since changed the tone for messages from work so that he wouldn’t get his hopes up every time it went off.

Shepard?

He quickly brought up the interface and scrolled to the new message.  


_Vakarian,_

_I have urgent news that should be discussed in person. Come to my office in the Presidium immediately._

_-Captain David Anderson_

_  
_ Garrus’ heart beat slightly faster, and then seemed to stop for several seconds. He had only spoken to the man a handful of times, and it had always been either with or about Shepard.

He stood, the stool clattering to the floor. Hurriedly righting it and paying his bill, Garrus moved as fast as his stiff legs would take him.

There was a part of him hoping that maybe this was Shepard’s idea of a joke. That he would get to Anderson’s office and she would be there, waiting with that mischievous smile.

But it had been six weeks.

And she had never answered his messages.

Garrus slammed his hand on the panel of the Rapid Transit System.

 

* * *

 

“Back again, Garrus? It’s rare to see you two nights in a row.” The bartender’s voice seemed to reach him through a haze. “You’re usually a once-a-week kind of guy.”

“Let me buy that bottle, keep the glass.”

The bartender looked concerned, but handed over the sealed bottle of dextro liquor he had been holding, taking the credit chit in exchange and handing it back a moment later.

Garrus pocketed the chit and turned away, ignoring the man’s concerned questions about his well-being. Maybe one day he would be able to appreciate the man’s concern, but not that night.

He managed to get back to his apartment, without knowing exactly how, and found the couch, pushing two empty bottles to the floor. He had emptied those last night. Or early that morning, he couldn’t remember.

Whenever it was that he had left Anderson’s office.

Cracking open the seal, Garrus tipped the bottle up and started downing it as fast as he could without retching.

It had been six weeks and one day.

Saren was defeated, Garrus was back working at C-Sec, and Shepard was-

Shepard was dead.

The bottle slid from his hand and hit the floor, shattering, and Garrus felt the overwhelming darkness closing around the edges of his vision as he gasped for air to fight away the screaming pain that was tearing through his mind and heart.

Shepard was dead.


	4. Restored Hope

Shepard had only been awake for a few weeks, she was still getting used to the idea that she had died and missed two years of her life.

Two years.

She was adjusting, albeit slowly. After meeting Tali and seeing her reaction to Shepard being alive, she was a little concerned over how the others would react to her showing back up in their lives unexpectedly.

The Illusive Man had been maddeningly unhelpful in the small answers he had given her about her former squad. Liara, Kaiden, Garrus…

She looked at her hands, feeling a pang of guilt as she flexed her fingers, clenching her fists. To her, it was only a few weeks… four maybe? Four weeks since they had met for drinks at Flux and shared a nice, relaxed conversation. Four weeks since she had come so close to admitting to her former crewmate how much she had come to care for him.

To Garrus it had been over two years.

Maybe he had settled down with a nice woman and was happily living his life without her. She would be glad for him, her own feelings could be pushed down and eventually discarded, given enough time.

But christ, how she missed him.

It had been after a few nights of solid sleep aboard the Normandy that she had finally accessed her messaging account, the one she had had before the accident.

She had found the messages Garrus sent while she was on her mission two years previous.

The first one was stilted, sounding polite and proper, the way Garrus tended to talk when he was nervous. The second was more casual, the Turian’s concern showing through the words.

The third had hurt her heart worse than a physical blow.

  
_It’s not true, Shepard. Please tell me you’re alive._

 _  
_ It was just the two sentences, and when she questioned Joker the next day, she had matched the dates and found that the message was sent the night that word had reached Anderson about the crash and her death. He must have told Garrus the very night he had heard.

Not a surprise, given that Shepard had asked her superior to let him know, should anything happen to her.

She had to find him, to let him know that she was okay. Preferably before someone else told him.

“Commander, we’ll be reaching Omega shortly.”

Shepard looked up, pushing off her bed at the sound of Joker’s voice over the comm system. She would get through this business with recruiting Archangel and Professor Solus, and then all other recruitments were being put on hold until she found Garrus.

 

* * *

 

Garrus reloaded his sniper rifle, taking a deep breath before he leaned over the ledge to take out another mercenary that was trying to stealthily cross the bridge. One shot and the merc dropped, a swatch of red colouring the pavement where the merc fell. Garrus leaned back into cover.

It had been a long day. A long week, month, year.

Hell, it seemed like the last two years had been one continuous nightmare.

After Shepard’s death, the majority of the council had decided to pretend that reapers weren’t real and that Shepard had been possibly mad when warning the galaxy about them. Unable to do anything while the council, besides Anderson, painted Shepard in a way that undid all the hard work she had done to get that warning to the people, Garrus had lashed out with his anger, taking it out on the wrongdoers of the Citadel.

Shepard had, what seemed like a lifetime ago, talked to Garrus on many occasions about not letting himself become as bad as the people he was after. That the end didn’t always justify the means. Her words had echoed in his head every time that he had hunted down someone in a way that didn’t match C-Sec’s code of acceptable practices.

It had eventually caught up with him. After several reprimands, despite the number of cases he had helped bring to a close with his methods, Garrus had quit C-Sec before the hinted at official notice of termination could be given to him.

He had found his way to Omega and built a life for himself again, content with saving people from the effects of the many mercenary bands running amok.

And there he still was. His last day alive was going to be spent on Omega, taking one last stand against the corruption that had spread through the asteroid thanks to no one willing to stand up and fight against it.

Garrus had done what he could, but now… he was tired.

He had lost Shepard. Lost the job with C-Sec. Lost his team.

Lost hope that anything in his life was actually worth the struggle anymore.

He hoped his last thoughts would be of something happy. Maybe a good memory of Shepard. He still had those locked away in his mind, unwilling to let anything that had happened in the last two years taint his memory of the woman. His memory of the way she had smiled at him and touched his hand the last time they had been together.

His finger shook on the trigger as he struggled to steady the gun, taking another kill shot once the emotions had calmed.

So many things had went wrong in his life. Some he blamed his father for, some the type of people he spent his days hunting. But he wasn’t deluded, by a long shot.

Most were his own fault.

Garrus leaned back over the ledge, steadying his gun to aim at the moving figure he saw in the barracks across the bridge. He looked through the scope to see a shotgun held loosely in a gloved hand. He moved his gun up slightly, moving across the chest to the helmet and-

The gun slipped in his hands, and he nearly pulled the trigger as he righted it. Jamming the scope back to his eye, he jerked the gun downward to look at the logo on the chestplate.

_N7_

He pulled the gun up, so he could view the helmet through the scope. It was an N7 breather helmet, and though he couldn’t see details through the clear visor, he could make out the blonde hair. The figure, the way the soldier held themselves, the armour…

His breathing was shallow, his hands shook even harder as he lowered his gun, before raising it again a moment later. She was ready for battle, her shields would be up. Garrus switched to disruptor rounds and squeezed the trigger, aiming at her shoulder. He watched as, with a crackle, her shields dropped and she dropped to roll sideways, getting out of his line of sight.

A few minutes later, the mercenaries flooded across the bridge and Garrus watched as Shepard ran across with them, only taking a few steps at their sides before opening fire on them.

“She’s with Archangel!” He heard them scream as his gunfire, mixed with Shepard’s, made short work of the mercs on the bridge.

Once it was clear, Garrus leaned back, letting his gun slide to the floor as he sat down for a moment, trying to orient himself after what he had just seen.

Shepard was alive.

He pulled off his helmet and his hand reached to his eyes, shakily brushing away the moisture he felt behind his targeting visor. Hearing footsteps on the stairs behind him, he pulled the helmet back on before picking up his gun.


	5. Cough

He had taken a rocket to the face.

Looking in the mirror in the restroom, Garrus could definitely believe it. All he remembered was a flash of terrible pain, Shepard leaning over him yelling his name, and a lot of darkness up until maybe an hour before waking up on a bed in the med bay.

Shepard had called him ugly, and he had never heard an insult aimed at him with such tenderness, her relieved smile so warm he could almost feel the glow. Even with his aching face, he could still feel some amount of joy over how happy she was to see him okay.

He was fairly certain her level of relief had absolutely nothing on his.

The wave of emotion he had felt when he found out Shepard was alive was something that he was sure would stay with him until the day he died. It had been unbelief, then happiness, and even a touch of annoyance at what she had put him through.

Taking a shot at her shields had been his way to quickly overcome the annoyance. It had worked.

He was waiting for the questions that he knew would come. She had tried asking him on Omega, about why he was alone and how he had gotten himself into that mess. He had deflected the questions, it hadn’t been the time for a drawn-out conversation when mercs were storming the building.

He couldn’t avoid the questions again.

Though, to be fair, he didn’t exactly _want_ to keep the truth from Shepard. He had the feeling they had both been through a lot, and he would trade stories with her in a heartbeat if it meant he would find out how she had made it through that mission when the entire galaxy had thought her dead.

Their conversation would have to wait for another time, however. Shepard had already asked him to accompany her back to Omega, to help her find Professor Mordin Solus.

Garrus had heard of him, to be sure, but his main reason for agreeing wasn’t so much as to help with the mission as it was to keep an eye on Shepard. He knew how she constantly threw herself into danger without a second thought.

He had lost her one time. It wasn’t going to happen again, without him being at her side and doing everything he could to save her first.

 

* * *

 

She had forgiven him for the shot he had taken at her when she was in the bunker with the mercs. She had forgiven him for not telling her why he seemed to have aged a decade during the two years she was gone. She had even forgiven him for taking a rocket to the face and causing her newly re-built heart to stop beating for several moments until she had noticed he was still breathing. She figured she had owed him that much, since she had been dead for two years.

But she wasn’t going to forgive him for this.

Shepard had noticed the first, tiny cough that Garrus had let slip out. She didn’t think that much about it, coughs were not that unusual.

Until Garrus had complained of being hot, followed those words by coughing more heavily, and quietly muttered, “Oh, that’s not good.”

And it hit her.

The plague, the very reason she had ordered Garrus back to the Normandy. An order which he had point-blank refused, crossing his arms in defiance and following her into the quarantine after she had threatened to have him removed forcibly. Miranda had looked between the two with an expression of interest, but stood up for Garrus’ right to choose for himself if he was being put in danger.

And then Garrus had brought up their whole ‘driving a mako through a mass relay’ to defend his point that doing stupid things was part of being aboard the Normandy, and she had relented.

But this…

If Professor Solus couldn’t heal Garrus when they found him, Shepard didn’t think she would be able to live with herself for letting him put himself into danger that could have been prevented.

After taking out another group of mercenaries, Garrus stopped to catch his breath and Shepard moved closer, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Do we need to take a break?”

He shook his head, straightening up. “You heard that recording we found, the plague takes days to kill. I’ll be fine, Shepard.” She knew her expression was one of doubt, and Garrus reached up and squeezed her hand slightly. “Promise.”

Shepard shook her head, squeezing his hand in return before letting hers drop from his shoulder. “I’m holding you to that, Garrus.” She checked the thermal clip in her shotgun, and watched as Garrus lifted his sniper rifle back to his shoulder.

She was going to get them through this.

Her own feelings aside, she owed him that much.

 

* * *

 

Garrus had thought it would take a little longer for his feelings to come back full-force. Instead he had found those feelings back, and maybe even stronger than they had been before Shepard had disappeared for two years.

He had almost forgotten the way her gaze and calm words could ease his mind when he was tense. And, despite his words to the contrary, the thought of having this plague had him tense.

The dead Turian bodies they had seen were not so easy to ignore, after all.

His breath was shorter, harder to draw in fully. He was able to stifle most of the coughing, though. He didn’t want to appear completely helpless, yet again, after Shepard had already saved his life twice in the short time she had been back.

Fighting their way through the mercenaries, he knew he had a fever. His body temperature was naturally higher than humans, but even by Turian standards he was running hot.

His luck was keeping up its usual course.

He had realized how much he cared for Shepard, then she had been lost and thought dead for two years.

Shepard reappeared and happened to find him, and now he was in danger of dying from a cough.

Garrus was pulled from his morbid thoughts by the sound of a door opening. Looking up, he saw the clinic they had fought through the slums to get to. There were many sitting on benches, lying on cots, slumped against the walls. All the infected races, having sought help. And, as far as he could tell, they were alive.

Shepard led the way through the crowd, eventually finding the room where the Salarian professor was treating a patient.

Garrus stood slightly back, not wanting to risk infecting the patient. That lasted for only a moment before he felt a hand enclose around his arm and was pulled forward.

“Professor Solus? My name is Commander Shepard.” She pulled Garrus to her side, not letting go of his arm. “My friend is sick, I need you to heal him.”

Before she had finished speaking, the Salarian was waving his omni-tool while speaking quickly and Garrus immediately felt better. The fever vanished and his lungs felt as if the weight pressing against them was gone. He looked down and found Shepard staring up at him, her eyebrows furrowed in concern. He moved his mandibles in a smile and nodded at her. “I’m all right, Shepard.”

She continued to scrutinize him, as if waiting to see if he coughed again. After a few moments, her expression changed to one of relief and she turned back to the doctor standing in front of them. “Thank you, Professor. Now, I need to ask you for another favour.”


	6. Space Heater

“Pull up a stool, Garrus. You might as well join me if you’re going to stand hovering by the door.”

He started at the words, unaware that he had been detected. Then he shrugged. This was Shepard, of course she would have heard him coming. She had probably known the moment he stepped outside of the battery to search for her.

Garrus pulled out the barstool next to hers, thought better of it, and walked around the counter to find a bottle of dextro liquor first. He set it on the counter with a clean glass before walking back around to take his seat next to his commander.

It had taken him longer than he liked to realise where Shepard would be. Shepard had been quiet on the shuttle back from Horizon, and her somberness hadn’t lifted once they were back on the Normandy. She had dismissed the crew and left the room before anyone else. Garrus had given her some time, and then tried to find her to see if she wanted to talk.

The bar hadn’t been his first stop, but he guessed it had been hers.

“What’re you drinking?”

She looked down at the pink liquid in her cup, grimacing. “Something that should be thrown out the airlock. I’ve been through half the bottle and I can still remember my name. You think Cerberus watered down our alcohol on purpose?”

Garrus poured himself a glass of the blue dextro liquor. “Maybe it doesn’t affect the recently deceased the same way it does the normal humans onboard.”

“I died over two years ago, is that your definition of recent?”

“Recently un-deceased, then.” That brought a smile to her face, and Garrus was grateful to see that she seemed okay.

They sat in silence for several minutes, Shepard downing another cup while Garrus sipped at his own.

“Shepard, I know Horizon had to hit tough. We’ll make it to the next colony faster next time.”

She didn’t answer, instead staring down at the glass in her hands. After a few moments, he saw her nod in response.

“I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut, Garrus.” Her voice was quiet, barely above a whisper. “I’ve served the Alliance for over ten years, I poured every ounce of my being into it.” A bitter laugh came from her lips before she took another drink. “But now I’m a traitor, because I’m trying to save a galaxy that’s too damn stubborn to save itself.”

Garrus took a long drink, thinking carefully before speaking. “They’re wrong.” He said, simply.

“Who?”

“The council, well except Anderson. Udina.” He took another long drink, “Kaidan.”

He saw her hand shake on the glass she was holding, her fingers gripping it so tightly that he assumed it would be shattered before the night was over. “Those of us who know you, Shepard, really know you… we know you better than that. You bleed Alliance colours.”

“Kaidan knew me, Garrus. He served at my side aboard the SR1.” She was gripping the glass with both hands now, staring at the liquor inside. “Hell, I’ve known him longer than I’ve known you. I don’t see you getting in my face and accusing me of being manipulated by Cerberus into fighting for the wrong side.”

“Well, I never said Kaidan was a smart man.” Shepard caught his sarcastic mutter and laughed again, her grip on the glass finally easing. “I’m serious, Shepard. We keep fighting, fighting for what’s right. They’ll realise eventually.”

She nodded, taking a drink. “I know, Garrus. I just hope it’s not too late.” Garrus made a sound of agreement.

A comfortable silenced stretched as they continued to drink. Shepard had slowed her pace, but was still almost done with the entire bottle. Garrus had told himself he would stop after a few glasses before it went to his head, but as he poured his fourth glass, a question that had been rattling around in his mind finally slipped out.

“Were you and Kaidan…” He searched for the missing word, unsure of the right human term.

“Together?”

“Yeah, together.”

She didn’t answer right away, and when he looked up, he found Shepard staring at him curiously. After a moment, she looked away, pouring herself another glass. “He was interested, back on the SR1, but I wasn’t.” She took a drink. “I tried to be kind about it, though. I considered him a good friend, back then.”

“Too busy saving the galaxy to worry about romance?”

Shepard laughed, swirling the contents of her glass, sloshing some over the side. “Something like that, yeah. It just never seems to be the right time.”

Garrus felt a slight twinge of unease at her words. It sounded as if she _was_ interested in someone. Not Kaidan, no, but who? He wondered if he could word his questions in such a way that he could find out without sounding as awkward as he felt. The amount of alcohol he had already consumed wasn’t helping his thought processes. “I know what you mean. Meeting people can be difficult when half of our time is spent on barren asteroids.”

“You don’t have to beat around the bush, Garrus.” Shepard pushed his shoulder with hers, her smile pulling the corner of her mouth upward. “Go ahead and say it. You’re pissed at me for not taking you to planets with more female Turians, right?”

He snorted a laugh into his drink, and swallowed some of the liquor the wrong way. After a few minutes of coughing, while still laughing, he wiped his eyes and set down his glass. “I think these scars would scare them away, Shepard. They’re not exactly fashionable.” He wasn’t lying, he felt that it would take a special Turian to be able to overlook his mangled face. But the realization of how long it had been since he had considered settling down with another Turian was the main reason for his prolonged laughter.

“You might have to settle for a female Krogan, then. I’ve heard they like scars.” At Garrus’ sound of disapproval, Shepard shrugged and continued. “Or, if things get drastic, you could try a female Human.” Garrus paused with his drink to his mouth, trying to make sure he didn’t spill it down his front at the worse moment possible. “We’re not so bad, if you can get past the soft skin and general squishiness.”

“I think it would be harder for your race to adjust to the rough skin and scales. I’ve heard that Turians aren’t comfortable.”

Shepard let herself fall to the side, her head leaning against his shoulder. He wasn’t wearing his armour, having switched to his civilian clothes in order to clean the battered combat gear. His breath caught as she didn’t move for a few moments.

“You don’t feel so bad to me.” Her voice was muffled, her face half squashed against his arm.

Unable to string together a witty comeback, Garrus stayed quiet for a few moments before looking down. Shepard’s head was still on his arm, and now her eyes were closed. “You can’t sleep here, Shepard. Get to bed.”

“Why are you so warm?”

“Benefit of being a Turian.”

“It’s nice. You’re like a damn space heater.”

He laughed, moving his arm slowly until she moved to sit fully on her barstool again. “Can you make it to your cabin?”

“Of course I can, Garrus.” Shepard stood, wobbling slightly. She tried to strike an intimidating pose, but failed as Garrus had to reach out a hand to stop her from swaying. “I’m a spectre. I’ve got this.”

“Would you mind if I helped you back to your cabin, spectre?” He kept his tone light, trying his best to not laugh at the sight. He had learned during their time on the SR1 that letting Shepard leave a room drunk was the best plan for having to play ‘where did the Commander go?’ later that night.

“Please do, I feel like I’m going to throw up if this room doesn’t stop spinning.”

Shepard’s cabin was reached without incident, and Garrus waited while she opened the door. “Sleep late tomorrow, Shepard. You’ll need it.”

“Yes sir, Archangel.” She tried to salute him and missed, recovering by patting him clumsily on the shoulder. “Thank you, Garrus.”

“For what?”

“For being you.” Her hand moved to pat the uninjured side of his face gently, her eyes meeting his for a moment before she turned and walked into her room, the door closing behind her.

Garrus stood rooted to the spot for several minutes before turning and getting back on the elevator.

Soft, squishy human indeed.

He had the feeling he was in way, _way_ over his head.


	7. With You

“I don’t need you to agree with me, but I’d like your help.”

It was not the best way to part company.

Shepard wouldn’t pretend that she knew everything that Garrus was feeling. He had been trying to bury his anger and hurt ever since she had found him on Omega. But she saw it, beneath every smile, every laugh. Every time they shared drinks, which was becoming a regular thing, she could see it always simmering beneath the surface.

He had told her, finally, what had happened to his squad. To say that he blamed himself was an understatement.

The turian lived and breathed guilt. He probably dreamed it, as well.

Nothing she had said seemed to make a difference, and their parting had been with stiffer words than what was usually exchanged.

Garrus wanted revenge. He wanted to shoot Sidonis, and she knew he was hoping it would bring an end to all the pain he had felt because of what had been done.

Shepard was scared that Garrus would kill Sidonis, find out that it didn’t help after all, and do something even more rash.

So she had agreed to help him, of course. There was no chance that she would have let him take the mission on by himself. Even if he hadn’t stood by her side and helped her so many times, she still wouldn’t have been able to let him face tracking down Fade and Sidonis on his own.

Not with the way his hands had been shaking their entire walk to the warehouse.

 

* * *

 

Less than a minute into the conversation with the Volus and Garrus had already pulled a gun.

This was starting off even worse than Shepard had expected.

Thankfully, the sight of her and Thane also drawing weapons, along with Garrus’ simple instruction, the Krogan bodyguards had left instead of firing on the trio.

The conversation had ended without gunfire, though the volus had had guns pointed in his face several more times before Garrus turned and set out towards the transit station after calling out one last threat behind him.

 

* * *

 

The cab ride was silent, tense. Garrus was focused and quiet, and Shepard couldn’t bring herself to break the silence.

After exiting the cab, they found Harkin. But Harkin had seen the group coming to find him, and turned and ran. Garrus leveled his gun on the man, and his voice sounded harsh and strange to Shepard’s ears.

“Run all you want, Harkin. We’ll find you!”

Garrus was as good as his word.

He tracked the man through the facility, stating he could smell him, until they reached a storage area separated form a larger room by a retractable blind. As Garrus hit a few keys to open the blind, Shepard stepped closer. “So, Harkin’s finally gone completely bad.”

“He was always a pain in the ass.” Garrus gripped the counter, rocking forward slightly while he talked. “But I’m in no mood for his games. If he doesn’t cooperate, I’ll beat him within an inch of his life.”

Shepard felt the anger again, in every word that left his mouth. “You seem to be getting tense, Garrus.” She was trying to downplay the anger he was showing, not wanting to start an outright confrontation when he was this anxious.

“Harkin may know why Sidonis wanted to disappear. If so, he knows why we’re here and I don’t want him tipping Sidonis off.” He wouldn’t look at her, and that worried her. He gripped his gun tighter, staring into the open room.

They spotted Harkin and Garrus quickly crouched down while Shepard flattened herself against the nearby wall, both putting themselves out of sight.

“Did you see that?” Garrus looked up at her, finally. Still clutching his gun.

“I saw something.”

Garrus tilted his head backwards, motioning to where they had seen Harkin move. “He’s getting ready for us.”

Shepard finally voiced a question that was worrying her. “What are you going to do to Harkin if he won’t cooperate?”

There was no hesitation in his answer. “He’s a real criminal now. Working for the Blue Suns. I should just shoot him on sight.” He paused for a second. “But I need him alive, so I won’t do any permanent damage. Just enough to loosen his tongue.”

She had a hard time believing that Garrus, in his current state of mind, would be able to adhere to that statement. “You don’t need to hurt him to get what you want.”

“Don’t worry. Harkin’s a coward. He’ll talk long before I can _really_ hurt him.”

Shepard looked at him for a few moments before speaking further. “You still planning to kill Sidonis when we find him?”

She hated that she was having to voice these concerns. Hated that Garrus had fallen back to this old way that he had of solving his problems with a gun. She understood it, could even see why he was doing it, but it reminded her of what he had been like when he first joined her crew on the original Normandy.

And that worried her.

“That’s the plan.” His simple answer hung in the air until he caught her hard stare and continued, his words carrying a slightly defensive tone. “It’ll be quick and painless. Unlike everyone he betrayed, he’ll be spared the agony of a slow death.”  


He looked away for a moment before turning back to look up at her. “It’s more than he deserves, but as long as he’s dead, I’ll be satisfied.”

“Garrus, do you really think killing Sidonis will make things right?”

“I know you don’t like it, Shepard, but I have to do this.”

“Is there no other way?” She was pleading with him now, she could hear it in her own words.

“Maybe.” He assented, before pressing on. “But this is personal.” His voiced hardened, his gun shaking in his hands. “I’ll pull the trigger. And I’ll live with the consequences. All I’m asking is that you help me find him.”

 

* * *

 

Garrus had hit Harkin in the face with his rifle, grabbed him by the shirt and shoved him against the wall, pinning him with his arm over Harkin’s throat, all before Shepard had even entered the room properly. By the time she had cased the room to make sure there were no hidden mercs, Garrus had kneed the man in the crotch.

His words were harsher than ever, questioning Harkin for a minute or two before the man’s responses led to Garrus kneeing him in the stomach and then putting his booted foot over the fallen man’s throat.

Shepard watched him closely, not wanting to interfere before she had to. After Garrus threatened him with a broken neck, and the man began to gasp for air, she reached a hand out and touched Garrus’ shoulder. He looked at her for just a second before removing his foot and taking a step back.

Harkin agreed to arrange a meeting, for the first time it seemed to register with him that Garrus’ threats were not empty ones. When Harkin was talking to Sidonis, Garrus studied his rifle, checking the thermal clip.

Shepard realised, nearly too late, what Garrus was planning to do, and managed to grab his arm, shoving the gun upwards as it fired into the ceiling rather than into Harkin’s leg. Garrus turned to glare at her, his anger and the fierceness of his gaze aimed at her instead of Harkin. He jerked his arm away, and she let go, trying to reason with him.

As soon as she turned her back, she heard a thud and a grunt of pain.

Garrus had head-butted the man, who fell to the ground, blood pouring from his nostrils. She glanced over her shoulder before shaking her head and continuing her walk from the room. Garrus caught up to her.

“I didn’t shoot him.”

 

* * *

 

They rode to the location where Sidonis had agreed to meet, and Garrus parked the cab. He didn’t get out right away, instead he looked ahead and quietly spoke.

“Harkin’s a bloody menace. We shouldn’t have just let him go. He deserved to be punished.” That strained tension was back in his voice, and his hands were shaking as he clenched them on his lap.

“I’m getting a little worried about you, Garrus. You were pretty hard on Harkin.”

His head snapped to the side at her words, glaring across the car. “You don’t think he deserved it?”

“It’s just not like you.” She turned away, looking out the window instead of meeting his eyes.

He didn’t respond right away, and when he did, his voice sounded tired. Weary.

“What do you want from me, Shepard?”

She didn’t respond, couldn’t. She wanted things she couldn’t have. Things she would probably never have if he went through with what he was planning on doing.

Because this revenge mission seemed like it was going to destroy him.

“What would you do if someone betrayed you?”

“I’m not sure, but I wouldn’t let it change me.” She finally looked back at him, to find him staring at her.

“I would’ve said the same thing before it happened to me.”

“It’s not too late. You don’t have to go through with this.” He was shaking his head before she ever finished speaking.

“Who’s going to bring Sidonis to justice if I don’t?” Garrus looked away, staring out the window again. “Nobody else knows what he’s done. Nobody else cares. I don’t see any other options.”

“Let me talk to him.” Shepard wasn’t sure where the words came from, or what she was getting herself into. But she had to try something, anything, to save Garrus from what he was set on doing.

“Talk all you want, but it won’t change my mind.” He leaned his head back, resting against the seat. “I don’t care what his reasons were, he screwed us… he deserves to die.”

“I understand what you’re going through –but do you really want to kill him?”

“I appreciate your concern, but I’m not you.” He almost spat the words out, sitting back up in his seat. Shepard flinched at his tone.

“This isn’t you, either.” More than anything, that’s what kept echoing in her head. This wasn’t Garrus, not really. It was what he had let a bad situation make him into. But it wasn’t him.

And she wanted to help him to see that.

“Really? I’ve always hated injustice. The thought that Sidonis could get away with this… Why should he go on living while ten good men lie in unmarked graves?” The bitterness was so strong she could almost feel it. “I’m sorry, Shepard. Words aren’t going to solve this problem.” He shook his head. “I need to set up.” He looked around, and finally pointed to her right. “I can get a clear shot from over there.”

“What do you need me to do?”

“Keep him talking and don’t get in my way. I’ll let you know when he’s in my sights.” Shepard looked at him, then away again. “Give me a signal so I know you’re ready, and I’ll take the shot.”

A pause.

“You better go, he’ll be here soon.”

Her last sight of Garrus was him walking away from the car, pulling his sniper rifle off his back.

 

* * *

 

“Shepard, can you hear me?”

“Loud and clear.”

He looked through the scope and could see the familiar blonde head as she moved through the crowd. He searched ahead of her until he spotted the familiar turian sitting on a bench, his arms on his knees.

“All right. There he is… wave him over and keep him talking.”

Garrus watched Shepard motion to Sidonis and he walked over. Garrus worked his mandibles, trying to ease some of the tension he felt, so that his hands wouldn’t shake.

He wasn’t going to miss this shot.

The anger, rage, hatred he had felt towards his former squadmate… it would all be over in just a few minutes.

He would apologise to Shepard later, for his harsh words. He had seen it on her face in the car, what he had said, how he had said it. It had hurt her.

Another thing to hate himself for.

He would make up for it, later.

After Sidonis was dead.

 

* * *

 

_“You’re in my shot. Move to the side.”_

Shepard moved, stepping further in the way of his crosshairs. She knew her comm was on, he would be able to hear her words as she tried to tell Sidonis what was going on.

_“Damn it, Shepard. If he moves, I’m taking the shot!”_

She wondered if this was how her life was going to end, by Garrus shooting her in the head to get to Sidonis. She moved as Sidonis moved, blocking him from leaving with both her words and actions. If it happened, so be it.

_“Everyone has a choice.”_

She agreed in her mind. Her choice was to save Garrus from himself.

She had made that choice a long time ago, back on the SR1, watching him work on the Mako while talking about his way of handling his problems.

_“Let me take the shot, Shepard. He’s a damn coward.”_

Shepard stepped with Sidonis, matching him movement for movement while arguing with the man to stay still.

_“Just give me the chance.”_

Garrus was pleading, begging her.

“You’ve got to let it go, Garrus. He’s already paying for his crime.”

_“He hasn’t paid enough. He still has his life…”_

“Look at him, Garrus. He’s not alive… there’s nothing left to kill.”

_“My men… they deserved better.”_

She heard his voice catch.

_“Just… go. Tell him to go…”_

 

* * *

 

Climbing from the car, Shepard half expected a fight.

She didn’t expect to hear his words, hollow and empty.

“I know you want to talk about this… but I don’t. Not yet.”

“I know it didn’t go the way you planned, but I think it’s for the best.”

Garrus turned away, pacing. “I’m not so sure.”

“Give it time.”

“Yeah. Maybe that’ll be enough.” He looked away. “I want to know I did the right thing. Not just for me –for my men.” He turned back to her, meeting her gaze. “They deserve to be avenged. But when Sidonis was in my sights… I just couldn’t do it.”

“The lines between good and evil blur when we’re looking at people we know.”

“Yeah.” Garrus heaved a sigh. “There was still good in him… I could see it.” He looked at his hands. “It’s so much easier to see the world in black and white. Gray…” He shook his head. “I don’t know what to do with gray.”

“You’ve got to go with your instincts.” Shepard offered, searching for words that would help him.

“My instincts are what got me in to this mess.” She heard a touch of familiar sarcasm in his wry response.

Shepard reached out, patting his arm. “Don’t be too hard on yourself.”

“Thanks Shepard. For everything.” He met her gaze again. He looked tired, wrung out. “Let’s get going. I need some distance from this place.”

“I’m with you.” She called out, as he walked past her to climb back into the car.

He might not have taken her words to mean much, but she meant them from the heart.

She was with him, would be at his side through thick and thin.


	8. Differences

_‘Find me at Afterlife tonight._

_-Garrus’_

Well, she had found him, alright.

But he wasn’t exactly sure what to do now that she had.

Garrus motioned Shepard over, it took a few moments for her to see his waving arm through the crowd. Afterlife was busier than usual, and the noise level would make it difficult to talk.

Good.

He still hadn’t come up with a way to apologise for the things he had said during their mission hunting down Sidonis.

Shepard picked her way through the crowd until she reached his side, taking the empty barstool to his right. In lieu of a greeting, she ordered a drink before questioning him. “Has your last hangover even gone away yet?”

“I didn’t _actually_ drink that much last night.” He didn’t want to admit that his head was still hurting, and that he wasn’t planning on drinking tonight. He had ingested enough alcohol the night before to last for at least a week.

“I’m pretty sure EDI recorded your drunken rant about human hands having too many fingers, and asking if I ever thought about getting the extra removed.”

Garrus winced. Okay, he didn’t remember that part. They had met at the lounge aboard the Normandy and agreed to drink to the memory of Garrus’ squad, and the night of drinking hadn’t ended when the first bottles emptied. “You handled your liquor last night much better than you normally do, Shepard.”

She grimaced. “No, I didn’t. You were just keeping up with my pace, for once, and didn’t notice.”

“So you standing on the bar and singing old Earth songs actually happened?”

She shot him a sour look, pushing away the still-full glass that had just been set in front of her. “You’ve been talking to Joker.”

Garrus raised his hands in mock surrender. “Guilty. He offered me a vid.” At the way she jerked her head towards him, he felt that finishing the statement was in his best interest. “…but I turned him down.”

Shepard leaned back, rocking her stool on its hind legs. “Smart move, Vakarian.”

He rubbed the side of his face, wishing he had accepted some of the pain relievers from Dr. Chakwas. “I know I invited you here, Shepard, but the music in this place is killing me. Mind if we go somewhere else?”

She didn’t agree right away, instead she took a drink while studying him. After a few moments, she answered with a question. “Will you buy me food?”

Garrus laughed, feeling his mandibles flare in a smile for the first time in days. Well, the first time while being sober, anyway.

He stood, and his foot caught on one of the legs Shepard had her stool propped on. Her arms shot out to catch herself on the bar, but Garrus reacted without thinking and caught her around the waist, barely managing to stop her from hitting the ground.

“Now that was smooth.” He realized what she meant and chuckled at her words.

“It was an accident, Shepard. Turian feet get in the way sometimes.” He withdrew his arm from her waist, motioning to the ground.

“Yeah, sure.” She patted his chest before moving to pick up her drink, finishing it in one gulp. “You were just trying to sweep me off my feet, Garrus.”

As they left the bar to find some food, Garrus made a mental note to look up the human phrase ‘sweep me off my feet’ later. The literal translation wasn’t making sense in that context, and the playful smirk Shepard had sent his way when she said it was leaving him wanting to know more.

 

* * *

 

“You’re eating bugs.”

“They’re called shrimp. A human delicacy.”

“They had eyes on them when you opened that container. I refuse to believe all humans eat those things. Have you always been like this, Shepard? Or did Cerberus leave some important things out when they rebuilt you?”

Shepard deliberately lifted a peeled shrimp to her mouth and munched on it loudly in response, enjoying the way Garrus shuddered in revulsion.

They were sitting in the dining area of the Normandy, it was late and deserted. They had picked up food and brought it back, and Shepard had taken a few moments to change back into her comfortable N7 hoodie and sweats before they had met at the table to eat.

“Or maybe they added things to see if you would do them just because they programmed you that way.” He continued, pushing his own food around on his plate. “Like eating insects.”

“Shrimp aren’t insects, Garrus. They’re crustaceans.”

“Semantics.”

“Coming from the bird alien sitting across from me, eating… bits of something?”

“It’s meat, Shepard.”

“Shrimp is meat.”

“I’ll stick to this. Dextro species don’t eat bugs.”

“No, just tiny bits of weird looking pink stuff.”

“Turians don’t have front teeth. I have to actually use a knife to cut things, unlike you.”

She stuck another shrimp with her fork, waving it slowly towards him before popping it into her mouth, whole. “What else do turians have that makes them so different from humans?”

Garrus chewed a bite of food, looking thoughtful. After swallowing, he answered. “Besides fundamentally everything?”

Shepard aimed a kick at him under the table and saw Garrus jump when her foot connected with his leg. “I’m serious. Growing up, we were always told it was rude to ask other species about how they’re different. So now I want answers.”

“Rudeness doesn’t apply when you’re older?”

“It doesn’t apply when the subject you’re asking is, one, a friend. And two, owes you a favour for not letting them run wild with a sniper rifle.” Garrus’ expression shifted slightly, and she saw a trace of guilt. She knew an apology was coming, and cut him off. “Garrus, how long have we known each other?”

He thought for a moment. “Two and a half years? Three? Something like that, if we’re counting the time you were dead.”

“I don’t need you to apologise. You made the right decision when it mattered.” Shepard waved her fork before eating another shrimp. “I don’t hold a grudge over some yelling and mean looks.”

Garrus looked relieved. He smiled as he reached out and patted her free hand lying on the table, before squeezing it gently. “Thanks, Shepard.”

“Now, answer my question.”

Garrus chuckled, leaning back in his seat. “Well, on a biological level, our molecules are inherently opposite of yours. Dextro-based instead of levo-based, they rotate light in opposite directions.”

“That’s cheating, everyone knows that. ‘Don’t eat dextro food unless you want to puke for the rest of the day’.” She mimicked, remembering the words her school instructor had drilled into her head as a child. “What else?”

“Two fingers instead of four?”

“Yeah, I remember you mentioning that a few dozen times when you were drunk last night.” Shepard held out her hand in the air, palm facing him. Garrus stared at her blankly, until she motioned towards him. “Let go of your fork for a second, I want to see how your hands compare to mine.”

Garrus looked at her for a moment before shrugging and lifting his hand. Shepard pressed her own to his, feeling the rough skin against her palm. She moved her fingers until they lined up with his, looking at his hand from different angles.

“Do you have difficulty holding things with only two fingers?”

“It’s not as if I lost two fingers, Shepard.” Garrus sounded amused, she glanced up to find him smiling slightly. “This is what I was born with.” He pressed his hand against hers as she went back to studying it. “I learned how to use them well.”

Shepard paused, before deciding to let the comment go. She was going to safely assume that he hadn’t meant that remark in the way it sounded.

“Do you have talons on your toes, too?”

Garrus nodded, removing his hand to finish up the last few bites of food on his plate. “Some turians keep them filed down more than I do. I find that painful, so I usually just keep my gloves and boots on to be sure that I don’t scratch anyone.”

Shepard nodded, stabbing at her last shrimp. After a few moments, Garrus continued the conversation.

“If you get to ask questions others would think of as rude, then I do, too.” He crumpled his napkin on the now-empty plate. “How do you stand on those feet?”

Shepard laughed at the direct question. “They’re basically flat, decently long, and move properly under me. What’s wrong with them?”

“Why are they flat?”

“Because they… just are? Christ, Garrus, they’re _supposed_ to be like this.” She shifted sideways to look under the table. “Why do you walk on such a small part of your foot? Don’t you ever tip over?”

Garrus snorted with laughter. “Have you ever seen me fall?”

“Well, there was that time on Omega…”

“Not counting rockets being launched towards my face, or being inebriated.”

“Then, no.”

“Our feet give us excellent balance.” He sounded pleased with himself. “Unlike those… flat things you _call_ feet.”

“I don’t fall.” She saw his eyebrow plates rise, and amended her statement. “Much.”

He still looked unconvinced, so Shepard stood up and sat on the edge of the table, pulling one of her feet into her lap with one quick motion. She was wearing a comfortable pair of flats, and pulled it off to wiggle her toes.

“Your feet look like stepping on something sharp could kill you.” His level of concern drew out another laugh from Shepard. He was staring intently at the sole of her foot, wincing as he made the statement.

“Well, it could definitely incapacitate me for a while.” She pointed at a scar, tracing her finger along the white line in her skin. “When I was a kid I stepped on a piece of metal, it went right through.”

He moved involuntarily at that, clenching his fist. “What about just regular walking? Does it hurt?” Garrus leaned forward to stare at her foot closer. “Is that why your shoes have to be so thick and tough, to stop the things you step on from hurting you?” He looked up at her, curious.

“They’re not that sensitive, my feet are kind of rougher than they should be, actually. I’ve always preferred to go without shoes, so-“ Her words were cut off with a sharp outbreak of laughter as Garrus reached out a finger and touched the scar on the sole of her foot. He pulled back quickly at the sound, looking concerned that he had hurt her.

Then, he realized the noise had been laughter, not pain, and his hand moved again, a mischievous look on his face.

She scooted away, trying to pull her feet under her before Garrus could reach them, but he was too fast and his arms too long. He clasped her ankle in one hand and drew a talon along the sole of her foot again, drawing a cry of laughter out of her before she could clap a hand over her mouth.

“Garrus-“ She gasped, trying to wriggle away. “That tickles! That area is sensitive to touch, and-“ He repeated the motion, and her words were lost to more laughter.

He stood over her, lazily propped against the table, still loosely holding her ankle. “You’re the defender of the galaxy, Shepard, and you can’t handle your feet being touched?”

“I’m… going…” Her sentence was interrupted as he scraped his talon across her skin again. “to kick you in the face if you don’t stop.” She hurried the rest of the words while she could draw a breath.

He laughed in response, grabbing her other foot that was still in a shoe with his free hand, to prevent any such threat from becoming a reality. He leaned over her, smiling down at her. “You don’t look very threatening from here, Shepard.” His voice was softer, and she couldn’t stop herself from swallowing the reply her mind had formed.

He didn’t look threatening, either. In fact, she was _really_ enjoying the view.

That was where they still were, a few moments later, when a crewmember looking for a late-night snack walked into the room to see Garrus standing over Shepard, holding each of her ankles in his hands while she lay on her back on the table, breathless and flushed from laughter.

The first thing that ran through Shepard’s mind as they quickly moved apart was that Joker was going to be _impossible_ to live with if he heard about this.


	9. Unplanned, but acceptable

“So, Commander, sent in that requisition order for a new table yet?”

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment. “Joker, for the third time: Nothing happened.”

He turned his chair to face her, an obstinate smile stretching across his face. “Right. Sure. I completely believe you.”

She leveled a glare, her arms folded tightly against her.

“Mr. Moreau has requested all of my audio logs from the dining area from two nights ago, Shepard.” EDI’s voice interrupted the battle of wills that was taking place in the cockpit.

“Joker.”

“And EDI refused me, saying it was a breach of privacy.” Joker took a minute to glare at the blue orb. “Which basically makes my case for me.” He looked back at Shepard, his broad smile back in place.

She wanted to wipe that knowing look off of his face.

“Or it just means that two friends were sharing a meal and EDI understands that our conversation is none of your business.”

“Conversation. Right.” Joker drew out the ‘right’ into a long, sarcastic syllable while turning his chair to face the front of the ship again. “I’m happy for you, Commander.”

Shepard let out a frustrated sigh, until Joker turned his head to look back at her. “Seriously, Shepard. I’ve seen you two talking and drinking together, you look happy. I think Garrus will be good for you.”

“Just…” She searched for words, trying to find a way to respond. “keep this to yourself, please. I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea when there’s nothing going on...” She waited a moment before adding, “…yet.”

Her admission was met with, uncharacteristically, a sincere smile instead of a joke. She left the cockpit, rubbing her head where it was beginning to ache, and made her way through the corridors to her cabin.

She knew, better than ever, that she had feelings for Garrus. She thought he felt something for her, too, even if she didn’t know what it was.

What she didn’t know was what to do about it.

She cared for him, sure. That was nothing new, she had started developing feelings for him back when they served on the SR1.

But the thought that it was more than just a passing infatuation worried her.

Shepard had never been in a serious relationship, never actually considered herself in love. She had had several casual relationships through the years, sex was easy enough to find when she was a young soldier just starting out with the Alliance.

She had wondered, when Garrus first rejoined to serve aboard the SR2, if that was all she was wanting. Someone to share her bed for a few nights, to take the edge off of her stress. Mixing it up a bit by sleeping with a turian for the first time would even add some extra excitement to the matter.

But was that really all it was?

No, there was a hell of a lot more to her feelings than just wanting Garrus in her bed. There was no denying that.

She sat at the desk in her cabin and buried her face in her hands.

There was an easy way to find out just how far this thing could go, and that was to tell Garrus how she felt and see what his response was. They had been skirting around the issue for a while now, and her flirting could hardly be called subtle anymore.

Shepard was aware that she was known for taking chances, and she was going to take this one. She would put the suggestion out there and see what happened.

 

* * *

 

Garrus was a lot of things, but he wasn’t blind. And it would have taken a blind man to miss the way Shepard had looked at him when she was lying on that table and he was leaning over her.

It had excited her. He had seen it, and he still wasn’t sure how he was going to act on that, even after giving himself a few days to process the information.

He had once thought, what felt like a lifetime ago, that his feelings for Shepard didn’t extend to the physical components of a relationship.

Recent events had begun to show him that he was wrong, _completely_ wrong, about that.

There were little cues he had been picking up on, small things that had blossomed thoughts in his head that Shepard might be interested in him. Ways she had looked at him, the subtle flirting they exchanged, the way she tended to brush closer than what was entirely necessary when they were walking together, or even just passing by each other in the hallway. That, and the way she would smile over her shoulder at him as she walked away after bumping into him.

And now he had another hint to think about. The sight of Shepard underneath him, her face flushed, her fringe –no, hair- spread out under her in a mess, with his hands around her ankles, his fingers pressing into her soft skin.

He felt his heart rate pick up just thinking about the way she had looked at him, and shook his head. That was _not_ a subject matter to be thinking about when he was trying to calibrate a gigantic gun.

Should he bring it up first? Find a way to approach the subject of furthering their relationship?

He didn’t even know how human relationships worked.

He especially didn’t know how… _that_ part of human relationships worked. How were they shaped? Were human males built similar to turian males? Could he and Shepard even-

The door to the main battery opened behind him, he didn’t have to look up.

With his luck, the timing of this visit could only be Shepard.

She didn’t say anything at first, so he turned to greet her. “Shepard. Need me for something?”

“Have you got a minute?” She looked so calm and collected, he felt heat creep up his neck at the places his thoughts had been wandering only minutes before.

“Sure. Just killing time, anyway.”

 

* * *

 

 

He was telling her a story about hooking up with a female turian before a battle. She knew that’s where the story was going to end up before he even mentioned the ‘tie-breaker’.

The absurdity of it brought a smile to her face.

If this was Garrus’ version of small talk, she would need some time to adjust to that.

“I had reach, but she had flexibility.” She didn’t miss the way he turned to look at her then, his eyes lingering for just a moment on her crossed legs. “More than one way to work off stress, I guess.”

Shepard didn’t particularly want to broach the subject of their relationship in this context, she didn’t want it to sound like all she was looking for was a one-night stand. But if that’s why he had brought up this story, well…

She would take what she could get.

 

* * *

 

“It sounds like you’re carrying some tension.” She pushed to her feet, taking a few steps towards him. Her arms were crossed, her head tilted to the side with a smile on her lips. “Maybe I could help you get rid of it.”

“I, ah, didn’t think you’d feel like sparring, Commander.” He tried to interject some humour into his words, to hide his racing pulse that she had to be able to hear. Instead his words came out hesitant and stiff.

She shook her head and smiled. “What if we skipped right to the tiebreaker?” She took a few steps closer. He backed away and she moved to lean against the console he usually worked at, stretching her arms behind her to prop herself up. “We could test your reach… and my flexibility.”

Oh.

Her smile left no room to misinterpret her words, even if he had wanted to. And he _didn’t_ want to.

“Oh, I didn’t…” He paused, swallowing. “Huh. Never knew you had a weakness for men with scars.”

It wasn’t what he had planned, not at all what he had expected a relationship with Shepard to start with.

But if all she wanted was to ‘blow off some steam’, then he could live with that.


	10. More differences

“Already know why you’re here, Garrus. Had same talk with Shepard yesterday.”

“Actually, Mordin, I just need-“

“Will tell you same thing I told her. Anaphylactic shock is biggest concern. However, only life-threatening if she ingests your tissue.”

“I- …what?” Garrus stopped before approaching the counter Mordin was working at. He had definitely _not_ come to the medical bay for the reason Mordin seemed to assume he was here for.

“Humans have various sexual acts not performed between turians, forwarding you a brochure with a general overview.” The salarian pushed buttons on his omni-tool while speaking. “Also advise you to take analgesic with you, Shepard didn’t think it necessary.” Mordin shook his head, clearly skeptical.

It was much, _much_ too early in the morning for this. Accepting the small vial Mordin was insistently holding out, Garrus managed to ask, “Analgesic?”

“There will be chafing.” The matter-of-fact answer almost made Garrus wince. Mordin was rarely, if ever, wrong with his medical diagnoses. “Human skin particularly sensitive in the areas that will be-“

“Thank you, Mordin.” Garrus broke in, stopping the talk before it went further than he felt it needed to go. “I… get the picture.”

“Prepared to send oils and ointments to Shepard’s cabin whenever they are needed.” Mordin turned back to his work with a smile. “Just let me know.”

Garrus turned towards the door intent on making a quick exit. He heard his omni-tool beep, most likely the message from Mordin.

Next time, he decided, he would deal with his headaches without seeking medicinal help from Mordin.

 

* * *

 

Garrus had been quiet.

Shepard pushed at the food that no longer looked appetizing, and stared glumly at the aquarium in her cabin.

There was no denying that. They had had dinner together in the lounge the night before, and he had answered when she spoke or asked him questions, but his usual flow of conversation was missing. He had seemed… distracted, to say the least.

Maybe she had been too forward, maybe she had read the conversation wrong and Garrus had only agreed to ‘blowing off steam’ in order to be polite.

 _Christ_ , only she could screw things up this badly.

Garrus was her best friend, the one she was closest to and could tell everything to. She would never forgive herself if she ruined this friendship by accidently pushing him beyond his level of comfort.

She pushed back from her desk, pulling on her hoodie as she made up her mind to go find Garrus.

 

* * *

 

Shepard found him in the main battery, for once not calibrating anything. Garrus was sitting near the wall, his eyebrow plates furrowed as he looked through something on his omni-tool. When she walked in, he looked up and closed out the hologram he was reading.

“Garrus, can we talk?”

“Sure, Shepard, have a seat.” He motioned to the empty chair slightly away from his own. She scooted it to face him before sitting down. Looking intently at the turian, nothing really seemed out of place. He didn’t look angry or upset. She didn’t understand his sudden drawing away after their conversation about… easing tension.

“How have you been?”

“Oh, ah, fine. Just…” He motioned towards the main gun, not meeting her eyes. “Busy, you know how it is.”

She nodded, watching his expression closely as he continued looking away. There were signs of discomfort, was that it? Was he uncomfortable being around her now? “What’s wrong?”

He looked at her, the discomfort clearly visible. “Nothing’s wrong.” She didn’t answer, instead continued to stare. Did he really not trust her enough to tell her how he honestly felt? Had she really misread his intentions so badly?

She stood up, she needed to move around to give herself a minute to hide the hurt that she was feeling. When she turned back to face him, he was standing as well. “Shepard, I-“

“Garrus, if you’re not comfortable with this, with… us, it’s okay.” She took a deep breath, forcing her voice to remain steady. “I’m not trying to pressure you into anything you’re not ready for.”

Garrus’ expression was blank, his eyes reflected her confusion. “Wait, what do you mean?”

“I’m talking about the fact that you’ve acted half afraid of me for the last few days.” The words rushed out faster than she meant them to, but it was too late to take them back.

His look of confusion only lasted a few seconds before it changed completely to one of understanding. He shook his head, rubbing the side of his face. “Shepard, I need to explain.” He motioned towards the seats they had vacated. “Sit down, please.”

She sat, and Garrus moved his chair closer. He reached his hands out and took her hands in his own. “Shepard, you’re about the only friend I’ve got left in this screwed-up galaxy. You don’t ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable.” He stopped talking for a moment, and she caught sight of a smile. “Nervous, yes. But never uncomfortable.”

“Then why-“

 “I, ah… talked to Mordin.”

Oh.

_Oh._

She groaned and dropped her head forward to rest it against their hands that were clasped above her knees. “I’m sorry, Garrus, I should have warned you. I had _hoped_ he would be content with only giving _me_ the interspecies safe-sex speech.”

Garrus chuckled, and removed a hand from hers to push on her shoulder until she sat back up. “It was... unexpected, to be sure.” He joined hands with her again, rubbing a thumb absently across the back of her hand. “And he gave me several warnings. Mainly about ways you could be hurt.”

Shepard felt like hitting herself, and Garrus, at the same time. Of course his reaction to Mordin’s speech would be to worry about her health and safety instead of his own.

“I mean, he gave me analgesic for your pain, Shepard.” Garrus looked at their hands, and then back up, his gaze meeting hers. “Is that what we’re looking at, if we go through with this? Me hurting you so badly that you’ll need medication?”

“I listened to the warnings, Garrus, I promise I did.” She squeezed his hands in her own. “But I’m not worried, and you shouldn’t be either.” He looked unconvinced, so she continued, softening her voice. “We’re adults, Garrus. We can do this safely.”

He sat, quiet for several minutes. When he finally spoke, it sounded as if he was forcing himself to keep his voice light. “Are we crazy to even be thinking about this?” He looked up, meeting her gaze. “I’m not stupid, Shepard, I’ve seen the way other men in the crew look at you. I know you could find something… a little closer to home.”

She reached a hand out and touched his scarred mandible, her fingers brushing along the bandage. “I don’t want something closer to home.” She let her hand fall to his neck, her palm feeling the rough skin and scales. “I want someone I can trust. I want you."

 

* * *

 

At the feel of the softness of her hand on his face, and then his neck, Garrus closed his eyes. At her words, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead to hers. He relished the contact, but it was broken off after only a few seconds, when Shepard angled her head sideways to press her mouth to his.

Garrus froze, unsure of what he was supposed to do. His awkwardness didn’t go unnoticed, and Shepard pulled away quickly. She caught a look at his face and tried, so hard, to stop herself from laughing.

She didn’t succeed.

He tried to fake indignation, but Shepard was laughing so hard that she could barely breathe so he just sat back, folded his arms, and waited for her to catch her breath.

“I’m s-sorry, Garrus, I swear. You just-“

“Were you… mashing your mouth to mine?” The laughing started again.

“It was supposed to be a _kiss_ , Garrus. Way to make a girl feel inadequate.”

He sat straight, not bothering to hide the confusion he felt. “Wait, this?” He tugged Shepard forward and pressed his mouth to hers for only a second, pulling away just as quickly. “That’s how humans kiss?”

“Well, yeah. I mean, there’s a bit more to it than just… that, but that’s the basic movement.” She studied his face, tapping her chin with a finger. “Though, since you don’t actually have lips I should have realized it would be different for you. How do turians kiss?”

Garrus rubbed his neck in exasperation. Not at Shepard, of course, but at himself for not taking the time to explain his actions before… well, performing them. “You just had a turian kiss.”

She looked at him, blankly. “When?”

“Right before you kissed me.”

“But you just bumped my head with yours, and…” Her words trailed off. “Oh. That.” She considered him for a minute, before leaning forward slightly. “Try it again, then.”

Garrus obliged, leaning forward until their foreheads touched again. This time, he felt her hands come up and touch his face, her soft skin cool on his.

This time, after a long moment of bliss -and taking the time to work up his courage to try this new thing she had shown him-, he moved his mouth to hers.

Her lips were even softer than the hands that he felt gripping his neck and arm. He didn’t close his eyes at first, instead he watched the look of peace that spread across Shepard’s features, that smoothed the lines around her closed eyes right before he closed his own.

He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do, but he could mimic her movements. And when her lips parted, he opened his own mouth slightly. And when her tongue found his, his hands found her hair. When his fingers worked through the fine, thin pieces, he heard a soft noise come from Shepard’s throat.

He pulled his face back a bit, and Shepard’s eyes opened with a grumpy expression. “Sorry, did that hurt?”

“Garrus, if you don’t shut up and keep doing what you just stopped doing, I’m going to be pissed.”

With a chuckle, he brought his mouth back to hers.

 

* * *

 

“If I hadn’t of seen your face when I first kissed you, I would have thought that you’ve had human partners before me from how fast you picked up the whole human kissing action.” Shepard was sitting in the chair next to him, leaning her back against his side.

“I’m a quick learner, Shepard.” She laughed at his words, resting her head against his arm.

She had kissed a turian.

And thoroughly enjoyed it.

Huh.

Not how she had expected this day to end.

“Was that… alright?” He sounded unsure of himself, the same way he had sounded when mentioning her finding someone closer to home. She knew the difference in species would be a hurdle, but she had the feeling that it worried him more than it did her.

“I enjoyed it, did you?”

“Extensively.” She laughed, turning her head to see his pleased expression.

“Then I would say it was alright.” She stood and stretched, the stiffness in her muscles clued her in to the fact that their session in learning how to kiss other species had lasted longer than it seemed. “Well, I’m sure you have some calibrations to get to, Garrus. I’ll let you get back to work.”

He stood, pushing the chairs back against the wall as he watched her back out of the room. “Right. ‘Cause I’m in a great place to optimize firing algorithms right now.”

She smiled, giving a little wave as the doors closed between them.


	11. Best-laid plans

Garrus sat in the lounge, after making sure Kasumi was absent and not simply cloaked, and flipped through pictures of humans on a datapad.

He had asked Joker a few of what he _thought_ were subtle questions. Either he had lost any skill at subtlety that he once had, or Joker was really great at guessing what was going on aboard the ship he flew. The embarrassing conversation had ended with Joker forwarding him several extranet links and vids.

Concerned over what might be present in the vids, Garrus had waited until he was alone to go through them. But so far he hadn’t found anything inappropriate for mixed company, the links were mainly full of information about humans’ basic social interactions.

He had discovered many things about humans that he didn’t know before, and some that he was eager to try out. Like hugging.

Turians embraced… on occasion. It was not something done regularly, at least not in his experience, because it wasn’t comfortable for either member of the embrace. But with Shepard’s soft skin, he could imagine it being much more enjoyable than he remembered. And the link had said that humans really liked hugs, so there was that to look forward to.

He had found more information on kissing, and spent a while studying the provided diagrams. Some of it wouldn’t be entirely compatible with his not having lips, and Shepard was a great teacher, but it couldn’t hurt to pick up some tips.

Garrus didn’t watch the other vids he had come across during his searches, the ones of human couples and how they mated. He had entered into this relationship not knowing where it would go or how it would work, and he was going to take the next step just as blindly.

Flipping to a blank tab on the datapad, he began pursuing popular brands of wine that he thought Shepard might enjoy, based on her previous choices when they went out drinking. He couldn’t afford the top picks, but hell if he wasn’t going to spent more than he needed to on something to help break the ice when the time was right for them to… blow off steam.

As if that’s all it was at this point. He chuckled sarcastically to himself, flipping through the wines. It had _never_ been that simple.

“Oh no, that wine is much too sweet. I don’t think Shep would like that.” Kasumi’s voice over his shoulder nearly unseated him from the stool.

“I, ah, I’m just doing some shopping.” He closed the other tabs before she could see them. “For myself.” He added, emphatically.

“Aren’t those brands of liquor all levo?”

He swore under his breath, and the thief laughed kindly. “You’re so cute together, why all the secrecy?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Kasumi.” He and Shepard hadn’t exactly agreed to keep their relationship private, but disrupting the crew during this crucial time didn’t seem like the best idea. Kasumi answered with a chuckle and settled into her favourite spot in the lounge, hugging her knees and grinning across the room at him.

He decided it was best to leave and do his planning elsewhere.

Though, as he left with a goodbye to Kasumi, he was a bit pleased with himself that he knew Shepard’s taste of wine better than the rest of the crew. She loved sweet things.

 

* * *

 

She could get used to this.

Garrus, sitting on the couch in her cabin, reading a datapad while relaxing.

It was a nice sight.

“I’m ready.” Shepard called out, running a brush through her hair one last time. She hadn’t cut it since before she left on the mission that had killed her, and it was getting longer than she liked. But she had enjoyed the feel of Garrus’ hands running through it that one time enough that she wasn’t planning on cutting it anytime soon.

He set down the datapad, standing up. She watched his gaze travel along the slim cut of the red dress she had found tucked away behind her alliance uniforms. “You look nice, Shepard. Meeting someone important tonight?”

She shrugged, slipping into a pair of black heels. “Who knows, Garrus? I might just go walk around the Citadel and see if I bump into a turian vigilante that wants to get a drink with me.”

He chuckled, leading the way out the door of her cabin to the elevator. “As long as it’s this turian vigilante, I _definitely_ approve.” She smiled at the way his voice dipped lower with those words, sending a thrill through her. His voice had been among the first things that had caught her attention when she was first getting to know him, and it still affected her.

They were going out, on what she hoped would be a memorable first date –though she hadn’t used that term while talking to him about it. It was her real first date, with the first person she had ever felt quite so fond of.

The thought filled her with both happiness and anticipation. Happiness that she had found something so special during this war against the Collectors and Reapers. Anticipation because she didn’t know where it was going to go, but she was liking the journey with Garrus so far, and she could only imagine it getting better.

 

* * *

 

The shuttle that was taking Shepard, Garrus, and the rest of the newly-formed team to the Citadel had barely touched down when EDI’s call came in.

The Collectors had hit the ship.

Everyone but Joker and EDI were gone.

 

* * *

 

Shepard had paced and worried through the plan for what felt like hours, when in reality it was still the same night she had left with Garrus after planning a nice, peaceful evening together.

After reaching the Normandy, she had went to her cabin to change out of the red dress and heels before finding Joker in the comm room.

It had taken a while to get the man’s spirits up enough that he could go back to his job of flying the ship, but she had managed it. Their plan of action was clear: use the Reaper IFF to go through the Omega 4 relay. Saving her crew was top priority.

Upon confirming her destination and Joker affirming the extended time it would take to get to the relay, Shepard let out a sigh and felt her shoulders drop. The tension in them was causing her head to ache.

Maybe a hot shower would help.

Making up her mind that a shower and even a nap, if sleep would come, could only help her, Shepard left the CIC and took the elevator to her cabin


	12. Wine

Garrus knocked on the door again, staring down at the bottles of wine in his hand. Shepard wasn’t answering. He had been knocking for several minutes.

She had been tense, which was more than understandable, ever since they reached the Normandy and confirmed that everyone was gone. She felt guilty over having left the ship to the mercy of the Collectors, Garrus could see it in her face.

Their first planned night out –which had sounded similar to a date, though he wasn’t sure if human connotations surrounding dates were the same as turian ones so he hadn’t brought up the idea- and it had ended with the crew being kidnapped and the Normandy almost being lost. He felt a pang of guilt when he thought about the crew. He would do whatever he could to help save them.

Garrus felt almost callous for worrying for Shepard’s well-being at a time like this, but he knew her. She wouldn’t be able to let go of that tension until the crew was saved, and there was nothing they could do to save the crew until they made it through the Omega 4 relay.

So he decided that his original plans of sharing wine after their outing were still acceptable, and he would do what he could to ease her tension.

After another knock, he finally let himself into her room, and immediately heard the sound of a shower. He stopped his steps and chose to stand by the door instead, so she wouldn’t think he had been trying to look in on her. A few minutes later and he heard the shower turn off and a few minutes after that, Shepard walked out with her skin red and flushed, from the hot shower if the steam billowing out of the bathroom was any indication.

“Hey, I brought wine.” He said, after Shepard had caught sight of him. She smiled. “Best I could afford on a vigilante’s salary.”

Despite the tiredness in her eyes and the tension in her face, she smiled softly at him, crossing her arms as she nodded in approval. “Thank you, Garrus. I’m sure it’s perfect.”

He walked past her and set the wine on the table by the couch before turning to put on some music –a tip he had read on an extranet site- and walked back to lean against the aquarium.

His mind raced as he tried to remember the other tips he had read on that site.

_Compliment her._

Right.

What did humans compliment each other about?

“If you were a turian, I’d be complimenting your waist or your fringe.” She moved towards him, close enough that he could see a few pieces of damp hair sticking to her neck, where she had missed drying it. “So your, uh, hair looks good.” He reached out a hand and ran it through the loose pieces that framed her face. He saw her lips part with the movement. “And your waist is… very supportive.” He let his hand slowly drop from her hair to the narrowest point in her torso, and traced his fingers along the curve there.

It didn’t hit him until several heartbeats later that what he had said might have been terribly offensive to humans. He hadn’t gotten around to researching what physical attributes they considered worthy of compliments. He was ready to start sputtering out apologies when Shepard reached up and put a finger to his mouth.

“Consider me seduced, smooth talker.” She dropped her hand from his mouth and rested her arm over his shoulder, closing the space between them. “Now shut up and stop worrying.”

Garrus brought his free hand up to rub his thumb along the tired lines near her mouth. She was close enough that he could see the grey flecks in her green eyes. He could smell the still-familiar scent of her hair. His mouth was forming the words of how he wanted something to go right, _just this once_.

And then her forehead was pressed to his, and his mouth pressed to hers, and everything _was_ right.

 

* * *

 

It wasn’t a night of a human and turian joining their bodies and finding out that everything was perfect and that they fit together _just right_.

It was a night of two awkward friends turned lovers experimenting with what felt best for both species. Of Shepard realizing that Garrus wasn’t exaggerating about his reach or his ability to use his fingers well, of Garrus experiencing Shepard’s flexibility in ways that he knew a turian couldn’t bend, of Shepard swearing that Garrus would ‘never fit in that way’ no matter which angle they tried.

Of Garrus being thankful he had brought the analgesic lotion to use on Shepard’s thighs, and later on her back, after he had proved her wrong in several different ways. And even later on her breasts, because once he had discovered them, they kept drawing his attention back, if only for the sounds Shepard made when he lavished them.

Of Shepard learning, quite happily, the best uses for a turian tongue, and realizing that she enjoyed Garrus’ voice even more when it was reverberating through her, the words barely audible when coming from somewhere between her legs. And that Garrus responded quite the same way to the feeling of her fingers under his fringe as she did when his hands found their way back to her hair.

Of Garrus asserting, quite vocally, that he would never again say –or even think- that humans had too many fingers, after Shepard showed him just what those fingers could do. Followed by promising to replace her sheets after several talons tore through them when she used those soft, pink lips and that warm, wet mouth to let Garrus experience one of those acts that were ‘not performed between turians’.

Of both of them finding out that two hours wasn’t nearly long enough to show the other just how much they cared.

Of seeing just how easily blowing off steam and easing tension had turned to making love, as their movements slowed and soft arms wrapped around a rough back –and rough hands pressing against a soft back - as they tried to draw the time out until the last possible minute. Because if this had been their last time, as well as their first, they were both going to cherish every moment.

Of pulling on armour and whispering goodbyes.

Of foreheads pressing together, of lips finding a ready mouth one last time only moments before the elevator doors opened.

Of a small hand squeezing a larger hand, so tight that it ached, before each letting go and moving apart to watch the lights of the Omega 4 relay appear.

 

* * *

 

He could still taste her on his tongue.

That’s what went through his mind when their eyes met across the table and she gave him lead of the second fire team to help storm the Collector base.

They were headed into what had always been, from the start, a suicide mission. Shepard had asked him, after rescuing him on Omega, to walk by her side into hell.

He had always known he was a bad turian, who couldn’t follow a bad order.

But damned if he wasn’t a good solider that would march into hell at his commander’s side.


	13. Calm before the storm

“I’m going to need a _lot_ of alcohol, you, and a long nap. Not necessarily in that order.”

Shepard was leaning against the wall in the airlock corridor of the Normandy, the hem of her pants rolled up to her knees as she spread medi-gel on the deeper scrapes and wounds left from their battle.

“Add a shower to that list, Shepard. You have enough husk blood on you that Cerberus could probably clone it.” Garrus reached a hand out and ran it through her hair. “How did it even get under your helmet?”

“I think it was on my gloves, and when I pulled the helmet off…” She made the motion with her hands, adding more blood to the already red-tinged mass of hair. Garrus moved his hand to wipe a streak of blood from her face. Shepard moved her own hand to cover his, her expression turning serious.

“I thought I was going to lose you, Garrus.” Her words were soft, her fingers squeezing his. “When that platform fell after we killed the human reaper, I…”

Garrus moved his thumb across her cheek. “Thank you for saving me again, Shepard.” He chuckled, leaning his head down to press against hers. “I don’t know how many times I’ve had to say that, at this point.”

Shepard moved her arms to circle them around his neck, pushing back on his head with her own. “You pulled me up into the Normandy just now, I’d say we’re even this time.”

They stood that way for several minutes until Joker’s voice sounded in the room over the comm system. “Commander, we’ve cleared the Omega 4 relay. We’re ready for you to start your walkthrough of the damages whenever you have a chance.” Shepard pulled away from Garrus reluctantly. “And Garrus can come along too, if he wants.”

“Joker, your spying thing has to stop.”

“Yeah, actually I wasn’t spying this time, Commander? Call it an educated guess.”

When they left the airlock corridor and walked down towards the CIC, Joker was propped against the wall nearest the elevator, a self-satisfied smile on his face.

“I’m going do the walk through, you go ahead and get cleaned up and let Dr. Chakwas look at those injuries.” Shepard muttered under her breath to Garrus before they got close enough for Joker to overhear.

“As long as you do the same after you’re done.”

Shepard managed to flash a tired smile his way. “I will, and then I’m going hunt down a shower and some sleep.” Garrus nodded, and they stepped on the elevator with Joker. Garrus got off on the third deck, while Shepard and Joker stayed on to go check on Engineering.

His head was hurting. He had his own share of injuries from the fight and had been working hard to not let his face show the pain he was in. Garrus was very glad to see that Dr. Chakwas was ready to treat him as soon as he walked in. While she was removing the bandage from the side of his face that had been hit by the rocket on Omega, his omni-tool beeped.

Looking down, careful to not move his head and interrupt Dr. Chakwas’ work, he opened the message that had the alert tone he had set for Shepard.

_‘My bed’s big enough for the both of us if you don’t feel like sleeping alone tonight.’_

“Try not to smile so widely, Garrus, I’m reapplying this bandage.” The amused voice made him jump slightly, and he tried to make his face look neutral again. The older woman laughed. “It’s nice to see you and Shepard both looking so happy lately.”

“Has Joker been talking?” Garrus had to assume the pilot had told the entire ship his suspicions.

“I have windows. Shepard visits the main battery far too often to just be checking on the state of Normandy’s weapons.”

Garrus remained quiet for the rest of the time she was tending to his wounds, wondering how Shepard would feel if she knew the ship was talking about them being together. It made him happy, if he was honest with himself, but they had never even really discussed the specifics of their relationship beyond their plans to sleep together and the rest of the ship was already talking about it.

As he discreetly made his way to Shepard’s cabin, he pushed the worries from his mind. That could be dealt with another day, for now he just needed sleep. Defining their relationship could wait until things settled down.

 

* * *

 

When he finished taking a shower, Shepard was sitting at her desk, talking to Admiral Hackett over the vid comm. She appeared to be finishing up the conversation, but Garrus heard enough to know that he had given her another mission that needed to be taken care of soon.

He felt irritation flare at the man, as he watched her drooping shoulders as she talked. Shepard was exhausted, and before long she was going to run herself into the ground if she didn’t get rest. When the call disconnected, she ran a hand through her hair.

“Another assignment?” Garrus put his hands on her shoulders, rubbing them slightly. He had seen this on that human extranet site he had looked up several days before, it was called a massage.

Shepard nodded, moving her neck as he felt the tight muscles under his fingers. “Top priority. It can wait a few days, though.” She waited until his hands stopped moving, and turned, speaking with a smile on her face. “You’re going to put me to sleep doing that, and I need a shower first. I feel –and almost certainly look- disgusting.”

While waiting for Shepard to get out of the shower, Garrus sat on the edge of her bed, trying to figure out how to arrange the pillows on the bed to accommodate his carapace and fringe.

When Shepard exited the bathroom and made her way to the bed, she stopped at the sight waiting for her and laughed. “It looks like you made a nest, Garrus.”

“Don’t act surprised. Didn’t you call me a bird alien before?” He was lying in the middle of the ‘nest’, pillows under his head so he could rest comfortably in the bed that was obviously made for humans. Shepard shook her head at the sight and dimmed the lights before crawling into the bed next to him.

“Where are the blankets?” He heard her ask as she fumbled with one of the pillows. “Are they part of your nest?”

“I’ll share them if you come closer.” She laughed and he felt her soft skin when she scooted next to him.

“Never mind, I don’t think I’m going to need them.” He felt her arm wrap around his waist and one of her legs curl around his, her body pressed to his side. “I forgot how warm your skin is.”

“Always happy to please.” Garrus spoke softly, a hand resting on her arm. He bent his head to press his mouth to her lips. “Goodnight, Shepard.”

She bumped her head against his before snuggling back against him. “Goodnight, Garrus.”

 

* * *

 

When they woke the next morning, it was to a lazy feeling where neither of them wanted to get out of bed. But after a few ‘good-morning’ kisses, the lazy feeling left and Garrus was soon tossing their clothes to the floor.

His movements were more deliberate this time. He knew the things Shepard had liked the first time, and enjoyed getting another chance to get better at them. By the moans coming from her mouth after only a few minutes with his tongue, he assumed he was improving.

And the oils and ointments supplied by Mordin were put to good use, as well.

There were many chances to display their reach and flexibility, one in particular so satisfying that the sounds Garrus made caused EDI to check over the comm system if everything was alright –worried because of the heightened level of noise coming from Shepard’s cabin. To which Joker broke in, his voice sounding smug, that EDI should probably put the cabin on mute, drawing an exasperated groan from Shepard.

Eventually they collapsed together, turian and human legs tangled, exhausted and covered in sweat, along with… other things. Shepard ignored Garrus’ warnings that she should shower off until she started itching, and then he took matters into his own hands and carried her to the shower himself.

And since he was already in there, and soaked himself, Shepard told him that he might as well share the shower with her. It didn’t take much to convince him that it was a great idea.

 

* * *

 

“We have to leave this room eventually.” Shepard said lazily, her head resting on Garrus’ chest as he trailed a hand through her hair. She closed her eyes to the touch, her body aching with a much sweeter feeling than grueling hours spent in battle had ever left her with. She pulled a blanket over them both, their bare skin was still wet from the shower and she knew Garrus didn’t like the cold.

“We could wait until Joker finds some reason to call for us.” Shepard heard Garrus’ suppressed laughter in his words.

“You’re going to have to hope there’s food in this room somewhere if you want me to stay in here much longer.”

“There’s two unopened bottles of wine on the table.” His hand trailed along her spine. “We never got around to opening them.”

She shook her head, feeling her face rub against the rough skin on Garrus’ chest. “Food, Garrus. I can’t live on alcohol like you obviously can.”

He laughed, “You’re the one stopping us from moving.”

“Because I’m comfortable.”

“You have to move if you want to eat, Shepard.”

Pulling away, feigning a frown, Shepard made herself get out of the bed, regretting her decision as soon as she was away from the warmth. She bent and picked up her shorts and t-shirt that had been thrown on the floor earlier that morning, and felt Garrus’ gaze. When she turned to look at him, she liked the relaxed, easy smile on his face.

“Seeing something you like, Vakarian?”

“You don’t have to ask, Shepard.” He eventually followed her lead, extracting himself from the bed to pull on his clothes. “You going to tell me about this mission that the admiral wants you to take on?”

Shepard pulled a clean pair of pants out of her wardrobe, and dug through the clothes until she found her N7 hoodie, feeling she deserved a casual day after just saving the galaxy again. “Over breakfast.” Garrus looked down at his omni-tool, an eyebrow plate raised. “Lunch, then.” She corrected, putting on the clothes.

 

* * *

 

They had four more days together. Four blissful days of relative peace, until Shepard left on the assignment she had received from Admiral Hackett, telling Garrus only the bare details.

Garrus felt lost once she had left. Sharing a bed with Shepard every night had made it difficult for him to go back to sleeping alone. He kept waking in the night, expecting to feel her next to him and instead found the bed empty and cold.

She had tried to make her mission sound like a standard procedure, but the fact that she was in Batarian space without backup made him pace the corridors of the Normandy, ready to take off after her at any sign that there was trouble.

That sign of trouble came with a frantic message from Shepard, after radio silence for days, requesting pickup. Garrus heard the message come across the comm in the cockpit, where he had taken to waiting in hopes of receiving word for Shepard, and saw as she tore across the station, running for the ship. His first thought was of battle, but could see no one chasing her.

Shepard was sprinting into the cockpit before the door fully closed behind her.

“Get us out of here, Joker!”

Without waiting for an answer, she turned and ran down the corridor to the galaxy map, Garrus following at her heels. Without pausing to take off her helmet, she vaulted the steps and watched the map. Garrus stood behind her, watching as one of the blue pulses that marked a mass relay shone bright before extinguishing to red.

As Shepard dropped her head at the sight, he knew what had happened. The Bahak system’s mass relay had just been destroyed. He didn’t know how many Batarians had depended on that relay, but he didn’t have to ask to know what would happen to them now.

 

* * *

 

Shepard had checked herself into the med bay for Dr. Chakwas to treat the injuries she had taken while on Aratoht. She was still there when Admiral Hackett boarded the Normandy.

Garrus sat in the cockpit of the Normandy with Joker, both silent for several minutes after the Admiral boarded the ship.

“They’re going to blame this on Shepard.” Joker finally voiced the one thing that had been on Garrus’ mind since he had watched the Bahak mass relay flicker red. “They sent her there, and she’s going to be punished for it.”

Garrus knew he was right, but he didn’t want to accept it. “Whatever happened, she did what she had to do.” Shepard hadn’t confided in anyone since she had been back on the ship, instead choosing to keep to herself while waiting to hear from the Admiral.

A half-hour later, which felt more like an eternity to Garrus, Admiral Hackett left the ship, and Shepard stood in the cockpit, finally read to talk.

She told Garrus and Joker everything that had happened, what she had been forced to do, the Batarian lives it had been necessary to sacrifice. They both agreed that she had done the right thing, but Garrus wasn’t stupid. He knew it was only a matter of time until things turned bad for Shepard.

It was two weeks later that the Alliance called, formally requesting that Shepard go back to Earth.


	14. Gone

When he walked through the door to Shepard’s cabin the night the Alliance call came in and saw the blue Alliance uniform, pressed and hanging on the wall, he knew it was all over.

She was turning herself in.

It didn’t take words to confirm it. It just took him walking further into the room and finding Shepard sitting on her couch, empty wineglass in hand, staring at the opposite wall. She turned to look at him when he walked closer, and her eyes were dry.

But the hurt, the weariness, the utter defeat that shone through them was far more alarming than the tears he had expected to see.

Without saying anything, he sat at her side and took the glass from her hand. She let him take it, and then let him pull her into his arms.

It felt like hours before she finally spoke.

“I did it to save everyone that I could.”

The defeat was in her voice, as well. He squeezed her tighter, her face buried in his chest, her arms wrapped around his back.

“If I could have given my own life instead of the Batarians’, I would have.”

“I know, Shepard.”

He did know. He knew better than anyone that she would have done anything in her power to destroy that relay and not harm anyone. Including self-sacrifice.

It was another long, very long stretch of time before she spoke.

“I don’t know what the Alliance will do to me when I go back to Earth.”

He gripped her, one hand on her back, the other in her hair, cradling her against him. His hands were shaking, he hated himself for the fear he felt at her words. He shouldn’t be afraid, it was up to him to be strong for her when no one else would.

“They might keep me there for months, years even. And… Admiral Hackett told me that visitors won’t be allowed.”

It took him a few moments before he realized what she was working her way towards saying.

“Shepard, look at me.” He eased his hand out of her hair so she could look up, and she obliged.

How long had he felt such love when he looked in those boundless green eyes?

Garrus raised his hand and trailed it across her cheek. “I’ll wait for you, Shepard. If I can’t come with you, and I can’t come to visit you, then I’ll wait for you.” His thumb brushed against the corner of her eye where he saw the first sign of tears beginning to pool. “And when you get out, I’ll be there, still waiting.”

It was an admission of love, the best kind he could give her in the circumstances.

And when she reached to tug his head down to press her forehead to his, he felt it in her response, as well.

He closed his eyes at her touch.

 

* * *

 

The next morning, they left her cabin, hand in hand. Joker had already been informed that Garrus was to be dropped off on the Citadel, along with any other crew members that weren’t wanting to be grounded on Earth. Joker and Shepard had both stated their beliefs that the Normandy would be impounded upon arrival.

Shepard walked with Garrus to the airlock, her hand clasped around his shaking fingers.

He didn’t want to lose her.

As others filed past, either having already said their goodbyes or simply not wishing to interrupt, she turned to face him, her head lifted to stare into his eyes.

He _couldn’t_ lose her. Not again. Not when he had finally realized the night before just how much she meant to him.

He loved her, with everything within him.

Garrus bent his head to meet Shepard’s, and in the emptying, mostly deserted corridor, he kissed her as she had kissed him so many times. It didn’t matter that he didn’t have lips like a human, it didn’t matter that turians didn’t kiss this way, or that other people were probably staring.

He needed Shepard to know the things he was too afraid to tell her with words.

And as he felt her fingers come up to brush away the wetness from his own eyes, he knew that she understood.

She had always understood.

As they broke apart, they each took a step back. And then another. Garrus refused to turn away, instead he stepped backwards into the airlock until the door closed between them, blocking her from view. And after his feet were on solid Citadel ground for only a few moments, the Normandy’s engines fired and it pulled away from the dock.

And she was gone.


	15. Waiting

_‘Reached Earth safely. Normandy impounded and Shepard taken into custody upon arrival.’_

Garrus clenched his fist, clearing the message from his omni-tool with more force than what was necessary. Shepard had been taken into custody? It sounded as if they were treating her as a war criminal.

It had taken every shred of self-control that he possessed to not go with Shepard to Earth. But she had asked him not to, not wanting him to get stranded on Earth or detained by Alliance personnel. Judging by the short message from Joker, Garrus begrudgingly accepted that Shepard’s decision about him not going to Earth had been a good call.

He was trying to secure passage to Palaven, he was ready to get away from the Citadel as fast as he could. Between reports of the destroyed Bahak relay and of Shepard coming back from the dead only to have joined with Cerberus before destroying said relay, Garrus was ready to get back to his home world where he wouldn’t have to hear as much of the ridiculous talk.

And he wanted to do some good while Shepard was gone.

She had spent so much of her time working to warn the galaxy that the reapers were coming, the least he could do was to help with spreading the word and preparing Palaven for their impending attack.

If anyone would listen to him.

 

* * *

 

_‘I miss you, Garrus. I hope you’re safe and well. I lo-’_

Her pen stopped on the page, where it had been forming the word ‘ _love_ ’. She crossed it out, then crumpled up the paper and threw it in a trashcan by the door to her room in the detention center.

She hadn’t found the chance to tell him, before he left, that she loved him. Mainly because it had taken her so long to realise that’s how strong her feelings had gotten. And she wouldn’t tell him through a letter that the Alliance probably wouldn’t even let her send.

Pushing away from the desk, Shepard sank down onto the soft bed she had been provided with. Her stay in the detention center was comfortable to be sure, but she was still a prisoner. And she had yet to figure out a way to contact anyone outside of Alliance walls in the five weeks she had been imprisoned.

Her first thought had been to get Joker in for a visit and use his omni-tool to contact Garrus. But she had found out after the first week in lock-up that even Flight Lieutenant Jeff Moreau wasn’t allowed to visit her, even after she asked Admiral Anderson for the favour, as Joker had also been arrested soon after their arrival in Vancouver. Alliance command was refusing her visitors, as Admiral Hackett had warned her they most likely would.

It was frustrating, to say the least.

The reapers were out there somewhere, and the time she had earned for the galaxy by destroying the Bahak mass relay was going to be wasted because no one would listen to her.

And, on a more personal level, she was angry at the Alliance for taking her away from the best thing she had going in her life: the relationship that had started growing between Garrus and herself.

She loved him. Loved him so much that when the airlock door closed between them the last time they had been together, she had thought wildly of chasing after him. They could have ran away, hid from the Alliance, did what they could to stay off the reapers’ radars.

Instead she had stood, rooted to the spot, as the Normandy left the Citadel dock again with only a barebones crew. She had wiped her eyes, lifted her head, and made her way to the galaxy map to confirm a course for the Sol system.

A happy life spent with the turian she loved was never going to be an option allowed her.

When the Normandy had arrived back on Earth, Admiral Anderson had been waiting at the dock. He prevented the soldiers at his side from performing formal arrest actions, but Shepard knew the truth. Even Anderson wasn’t going to be able to hold off the Alliance for long. And, sure enough, she had barely made her way through the doors of Alliance HQ before she had been brought before a committee and told she was being placed under arrest for the destruction of the Bahak mass relay until a formal trial was prepared.

And now, five weeks later, she was still here. In her room. Waiting for her trial.

She had seen Anderson once more since then, he let her know that the reapers had still not made an appearance and the Batarians were holding off on a full-scale war after hearing that the soldier responsible for destroying the Bahak relay was being detained. But they were calling for her head.

Shepard had vocalized her hopes that the Batarians would be useful allies after she was put to death, because the reapers would eventually find their way to attack the galaxy. Her words had drawn a deep frown from Anderson, and she eventually apologized for taking out her anger on the man.

The only other person she had seen, besides the Alliance members who brought her food, was Lieutenant James Vega. James was a younger Alliance soldier, and his job had apparently been to guard Shepard during her stay in the detention center.

He showed up in her room every day, probably friendlier than a guard was supposed to be. She had heard him reprimanded at least four times for calling her ‘Commander’ and saluting her, but he still continued to do it every time he walked in the door.

After the first few days locked in her room, James had offered her a chance to leave the room under his guard. Shepard had readily agreed, and asked to be taken to the training grounds.

After a few hours on the obstacle courses, James had returned her to her room, and Shepard had managed to get more than two hours of continuous sleep for the first time since she had destroyed the Bahak relay.

She had thanked James the next day for the opportunity to work out her stress, and the younger man had seen to it that she be allowed out of her cell for at least an hour every evening, under his guard. The only restrictions were that Shepard only be allowed on the obstacle courses or track, nowhere near the firing range or any other area of the training grounds where any type of makeshift weapons were available.

So every night James would bring her to the obstacle courses and Shepard would run and climb until James made her leave. A shower once she was locked in her room in the detention center and then she would collapse into an exhausted sleep.

And week after week of that routine had brought her here. Still imprisoned with no end in sight.

 

* * *

 

“Good to see you, Joker.”

“You know, when they told me you were here, I didn’t actually believe them.” Joker shook his head in incredulity. “I thought maybe they just couldn’t tell one turian from another.”

Garrus chuckled, looking around the cockpit of the Normandy, where Joker was sitting in his familiar seat. “So why are they letting you on the ship? The last time I tried to send a message to you, I was informed that you were also under arrest.”

“Well, you see, Cerberus equipped the Normandy with a very specialized VI named EDI. She’s hard-coded to respond to my commands only, so I’m here helping out with the retrofits.” Joker explained with an overly exaggerated eye-roll towards EDI’s blue sphere.

“It is a pleasure to see you again, Garrus.” EDI commented. Between Joker’s wisecracks and EDI’s calm voice, Garrus felt almost at home back on the Normandy.

Almost.

Besides, of course, the one glaring missing person.

“Joker, is there any way-“

“No.” The pilot said simply, before Garrus could even get the question out.

“It’s been four months.”

“And they’ll keep her on lockdown for another ten if they need to, to throw the blame off of themselves for what happened to the mass relay.” Joker set down a datapad with Normandy schematics on it. “Udina is only making things worse, saying the Alliance had absolutely nothing to do with the destruction. Shepard’s been made the scapegoat and they’re going to keep it that way until the reapers show up on our doorstep.”

“And there’s no way to at least talk with her?” Garrus didn’t try to hide his disappointment. He had come to Earth on ‘official business’ as the ‘advisor on reaper forces’ for the Turian Military, but another goal of his trip had obviously been to see Shepard.

After reaching Palaven, he had contacted his father for the first time in years. Garrus had laid out everything, from Saren to the Collector base, and let his father draw his own conclusions about the reaper threat. Thankfully, his conclusions had been right, and Garrus had ended up with a title and task force, neither of which amounted to much, but he was using them to fight the reapers in his own way.

And after spending three months bolstering Palaven’s chances of survival, he had found enough of a legitimate reason to come to Earth that the Alliance had even allowed him to visit the base in Vancouver. His visit was an extremely short one, he didn’t want to stay away from Palaven for long, but it was better than nothing.

He hadn’t yet asked for a visit with Shepard, assuming it would throw up suspicious flags with the Alliance. He had hoped that Joker knew of a way for him to see her, but that wasn’t looking likely anymore.

“I haven’t even been allowed to see her, and I’m Alliance myself.” Joker turned his chair in frustration. “She’s guarded all day by this gorilla of a guy, Vega, in a cell that she’s barely allowed to leave.” At the sight of Garrus’ raised eyebrow plates, he continued. “I talked to Admiral Anderson, he informed me of the level of security surrounding her.”

“Are they afraid of a breakout?”

“Well, if they read anything left over by Cerberus about the crew she gathered to fight the Collectors, then yeah, probably.” Joker eyed him sideways. “Most Alliance ships aren’t occupied by assassins, salarian STG agents-turned-doctors, master thieves, murdering asari, actual murderous criminals, and… oh right, a vigilante sniper.”

“You know Shepard could probably break out on her own.” The off-handed remark evoked a laugh from Joker.

“Of course she could. But she feels guilty, so she’s playing nice.”

Garrus looked through the open windows, the Earth skyline beautiful. He wished he could be seeing this sight, on his first visit to Earth, with Shepard at his side. “Do you think Anderson could work anything out for me?”

“It wouldn’t hurt to check, but don’t get your hopes up.” Joker pulled up his omni-tool, pressing a few keys. “I’ve got a re-occurring message that automatically sends to him every morning, asking to let me visit Shepard.” He glanced up, frowning. “He stopped responding to them after the first week.”

 

* * *

 

“Vakarian, over here.”

Garrus turned at the familiar voice and found Admiral Anderson seated at the far end of the bar, a glass in front of him and one in front of the empty barstool to his left. The turian walked through the crowded room to take the waiting seat.

“Thank you for taking the time to meet with me, Admiral.” Garrus took the conversation initiative upon sitting down.

“I’m sorry we had to meet here instead of at HQ, but it’s not safe to draw too much attention to the turian visitor that just happens to be visiting the Alliance base where Commander Shepard is being held.” Anderson took a drink of the liquor in his glass. “Especially not when the turian was a member of her crew when she worked with Cerberus.” Garrus started to defend their actions when Anderson waved him down. “I know, Vakarian. I’ve known Shepard for a long time. She’s an amazing soldier who cares about saving the galaxy more than she does saving her own skin. I know her reasons. But not everyone believes them, and so we have to be careful.”

The older man motioned to the still-full glass in front of Garrus. “Drink. I managed to find you some dextro liquor, so don’t let it go to waste.”

Garrus drank, barely noticing the taste. “What are they going to do to her?”

“No one knows, the committee is divided. Admiral Hackett and I are both arguing that Shepard’s actions were necessary. But most of the Alliance defense committee, and Councilor Udina, believe that she was out of line and purposefully endangered galaxy-wide stability between the humans and other races.”

Garrus didn’t answer, taking another drink instead.

“I know what you want to ask, and I can’t allow it.” Anderson’s voice was kind, but firm. “We’re doing all that we can to prove that Shepard is having no further connection or communication with Cerberus, and her meeting with anyone that was once affiliated with them while imprisoned will only make her situation worse.”

Garrus drank again. He felt the man watching him, but couldn’t respond. Anderson had been his last hope to seeing Shepard while on Earth, and he had just received his final answer.

They drank in silence for a few minutes before Garrus finally found the voice to speak again. “How’s she doing?”

“Complaining about the food, spending half her days running on the training course, and yelling about the reapers to anyone who gets near enough to her door to hear.”

Garrus chuckled, visualizing it. “Well, some things never change.”

“And asking me at least five times a week if I can figure out a way for her to send you a message.” His hand stilled on his glass, as he glanced up at the older man. But he got his answer without asking. “I’m sorry, Vakarian, even my contact with Shepard is being monitored until her trial. I won’t let her risk her freedom right now.” Anderson eyed him again. “Besides, I have the feeling that you won’t be giving up on Shepard just because you haven’t heard from her for a few months.”

“You’re a perceptive man, sir.”

Anderson finished his drink in response.

Their conversation ended soon after that, with Garrus needing to prepare for his flight back to Palaven the next day. When they walked out of the bar, Garrus held out his hand to shake Anderson’s. When he gripped the man’s hand, he looked him directly in the eyes. “Protect her, Admiral.”

Anderson responded, his own grip just as firm. “Always, Vakarian.”

 

* * *

 

The next day, Garrus watched the last of the Sol system disappear from sight as the ship he was aboard disappeared from that mass relay to appear at the relay in the Trebia system.

He would continue waiting for Shepard, just as he had promised. Just as he had done for the last four months. Protecting Palaven was his priority, but that didn’t stop him from keeping one comm channel tuned to Earth, namely Vancouver, at all times.


	16. Attack

Primarch Fedorian was an obstinate man, which was probably why he was Primarch. But that particular trait of his was causing Garrus to want to punch something.

It had been six months.

Six long, desperately long, months since Shepard had destroyed the Bahak relay and had been imprisoned, and the Primarch still didn’t _really_ believe that the reapers were a prominent threat. Maybe the man believed they would come one day, but he obviously wasn’t worried that it could be absolutely any day at any point in time.

Garrus hadn’t given up on trying to convince the man, but some days he ran out of patience with him. And it was one of those days.

The Primarch was currently trying to convince Garrus that Menae had no need for all the resources that Garrus was amassing there. While Garrus, on the other hand, believed that the reapers, when they made their appearance, would take Menae before focusing on Palaven completely. So if they were able to stall them on the moon, just a while, it could save numerous turian lives.

“We should keep those extra stockpiles of rations on Palaven, Vakarian.” Primarch Fedorian argued for what felt like, to Garrus, the hundredth time.

“Our soldiers will need those to help hold off the reapers, sir.” He replied, his mandibles clenched in frustration.

The Primarch had just stood, probably to pace, when a turian soldier burst into the room unannounced.

“Excuse me, Primarch Fedorian, but you need to turn on your vid screen.” The solider was out of breath, presumably having ran a long distance without taking the time to rest.

The Primarch immediately turned to the vid screen in his office, and the soldier set the data channel.

Images of a burning skyline filled the screen.

Garrus felt as if the air in the room froze.

It was Earth’s skyline.

And not just any place on Earth.

He recognized the familiar skyline he had seen just two months ago. But two months ago there hadn’t been a reaper descending, tearing up the city with its lasers and ground forces.

“Vakarian.”

Primarch Fedorian’s voice seemed to reach him from a long distance, drawing him back to the room. Garrus looked at the man, managing to tear his eyes from the screen.

“Get to Menae.” The Primarch’s mouth was set in a hard line, his voice clipped with tension. “Do what you can to help stop the reapers there.” He looked around, his eyes falling to the vid screen again. “I’ll join you there as soon as I can.”

“Yes, sir.” Garrus managed to say before leaving the room, his pulse pounding in his head so hard that he thought he might be sick. His hands were shaking as he pushed buttons on his omni-tool hologram to arrange transport.

The reapers had hit Earth.

They had hit Vancouver.

As he ran through the halls to grab a few belongings before catching a ship to Menae, Garrus was typing out a message to Joker. The pilot would probably never get it, with the state of Earth now that the reapers had hit. But Garrus was going to try anyway.

_‘Whatever you have to do, save Shepard.’_

He didn’t sign it, he didn’t have to. Joker would know who it was from.

He just prayed to the spirits that the Normandy would be able to make it off of Earth.

 

* * *

 

“Commander, come to the cockpit when you have a chance.”

At the sound of Joker’s voice over the comm system, Shepard looked up from the datapad she was studying, her eyes hurting from trying to keep them open. They were on a direct path to the Citadel, both to meet with the Council and to get Kaidan medical attention. “Be right there.”

She pushed her hands through her hair, standing from the seat in her once-cozy cabin. The cabin was sparse, it had been cleared of all of her things after the Normandy was grounded, and nothing had been replaced. She was thankful the shower still worked, but the spare crew uniform she was wearing felt ill-fitting and foreign. Though, she could also blame that on the fact that she hadn’t slept in what felt like days. Her mind seemed like it was only running at half-speed.

Making her way to the CIC and down the corridor to the cockpit, she was aware of increased activity among the crew. They were walking fast and the talk was abrupt and loud. Passing by them all without stopping to find out why, she instead chose to find out from Joker.

“What’s wrong, Joker?”

The pilot turned slowly in his chair, his face grim, his mouth set in a thin line. “I just received news from the Council to pass to you.” He seemed to hesitate with his words. Shepard waited to let him finish. Joker drew a breath and finally continued. “Commander, the reapers just hit Palaven.”

The room grew just a little dim before Shepard shook her head, willing herself to keep standing. First Earth, and now… Palaven? Already? All the years she had spent trying to prepare everyone, and the homeworlds of two council species were already being attacked?

She put a hand to her forehead, trying to press against the ache that had been present for what seemed like weeks. “How bad is it?”

“I haven’t heard anything besides the fact that the attack has started, Commander, sorry.”

Something clunked into place in her overly-fatigued mind, and her head shot back up. “Garrus!” She moved forward, her pulse racing in her ears. “Joker, did Garrus get off the planet? Have you heard from him?” She pulled up her omni-tool, swearing under her breath at the fact that she had somehow forgotten to contact him in all of the chaos surrounding leaving Earth and escaping to Mars, and then rushing from Mars to get on a course to the Citadel. “We need to go to Palaven, Joker.”

“After we leave the Citadel.” He promised, plotting the course logs as the Normandy began making its approach to the station.

 

* * *

 

The Turian councilor had asked her to go to Menae, the moon outside of Palaven. Shepard had readily accepted. Even if he hadn’t asked, she would have offered to go to Palaven if possible.

She had to get to Garrus. Just as Anderson had forced her to leave Earth, she would force Garrus to leave Palaven if necessary. He could help her to fight the reapers in other ways, but he had to survive to do that.

After trying to sleep, in which she only rested for tiny pieces of time between tossing and turning and nightmares, they soon reached Menae. As they approached Menae after transferring to the shuttle, Shepard was lost in thought, not completely involved in the conversation between herself, Liara, and James, until she heard Liara speak. “Oh no… no. Palaven.”

Shepard jerked her head to the vid screen at her right. Liara was right, it was Palaven. And it was burning.

She couldn’t breathe for a moment, and when she finally managed words, James was staring at her in curiosity. She hadn’t expected to see that level of destruction, not when the reapers had hit the planet only after the attack on Earth had already started. She had hoped for far less destruction to have taken place.

“We have an old friend there.” Shepard managed to say, her voice thin. An old friend, a lover, the one being in the universe that she needed at her side more than anyone else.

When her boots hit the ground, her gun in her hand, a steady whisper was on her lips as she ran. She wasn’t a praying person, but she was asking anyone who might be listening to please let Garrus be alive.

 

* * *

 

“Vakarian, get to the command center, ASAP.”

The terse sentence came across his comm device, sharp with static. It was the first thing he had heard since the tower went down earlier that day. He hadn’t even known that it was back up and running. Garrus pushed the button to respond. “On my way, General, what’s the emergency?”

“The council sent Commander Shepard to pick up the Primarch. We’re going to need your help for location and extraction once I find out who the new one is.”

The gun in his hand slipped slightly, he gripped it tighter with one hand while slapping his comm device with the other. “Repeat that, sir.”

“Commander Shepard is here, Vakarian. Get to the command center.”

“Understood.” His hands shook as he depressed the comm to end the message.

Shepard had made it off of Earth. And not only did she make it off of Earth, but she had found her way to Menae.

She was alive.

Garrus was running through the trenches before he realized and forced himself to slow down and think. Now that he knew Shepard was alive, his mind was rushing in other directions.

It had been over six months since they had seen each other, and he hadn’t been able to get a communication through that entire time. He felt, not for the first time in those six months, lingering doubts.

Their relationship had never been one with a defined structure, the Alliance had seen to that when they arrested Shepard before the matter had ever been broached between them. Garrus knew how he felt about Shepard, even after not seeing her for so long – _especially_ after not seeing her for so long- but he didn’t know if it was still mutual.

Had Shepard taken the relationship as serious as he had? Had she missed him as much as he had missed her? He had told her he would wait for her, but what if humans felt differently about distances, and she hadn’t done the same?

He drew a breath, walking through the barricades to the main camp. If they made it through this, he would look up some vids on human reunions in the chance that Shepard was still interested in continuing their relationship. Joker could help him out with those. And if she wasn’t interested anymore… well, he would get through that, too.

From across the camp, he caught sight of familiar black armour and even more familiar blonde hair. The hair that he had loved running his fingers through.

He shifted his sniper rifle in his hands, feeling his breath catch in his throat as her head turned and he caught sight of her face, though she hadn’t noticed him yet. He knew the scars her face held just as well as he knew his own, and she probably had earned a few more since the last time he had seen her, but he still felt his heart beat just a little faster at the sight of her.

He had missed her so, so very much.

As he walked closer, he began to catch traces of her voice. And finally he reached the platform she was sharing with General Corinthus, and made his way up the ramp.

 

* * *

 

“As your partner said, succession is usually simple. But right now, the hierarchy’s in chaos—so many dead or MIA.” General Corinthus looked away, his voice showing clear signs of defeat. Shepard was concerned over that tone of defeat. It was far too early to give up on this fight just yet.

“I need someone, I don’t care who, as long as they can get us the turian resources we need.” She didn’t mean it to sound so blunt, but the words would be harsh no matter how she said them. Staring at the General, she was ignoring an approaching turian and wasn’t prepared when a familiar voice reached her ears.

“I’m on it, Shepard. We’ll find you the Primarch.”

“Garrus!” The word slipped from her mouth before it had even registered in her brain that he was here, standing in front of her. She took two steps closer before catching herself, reminding herself where she was and of the battle going on around them.

Because she wanted nothing more than to throw her arms around him and thank whatever forces at work that had kept him safe and alive.

Garrus answered the General, who Shepard couldn’t help notice called him _sir_ , before turning back to her. “You’re alive.” She stated the simple fact, feeling such relief welling in her throat that she had to work to get the words out. He reached out a hand and she met it with her own, he shook her hand for a moment before covering it with his other hand and patting it.

“I’m hard to kill, Shepard.” He managed a smile, his hand squeezing hers. “You should know that.”

“Good to see you again.” She replied with such an understatement, drawing her hands back to her sides. “I… thought you’d be on Palaven.” The meaning to her response wasn’t missed by Garrus, his eyes softened at the relief in her voice.

Garrus explained his reasoning for being there- a reaper advisor? Shepard filed that one away, making sure she remembered to ask him later. She introduced him to James, and it wasn’t long before a Harvester made its appearance, and their guns all rang out a counterattack.

“General, tell Primarch Victus we’ll rendezvous here.” Shepard checked her gun, pointing it at the command camp. “In the meantime, let’s go take care of whatever that thing dropped off.”

She paused for a minute before raising an eyebrow and managing a grin towards the turian standing at her side. “Coming, Garrus?”

He cocked his sniper rifle, that familiar smile that Shepard loved on his face. “Are you kidding? I’m right behind you.”


	17. Catching up

Shepard had left his side as soon as they boarded the Normandy, she had to show Primarch Victus where he was to be staying, and there was a stream of calls waiting for her on the vid comm. Garrus watched her walk away, her armour dusty and dirty from battle, her helmet tucked under her arm as she walked besides Victus, discussing further strategy.

He felt a pang of guilt at the possessiveness he felt as he watched Shepard walk away. She was busy, the galaxy’s savior in a fight against the reapers, but he just wanted to hide her away for a while until those dark circles under her eyes went away.

He had noticed, back during the time they had previously served together, that those circles started showing up when Shepard was the most tense and worried. She had once told him that a few nights of good sleep and decent meals would go a long way in making them disappear, so he was worried about the state of her recent sleeping and eating patterns.

Forcing himself to not follow the pair making their way to the war room, Garrus instead found his way to the cockpit. When he walked through the door, Joker spoke without even turning in his seat. “The Commander, on the Normandy, safe and sound just like you asked. You’re welcome.”

“Thanks, Joker.” Garrus responded, meaning the words more than the pilot could possibly know. “I owe you one.” He didn’t think the relief of seeing Shepard alive would ever quite fade from his mind.

Joker turned in his chair, pulling on the brim of his cap. “More than one, if you ask me.”

“I’ll buy a round the next time we’re on the Citadel, then.”

“Deal.”

They sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes before Joker spoke again. “Watch out for Shepard, okay?” His voice was serious, his eyes met with Garrus’. “This is going to be a long fight, and everyone is already leaning on her to get them out of the mess that she’s been yelling about for three years. It’s going to be rough on her.”

“I’ll keep an eye on her.” Garrus promised.

Joker snorted. “Yeah, I bet you will.” He shook his head, turning his seat back around to face the console.

At the suggestive way Joker turned that phrase, Garrus remembered something he had wanted to ask the man about. “By the way, Joker, how exactly do humans respond to seeing each other after a long time apart?”

Joker turned his head, raising an eyebrow at him.

“You know, just for… reference.”

 

* * *

 

Garrus flipped through the vids Joker had linked him to, one eye on the giant gun he was calibrating. Finding a promising vid, he started it up and turned the sound down just in case Shepard came to find him in the battery.

He forwarded through the beginning story that, he was sure, had to be very interesting. He wanted to get through these before talking to Shepard. Finding the part where a man and woman saw each other for the first time after a long separation, Garrus leaned against the wall to focus on the vid.

In the vid, the woman began running when she saw the man and leapt into his arms, wrapping her legs around the man’s waist while the couple embraced and kissed. Garrus watched for a moment before closing the vid out. He was reasonably certain that he wouldn’t be able to support Shepard’s full weight like that, turians weren’t made for heavy lifting. Their small waists were definitely a weak point in their evolution.

Starting the next vid, the human woman was crying heavily when the couple reunited, and the soundtrack in the background made the abundant display of emotions seem even more ridiculous than it already did. Garrus chuckled and closed that vid, as well. Neither he nor Shepard had cried when they found each other on Menae, and he didn’t expect tears when they finally had a conversation while not in a war zone.

After watching a few more, while noting the blinking lights and Joker checking on the state of the guns to try and find the source of the Normandy’s strange power draw, Garrus noticed a trend. There was usually a proclamation of feelings, followed by kissing, and various other ways of showing affection.

He closed out the vid screen on his omni-tool, shaking his head. He still didn’t know how Shepard felt about him after being apart so long. He wasn’t going to presume anything until he asked her about her feelings.

 

* * *

 

Garrus was already calibrating something when she found him.

Shepard stood by the open door to the battery, a smile on her face, as she watched him work for a few moments before she walked the rest of the way into the room. “Garrus. Didn’t waste any time getting to work, I see.”

He glanced up, his mandibles flexing in a smile. “After what I’ve been through lately, calibrating a giant gun is a vacation.” He pushed away from the panel he was working at. “Besides, gives me something to focus on.”

Shepard crossed her arms, understanding the desire to not think about the reapers for a while. “We’re going to need you for more than your aim.” Garrus’ eyes met hers for a second before he pressed a few buttons to close out his omni-tool he had been using for the repairs.

“Oh, I’m ready for it,” he said confidently. “but I’m pretty sure we’ll still need giant guns –and lots of them.”

“I can’t argue with that.” Shepard replied, a smile on her face as she turned to look at the guns he so devotedly calibrated.

A silence stretched for a few moments before Garrus broke it, his voice sounding uncertain. “Yeah, so is this the part where we… shake hands?” Shepard looked back at him, confused. He looked away, shifting from foot to foot as if uncomfortable. “I wasn’t sure about the protocol on reunions, or… if you even still felt the same way about me.”

Shepard didn’t respond right away, her mind was too busy catching up to his words. She had spent six months dreaming about him nearly every night that she was imprisoned, waiting for the day she could finally see him again. And he was worried that _she_ didn’t have feelings for him anymore? She would have laughed, if he hadn’t seemed so sincere in his worries.

“The scars are starting to fade.” Garrus gestured to the side of his face, where the bandage was gone to show his scarred skin and mandible. “I remember they drove you wild…” He trailed his words off, finally meeting her gaze again.

She laughed then, and Garrus looked relieved. He continued in his ridiculous choice of words, his voice dropping lower as he took a step closer to her, invading her space. “…but I can go out and get all new ones if it’ll help.”

Shepard thought back to how Garrus had tried to bring some humour to their conversation the time they first talked about ‘blowing off steam’, by making light of her interest in him being because of his scars. She smiled up at him as he drew closer. “I haven’t forgotten our time together.”

She didn’t think she could have made more of an understatement, but her words carried meaning that he didn’t miss. He shifted on his feet again, leaning closer. “Well, I’ve been doing some more research on human customs. I didn’t want to… presume anything-“

Shepard leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his scarred mandible, interrupting the words that sounded rehearsed as Garrus quickly stopped talking. She leaned back slightly, looking up at him. “ _That’s_ the protocol on reunions.”

“The vids mentioned it might go something like that.” Garrus said quietly, his hand reaching up to stroke her cheek. “I had hoped it would. I mean, I didn’t know-“ She cut him off again, this time pressing her lips to his mouth, ceasing his anxious chatter.

It only took a heartbeat before he responded in turn, the hand on her face moving to her hair and he pressed his mouth harder against hers. After a few minutes of their non-verbal reunion, Shepard pulled away for breath. “I missed you, Garrus.” She whispered, as he pressed his head to hers. “I thought about you a lot.”

“Glad to know my romantic…” He fumbled for a word, his hand finding her own to clasp it. “skills made an impression. Because it’s going to take a lot more than Reapers to come between this cross-species liaison.” Shepard silently agreed, squeezing his hand with her own.

 

* * *

 

 

_“Stay close… we’ve got some catching up to do.”_

That’s what she had told him before leaving the battery.

Well, she hadn’t been exaggerating.

Garrus lay in Shepard’s bed later that night, staring at the ceiling as Shepard lay beside him, curled up against his side, sound asleep. After they had finished… catching up, she had taken a quick shower to prevent any allergic reaction, and climbed back into the bed, throwing an arm over his waist and a leg over his own, falling right to sleep.

The wine was still sitting on the table, once again forgotten.

She looked peaceful, the crease between her eyebrows gone. He reached out a hand and pulled the blanket up over her bare skin. She always said she didn’t need a blanket because of the warmth from his body, but he didn’t want her to start shivering in her sleep.

Garrus’ sleep patterns were different from Shepard’s, and each of the few nights that they had been able to spend together had cemented that fact. He preferred to stay up late and sleep late, whereas Shepard like to turn in early, when she could, and always woke up earlier than he did no matter how short her time to sleep had been.

So he was still awake, almost an hour after Shepard’s breathing had leveled out and her grip had loosened on his waist. He had tried to move to the couch immediately after she had fallen asleep, to be sure he didn’t wake her, but the movement had woken Shepard for just a moment in which she muttered incoherently and clung tighter to him. Instead he had browsed on his omni-tool, answering a message from Victus. Once that was done, he had stared at the ceiling, letting his mind wander.

His mind was on Palaven, worrying about the rest of his people there, including his father and sister. He would have to check on them after he got some sleep, he hoped that they took the evac shuttles if the condition of Palaven deteriorated that badly. He was hoping that, depending on Shepard’s success at garnering krogan support, the krogan forces would be able to stop the Reapers from causing total destruction of Palaven.

His hand brushed through Shepard’s hair absently, as his mind worked through strategies to get turians off the planet before they were all slaughtered. He needed to talk to Victus soon and work through his suggestions for the war, they needed to coordinate soldiers and rations and weaponry.

Shepard made a noise at his side, and Garrus stilled his hand. Looking down, the crease between her eyes was back, along with a frown. Her arm stiffened around his waist, her grip tightening again.

He recognized the symptoms of a nightmare, even though she hadn’t had one during their time together before. He moved his hand to her back to rub her tensed muscles, but her movements became increasingly erratic until she cried out and sat upright in the bed, breathing heavily, her eyes open as she stared wildly around the room. He sat up with her, drawing his hand back as she fought away from his touch.

“It’s okay, Shepard.” He kept his voice low and his hands to himself as she continued to stare around the dimly lit room. At the sound of his voice, she jerked her head in his direction, and he watched as the fear and confusion in her eyes slowly faded when she caught sight of him. He reached his hands out to touch her fists that were clenching the blanket he had covered her with, and was glad to see that she didn’t flinch away. Instead, her fists relaxed and their fingers linked.

“Sorry, Garrus.” Her voice was tense, instead of thick with sleep. She squeezed his hands before letting go and reaching up to push the hair out of her eyes. “I didn’t mean to wake you.” She continued, motioning toward his nest of pillows that had been disturbed.

“I hadn’t fallen asleep yet.” He reached up to rub her cheek, his thumb moving slowly across the skin. Her eyes closed at the touch. His hand moved to rub her neck, and he could feel that her pulse was beating fast. “I’m here, Shepard, you’re alright.” He tried to sound soothing, pressing his forehead to hers for a moment.

She leaned into his touch, an arm wrapping around his neck as she leaned against him. “I know, thanks.” Her voice was muffled as she pressed her face to his chest.

They sat like that for several minutes before Garrus spoke. “Want to talk about your bad dream?”

“Not particularly.”

He accepted that answer, understanding that she wanted to keep some things to herself. But after a moment, she continued talking. “I saw Earth getting destroyed. I could hear the voices of people I couldn’t save.” Her voice broke for a moment, Garrus felt her fighting to keep her composure. “They were calling for me, blaming me.”

“It’s not your fault that Earth was attacked, Shepard.”

“I know.” She whispered, her voice almost inaudible. “But I still see their faces.”

Garrus rubbed her back as they sat there, until her breathing slowed back to normal after several minutes. He gave it a few more minutes before quietly asking, “Do you think you can try sleeping again?” She nodded against him, and when she laid back on the bed, he pulled the blanket over her before adjusting the pillows so he could lie on his side beside her.

He wrapped an arm around her back, pulling her close. “Maybe if I go to sleep too, I’ll be able to keep you company in your dreams.” He mused, his fingers trailing along her back.

She laughed softly, her arms around him and her face again pressed to his chest. “I don’t think it works like that.”

“We can still try it.”

Shepard angled her head up, where she could look him in the eyes. “Goodnight, Garrus.”

Garrus leaned forward to touch his forehead to hers before relaxing into the pillows, closing his eyes. “Goodnight, Shepard.”


	18. Good

“Lola, did you _see_ that body of EDI’s?” James slid a plate of food onto the table across from Shepard. Garrus looked from the man to Shepard, and back to James. After a moment, he realised that James was talking to Shepard.

_Lola?_

It wasn’t the first time Garrus had heard the soldier call Shepard that. He was reasonably certain it wasn’t her name, but he hadn’t missed the vaguely flirtatious way that the man tended to say it.

“Sure did, James.” Shepard responded after swallowing the mouthful of eggs she had just put in her mouth. “All shiny and new, Joker’s enjoying the sight.”

“Joker’s not the only one, you don’t see a lot of curves like that on this ship.” James leaned back in his seat, shaking his head while voicing his approval. Garrus glanced at Shepard, she was looking at James with an eyebrow raised. “Not all of us can look as perfect as a mech, Lola. You’ve just got to accept it.”

Shepard laughed. “I had given up on ever getting curves like that by the time I turned eighteen.”

“What about you, Garrus?” James turned his questions to Garrus now. “You have to be enjoying the sight of EDI wandering around the ship, right?”

“Well, sure.” Garrus took a sip of his drink, noticing Shepard’s glance towards him out of the corner of his eye. “It’s nice to see EDI enjoying herself, and roaming the ship must be a new experience for her.”

James stared at him blankly for a moment before cracking a grin and laughing. “Oh, c’mon, you _know_ what I mean. You’re enjoying the _sight_ , right?” At Garrus’ raised eyebrow plates, James motioned with his hands, drawing curves in the air. “I know you’re not human, but that body has to do _something_ for you, huh?”

Ah.

Garrus had thought that’s what James was getting at, but he wasn’t going to commit to an answer without knowing for sure. For one, he didn’t want to put his foot in his mouth.

But there was also the fact that Shepard had been listening intently ever since James posed the question.

“No, not particularly.” Garrus said truthfully. He had never felt much of a physical attraction for human women, other than Shepard. And sleeping with her hadn’t caused him to start viewing other human women sexually. They had never caught his eye the way female turians used to.

James seemed disappointed not to find a comrade to share his views with. “Well, I guess most turians wouldn’t view human bodies the way other humans do. Humans must look pretty strange to you.”

“Generally speaking, yes.” Garrus picked up some food with his fork, glancing at Shepard who he knew was desperately trying to appear to not be paying attention to the conversation. “But sometimes you find one that you can appreciate for all of their… differences.”

James may not have picked up on the connotations, but judging by the smile Garrus saw on her face, and the bump of her leg against his, Shepard hadn’t missed it.

 

* * *

 

Shepard and Garrus sat in the lounge of the Normandy a few nights later, in seats across from each other. The table between them had two bottles of wine and two wine glasses, and Shepard had her feet propped on the table, reclined in her seat, more relaxed than she had been in several days.

Garrus leaned forward to refill her empty glass, and Shepard waved him back. “If you keep refilling that, you’re going to have to carry me up to bed at the end of the night.”

She saw the smile on his face as he went ahead and refilled the glass. “Sure, if that comes with an invitation to stay over.”

“As if you actually need an invitation anymore, Vakarian.” Shepard reached out and took the glass he was holding to her before settling back low in her seat. “I’ve lost all claim to the pillows on my bed at this point.”

“Well, I _could_ always go back to sleeping in my own bed.” Garrus responded, as if seriously weighing his options.

“The bed you’ve yet to sleep in since you boarded the Normandy last week?” He laughed, and Shepard shook her head. “Perish the thought. If I lost my space heater, I’d have to go find some more blankets.”

They sat in a comfortable silence, sipping their wine until Garrus spoke. “I found this… game thing, on a human extranet site, that I thought sounded interesting, Shepard. Let’s try it.”

“What is it?” Shepard set the empty glass on the floor next to her chair, unwilling to move from her comfortable seat. Garrus was frequently asking questions about customs or other things he had seen on human extranet sites. The fact that he was working hard to understand human culture meant more to her than he could possibly know.

“It’s called twenty questions.” Garrus had his omni-tool up, and was flipping through a hologram. “This site says the idea is-“

He was cut off by Shepard’s chuckle, he glanced up at her. “You just ask questions, Garrus. You ask me a question, I answer it. Then I ask you a question, and you answer it.” She looked across the room at him, thoughtful. “It’s a good way for two people to get to know each other, since the idea is that you have to answer truthfully whatever question you’re asked.”

Garrus closed out his omni-tool. “Mind if we try?”

“Sounds like fun, but you’re still helping me get upstairs later.” Garrus chuckled at her answer, leaning back in his seat. “I’ll go first, and show you how it’s done.” She sat there for a few moments, trying to think of something to ask him. She knew just the thing. “Were you honest when you were answering James the other day?” Garrus looked at her, his expression puzzled. “Did you really not notice EDI’s sexy new robot body?”

“Of course I noticed it, I told James I was glad that she was enjoying it.” Shepard gave him a look, and his expression changed to one of understanding. “Ah, you mean _notice_ it.” She nodded. He sat forward, moving to the edge of his seat. “Shepard, I told you before that I don’t have a… fetish for humans. That’s still the case. I appreciate _your_ body, to be sure. But that’s because it’s you, not because it’s a human body. I don’t look at other humans that way.”

Shepard couldn’t help but be skeptical, even as his voice was so sincerely explaining his feelings. She knew how the crew of the Normandy had been wildly discussing EDI’s body. Her own barely-there breasts were no competition for the well-formed curves that the AI had taken control of, and James’ comments to Garrus had brought up some old self-doubts she had when she looked in the mirror.

Her skepticism must have showed on her face, because Garrus looked at her for a long minute before he continued talking. “Think of it this way, are you attracted to Primarch Victus?”

The question brought Shepard back to their conversation, and threw her for a moment. “Victus? Are you serious?”

“Yes.”

“No, why would I be?”

“Because you’re currently sleeping with a turian, and he’s the only other turian on this ship?” Garrus looked amused as he leaned back in his seat. Shepard understood what he was getting at.

“Okay, you’ve made your point. I’m not attracted to other turians, so I should be able to understand you not being attracted to other humans, or AIs in human-like bodies, right?” Garrus nodded. She waited a moment before adding, “Even bodies with curves like EDI’s?”

“Shepard.”

“Fine, your turn.”

Garrus took a drink out of his glass before asking, in a deliberate attempt to sound casual. “When did you go dancing with James?”

It was Shepard’s turn to be confused, as she tried to understand the question. Then it hit her, and she tried to stifle a laugh and failed. Garrus narrowed his eyes, and she spoke quickly. “It wasn’t _actually_ dancing, Garrus, _christ,_ did James say that?” He nodded. “We were _sparring_.” Garrus looked a little skeptical, but Shepard continued. “It was after we left the Citadel, we were on our way to Menae. He was talking smack, so we sparred hand-to-hand until I flipped him on his back for his smart mouth.”

Garrus sat for a moment, contemplating her words. “So… you won?”

“Of course.”

“No tie-breakers?” He asked, off-handedly.

When Shepard realised what he meant by his would-be casual comment, she moved her foot and ‘accidently’ kicked over one of the bottles of expensive wine. Garrus moved to catch it, and when he looked up, his expression was apologetic.

“No tie-breakers.” She answered, hearing the slight hurt in her voice and not trying to hide it. “Those have only happened in my cabin. And you’re the only person besides me who knows the access code to get in.”

The atmosphere was tense, Garrus was looking at the bottle in his hands. Shepard stared at him, and eventually he spoke without looking up. “I’m sorry, Shepard, that was unfair of me.”

“Yes, it was.”

“Joker told me at Vancouver that you were being guarded around the clock by a guy named Vega. I didn’t think much about it until I saw you two on Menae, and you seemed… close.” He finally looked up to meet her gaze again, and he still looked remorseful. “He has a nickname for you, and mentioned you two _dancing_ , and I thought maybe-“

“You thought maybe I had both forgotten about you _and_ decided to start up a new romance while I was being held prisoner by the Alliance at Vanc-“ She broke off the terse sentence as she ran through his words again in her head. “Wait. Garrus, what do you mean _Joker told you at Vancouver_?” When he didn’t respond right away, she continued, leaning forward, moving her feet off the table. “Garrus, did you come to Vancouver while I was captured?”

It took him a moment, but he finally nodded. “You had been there four months, I missed you, and I thought maybe Joker or Anderson could have gotten me in to visit you.” Garrus looked up, sheepishly. “I don’t have to tell you how that plan worked out.”

Shepard crossed her arms, glowering at Garrus. “So first you ask if James and I ever got friendlier than we should have, and then you go and tell me that you made a special trip to Earth just in the hopes of getting to see me?” He nodded again. She let out a frustrated sigh. In the space of five minutes he had given her reasons to both punch and kiss him.

Garrus looked so repentant that she looked away. It hurt her to think that Garrus had considered, even for a moment, that she had hooked up with James while he was gone. But she also knew how James tended to talk so flirtatiously with her, and Garrus had already seemed doubtful of her feelings when they met on Menae.

She stared at the wall, refusing to meet his gaze. Would she have wondered the same thing if she had been in his position? Probably. Did that make it hurt less? Not really. She finally let herself glance over at Garrus.

How the hell was it possible for a seven foot tall turian to look like a damn _puppy_ with those eyes he was making in her direction?

“I’m sorry, Shepard.” Garrus said again, and she knew he meant it, but she wasn’t forgetting about it that easily. “Let me make it up to you.”

“No, I’m mad.” She responded, but with no real conviction in her voice. Garrus stood and moved across the room, coming to sit instead on the small couch next to her. He reached out a hand and grasped one of her own, entwining their fingers. He brought it up and pressed his mouth to the back of her hand. She was trying to glare at him, but it wasn’t working.

“Come here.” She relented, and Garrus pulled her into his lap, where he wrapped his arms around her. After a few moments, she felt his voice in his chest as he spoke. “Forgive me?”

“Maybe.” She was going to draw this out as long as she could. “It’s my turn, by the way, the questions aren’t over.” Shepard turned to look at Garrus over her shoulder. “What’s my first name?”

“Commander.” He answered without skipping a beat. “My turn.”

 

* * *

 

When Shepard woke the next morning to find that she was holding onto soft pillows instead of rough turian skin, she was confused for several long minutes until she sat up and looked around the room. After confirming, from her spot on the bed, that the couch was empty and the bathroom door was open, she acknowledged that Garrus was gone.

He had never, in their entire time of sharing a bed, woken up before her. She had left him sleeping in her bed on most occasions, as she preferred to get up early and start the day. For him to be not only awake, but gone from the room worried her. They hadn’t went to bed mad the night before, and Shepard had felt that everything was fine between them.

She pulled the blanket from the foot of the bed, wrapping it around herself as the shorts and t-shirt she was wearing were too thin in the cool air of the cabin. Checking her omni-tool, she confirmed that he hadn’t sent her a message, and there was no word of any new emergencies from anyone else.

Finally deciding a few minutes later that she would get up and get a shower to start the day, Shepard had thrown the blanket aside when she heard the beep of the access panel on the cabin door, before Garrus walked in, carrying a tray laden with food and drinks.

“Morning, Shepard.” He said, sounding completely awake. She stared at him as he brought the tray to the table by the couch and began unloading objects off of it.

“Good morning, Garrus. What’s all this?” She scooted to the edge of the bed, looking over as the amazing smell of breakfast reached her.

“A peace offering.” Garrus offered, setting out a glass of orange juice. Shepard loved orange juice with her breakfast, and it wasn’t something she got very often. “I read about it on the extranet last night, it’s called breakfast in bed.”

Shepard smiled as Garrus turned away to finish setting the table. “You learned fast that the best way to get back in my good graces is with food.”

“Shepard, it only took me about a week aboard the SR1 to know that you’re not the best company when you’re hungry.”

“I was raised on the streets, food wasn’t always easy to come by.” She nudged his leg with her foot as he walked past. “I like knowing that my next meal is guaranteed.” It had been a long time since those days as a hungry kid back on Earth, begging for food and dependent on the good will of others for her survival. She still dreamed about it sometimes, the hunger pains and cold nights.

She left her thoughts of the past when Garrus leaned down a pressed his head to hers for a moment before pulling her hand to get her to stand. “It’ll get cold if you don’t get over here and start eating. And that would put all my hard work to waste.”

Shepard sat down on the couch, tugging Garrus down beside her. She looked at the variety of food. “You didn’t actually cook all of this, did you?”

“I’ve never cooked an edible meal in my life, Shepard.” He admitted, arranging the plates. “I called in some favours. These plates are safe for you,” he motioned to the right side of the table, full of dishes she recognized. He motioned to the other side, “but these are dextro, so don’t mix them up.”

“So you called in favours to get my favourite breakfast dishes, cooked exactly the way I like them, along with your own, and brought them back to the elevator in full sight of the Normandy crew?”

“That’s right.” He answered calmly, pushing a plate into her hands.

“You don’t mind the crew knowing that we’re…?” She trailed off, looking at the breakfast he had woken up early and made so many arrangements just to have prepared for her.

“That we’re what, Shepard?” His serious tone surprised her, and she looked up to find Garrus staring intently at her. “Involved? Partners?” She didn’t answer right away, and he looked away to reach for food of his own. “I can’t really disparage the crew for gossiping about us when I don’t even know what the hell to call our relationship at this point.”

She took a sip of the orange juice he had managed to find for her, and felt guilt, a _lot_ of guilt, at his questions. They had never talked about their relationship formally, had never decided what they were to each other. She loved Garrus, there was no doubt in her mind about that, and she had a pretty reasonable suspicion that he loved her as well. But it needed to be said.

And she was still too much of a coward to say those words just yet.

She leaned to the side, resting her head against Garrus’ shoulder, keeping a hand on the plate on her lap to stop it from spilling. Shepard felt that if there was some way she could stay that way for the rest of her life, enjoying peaceful time alone with the turian she loved, she would give just about anything to make it happen.

But instead of saying that, she angled her head up to press a kiss to his scarred face. “Whatever we are, we’re good, right?” She moved her head so she could look him in the eyes. “You and me, like this?”

Garrus looked thoughtful, and it took him a few minutes before he responded with a small smile, leaning down to return the kiss. “Yeah, Shepard. We’re good.”


	19. Tired

The woman had saved a Prothean on Eden Prime. An actual, _living_ Prothean.

Of course Shepard would find the one Prothean alive and rescue it. She had a quota of ‘doing things that are impossible for normal people’ to fulfil, after all. And she had even saved Grissom Academy, managing to evacuate a large class of powerful biotics right out of Cerberus’ grip.

Garrus shook his head, checking his omni-tool for recent messages. Shepard had always been, as long as he had known her, a one-woman storm. But she was wearing out, he had seen it in her eyes ever since he had boarded the Normandy on Menae. She was pushing herself as hard as she could, and she would break eventually.

She was having nightmares almost every night. In fact, it might even have _been_ every night, and he just might have not awoken for all of them. He hadn’t voiced his concerns to anyone, but if she didn’t start getting more sleep, Garrus was going to talk to Dr. Chakwas about it. Those dark circles under Shepard’s eyes were getting worse instead of better.

Garrus was by the holding docks on the Citadel, coordinating supplies to the wounded turians that had escaped from Palaven. It was one of the few things he could do to help his planet now, so he was hard at work trying to arrange for more rations and medi-gel to help in every way that he could. But in between the busy moments of sending messages and directing supplies, his thoughts moved back to Shepard, who he had left at Huerta Memorial to visit Thane and Kaidan.

He had seen the way Thane’s eyes had lit up when he saw Shepard. The drell assassin and Shepard had become friends during the time they were all working against the Collectors. Garrus had even wondered at one point in time, after hearing Thane affectionately refer to Shepard as _siha_ , if there was more going on between them than he knew about.

Garrus shook his head, flipping through the message on his omni-tool. That seemed so long ago, back when he and Shepard were just awkwardly beginning their relationship. Back when he didn’t know if anything was ever going to happen with the feelings he had for Shepard. Back before her emotions showed so clearly in her eyes when she spoke to him.

He still felt some guilt when he thought of the questions he had asked concerning Shepard and James, but he had gotten more of an answer than he had expected. He had gotten an assurance that she was, in some very real way, as committed to him as he was to her, even if she couldn’t put that into words.

Not that he had _any_ room to talk about committing his feelings vocally. For having realised –what was it now, seven months ago? Eight?- that he was in love with Shepard, he had kept that fact tucked away where no one could get to it.

He needed Shepard to understand what she wanted out of the relationship before he acted on those feelings.

And given that they were in the middle of a war, fighting for the galaxy, he was betting on there not being much time for her to do so.

 

* * *

 

Shepard managed to wait until the elevator doors closed before the tears escaped from her eyes.

She had spent the better part of a half hour talking with Thane, before his chest began to hurt from the labour of breathing while talking so much, and he had made his way back to his room after Shepard gave him a quick embrace. It hurt her heart so deeply to leave him, one of her dearest friends, all alone in the hospital.

She knew he had Kolyat, and Thane genuinely seemed at peace, but he belonged on the Normandy, fighting at her side against the Reapers. Shepard would have done anything she could to see him back on the ship, but she couldn’t ask him to join her. His health was so much more important, he had to survive his disease until a medical breakthrough discovered how to cure it.

Shepard wiped her face as the doors to the docks opened. Eden Prime had drained her, though she was able to count that a victory as Javik’s life had been saved. Grissom Academy was a win as well, seeing as Jack, Kahlee Sanders, and the biotic children had all escaped with their lives.

But as she trudged through the crowded docks, she felt the ache in her bones as she walked. She needed to stop, just for a day or two, and get her grit back. Seeing Thane, hearing him speak of his various attempts to contact her and of his disease reaching its end stages… She didn’t know how to let go of the pain she was feeling.

And she was supposed to be the strong one.

She found Garrus where she knew she would, in the turian refugee section of the docks. She waited while he finished the task he was working on, and when he was done, he turned to her. “Shepard.” He greeted her simply.

Though it was harder for her to tell with a turian, she could see a few signs that he was probably as tired as she felt.

“What’s happening?” She asked, looking at the bustle of people around her.

“We convinced the Council to accept our wounded. Nowhere else to go.”

“How bad is it?” Shepard questioned, not wanting to hear his response, but steeling herself against the grimness of his expression.

“More dead than injured.” Garrus dropped his voice slightly, his eyes glancing to a few wounded turians nearby. “Eighty-five percent killed in action. We’ll need a morgue soon. Not a lot of flesh wounds when you’re fighting Reapers.”

“Do what you can.” She said simply. It was an unnecessary statement, she knew Garrus would care for them as best he could, but she wanted him to know that she was behind him in any decisions he had to make.

“A few of them might get back on their feet, but the rest…” His words trailed off as he looked around again before returning his gaze to her. “Sympathy is about all we can offer.”

“Any sign of your family?” Shepard asked hesitantly. Garrus had been trying to contact them since he was still on Menae and couldn’t get up with either his father or sister. It had become a subject she was cautious to broach, as there was always a chance he would receive bad news.

“Not yet, but I keep hoping.” He responded simply. He stepped closer, his eyebrow plates furrowing as he looked closer at her face. She knew he was taking in her puffy, bloodshot eyes from her quick bout of crying in the elevator. “What about you? I’m starting to see some wear and tear.”

Her first reaction was to tough it out. Garrus had enough on his plate without her adding to his worries. But she didn’t have the energy to put on a brave face. Instead she sighed, looking at the ground. “I won’t lie- it’s been rough.” She couldn’t go into the details of her visit with Thane, not here. Not when she wanted to just find somewhere to cry.

“Well, don’t forget to come up for air.” Garrus stepped forward, running his hand along her cheek softly. She looked away at his words, thinking of all the people that were depending on her. But, as if he had read her expression, he continued. “And not just because all these people need you.” He added softly, and she looked up to meet his gaze. “Because I need you.”

She knew what he meant, and she managed a smile at his words, but it was just another reminder of all the people that needed her to keep going. Shepard knew she had to get away from the crowded docks before she lost her composure completely. “I’ll remember that. Now let me get out of your way so you can finish up here before we leave.” Her mind raced to think of a reason to go. “I need to go visit Kaidan, I didn’t get a chance earlier.”

Garrus dropped his hand, squeezing her shoulder. “Bye, Shepard. I’ll meet you back on the Normandy.”

Shepard nodded in response and left, returning to Huerta to visit another former crew member.

 

* * *

 

As soon as they boarded the Normandy again, Shepard went to find Primarch Victus. It was time to set up the meeting between the salarians, krogans, and turians to do what she could to secure turian forces to help Earth.

“Primarch, we’re on our way to the Pranas system to meet with the other diplomats and see what we can do about getting krogan support for your people.”

Victus nodded, his gaze moving from her to the screens in front of him, displaying vids from Palaven. “Thank you, Commander. That support can’t come too soon.”

“The situation is the same on Earth, Primarch.” Shepard knew he was probably getting tired of her pleas, but she had to bring it up again. “It’s getting decimated. We need your ships to help with air strikes against the Reapers.”

“I know, and I promise that you’ll get that help as soon as we have krogans to supplement our ground forces.” His voice wasn’t unkind, but Shepard could hear the reserve in his tone. He wouldn’t move on his stance.

She understood his feelings. It must be hard for anyone to send relief to another world when their own world was under attack. But the nightmares of abandoning Earth to play a politician were haunting her.

If she didn’t so something tangible to help her home soon, she felt like she might lose her mind.

 

* * *

 

Garrus heard the door to the battery open, but he was crouched down in the back of the room working on the guns and couldn’t see who had walked in. After a few minutes of silence, he stood and leaned around the corner and saw Shepard in a chair by the door. She had her Alliance blue uniform on and was sitting in a chair with her head in her hands.

He pushed away from the gun, wiping his hands on a towel lying on the console nearby. When he approached Shepard, she spoke. “We’ll be to Sur’Kesh in an hour or so, I need you to come planet side with me in case I need fire support.”

“Sure, I’d be glad to.” Garrus moved to stand next to her, and put a hand on her shoulder. “Everything okay?”

“Wrex is pacing the CIC, Victus has staked out the war room, and Dalatrass Linron left after calling me a bully.”

“The Normandy’s still flying after hosting all three of those at once.” Garrus offered, trying to interject a lightness in his voice. “I’d consider that a win.”

Shepard let out a noise that sounded like a cross between a chuckle and a groan. She finally sat up, moving her hands to look up at Garrus. He hadn’t seen her yet that day, she was already gone when he woke up, and he narrowed his eyes at the sight of the dark circles under her eyes that had only gotten darker in the few days since he had noticed them on the Citadel.

“When did you finally get to sleep last night, Shepard?” She had still been awake when he fell asleep, he had felt her stirring next to him, tossing and turning.

She rubbed the back of her neck, grimacing. “I don’t think I actually got what you’d call _sleep_. I managed a few naps.” She looked up at his silence, and continued. “I’ll get some sleep once we get back from Sur’Kesh.”

Garrus shook his head, trying not to show his frustration. Shepard had been like this ever since he met her. Her own well-being was always last in her mind. “I’ll hold you to that. Next time wake me up and we can talk about it instead of you lying there unable to sleep.”

Smiling up at him, the tired lines around her eyes deepening, Shepard nodded. “I’ll keep that in mind.” She stood, stretching her arms above her head. “Now I’m going get out of his uncomfortable uniform and back into my armour.”

“Only you would think that body armour is more comfortable than a uniform, Shepard.” He responded dryly. She rapped her knuckles against his armoured chest plate as she walked by, without bothering to reply. “I’m prepared for battle.” He called out after her, catching a glimpse of a smile as she turned to look over her shoulder at him. “I never claimed it was comfortable.”

 

* * *

 

Thirty-six hours after meeting with the diplomats, the female krogan was saved, Mordin was already working hard in his lab, and Shepard had downed almost a third of a bottle of liquor by the time Garrus found her in the Normandy lounge.

“They’re still refusing to help.” She said by way of greeting, when Garrus sat on the couch next to her. “They both need me to solve more problems before they’ll commit to helping each other.” She let out a humorless laugh before taking a long drink out of her glass. “Hackett told me to never doubt that I can get everything done and save Earth, and I can’t even get a turian and a krogan to work together without running damn _errands_ for them.”

Garrus opened his mouth to speak, but Shepard continued. “And of course, Joker thinks I’m insane for even trying to work this out, and EDI spent a good fifteen minutes explaining the massive undertaking it’ll be to get the krogan over to Palaven if we ever actually get this treaty sorted.” She took another drink. “Oh, and they can’t eat your food, so we’ll need to provide that.” Another drink. “And the amount of live children they’ll start having when this genophage cure gets distributed will be astronomical.”

He waited for a minute, both swamped by the amount of information she had just thrown at him, and also wondering if she was finished with the facts. “Anything else?”

“I walked in on Mordin telling Eve about your scars. He called you loyal, intelligent, and aggressive.” She looked over at him finally, and he noticed that her eyes were already slightly glazed from the alcohol. “I think he’s matchmaking.”

Garrus shook his head. He didn’t doubt what Shepard was saying, the thought process behind it sounded just like something Mordin would come up with. “Just tell them I’m taken. I’m not agreeing to an arranged marriage to cement this deal with the krogan.”

“Already did.”

“Really?” He chuckled, crossing his legs and resting an arm on the back of the couch behind Shepard as she took another drink and emptied her glass. He hoped she was done when she put the glass down, but instead she stared hard at the bottle and took a drink out of it instead. “Maybe you should slow down on that some, Shepard.” He said gently, lightly resting a hand on her arm.

“A lot of salarians died because I went to Sur’Kesh, Garrus. And that one lieutenant was already blaming me for Kirrahe’s death, before Cerberus even attacked.” Her voice was quieter as she took a drink. She was ignoring his advice, but not fighting his touch. “I could make you a list of everywhere I’ve been in the last three years, and you could plot a course of death and destruction that’s been left in my path.”

Now she was getting to the real reason why she was alone in the lounge drinking, and Garrus held his breath for a moment while he thought of what to say to that. He wasn’t surprised by her conclusions, she blamed herself for a lot these days, and wouldn’t always listen to reasonable explanations why it wasn’t her fault, especially when she was tired. “You didn’t cause any of that, Shepard. In fact, if I remember correctly, you’ve saved a hell of a lot of people in those places after _others_ caused that death and destruction.”

“The Reapers hit Vancouver.” She said flatly, tipping the bottle up for a long drink. “And if you can sit there straight-faced and tell me that they didn’t know I was there, I’ll probably throw something through that window.”

He didn’t answer, couldn’t answer. Garrus had already worked it out himself that the Reapers had hit Vancouver because Shepard was there, he had realized that as soon as he heard it was hit.

“How many people are going to die in this damn war because of me, Garrus?”

“Are you going to stop fighting because of the chance of casualties?”

“Maybe I will.” She said forcefully while she tried to stand up, but Garrus had to steady her so she could move away from the couch. She pushed away and walked to the window, wobbling on her feet, and stood looking out. “Maybe I’ll go hop across a few mass relays and find somewhere that I can actually live five days straight without having to worry about someone pointing a gun at my head.” A pause as she drank from the bottle she was still clutching. “Somewhere far away from the Reapers, away from death, away from all of it.”

“You gonna leave me to fight the Reapers on my own, Shepard?” Garrus could see the slump to her shoulders across the room. She didn’t turn to face him at his question, but her head lowered as she spoke towards the floor.

“You could come with me, we could both get away from it all.” The fight was gone out of her voice, she was back to just sounding tired.

He took a few steps, moving to stand behind her at the window. He reached for the bottle she was barely holding, his other hand moving to her neck, where he rubbed at the tense muscles there. “I can’t do that, Shepard.” As he spoke, he pushed gently on her shoulder until she turned to face him. “And I know you can’t, either.”

Her hand loosened on the bottle, letting him take it as the first tear escaped from her red-rimmed eyes. “I’m tired, Garrus.”

His heart ached at the hopelessness in her voice.

“I know.” He said softly, setting the bottle down and wrapping her in his arms.


	20. Probability of survival

Feeling the bed move beneath him, and the sound of hurried footsteps across the room, Garrus opened his eyes. Several minutes later, he heard a toilet flush and the door to the bathroom opening. It wasn’t long before Shepard appeared in his vision, a hand shielding her eyes as she walked back to the bed, where she let herself fall onto the vacant side.

“Rough morning?” He kept his voice steady, unsure yet if she was still dealing with the painful emotions she had been going through the night before.

“Garrus, don’t ever let me drink again.” Her voice was barely above a whisper, her face pressed into the mattress. “I’m serious, just take the bottle from me next time.”

“I’ll try that, if you’re still around.” He replied, glad to hear a small amount of humour in her voice, lazily running a hand across Shepard’s back. “I won’t be able to keep you from drinking after you run away from this fight against the Reapers, though.”

She turned her head to look at him. Garrus couldn’t be completely sure that she was glaring at him, she might have just been squinting against the lights, but her eyes were definitely narrowed in his direction.

“Or have you changed your mind about leaving?” He prodded.

She reached and pulled one of the free pillows to her before throwing it across the bed at him. “Of course I’m not leaving, you ass.”

Garrus chuckled, catching the pillow as Shepard rolled over onto her back. She was silent for a few minutes before speaking again. “It would have been nice just to get away, though.” Her voice was quiet, her eyes closed against the light. He moved his arm to pull her closer, and she shifted to rest her head on his shoulder.

“As soon as we get a chance, we’ll take time for some shore leave.” He promised, knowing he would do whatever he had to do to keep his word. “Just you and me, and a few days of relaxation.”

Shepard sighed, finding his hand with her own, to twine their fingers together. “That sounds perfect, Garrus.”

They laid that way for a long time, long after Garrus felt his arm going numb under Shepard’s head, but he couldn’t think of an unobtrusive way to move it, so he didn’t.

Instead he laid there in silence, thinking of everything that had happened recently, and what was still left to do. Victus wanted Shepard to check on a crashed turian ship on Tuchanka, Wrex had asked her to investigate some missing krogan scouts, Hackett had one or two N7 missions he needed her to complete… the list was never-ending.

No wonder she had lost control last night, and turned to a bottle to deal with it all. He didn’t like the way she had handled the stress, but he could see why she had.

“This is nice, you’re usually still snoozing away when I’m awake in the morning.” Shepard’s quiet comment jerked Garrus out of his thoughts. He made a sound of agreement. “How long are you going to let me lay on your numb arm?” He looked down at her words, and saw a hint of a smile.

He pulled his arm out from under her head, letting her fall back onto the mattress. She laughed, then groaned, her hand coming up to press against her temple. “You’re always taking advantage of my kindness, Shepard.” Garrus said, brushing the hair out of her eyes.

He had meant it as a joke, but felt regret when he saw the expression of guilt on her face. “Sorry about last night.” She said, averting her eyes again. “I didn’t mean to fall to pieces on you like that.”

Garrus rolled to his side and pulled Shepard to him in one fluid motion. He wrapped an arm around her and pressed his forehead to hers, staring into her eyes. “Shepard, you never have to apologize for letting me know how you feel.” He said quietly. “I’m here for you, I don’t need you to pretend to be strong for my sake.”

After a few moments, she answered a whispered, “Okay.”

“So next time you feel like everything’s falling apart, you come and find me, okay?” He felt the bump of her head on his as she nodded. “If nothing else, I can keep you company while you drink.” He smiled at the groan she made at those words, before turning serious again. “I’m with you in this. You’ll never be alone, Shepard.” He rubbed his thumb across her cheek.

She closed her eyes for a moment, he felt her eyelashes brush his face before he heard a soft “Never.” in response.

 

* * *

 

Many days later and Grunt had been saved, the rachni queen set free, and the bomb on Tuchanka was disarmed.

Shepard felt a pang of remorse for the death of Tarquin Victus, but she was thankful that the mission had been otherwise a success, and war between the turians and krogan had been avoided. She had no doubt that Wrex would have attacked Primarch Victus if the bomb had detonated, and her turian support for Earth would have been lost.

Her decision to save the rachni queen was one that not everyone understood, Garrus had even voiced his doubts after they got back to the Normandy. But she had stood by it, and still did, even after having a few days to think it through.

If Grunt hadn’t of pulled through, though, Shepard didn’t know if she could have borne the weight of her decision. Not if it would have caused her to lose Grunt.

But the tank-bred krogan had made it, and after Shepard made sure his wounds were tended and he was fed to bursting, Grunt had asked to return back to Tuchanka. Cortez had shuttled him back, and Grunt was doing fine so far, according to Wrex.

And now, with some downtime, Shepard was antsy. She was waiting for Mordin to finish synthesizing the genophage cure, and then they would be off to Tuchanka to distribute it via the Shroud. Knowing that their very small amount of free time would soon be up, she sent Garrus a message to meet her in her cabin in a few hours, and then decided to go question Joker and EDI about their feelings on the current mission.

 

* * *

 

_“I am impressed by your continued existence, Shepard. The probability of surviving as long as you have is low.”_

Shepard knew Joker’s reaction to EDI’s words, the quick turn of his head and the deep frown, hadn’t been understood by the AI. EDI predicted outcomes. She could quantify data, and calculate every probability and possibility that there was, and if EDI thought that something was going to happen, it usually did.

EDI had only been stating the facts.

And the facts said that Shepard should have died in the war already.

Shepard wasn’t stupid. And, despite what Garrus probably thought of her at this point, she wasn’t seeking death. She just knew enough about the war and her place in it to know that she wasn’t going to make it out alive. That knowledge didn’t frighten her, it didn’t make her feel reckless or irresponsible.

More than anything, she just felt tired.

Tired of fighting, tired of losing people. Tired of getting up every day, wondering what she would be asked to do and who was going to die as a result.

She had tried to warn everyone about the Reapers. _Christ_ , had she tried. But no one had listened, and she was getting reports in every single day, listing entire populations of colonies being decimated.

She had let Garrus see too much that night after getting back from Sur’Kesh. She hadn’t wanted him to know how much the war was affecting her. Shepard had planned on showing him just enough worry that he wouldn’t get suspicious, but not enough so that he thought it necessary to keep an eye on her. But EDI hadn’t locked the door to the lounge as she had asked, and Garrus had found her when she was too drunk to stop herself from falling apart.

But Shepard had managed to keep it together in the days since then, mostly.

Until now.

Until EDI had thought that the unexplainable delay of Shepard’s death was an interesting fact to share.

She needed a drink.

That would help take the edge off the anxiety that was threatening to steal her ability to breathe.

It had been a while since she felt the familiar overwhelming pressure against her chest that caused her to gasp for air when left alone with her own worries and fears. But now it was back in full force, and alcohol was how she was going to get through it.

Reaching for one of the opened wine bottles that Garrus had brought to the cabin at some point, Shepard searched for a glass.

She would be strong for him. For everyone. For the entire galaxy that was expecting her to save them.

Even if it killed her to do so.

 

* * *

 

Garrus had just settled himself on the couch in Shepard’s cabin when he heard the door open and recognised the sound of Shepard’s footsteps. He looked around the half-wall, and saw that she was carrying two bottles of wine.

He felt a twinge of worry as he stood, watching Shepard kick off her shoes. Shepard had always enjoyed a good drink, just as he had. Hell, their relationship had basically begun in a bar. But lately she had taken to drinking almost every day, and drinking so much that he was having to carry her to bed more often than not.

He knew why she was doing it, he himself had tried to deal with guilt and worry by drowning it in the past. But he wasn’t going to let Shepard destroy herself that way. Which is why he had discreetly asked a few days ago that the lounge no longer be stocked with an excess of liquor.

But, as he eyed the bottles Shepard had set down, he knew that whatever Commander Shepard asked for, she usually got.

“Hey, Shepard.” He tried to sound casual as Shepard shrugged out of her jacket. The shirt she had underneath it was pulled up slightly, and Garrus caught sight of her torso, where faint traces of her bones were showing. He knew humans could look vastly different, and there were probably some that showed their ribcages and were healthy, but Garrus knew that in all the time he had known Shepard he had never been able to see those bones showing before.

“Evening, Garrus.” She came closer and leaned forward and he pressed his mouth to hers in response to her movement.

He tasted the alcohol on her breath.

Looking beyond her, he saw the empty bottle that had still contained a few glasses worth of wine in it this morning when he had left for the day. He pulled away, looking down at her. “Are you okay?”

She blinked, he could see the slight delay in her reactions. She wasn’t drunk, but the alcohol was dulling her senses just enough for him to notice. “Sure, I’m fine.” She moved past him into the room, reaching up to pull the clasp out of her hair and let it tumble past her shoulders. “Thane vid-called me, I’ve been in life support talking to him.”

“How’s he doing?” Garrus wished they had time to travel to the Citadel so he and Shepard could visit with Thane in person, but Mordin was close to finishing the cure, so they were staying near Tuchanka. At least they were able to talk via the extranet and omni-tools, he had talked to the drell a few times, and Shepard checked on him daily.

“About the same, but Kolyat was with him so we didn’t talk long.” Shepard sat on the edge of the bed for a moment before letting herself fall back onto the mattress. “I got you some fancy wine.” She called out without moving. “Repayment for all the wine you’ve bought for me.”

“Thanks, any particular reason for the drinking tonight?” He kept his tone light, but he hoped she would answer.

It was several long minutes before she did. “Mordin’s finishing up the cure. We’re heading to Tuchanka tomorrow morning.”

He felt the familiar tremble in his hands at her words, so he clenched his fist to get it to stop. He walked over to the bed and sat on the edge next to Shepard. “Maybe I’m just getting old, Shepard, but that sounds like the _opposite_ of a good reason to drink. Tuchanka is likely to swallow us whole if we go in with hangovers.”

She shrugged, looking over at him from where she lay across the bed. “Well, if you’re wanting to be _responsible_ about it, then fine.” Shepard didn’t sound angry, she even seemed a little relieved. If she had realized he was taking note of her increased drinking, she might have just been relieved that he didn’t call her out on it. Garrus kept that thought tucked away. He hadn’t said anything to her yet, but if she ever went on a mission under the influence of alcohol, he would take her problem even more serious than he was already.

He sat there on the bed, staring down at her for a long minute. He wanted to bring up the call he had received from Anderson earlier that day, but didn’t know how.

After Sur’Kesh, Anderson had talked to Shepard. According to what he had told Garrus, Shepard had ended their conversation by saying that they were going to win the war, even if it killed her. The way she had said it had concerned the older man enough that he wanted to be sure that Garrus was watching out for her.

Anderson was concerned for her safety, and for the mental strain she was under, just as much as Garrus was. He had promised Anderson he would keep an eye on her, which he had been doing anyway. But it was sobering to hear that others were noticing the subtle changes in Shepard’s state of mind.

She no longer spoke of defeating the Reapers and getting everything back to normal, and of the life she would live after. Now she just talked of finishing them off, no matter the consequences. Garrus felt as if his job now was to save Shepard from herself, and he was up for the task.

He looked over and found Shepard watching him. He would make her see that she had reasons to survive this war. And then he would make sure she _did_ survive it, even if he had to carry her through hell himself.

He reached a hand out and ran it through her hair, glad to see the smile that ghosted across her face. “I have a much better way to spend the night than drinking, Shepard.” He said, only half joking.

Her smile widened in response, and she tugged on his free hand until he moved onto the bed completely and leaned over her. Her hands moved to the hem of his shirt, pulling up on it, before she replied. “If I’m too sore to hold a gun tomorrow, you get to explain to Wrex why.”

Garrus laughed for the first time in days, glad to see the usual spark back in Shepard’s eyes as he pressed a kiss to her grinning mouth.


	21. The Cure

Shepard had just managed time to sit down to grab a half-decent meal on their way to Tuchanka when she heard Joker’s harried words echo across the Normandy’s intercom system, calling for a full stop because of hostiles at the landing coordinates. She threw down her fork and sprinted for the elevator, running into it and pushing the CIC button repeatedly until the elevator doors closed and opened again, and she dashed through the CIC to the cockpit right as Joker was finishing a repeat of his message.

“Joker!” Slowing her run, she approached the pilot. “What have you got?”

“Sensors show a Reaper parked at the Shroud facility.” Shepard felt her heart sink. She had hoped that maybe, just this once, the Reapers wouldn’t interfere with their goal. It had been a stupid wish. Joker continued, turning to look over his shoulder at her. “No way are you going to be able to land a shuttle there.”

“Get everyone assembled in the war room. I want eyes on the Shroud.” Turning quickly, she was marching back down the corridor towards the war room before she had finished speaking. She heard Joker’s call of assent behind her, and she picked up her pace.

Now was not the time to give into the despair she was starting to feel every time the Reapers were mentioned. She had a population to save, along with the lives of millions, perhaps billions, of future krogan.

Her feet pounded the floors until she reached the war room, where Mordin, Victus, and Wrex were already waiting.

 

* * *

 

There was a Reaper blocking the Shroud.

A full-sized, larger-than-life, actual damned _Reaper_.

Shepard stared at the image Joker had projected on the hologram, still wishing she could deny what she was seeing.

The battle plan was ready, the turian fleet would provide air support while the krogan provided ground troops. Meanwhile, Shepard was in charge of getting Mordin and Eve to the Shroud so the genophage cure could be completed and dispersed.

And there was, of course, the tiny matter of the Shroud being sabotaged by the STG, and the Dalatrass trying to get Shepard to commit yet another round of krogan genocide by not warning Mordin. Shepard had managed to keep her composure when speaking with the Dalatrass, but as soon as they left for Tuchanka, she was going to tell both Mordin and Wrex about that conversation.

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment, as black dots began appearing at the edges of her vision.

_Christ_ , she needed sleep. And breakfast.

She hadn’t slept much the night before. Garrus had tried his best to distract her, and she loved him for it, but the ever-present nightmares had woken her up after only maybe an hour or two of fitful sleep. And she hadn’t been able to go back to sleep the rest of the night. Instead, she had alternated between staring at the ceiling, checking her omni-tool for reports of more Reaper attacks, and enjoying the sight of Garrus’ peaceful sleeping face.

Thankful the war room was empty, Shepard sank down to sit on the floor.

She just needed a moment to get her bearings, to fight against the familiar wave of dizziness that came with the anxiety she felt clawing at her chest.

Letting her head sink between her knees pulled against her chest, Shepard tried to breathe deeply like she knew was best, instead of the short panicked gasps that came so naturally when she felt that way. When she opened her eyes a few moments later, the black dots at the edge of her vision were gone, and she lifted her head slowly.

“Shepard, you in here?”

It was Garrus. Shepard pulled herself to her feet before he made it into the room, and hoped she looked casual enough to satisfy him. He made his way to her side, his frown deepening when he got close enough to see her face clearly. “Are you okay? You look pale.”

“Just staring at this big-ass Reaper and trying to figure out how we’re supposed to kill it.” She replied, hoping for an even tone. “Is the shuttle ready?”

Garrus didn’t look convinced, he was looking closely at her eyes, which Shepard knew were probably dark from her dilated pupils. But he didn’t push the issue, instead responding with, “Yeah, Cortez sent me to round you up. We’re ready to head for Tuchanka.”

Shepard pushed away from the console, shoving her hands into her pockets to hide how cold they were and how they were shaking. She walked towards the door, bumping her shoulder against Garrus’ as she walked past. “Well come on, then. You’re not getting out of this fight. I need my Archangel there to help take out that Reaper.”

Garrus pushed back against her shoulder with a chuckle. “I don’t think my sniper rifle will be of much use, but I’ll try.”

 

* * *

 

“We no longer possess the firepower to defeat a Reaper.” EDI’s words weren’t exactly necessary, Garrus was standing at her side staring at the looming mass of machine.

“I know we’ve beaten the odds before,” He replied quietly, not wanting Shepard to overhear him. “but getting to that tower? I don’t know.”

His doubts were growing exponentially. Wrex was at his side, talking about how curing the genophage was the only thing that mattered, and all Garrus could see in his mind was the sight of Shepard, as he had found her in the war room, her skin paler than he had ever seen it and her eyes wide with a slightly panicked look. She had tried to play it off, but since reaching Tuchanka, Garrus felt like she had to stop to catch her breath more than usual, and her sense of balance wasn’t quite all there.

He knew she hadn’t gotten much sleep the night before. He didn’t have to ask her to know for sure, he could see it in the tired lines around her eyes. He had even stayed up to make sure she fell asleep and stayed asleep for a while before he drifted off to sleep himself, but apparently it hadn’t done any good.

Hearing boots hit the ground behind him, he turned his head to see Shepard walking towards the group. They discussed how to take the Reaper out –a thresher maw? _that_ was their best shot?- and soon Garrus was running after Shepard, following her as she vaulted over a wall.

They were headed directly for the Reaper.

On foot.

With _guns_.

He really needed to have a talk with Shepard about what she believed her shotgun was capable of.

It was only a few minutes and several dead enemies later that Garrus’ heart was already in his throat. Shepard had leapt across a bridge only to jump back quickly, as the Reaper fired a laser right where she was standing a moment before. She hit the ground rolling, and Garrus heard her make a noise of pain over their comms as he jumped down to follow her.

“Everyone alright?” She asked, sounding winded.

“Fine here, mostly.” He responded, making his way back to her side with EDI. “Did we just get shot by a Reaper?” Seeing another red light, he turned and saw that the Reaper was priming another laser. Their trio ducked out of the way, and he heard Shepard swear loudly.

“Consider that practice.” She yelled, leaping from cover and running across the open area to another outcropping that could be used as cover.

“Hard to believe we’re really doing this!” Garrus yelled, ducking behind a large pile of rubble, not trying to hide his exasperation at the plan.

“Don’t stop!” He heard her yell back as she ran, before a roar over their heads drew his attention up.

It was the turian fleet, ready with air strikes.

Garrus took a deep breath and ran towards the Reaper, with Shepard at his side.

 

* * *

 

“Go! Get back to the truck! I’ll take care of the cure!”

She hadn’t expected Garrus to listen, but he had. She suspected that his soldier instincts had kicked in when he heard the authority in her voice. He had been trained growing up to never refuse a direct order from his commanding officer.

Over the next few minutes, she watched in amazement as Eve’s plan actually worked –the Reaper was taken down by a thresher maw. Feeling slightly weak in the knees once she realized that the Reaper was down for good, Shepard turned and spotted Mordin running for the Shroud. She made her feet move to follow him, determined to see this plan through to the end.

Running through a side door, Shepard saw Mordin approach a keyboard and begin frantically pressing buttons. She spotted fires burning around the consoles and when she glanced up, and her fears were confirmed.

The Shroud was falling apart around them, raining debris –quite literally- down on their heads.

She had to get Mordin safely out before he got hurt.

“Mordin! Is the cure ready?” She ran to him, and saw him flinch as a piece of debris almost hit him.

“Yes.” He answered immediately, still working at the keyboard. “Loaded for dispersal in two minutes. Procedure traumatic for Eve, but not lethal. Maelon’s research invaluable.”

Shepard felt relief wash over her at his words. They hadn’t lost Eve. “She’s okay?”

“Headed to safety now.” Mordin responded quickly. “Her survival fortunate. Will stabilize new government should Wrex get any ideas. Good match, promising future for krogan.”

A large piece of the Shroud fell, crashing into the console opposite Shepard and Mordin, causing her to start and throw her arm up to shield her face. “Damn!”

Mordin looked up, meeting her eyes for a moment. “Control room at top of Shroud tower. Must take elevator up.”

Shepard felt that newfound relief leave, replaced by a cold sense of dread. “You’re going up there?” She motioned to the tower, looking at the fires and crashing pieces still falling.

Mordin nodded. “Yes, manual access required. Have to counteract STG sabotage.” He looked down, tapping his omni-tool. “Ensure cure dispersed properly.”

“Mordin, this whole thing is coming apart. There’s got to be another way!” She could hear the desperation in her voice. She had to find another way to cure the genophage, there had to be a way.

“Remote bypass impossible. STG countermeasures in place. No time to adjust cure for temperature variance.” His words made Shepard feel like she couldn’t breathe again as Mordin paused, drawing a breath. He turned to look at her as he continued talking. “No. No other option. Not coming back. Suggest you get clear. Explosions likely to be problematic.”

He turned and began quickly walking to the elevator, but Shepard ran after him. She was fighting with everything within her to stay calm, but she was losing that battle with herself. Her voice was strained and loud in her own ears. “Mordin, no!”

“Shepard, please.” Mordin’s voice, in comparison, was quiet and somber. He turned around to face her once he stepped on the elevator. She saw the determination in his eyes, and his acceptance of what was happening. She stopped her movement, right outside of the elevator doors. “Need to do this. My project. My work. My cure. My responsibility.”

Closing his eyes for a moment, Mordin took a deep breath. Shepard understood his words, she knew why he was doing it. She knew what it felt like to need to atone for mistakes, and she knew it would be too selfish of her to try and stop him for her sake, no matter how desperately she wanted to.

“Would have liked to run tests on the seashells.” He added with a sad smile towards Shepard.

“I’m sorry.” Shepard managed to answer, the effort to hold back tears was making it hard to speak.

Mordin shook his head, still smiling. “I’m not. Had to be me.” He walked towards the elevator panel and turned around, the door closing between them. “Someone else might have gotten it wrong.”

Shepard watched the elevator go up until she could no longer see Mordin.

And then she turned and walked out of the Shroud, finally reaching her hand up to brush the wetness from her eyes.

 

* * *

 

Garrus paced outside of the truck, watching as the Shroud was raining pieces down onto the ground.

He hadn’t fought against Shepard when she ordered him back to the trucks, he knew she would keep Mordin and herself safe. But now the Shroud was coming down, and they were both still inside. He was giving her five more minutes before he stormed the Shroud himself to get them out.

It was several minutes later when Shepard appeared, making her way to where the trucks were parked. His heart sank as she approached.

She was alone.

She had on a brave face, but Garrus saw distinct pale lines leaving her eyes, where tears had cut through the dirt and grime coating her skin. Looking past her, he saw the top level of the Shroud explode, and Shepard turned her head slowly to watch it as well.

He saw her shoulders shaking as she clenched her fists, and he reached to take one of her hands in his own. She let him grip her fist her a few moments before she pulled away, turning to walk past him and climb into the truck.

As they drove through Tuchanka, the Shroud collapsed completely with another loud explosion. Shepard put her head in her hands and the silence continued throughout the rest of the ride.


	22. Running from whispers

As soon as they boarded the Normandy, Admiral Hackett called on the vidcomm and Shepard left to change from her armour before speaking with him. Garrus went to find the Primarch and inform him of what had happened. Several minutes later, Shepard walked through the war room to speak with Hackett, and then returned to talk to Victus.

Garrus listened to the conversation, following it well enough to respond to Victus’ questions and to get the gist of the plan. But he kept his eyes on Shepard, ready to reach out a hand to catch her if she fell.

He didn’t know how she was still standing. He had never seen a person, human _or_ turian, look so exhausted in his entire life. Her face seemed to sag, her eyes were bloodshot, and she had even developed a slight limp sometime while on Tuchanka. Her hands were shaking when she motioned with them while talking, her voice was slightly hoarse, and she blinked anytime a loud noise came from somewhere else in the room, indicative of a massive headache.

He had to get her somewhere she could rest.

Mordin’s death hurt him. Even if he hadn’t been the best of friends with the salarian, Mordin had been his comrade. And having to see him die would haunt him.

But he knew Shepard would be hurting so much more. And worse, in her current state, she would already be blaming herself.

As soon as Victus finished speaking, Garrus moved closer to Shepard. “I’ll start managing turian support right away, Shepard.” He rested a hand on her back. “You must be exhausted.” She didn’t respond, instead she leaned forward to rest against the console in the middle of the war room. He continued. “Mordin dying… it can’t be easy.”

“I’ll sleep when I’m dead.” She responded, her voice flat and listless, not meeting his gaze.

“We both know you need a clear head to win this war. There’s no room for mistakes here.” Even aside from worrying for Shepard’s personal health, he knew she was in no shape to coordinate troops in her current state. And he had to try to get her to understand that without adding to the guilt she already felt. “You should catch some shut-eye.”

No answer.

Garrus waited a moment before adding, “Besides, I know where you sleep.” He said lightly. “I’ll wake you if anything comes up.”

It took several moments, but finally Shepard pushed away from the console. She turned to look at him, and Garrus wasn’t surprised by the frustration on her face. She wanted to keep fighting, to keep pushing until she felt like she had made some of her mistakes right. And he was probably making her feel like she was incapable of doing that. “If you insist.” She nearly spat out, her tone clipped, before turning on her heel and leaving the room.

Garrus sighed as he watched her leave, turning to lean his back against the console. Shepard needed some time alone to grieve, and he wanted to help her work through her immediate feelings of guilt. But more than anything, she needed sleep. Everything else could wait until after that.

 

* * *

 

She had lost Mordin.

The water from the showerhead cascaded around Shepard, hot enough that steam was fogging the mirror in the small bathroom. She was leaning against the wall, her head pressed to the cool metal as the hot water ran over her hair and down her face and body.

She remembered what Mordin was like when they first met on Omega. He had cured Garrus of the plague without a question, and then joined their cause after they helped to stop the plague throughout the district. He had fought at her side despite their frequent differences of opinion over his work on the genophage, Mordin had defended his decision without a shred of doubt, until the day came that they saw Maelon’s work. Something had changed in Mordin during that mission, he never again sounded so confident when he spoke of his genophage work after seeing the tortured female krogan.

Shepard pressed her fists to her eyes, trying to stop the burning in them. She didn’t want to cry anymore, she already had a headache threatening to make her go cross-eyed. But as she thought of Mordin on the Normandy during their fight against the collectors, she felt the tears force their way past her fists.

He had been such a friend. Not a constant companion like Garrus, not even a close confidant like Thane, but a steady friend, all the same. From helping to fight at her side, all the way to giving both herself and Garrus awkward, though well-meaning, safe-sex talks and providing analgesics, and then leaking the information about Eve to Wrex, risking his position in the STG base to liberate her, synthesizing a genophage cure, and giving his life…

He had been a fixture in her circle of people she trusted.

And now he was gone.

She shut off the water and reached for a towel, wrapping it around herself. Walking out of the bathroom, she eyed her bed warily.

She was bone-tired, barely able to put one aching foot in front of the other. But she knew what would happen when she laid on that bed and closed her eyes. She would have to relive her worst memories, and face the whispering shadows of everyone she had failed in her life. And now there would be another whisper joining with the others that echoed in her ears.

She opened a drawer under her desk and pulled out a bottle, checking the contents. It was a bottle of asari honey mead she had bought weeks before and kept aside. And since Garrus had discreetly cleaned out the bottles of alcohol he knew about –saying they were no longer good- she was glad she had put it aside. It wasn’t very strong, not like the asari hard liquor she usually kept, but she knew the alcohol would help her relax enough to fall asleep.

And as she sat down on the bed holding the bottle, she hoped that just maybe it could help keep the whispers away.

 

* * *

 

Garrus hit the top button in the elevator repeatedly, and was pushing for the doors to open when they finally did. “Did you wake her?” He asked in frustration, as he got off the elevator and saw Liara leaving Shepard’s room. He had heard, too late, that the Salarian Councilor was wanting to talk with Shepard, and hadn’t been able to catch Liara before she went to find Shepard.

“No, she was already up when I knocked.” Liara answered, sounding slightly defensive and a little confused over his reaction. He gave her a curt nod before walking past her, letting himself in to Shepard’s room.

She was sitting at her desk, her head in her hands, and didn’t look up when he walked in. “Forget something?” She asked, her voice sounding even wearier than it did when he had last seen her. She looked over her shoulder, and she looked relieved when she saw it was him. “Oh, Garrus, I thought Liara had come back for something else.”

“How long did you manage to sleep this time?” He asked, putting a hesitant hand on her shoulder. He was glad she didn’t move from under his touch, as she had on Tuchanka.

“About three hours.” Shepard reached up to squeeze his hand with her own. “That’s the longest I’ve managed this week, I think.” She saw the look on Garrus’ face, and her eyes softened. “I’m okay, Garrus. Just tired.”

“I think at this point, ‘tired’ is a very gross understatement, Shepard.” He moved his hand to her neck, feeling the tenseness that was spread through her muscles. She leaned back into the pressure of his hand, closing her eyes.

She stayed like that for a few moments before she opened her eyes again. “The Councilor is waiting to talk to me on the vidcomm.” Garrus took the hint and removed his hand, though unwillingly. Shepard stood, wincing slightly as she put weight on her left foot.

“Med bay, as soon as you get off the line with the Councilor.” Garrus said firmly, and Shepard nodded in agreement as she moved towards the door. “And then back here for more sleep.” He added as he heard the elevator doors open.

“Yes, sir.” He heard Shepard answer, slight amusement in her tired voice, as the door to the cabin closed.

 

* * *

 

_‘I want food before I try to sleep again. I’ll be out of the med bay in 5.’_

Garrus tapped out a quick response on his omni-tool, telling Shepard he’d meet her there. He stood up and made his way from the cabin to the mess hall. Shepard was still in the med bay, it looked like Dr. Chakwas was giving her a concerned lecture. Garrus waited by the door until Shepard spotted him, and she quickly made her exit.

“Anything good on the menu tonight?” Shepard asked, not giving him a chance to question her about her examination in the med bay. He noticed her limp was less obvious, though, so he hoped Dr. Chakwas had been able to give her some type of relief.

“I haven’t checked, but I hope they have plenty of it.” He replied, adding a silent _“…for you.”_ in his head. He couldn’t lie to himself, he enjoyed the sight and feel of Shepard’s thinner-than-usual body. The sharper angles and protruding bones reminded him of the turian features he had been raised desiring, and he had a feeling that their time together the night before they left for Tuchanka had been even more drawn out than usual because of his heightened attraction to those features.

But he wanted nothing more than to see Shepard eat several decent meals and fill back out to her usual shape. He loved her body because it was her, and he would enjoy the sex just as much –no, even more- when she was healthy and thoroughly rested. When she didn’t look like a strong gust of wind could blow her over.

“I’m going to eat without you if you’re going to space out all day.” Her voice pulled him out of his stupor, and he was glad to see that she had a tray loaded with at least one of almost everything levo-friendly that was available. He pulled a few dextro options onto his tray and followed her, but Shepard stopped before they reached the table.

It was dinner time, and there were a lot of crew members at the tables. Garrus knew he and Shepard could have found a seat, the crew would have made room for them without a question, but the look on Shepard’s face stopped him from approaching the table any closer. Her expression seemed frozen in a polite, neutral half-smile as a few of the people greeted her, and he noticed her hands were gripping the tray tightly.

He took half a step forward, where he could lean down to speak close to her ear without it being too obvious. “Let’s go to the battery.” She looked up, her expression grateful as she nodded. He led the way, and as soon as the doors closed behind them, the sound of the crew was extinguished.

Shepard sat heavily into one of the chairs, settling her tray on her lap. “Sorry, Garrus, I just…” Her words trailed off as she shook her head, staring at the food she had picked up. “I heard some of them talking about Mordin and I couldn’t-“ Her voice halted for a second as she swallowed, despite having eaten nothing. “I just couldn’t.”

Garrus pulled the other chair close to Shepard’s, and settled into it. “Hey, you don’t have to apologize to me.” He said lightly, well aware that she was barely hanging on to whatever composure she had. “I’m getting your company completely to myself, after all.”

She managed a laugh at that, picking up her fork and beginning to eat.

After a few minutes of silence, except for chewing, Garrus finally asked the question he had been waiting for her to bring up. “What did the Councilor want?”

Shepard swallowed the food she had been chewing and took a sip of water before speaking. “Well, first he had to complain about me curing the genophage.” Garrus made a noise to show his lack of surprise. “And then he asked that I come to the Citadel when possible. He believes that Udina is up to something shady, large amounts of money are being moved without apparent reason.”

Garrus wasn’t entirely surprised about Udina being under suspicion, he had never liked the man. But visiting the Citadel had its perks, namely he would have a chance to get Shepard off the Normandy and away to somewhere quiet for some rest. Maybe even a short shore leave, like he had promised her after Sur’Kesh.

“We should visit Thane once we arrive.” He supplied, deciding to keep the idea of a quick shore leave a secret so he could surprise her.

Shepard nodded, a smile making the tired lines on her face more prominent. “Way ahead of you, I already let Thane know that we’d be coming to see him whenever we get there.”

Their meal was finished in mostly silence, except for a few quiet remarks on the food they were eating. After the trays were emptied and disposed of, Shepard stretched her arms above her head, yawning.

“It’s time for you to get some more sleep.” Garrus reached out a hand to help her up from her chair. She let him help her up and then leaned forward, resting her head against his chest. Garrus let go of her hand to wrap his arms around her back, enfolding Shepard into a tight embrace. “Want me to come with you?” He remarked, his voice light even though he meant the offer.

Her response surprised him. “Can we sleep here instead?” Her voice was muffled against his chest, but he understood her words and they puzzled him. At the slight delay in response, she looked up, and he could see, better than ever, the weariness in her eyes. “I don’t want to stay in my cabin tonight.”

Garrus wanted an explanation as to why, but he wasn’t going to push her for details. Instead, he leaned forward to press his head to hers. “Of course we can sleep here.” He said softly. After a second, he added. “I hope you’re okay with a turian-style bed, though.”

Shepard looked up, quizzically. “Did you bring your own? This is an Alliance ship, I didn’t think it would come outfitted with a turian bed.”

“I put in a requisition order for it as soon as we got back from Menae, since my old one was removed when the Normandy was impounded.” He admitted. “Haven’t actually had a chance to try it out, though. Come on, I’ll show you.” He pulled away, taking Shepard’s hand as he led her off to the side of the battery where he had a small room to himself.

The room was cramped, to be sure, but Garrus felt at home in it, as he did in Shepard’s cabin. He had a small closet, a few shelves, a comfortable chair he liked to sit in to read, a small table with a lamp, and his bed.

 “Okay, now I understand why you make a nest with my pillows.” Shepard supplied, coming to a stop once the bed was in view.

Garrus chuckled, moving further into the room. The bed resembled what he tried to make with Shepard’s pillows every night and never quite succeeded. It was very nearly a nest, with soft pillows and cushions he could use to prop up his neck and waist and keep pressure off of his leg spurs.

“I’d offer you a shirt to sleep in, Shepard, but we’re shaped a little different.” He remarked, rifling through his own clothes and coming up with nothing that would work for her. Turning, he was rewarded with the sight of Shepard stripping off her hoodie and kicking her shoes off next to the door.

“Like what you see, Vakarian?” She remarked the familiar refrain, raising an eyebrow as she stripped off her pants slowly, moving her hips more than he knew was necessary. She kept only her underwear and t-shirt on, placing a hand on her hip to strike an exaggerated pose.

“You know I do, _Commander_.” He lowered his voice at the last word, drawing out the sound as he removed his own shirt and pants, before folding them and putting them in his closet. Leaning across Shepard closer than he really needed to, he flipped off the main lights, leaving just the lamp on before turning to climb into the bed.

It was going to be a tight squeeze, he knew. That particular turian-style bed had never been intended for two people. And had it been two turians trying to share it, it never would have worked. But Garrus lay on his back, comfortable with the pillows and cushions supporting his neck properly. And when Shepard climbed in after him and lay on her side, snuggled under his arm and against his chest, her legs intertwined with his own and an arm thrown over him, he was sure he had never felt more content in his life

Garrus ran a hand through her hair after they exchanged a goodnight kiss, and within minutes, Shepard was asleep. He wanted to stay awake for a while in case she woke from a nightmare soon, but his own exhaustion won out and he slept.

When he woke some nine hours later to find Shepard still at his side asleep, the relief he felt was palpable. It would take an actual Reaper to get him to wake her, so instead he pulled up his omni-tool and began perusing where on the Citadel he should take Shepard for their shore leave.

Maybe he would take her to get some sushi. There was a really nice place on the Citadel he had heard a lot about. He read through their menu, making a few notes to himself about the selection. Before too long, he was feeling drowsy again thanks to the grueling day and night on Tuchanka, and he soon fell back asleep, Shepard still in his arms.


	23. Visiting

_‘I’ve got a dinner reservation and a room booked for us tonight. We’ll visit Thane and take him out for sushi._

_…and then you and me are going to enjoy some shore leave in that fancy hotel near the Embassies.’_

Shepard smiled as she read Garrus’ message, and tapped back her response on her omni-tool.

_‘Sounds perfect. You really know how to pamper a girl.’_

It was only a moment before his response came in.

_‘Well, I do try.’_

Shepard felt better than she had in weeks, after four nights of nightmare-free sleep in Garrus’ room off the main battery. She didn’t even mind the cramped bed, she would have gladly slept on the floor with him if it meant that she could continue getting the peaceful rest she had been needing so badly.

She still missed Mordin, she knew she would never forget him. But she also knew that he had done what he knew to be right, and even if she had managed to stop him, he probably never would have forgiven her for it. She felt that honoring his memory by continuing to fight the Reapers was the best thing she could do at the moment. So she was going to keep fighting.

Shepard had just picked up a datapad and said hello to Traynor as she walked into the CIC when Joker’s voice came over the ship’s comm system.

“Commander, we’re approaching the Citadel.”

She set down the datapad and walked to the cockpit, watching the Citadel docks come into view through the windows. She put a hand on Joker’s chair, looking down at the pilot. He radioed the dock controller. “Alliance control, this is SSV Normandy, are we cleared to descend?” He looked over his shoulder at her and shook his head, rolling his eyes at the familiar procedure.

The silence that responded was unfamiliar, though. Shepard crossed her arms, feeling a slight unease at the lack of response form Alliance control. Joker shrugged and tried again, his impatience evident in his tone. “Alliance control, this is Normandy, we’re headed to Bay 1-4, Zakera Ward. Are we cleared to descend?”

Still no answer.

Shepard’s uneased changed to alarm, and Joker seemed to share that feeling. “What the hell’s going on down there? Even if there were a station malfunction, they’d have backups online.” He leaned forward, pressing his hands to the hologram controls as Shepard paced behind his chair. “I got a bad feeling here. Checking emergency channels.”

Almost immediately, his voice changed to one of surprise as he began a conversation Shepard could only hear one side of. “Hey! Yeah, this is Joker. Uh-huh. Yeah, no kidding.” He turned quickly, calling for Shepard. “Commander, there’s a communication from Thane. He says it’s important. Think you’ll want to hear this.”

Shepard moved forward, leaning over his chair. “Put him through.” She tried to keep her voice calm, but if Thane was contacting the Normandy through emergency channels, instead of messaging her omni-tool directly, it couldn’t be good.

Thane’s voice sounded through the cockpit, his breathing labored as he gasped between words. “Shepard. The Citadel is under attack. Cerberus troops are everywhere, and they’re in control of the docks.”

“Are you safe?” was the first thing she could get out, her heart clenching with fear.

“No.” His immediate response made her grip the back of Joker’s chair. Thane was a well-trained assassin. If he felt unsafe enough to mention it, Shepard knew the situation was serious. “I had to evade their commandos at the hospital. I’m in a Presidium storefront.”

His mention of the hospital reminded her of her other former crewmate. “Did Kaidan make it out?”

“We got separated. He said he had to protect the Council. I’m going to C-Sec headquarters.”

“Why C-Sec headquarters?” His destination of choice confused her, but she was already calculating in her head how fast she could reach it in order to make sure Thane was safe.

“It’s been compromised, and C-Sec’s response depends on it. As long as Cerberus is holding the headquarters, they have the station.”

“Joker, get us away from the docks and as close to C-Sec headquarters as possible. We’ll deploy in the shuttle.” Shepard looked up, wishing she had something better to tell Thane. “Thane, try to get somewhere safe and don’t take unnecessary risks. I’m on my way to your location.”

Despite the heavy breathing, she heard a short laugh. “Unnecessary risks are all I learned from you, Shepard. Thane out.”

The line disconnected, and Shepard sprinted from the room. She slapped her comm line open. “Garrus, Cerberus has attacked the Citadel and Thane’s in danger. Meet me at the shuttle. Now.”

“On my way.” She heard his response in her ear as she slammed her fist on the elevator’s controls. The elevator stopped on deck 3, and Garrus entered, breathing fast from what must have been a full-on run from the battery. She hit for the doors to close and they exited in the shuttle bay and wordlessly went to grab their gear and weapons.

 

* * *

 

When they landed at C-Sec HQ, the gunfire and bloodshed caught Shepard off-guard for a second. It shouldn’t have, she was well-accustomed to war, but the carnage was worse than she had been expecting. And judging by the intake of breath from Garrus, she wasn’t alone in her surprise.

“Get to cover!” She yelled, jumping from the shuttle as she saw a turian C-Sec officer go down from multiple gunshots. She fired at the Cerberus solider that had taken the turian down, and watched him fall after two well-placed shots from her shotgun caught him in the chest.

She pressed a hand to her comm. “Thane, we’ve landed. I’m on my way to you.”

“Stay safe, Shepard.” Was his short response.

She dove into the fray, taking out soldier after soldier with the help of EDI taking out their shields. Garrus stayed in cover, his sniper rifle sounding loud through the room, even above the rest of the gunfire, to mark the death of another Cerberus soldier with each shot. Soon the room was cleared, and she took a moment to look around.

“Shepard!” She heard a familiar voice call out, and her head snapped in that direction. It was Commander Bailey, leaning against a wall, looking dazed. “Shepard, I saw those Cerberus troops on you. I thought you were done for.”

She moved to his side, scanning for wounds. He seemed to have been shot, but it didn’t look serious. “Bailey? What are you doing here?”

“Getting my ass shot off trying to retake headquarters. Cerberus took it in the first push.” Shepard held out a hand to help him up. “We gotta kick them out of there. Everyone in C-Sec’s flying blind without the network.” He accepted her hand and let himself be pulled to his feet, as he gripped his side with his free hand.

“How bad’s the situation?” Garrus moved forward, ready to help if needed. “Do you know if the Councilors are alive?”

“They split up.” Bailey answered, staggering slightly. “I’ll know more if I can access a terminal inside.”

“Can you get us in?” Shepard asked, hoping the answer was yes.

Bailey turned towards the door, reaching out a hand to the access panel. “I’ll get the door. If no one interrupts me with a bullet this time.” The door soon opened, and Shepard led Garrus and EDI through it, scoping the room for any signs of Cerberus. It was deserted.

Bailey moved in, settling himself at a computer terminal left open. “Here we go. C-Sec network access, courtesy of Cerberus.”

“How’s that going to help?” Shepard asked, lowering her gun as Garrus and EDI continued sweeping the room.

“Cerberus has control of the main channels, but I can set up a new one. Without it, our people have no plan and no chance.” He tapped on a few keys and Shepard heard surprise in his voice. “Hello…”

“What have you got?” She asked, moving to his side at the console.

“A warning from Councilor Valern. He’s supposed to be here, meeting with the executor.” He read the message to her. “’Be on guard—the likelihood of betrayal from within is high.’ Not a lot else. But if he’s inside…”

His voice trailed off, and Shepard spoke up. “Why would the councilor be meeting with the executor?”

“Usually it means someone big’s about to be prosecuted. I guess that someone had Cerberus friends.”

Garrus turned at Bailey’s words. “The councilor mentioned Udina… but that’s insane. Does he even have this kind of pull?” Shepard knew he was probably right to suspect Udina, but the thought of the human councilor doing something this drastic made her feel sick.

“You know who’d have the answer to that?” Bailey asked dryly. “The councilor.”

“One councilor’s better than zero. Where am I headed?” Shepard asked, checking her shotgun to make sure it was loaded and ready.

Garrus answered before Bailey. “He could be in the executor’s office. It’s a fairly defensible position.”

“I’m on it.” She responded, moving towards the exit, but Bailey stopped her by calling out.

“Just a sec.” He hit some keys on his omni-tool before nodding. “There. Now we can talk by omni-tool. Now go!”

She turned again and left the room, Garrus and EDI on her heels, and she pressed her comm. “Thane, did you hear all that?” She had heard the channel click open during her conversation with Bailey, and by the ragged breathing, she knew it had been Thane.

“Yes. I’m nearing the building, but running is difficult.” His words paused as she heard him try to catch his breath. “I’ll try to get to you.” He added.

“Find somewhere and stay put.” Shepard urged as she hoisted her gun into a shooting stance. “As soon as I save this councilor, I’ll come find you.” She looked over at Garrus, knowing he could hear the words over his comm as well. He looked as concerned as she felt. Thane’s breathing was so labored the drell could barely speak.

“If I don’t find you first, you mean.” Thane answered back, a touch of amusement breaking through the usually-serious tone of his voice. “You were always terrible at stealth, Shepard.”

“I shoot people with a shotgun, Thane. Usually while yelling. I’m not _trying_ to be stealthy.” She fired on a Cerberus soldier, he was propelled forward, his armour catching fire from her incendiary ammo.

A short laugh sounded in her ear followed by a bout of heavy coughing, and then the absence of Thane’s breathing told her that he had muted the comm channel. Her heart constricted as she shot several more Cerberus soldiers.

She and Garrus had planned on visiting Thane as soon as they arrived, they were even going to get him out of the hospital so they could have an uninterrupted visit. Instead, he was trying to get to her through a warzone, and by the sound of his breathing he was a lot worse off than he had let on during their extranet communications.

Pushing the fear she felt to the back of her mind, Shepard moved forward. They systematically worked their way through C-Sec HQ until they found the executor’s office and entered it to find the executor and the councilor’s bodyguards all dead. Shepard was looking around for any sign of the salarian councilor when she noticed Garrus standing at a window, completely still as he stared intently at something.

Shepard moved to the window, looking through it, and caught on to what he was seeing. Having spent enough time around Kasumi, Shepard recognized the shimmer of someone cloaked. While they stared, Councilor Valern uncloaked and stood, obviously feeling he was out of danger. She alerted Bailey of the councilor’s condition, and no sooner had Bailey told her to get him somewhere safe that she heard a sound from below.

Looking back out the window, she saw a black-clad figure advancing on the councilor. Without pausing, she pulled out her pistol and shot the window, shattering the glass, and jumped through it to the ground floor. The man moved with agility, flipping over the councilor so that Shepard’s pistol was pointed at the councilor instead.

The man raised his hand to attack, and Shepard advanced, her pistol raised. But with every step she took, the man matched her moves, keeping the councilor between them. “Shepard, he’s going to kill us all.” Councilor Valern said, his voice high and unsteady.

“That remains to be seen.” Shepard answered, faking a confidence she didn’t feel. She could hear Thane’s breathing in her ear again, he was back on the comm line.

“I mean Udina.” The councilor said, agitated. “He’s staging a coup. He’s got the other councilors now—to hand over to Cerberus.”

Shepard kept her hands steady, but the anger she felt at the words flared. Udina _was_ behind it all. He had caused all of this death and destruction—for what?

Hearing steps behind her, Shepard spared a seconds’ glance. It was Garrus and EDI, who had chosen to run down the stairs instead of leaping from the window as she had. She turned her attention back to the man in black. “Three-on-one, pal. It’s over.”

Instead of backing down, the man smiled. “No, now it’s fun.”

He moved his hand to aim at the councilor, and Thane suddenly appeared behind the man, his gun aimed at the man’s head. Before he could get a shot off, the man threw a punch and Thane, moving with his unnatural speed, holstered his weapon and moved to fight back, ducking the fist thrown in his direction.

The two exchanged blows while Shepard moved the councilor behind her. The man flipped Thane over his shoulder, but the drell rolled and came up with his pistol out, firing at the man who disappeared from sight. Shepard raised her gun, her eyes darting, trying to catch sight of the man. She knew now, from the way he moved, that he had to be an assassin sent after the councilor. Thane was the only other person she had ever seen move that fast.

Catching the glimmer a moment too late, she jerked her head to the side, where the assassin had appeared, wielding a silver blade. Thane had spotted him before she did, and was already firing by the time she moved her pistol to the place the man had been standing.

The man rushed Thane and swung his blade. The drell managed to duck, blocking the blade with his pistol, landed two hard kicks, and shot out a biotic wave that threw the man off his feet.

Thane picked up the pistol, popped the thermal clip, and rushed the assassin, firing as he ran. Shepard couldn’t fire for fear of hitting Thane, and the assassin leapt to his feet and charged Thane again.

Thane leapt at the last second, his pistol connecting with the assassin’s face. But Shepard saw the glint of a silver blade sticking out of Thane’s back, and she rushed forward with a cry of “Thane!” as he fell to the floor.

Garrus and EDI fired on the assassin as she ran to Thane’s side, but he pushed her away weakly. “Get him.” He wheezed, and Shepard ran after the assassin, her pistol drawn and firing as she ran.

She skidded to a stop as the assassin leapt off the ledge, landing on a skycar that had been waiting for him. She continued firing, the anger and fear in her heart causing her hands to shake.

But her shots did no good against his kinetic shields, the car pulled away as she heard shots behind her. Turning, she saw Thane stumble through the door, his pistol out and aimed at the man. He dropped the gun as he fell against the wall, Shepard ran to catch him before he hit the ground.

Shepard gently lowered him to a sitting position, seeing the blood trailing down the wall as he moved. “How bad is it?” She asked, trying to make sure he stayed conscious. Thane’s breathing was heavier than ever.

“I have time.” He reached an unsteady hand and pushed against her shoulder weakly. “Catch him.”

“I’m not leaving you, Thane.” She responded, feeling a lump in her throat. His large eyes were on hers, his face pinched in pain.

“Shepard? What’s going on up there?” Bailey’s voice from her omni-tool interrupted Thane’s attempt to argue with her.

She responded to EDI and Garrus instead, who had just ran through the doorway. “EDI, Thane needs medical help. Fast.” The AI nodded, and began tapping on her omni-tool. “Garrus, you’re with me. We have an assassin to take care of.”

“Shepard, you need all of your team to help. I can wait here alo-“ A cough interrupted Thane’s retort, and she saw the blood that coated his fist as he wiped his mouth.

She put a hand on his shoulder, supporting him until the coughing stopped. “Thane, the only reason I’m not throwing you over my shoulder and carrying you to the hospital myself is because I’m going kill the son of a bitch that did this.” The anger she felt was causing her voice to shake. “I’ll be back for you as soon as I can, EDI will get you to the hospital for me.” She gripped one of his hands with her own until he finally nodded his assent, then she turned away from her friend and ran for the nearest car, yelling for Bailey through her omni-tool.


	24. Guide this one

“Shepard, I have arrived with Thane at Huerta Memorial.” EDI’s voice sounded over Shepard’s comm as she ran through the Presidium, firing at Cerberus soldiers. “He’s being taken immediately back for emergency care.”

“Thanks, EDI. Tell Thane I’ll be there as soon as I can, and keep me updated.”

“Understood.” The AI responded, and the line went quiet.

Shepard ran, with Garrus at her side, through the bodies lying near the once-peaceful storefronts. She was so focused on stopping the assassin that she barely noticed the carnage around her.

Thane’s brave front hadn’t fooled her. Between the extra exertion of running from Cerberus, and being impaled on the assassin’s blade, he was dying. Even more so than he had been when they first met.

It was all Udina’s fault.

And she was going to make him pay.

 

* * *

 

Garrus heard Bailey over Shepard’s omni-tool, telling her to grab an elevator. When they rushed through a set of doors, they spotted the assassin standing in an open elevator with a group of Cerberus soldiers. Shepard gave a cry of rage and ran towards him, her gun firing with every step, but the doors closed before she could reach the man.

Running to the next elevator, Garrus forced open the doors to the shaft. “Over here, Shepard!” She turned at his words, frustration over her target getting away again written all over her pale face. Garrus hadn’t missed her shaking hands and wide eyes ever since Thane had been injured. Shepard had the same look she had had when he found her in the war room before they left for Tuchanka.

She darted past him and jumped into the shaft, and Bailey was soon speaking again while he took control of the elevators.

 

* * *

 

After nearly getting shot, the elevators stopped and Shepard kicked through the maintenance hatch to drop down and follow the Council and Kaidan out. She ran, her pistol in her hands and trained on Udina. Garrus followed her out, and when they reached the shuttle landing, he slammed his fist on the access panel to prevent anyone from getting through the door easily.

EDI came over their linked comm channel as he shorted out the door panel. “Shepard, the doctors have informed me that there’s a shortage of drell blood and Thane may not make it through surgery. Commander Bailey is attempting to contact Kolyat Krios to donate, I will assist with locating him.”

Garrus, pulling his own gun as he turned to see Kaidan with his gun aimed at Shepard, saw that Shepard’s hands shook on her gun as she spoke over her comm. “Help him, EDI. Do whatever you have to.”

“Shepard? What’s going on?” Kaidan lowered his gun at the sight of Shepard, but Garrus kept his trained on him. Kaidan had been blatant about his distrust of Shepard, and Garrus wasn’t feeling very trusting at the moment.

“Shepard’s blocking our escape!” Udina said, and Garrus had to give the man credit for being able to speak when Shepard had her gun trained on his head, her expression a mixture of fury and hatred. “She’s with Cerberus!”

Kaidan raised his gun again, moving between Udina and Shepard. “Just, hang on—I got this. Everyone calm down.”

Shepard stared down her pistol. “I can explain this, Kaidan.”

He shook his head, his gun still raised. “Come on, Shepard. Gun drawn on a Councilor… kinda looks bad.” Shepard glanced at Garrus, her eyes hard. Neither of them lowered their guns.

“Shepard admitted to working with Cerberus! For all we know, she’s still with them!” Udina interjected again.

Kaidan shook his head slowly. “But I watched Shepard fight Cerberus troops on Mars. Now explain that.”

Shepard lowered her pistol, gesturing towards the sealed door. “There are Cerberus soldiers in the elevator shaft behind us. If you open that door, they’ll kill you all!” The frustration in her voice echoed what Garrus felt towards the man he had once fought alongside.

“We’ve mistrusted Shepard before… and it did not help us.” The asari councilor supplied, looking between Udina and Shepard.

Udina turned and moved towards the console. “We don’t have time to debate this! We’re dead if we stay out here. I’m overriding the lock.”

Shepard moved forward, her gun still trained on Udina. Kaidan stepped in front of her, and Garrus tensed. He didn’t want to shoot Kaidan, but if the man didn’t soon get his gun off of Shepard, Garrus would take him out.

“I better not regret this.” Kaidan said softly, before lowering his gun and turning to face Udina. Garrus felt a wave of relief when the gun lowered.

“You won’t.” Shepard responded, lowering her gun and moving past him.

“Udina, step away from the console.” Kaidan called out.

The councilor looked up, and seeing Kaidan with his gun aimed at him instead, seemed to know his deception was realized. “To hell with this!” The councilor said, and began tapping on the console to open the door.

Garrus and Shepard both turned to look, and saw that the door was being overridden by Udina. The asari councilor stepped up before either of them could and grabbed Udina’s arm. He responded by throwing her to the ground and pulling a gun.

Kaidan had barely gotten out the words “He’s got a gun!” before Shepard had aimed her own and shot Udina in the chest. The man fell instantly, gun still in hand.

 

* * *

 

Shepard had made Bailey debrief her as she ran through the station, having only taken the necessary time to get out of her bloody armour so the hospital would allow her inside, she was now trying to find a working elevator to get her to Huerta. Garrus managed to locate one just as EDI spoke over the comm line.

“Shepard, I would advise that you get to Huerta immediately.”

The AI’s lack of details left Garrus feeling cold, and Shepard’s responses to Bailey’s questions became even shorter and more clipped than they had already been. Finally Bailey seemed to understand that he wouldn’t be getting the necessary details from Shepard just yet, and he left the two to return to his office in the Embassies.

Shepard hit the button for the hospital, and Garrus reached for her hand. It was cold and shaking. He gripped her fingers tightly, and when the doors opened, she led him through the hospital until they found a doctor in the hallway between the rooms.

“Can I help you?” The man said, looking up from his datapad.

“I’m looking for a drell named Thane Krios.” Shepard spoke up, her voice thin and worried.

“Well, we have a drell, but not under that name.” The doctor responded, not meeting Shepard’s gaze.

“He was injured. Stab wound.” Garrus spoke up, putting his hand on Shepard’s shoulder as she tried to move towards the man, her frustration rising to the surface again. “He’s a regular patient here.”

“It’s all right, it’s all right.” The doctor spoke quickly, his eyes darting between Shepard and Garrus. “I see.” He motioned them to the side of the corridor. “The doctors were able to repair a lot of the trauma. However, mister… um, Krios is in the final stages of Kepral’s Syndrome.”

Garrus dropped his hand from Shepard’s shoulder to clasp her fingers with his own again as the doctor continued speaking. “At its worst, Kepral’s Syndrome interferes with his blood’s ability to carry oxygen. And he lost a lot. Now, they’ve given him transfusions, but frankly, there was a very limited supply of drell blood on the Citadel.”

“I’ll get more. Give me his blood type.” Shepard interjected, surging forward, a note of panic underlying her words.

“That’s not going to work.” The doctor responded, sounding apologetic. “Only one other drell on the station is a match, and that drell is in with him now. We did all we could to help him through surgery, but his body can’t replace lost blood with new cells. Too much shock.”

Garrus felt Shepard sag against him slightly. His arm at her back held her steady.

“His son, Kolyat… he’s in there saying his goodbyes. You might want to say yours.” The doctor added, his voice kind. He moved out of the way, leaving the path to the door open for Shepard and Garrus to walk through.

“Shepard, if you want to go in alone, I can-“

“No. He’ll want to see you, too.” She broke in, staring ahead at the door. She took a tentative step towards it. And then another.

 

* * *

 

When Shepard walked through the door, she was grateful for the feel of Garrus’ hand at her back. She was afraid she would have ran from the room otherwise.

Thane was lying on the bed, hands folded over the gauze stretched across his abdomen, his head back and eyes closed. His breathing was rough and shallow, every breath seemed to be an incredibly difficult thing for him to do.

Shepard stepped further into the room and Kolyat turned from Thane’s bedside. “Commander Shepard.” He said in greeting. “My father mentioned you were no longer incarcerated. I don’t know if you remember me. I’m Kolyat Krios. I came to donate blood and… well…” His voice trailed off as he turned back to Thane. “He asked me to take off his oxygen mask so he could be comfortable. I don’t think it will be very long.”

The young drell’s voice was full of emotion, and Shepard felt her knees wobble slightly as she took in his words. She closed her eyes for a moment, drawing a breath before she was able to speak. “Your father helped me save a lot of lives. I’d like to be here.”

“Of course.” Kolyat readily agreed, and moved to the other side of the bed.

Shepard stepped closer to the bed, and Thane’s eyes opened slowly. He turned his head to look at her, a small smile across his face. “Commander. Garrus.” He said hoarsely, a hand reaching out towards Shepard as he nodded his greeting to Garrus who was standing a few steps back. Shepard moved forward to take Thane’s hand in her own. By the coldness of his fingers, she knew they were probably numb from the lack of oxygen. “I’m afraid I won’t be joining you again.”

She felt the tears stinging her eyes already as she moved to sit on the edge of his bed, but she refused to let them fall in front of Thane. “You’ve done more than enough, Thane.” She waited as a fit of coughing struck him before he could continue.

He leaned his head back, closing his eyes as he caught his breath. “That assassin should be embarrassed. A terminally ill drell managed to stop him from reaching his target.”

“I’ll pass the word along.” Shepard responded, willing her voice not to crack. “Though I doubt that man was expecting to have to fight the best assassin on the Citadel.”

“Thank you for the visits and messages. You both made my stay here more bearable.” Thane said, his voice barely audible between gasps for air.  He turned to focus his eyes on Garrus. “I’m sorry we’re not going to have time for that dinner you had planned, Garrus.”

When Garrus spoke, Shepard could hear the underlying emotion in his words. He was struggling to keep his voice steady, she could tell. “You know what they say about best laid plans.”

Thane chuckled, and another coughing fit seized him. Shepard gripped his hand tighter until it passed.

“There is something I must do before it gets worse, _siha_.” Thane rushed his words, trying to get them out quickly. “I must—“ More coughing, this time he leaned up trying to catch his breath, Shepard hurried to support him as he coughed.

He fell back against his pillows moments later, resting his head back and closing his eyes, breathing heavily. Shepard noticed that Kolyat bowed his head and clasped his hands, as if in prayer.

“Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness. Kalahira, whose waves wear down stone and sand—“

His coughing broke through his prayer, and Shepard helped him up again as the drell fought for breath. Kolyat moved forward and began to speak. “Kalahira, wash the sins from this one and set her upon the distant shore of the infinite spirit.”

When Thane managed to catch his breath, he leaned back onto the pillows and turned to his son. “Kolyat… you speak as the priests do.” He managed a smile, Shepard could see the pride in his eyes. “You have been spending time with them.”

Kolyat nodded and moved around the bed, coming to stand next to where Shepard sat. He removed a book from his pocket and held it towards her, a place marked. “I brought a prayer book. Commander, would you care to join me?”

Shepard nodded, still holding to Thane’s hand, and leaned forward to be able to read the book.

“Kalahira, this one’s heart is pure, but beset by wickedness and contention.” Kolyat paused, and Shepard picked up where he had left off.

“Guide this one to where the traveler never tires, the lover never leaves, the hungry never starve.” She glanced at Thane, and saw that his eyes were open, and that he was smiling peacefully at the ceiling. Shepard swallowed thickly and continued. “Guide this one, Kalahira, and she will be a companion to you, as…” She almost stumbled across the word, but managed to continue. “…she was to me.”

Hearing a sharp intake of breath, Shepard turned her head quickly and saw Thane’s eyes flutter closed. A second later his grip slackened, his hand almost falling from hers before she gripped it tightly. She squeezed her eyes shut, cradling his hand in both of hers, pulling it to her face as the tears she hadn’t wanted him to see began to fall.

 

* * *

 

It was several minutes before Garrus moved forward, coming to stand next to Shepard. He reached out a gentle hand to rest on Thane’s still shoulder, and the other on Kolyat’s. He was barely holding it together himself, but the young drell was trembling as he stared at the body his father no longer occupied.

Shepard’s head was lowered, silent tears streaming down her face as she clutched Thane’s hand to her cheek.

After several more long minutes, Shepard spoke, her voice barely audible. “Kolyat?” The drell looked at her, questioning. “Why did that last verse say ‘she’?”

Kolyat contemplated her question for a moment before responding. “The prayer was not for him, Commander. He had already asked forgiveness for the lives he had taken.” Kolyat paused, turning his gaze back to Thane. “His wish was for you.” Garrus moved his hand from Thane’s shoulder to Shepard’s, his own eyes burning as he blinked rapidly.

Shepard leaned forward, embracing Thane for a long moment. “Goodbye, Thane.” He heard her whisper softly. “You won’t be alone long.”

 

* * *

 

When Shepard moved off the bed, Garrus reached out a hand to catch her in case she fell, but the unsteadiness was gone. She stopped to pat Kolyat’s shoulder, whisper a goodbye, and then she marched out the door.

Her eyes were swollen and red from crying, but her jaw was set and she didn’t lower her eyes as the onlookers turned to watch her as she made her way through the hospital. The only clue he had to her internal turmoil was her cold, shaking hands once he had clasped one with his own.

The Citadel was in shambles around them, Garrus could see it through the windows of the hospital, but Shepard didn’t comment or suggest helping. She pressed the button for the Normandy’s dock, and standing behind her in the elevator, he could see her shoulders trembling.

When the doors opened, Shepard made her way through the panicked mass of people. Her course was set, she walked directly to the Normandy’s airlock without so much as a glance to the left or right.

When they boarded, after decontamination, Shepard immediately turned in the direction of the CIC. She was headed for the elevator, but Traynor called out to her before she got the button pressed.

“Admiral Hackett is waiting for you on the vid comm, Commander.”

“Negative, Traynor.” Shepard responded, not turning away from the elevator. “Tell him I’m busy.”

Garrus glanced at Traynor, who was looking at Shepard with both concern and some trepidation. But Joker’s voice came over the comm system before she had to respond. “It might be important, Commander. He pinged us several times since the attack.”

“Fine.” She finally responded, her eyes lowered to her clenched hands. “Then _you_ tell him whatever he wants to hear, Joker.”

“I don’t think it’s me that the Admiral wants to hear it from.”

“Then Garrus can give him an update.” Her head swung upwards, staring at where the disembodied voice was coming from. “Hell, let _James_ do it if he needs to talk to someone so badly.”

 “Commander-“ Joker didn’t respond immediately, but when he did, Shepard cut him off.

“I don’t fucking _care_ what they need me to do this time, Joker. I’m through caring.” Her voice was rising, people in the CIC were discreetly looking anywhere but at her. “I’m through.” She repeated, and as soon as the elevators opened, she stepped on, and Garrus entered the elevator with her. She hit the Deck 3 button, but when the doors opened again, she didn’t move.

“Get off, Garrus.” She said simply, her hand hovering over the button for her cabin.

Garrus didn’t move. Her anger was worrying him more than any amount of tears would have. “Why?” He asked calmly, trying to diffuse some of the pain in her voice that radiated with every word she said.

“Because I’m going drink until I black out, and you don’t like me doing that.” Her voice was hard under her words, and he had no doubt that she meant them. “So go calibrate those guns or something and I’ll see you in the morning."

“You don’t have to deal with this alone, Shepard.” He said quietly, his hand on her shoulder. She was still shaking, and she wouldn’t look at him. “None of it.”

“Yes, I do.” She responded with a small jerk of her head. “Because every time I don’t, someone else dies.”

Her words hung in the air for a moment before she hit the elevator button again to open the doors.

“Now get off the damn elevator and let me go get drunk.”

 

* * *

 

Garrus found Shepard in life support an hour or two later. True to her word, her head was on the table, and she was passed out, holding a bottle of asari hard liquor. He went back to his room and found a blanket, bringing it back to life support to tuck it around her shoulders before pulling the bottle out of her loose grip.

She grieved alone. It had been that way for as long as he had known her, first having seen her deal with the death of Ash on Virmire. When they had got back to the Normandy, Shepard had thrown her helmet at the opposite wall and retreated to the small room she had. It had been several hours before she had called their group together to discuss what had happened on Virmire and what their future plans were.

That’s why he hadn’t fought against Shepard kicking him off the elevator. He knew when it was best to push her to open up to him, and when she needed him to leave her be.

He couldn’t sit in the chair across from her. Garrus had walked in on too many conversations between Shepard and Thane to have forgotten that that chair belonged to the latter. Instead, he ran a hand through Shepard’s hair before making himself comfortable on the floor.

He had a feeling her sleep wouldn’t last long, and he wanted to be nearby when her nightmares started.


	25. Empty chair

 

She had to reach him.

She was running, trying to draw her breath as she pushed her legs to move faster. It was as if she was running underwater, something was holding her back and making her move at a snail’s pace. She fought against it, pushing harder and harder.

She had to save the boy.

He was all that mattered now.

“ _Shepard_.”

She heard the first whisper, and felt the breath in her throat catch. The familiar female voice whispered through the air around her.

Shaking her head, she pushed on. She had almost reached the running boy. She reached a hand out, and just as she almost grabbed him, a red light flashed above and she heard another whisper and the boy was gone.

_“That won’t happen. Go get him, Commander. I’ll see you all when you get back.”_

Ashley’s voice in her ears, Shepard tried to take a deep breath and failed, her lungs burning from the effort to get past the shadows lingering in the corners of her vision.

“ _Shepard_.”

Another voice, another whisper.

She ran, trying to move faster still. Trying to reach the boy before he moved again. Another flash of light, and he darted away.

_“It had to be me. Someone else might have gotten it wrong.”_

Her head snapped to the side, trying to see through the shadows. Instead, she just saw the boy, still running ahead.

“ _Shepard_.”

A lump rose in her throat, threatening to block her breath.

“I’m sorry.” She whispered back, fighting through the shadows to keep running.

_“Kalahira, mistress of inscrutable depths, I ask forgiveness…”_

“I’m sorry.” She repeated, begging with all of her heart for the forgiveness the voice was praying for.

Forgiveness for all the pain she had caused.

“ _Shepard_.”

“No.” She heard herself to respond to that voice.

Not him, not here.

Everyone else, she knew why they haunted her dreams.

_“I like to expect the worst. There’s a small chance I’ll be pleasantly surprised.”_

“No.” She said louder, her voice cracking.

Not Garrus.

_“I’ll wait for you, Shepard.”_

He wasn’t gone. She hadn’t gotten him killed, like she had everyone else.

_“And when you get out, I’ll be there, still waiting.”_

“No!”

“Shepard!”

“NO!” She screamed, as loud as she could at the shadows that spoke with Garrus’ voice. And when she heard another “Shepard!” in her ear, she awoke with a start, sitting straight in the chair, swinging at the hands she felt on her arms.

“Shepard, it’s me. You’re all right. I’m here, you’re okay.”

She tried to breathe, and fight away the pressure she felt on her chest. Pushing away from the hands, she tried to move away and ended up falling off the chair and hitting the floor hard on her back.

Only when pain shot up the arm she landed on did she realize where she was.

Lying on her back on the cold floor, Shepard stared at the ceiling, trying to calm her breathing and stop herself from throwing up. Garrus appeared in her vision, leaning over her with his eyebrow plates furrowed heavily. “Shepard, are you hurt?” His voice was worried, but he didn’t try to touch her again.

“I-I’m okay.” Her voice faltered as she felt the soreness in her throat. How long had she been yelling before Garrus had managed to wake her up? She reached a shaky hand up to brush the hair from her eyes, and felt how clammy her skin was. She was drenched in sweat, her t-shirt was sticking to her back.

Shepard pushed herself up, folding her legs under her to sit. She lowered her head into her hands, still trying to calm her breathing.

It hadn’t been real. Garrus was fine, he was right here in the same room as her and he was fine.

Unlike Ashley. Or Mordin.

Or Thane.

She felt a wave of nausea as she thought about Thane. Thane being stabbed, chasing after her to try to help stop the assassin, thanking her for the visits that had been too few and too far-between, begging his gods for forgiveness for the bloodshed Shepard had caused in her life.

Thane dying, his hand gripping hers, gasping for his last breath.

Shepard felt herself gasping for air and wondered if that was how Thane had felt, when he had been trying so hard to breathe. Her breaths came in shorter and shorter gasps, and she could barely feel the rough hands on her arms, shaking her, trying to get her attention.

“Shepard, look at me!” Garrus’ voice sounded loud in her ears, and she jerked her head up. There were little dots dancing around the corners of her vision, and her chest was heaving. She couldn’t draw a full breath, she felt as if that walls themselves were closing in on her.

She grabbed Garrus’ arms with her shaking hands, pleading with him with her eyes, trying to force him to understand. “I-I can’t breathe.” She finally managed to get out.

 

* * *

 

Garrus’ heart had sank when he looked up from his omni-tool to see Shepard moving and muttering in her sleep. He had fully expected the nightmares to return, after witnessing Thane’s death, and they had. In full force. At least she had managed to get a good five hours of sleep before they started.

It had taken him longer than he liked to get her awake, and she had fought against his touch until she fell out of her chair. He felt relieved when she finally answered him, saying she was okay, but that was short-lived. After a few moments, she sat up, and he could tell from the look on her face that she was far from okay.

She was pale, except for her flushed cheeks, and she was visibly sweating. When she lowered her head in her hands, he saw that they were trembling. And then he heard her breathing rate increase until she was gasping for breath, clutching a hand to her chest.

He reached forward and gripped her arms, shaking her gently and calling her name, but she seemed unable to hear him. Finally he moved his face close to hers and nearly shouted, “Shepard, look at me!” and her head snapped up.

Her eyes were nearly black, her pupils were so dilated. She looked terrified as she reached her own shaking hands out to grasp his forearms. “I- I can’t breathe.” She managed to get the words out, but it seemed to take a lot of effort.

His heart clenched in fear. What was wrong with her? How could he help? She was staring at him, her eyes wide, her breaths still coming in short gasps. He didn’t know how to help her, and he felt helpless.

The door opened to the life support room, and Liara ran in. “Shepard, I heard you yelling, what’s-“ She stopped at the sight, fear spreading across her face.

“Get Dr. Chakwas.” Garrus asserted, trying to keep his tone calm as to not alarm Shepard further. He looked down at Shepard, his hand moving to try and rub some warmth into her face, and he noticed Liara still in the doorway. “Now, Liara!”

The asari bolted from the room, and returned within minutes with the doctor. Dr. Chakwas’ mouth was set in a grim line, and she waved at Garrus to move away as she knelt in front of Shepard. “Shepard, can you hear me?” She asked, her voice calm but stern.

Shepard lifted her face to look at the doctor, one of her hands still gripping Garrus’ arm. “I can’t-“ Her breathing was still far too fast, she was barely able to form words.

“She woke up from a nightmare and suddenly said she couldn’t breathe.” Garrus spoke quickly, watching Shepard closely.

Dr. Chakwas pulled up her omni-tool and scanned Shepard, a frown on her face. “Her O2 levels are high, she’s hyperventilating.” She leaned forward, speaking slower and clearly. “Shepard, listen to me. You need to breathe deeply.”

“I c-cant.” Was the short response.

“Yes, you can. Breathe in.” Garrus watched as Shepard attempted to slow her breathing. It wasn’t working, and he was getting more alarmed by the minute.

“Shepard, breathe in.” Dr. Chakwas’ voice was loud and stern as she repeated the order. Finally, Shepard managed to draw in one long breath, and the doctor nodded. “Now breathe out.”

It took several more minutes, and several more tries of Dr. Chakwas repeating herself in different ways, until Shepard began breathing in sync with her commands. After a few minutes of slowed breathing, Garrus noticed that Shepard’s pupils weren’t as large, and some of the colour was returning to her face that had grown so pale.

“Are you feeling better, Shepard?”

She nodded, her hands shaking on Garrus’ arm. “Y-yes. Thank you, Dr. Chakwas.”

“Try to remember those breathing techniques I showed you, Shepard.” Dr. Chakwas flipped through a hologram on her omni-tool. “I forwarded a diagram to your omni-tool last time this happened. I’m forwarding it again, I suggest you read it.” The woman stood and headed for the door.

Shepard nodded again, removing her hand from Garrus’ arm, to draw her palm over her face to push back her hair. Dr. Chakwas and Liara left, leaving Garrus and Shepard still seated on the floor.

“What did she mean, last time this happened?” Garrus asked, watching Shepard closely to confirm that her breaths were long and deep.

She moved her hand from her face and leaned against the chair she had toppled when she fell upon waking. “It’s a… panic attack.” She swallowed, reaching up to massage her throat. “I’ve had a few.”

Knowing how Shepard tended to minimize things that happened to her, Garrus narrowed his eyes. “How many are ‘a few’? And why didn’t you tell me?”

“A few.” She repeated, moving to stand up. Garrus quickly stood and leaned down to help. Shepard was shaking, and he didn’t trust her to walk on her own. “And there was no reason to make you worry about something that might have never happened again. _Christ_ , why are the lights so bright in here?”

Garrus bit back his frustration, forcing himself not to say the words he wanted to. He knew Shepard was trying to save him from worry, but being shut out of that part of her life hurt. “When was the last time this happened?”

“Before we went to Tuchanka.” She responded readily, pulling away from him to adjust her hoodie that had twisted around in her sleep. “It wasn’t as bad, I was able to stop it before it got as far as this one. You walked in as I was calming down.” At his blank look, she continued. “In the war room, right before we left.”

He remembered the look on her face that time, how pale she was and how dark her eyes had looked. He had even recognized it right after Thane had been injured, how Shepard had shown the same symptoms. He could have kicked himself for not having taken the time to find out what was wrong with her either of those times.

“Do you think you can sleep?” He asked, reading the tiredness in her face now that the crisis had passed.

“No,” She responded immediately. “My head is killing me and I feel like I’m going to throw up if the room doesn’t slow down its spinning.”

“A fourth of a bottle of asari hard liquor will do that.” Garrus leaned over to pick up the topped chair, righting it, and then pushed lightly on Shepard’s arm until she sank down into it. “Stay here, I’ll be right back.”

He left the room and walked the short distance to the dining area. Finding a water flask, he grabbed that and a spare chair and made his way back to life support. He partially dimmed the lights as he walked in before setting the chair next to Shepard’s, and pushed the water flask into her hand. “Drink, it’ll help the headache.”

She downed the water and propped her chin in her hands, staring across the table at the empty chair. “I need to apologize to Joker.” She said, her voice carrying a slight tremble. “And to you.”

Garrus reached a hand and rubbed the tense muscles in her neck. “You don’t have to apologize, Shepard. Today was a bad day, Joker and I both know that.”

Shepard didn’t respond, she stayed quiet for a long time as Garrus continued to knead the back of her neck.

Eventually, she spoke with a voice so soft he almost missed her words. “I’m really going to miss him, Garrus.”

He stared at the empty chair and thought of all the times he had sat in this room talking to Thane. The stories they had swapped, the battle plans they had shared, even good-natured arguments over the best ways to handle the weapon types they preferred. He tilted his head to the side so he could rest it on the top of Shepard’s.

“I know, Shepard. So will I.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard had asked to add Thane’s name to the memorial wall herself.

She stood, in her battle armor, and looked at the wall. She made herself read every name on the wall, her heart clenching tighter with every line. She closed her eyes for a moment when she saw the shiny, newer plaque that bore ‘ _Mordin Solus’_ on it, but she continued.

She was reminding herself why she fought. Why she didn’t give in to the agonizing pain and despair that threatened to choke her when she let down her guard. Why she didn’t down a bottle of liquor and leap out the nearest airlock, to join Thane in the blissful peace she was hoping he had found in the afterlife.

She was fighting to keep other names off this wall.

And she would keep fighting, because the nightmares that had haunted her for weeks on end could never come true. No matter how many times she dreamed of his accusing whispers, Garrus’ name could never become a part of this wall. She would _never_ let that happen.

Stepping forward, away from Garrus, Joker, Liara, EDI, and all the others who had known Thane and gathered for this moment, Shepard looked down at the piece of metal she was holding.

_Thane Krios_

He had been one of her best friends, second only to Garrus, and she had loved him dearly.

As she pressed the plaque to the wall and stepped back, her breath caught in her throat as she fought to keep her hands from trembling. She had heard from Anderson who it was that had killed Thane.

Kai Leng.

She would find the assassin, and she would end his life with her own hands.

Thane had prayed, with his final breath, that Shepard be forgiven and her sins be washed from her. He had believed that her heart was pure, deep down.

Shepard wasn’t sure if she believed that anymore, if she ever had.

 

* * *

 

Garrus screwed the lid back on a bottle of levo alcohol, setting it back underneath the counter. Joker pushed a few glasses his way, across the bar, and Garrus tossed them in the bin on the floor. “Giving Shepard another excuse to drink wasn’t the best idea you’ve ever had, Joker.”

The pilot had the grace to look guilty as he turned his head to glance at Shepard, who was stretched out on the couch, asleep. “I know, but I felt like we needed to so something to honor Thane’s memory. And sitting around getting shit-faced while telling stories about him seemed like the thing to do.

Garrus shook his head, looking around the lounge. Any evidence of the raucous drinking that had taken place over the past few hours was already gone. He hadn’t felt much like drinking himself, and had only sipped on one shot of turian brandy throughout the night. So it had fallen to him and Joker to take care of clean-up.

“We can’t let her self-destruct, Garrus.” Joker finally said, breaking the silence. “She has to survive this war.”

“She will.” Garrus answered automatically, wiping off the bar after it was cleared. “And once the Reapers are dead and she has a house, kids, and some time to rest, then you’ll be allowed to bring over all the booze you want.”

“And what about you?”

“I’ll even bring my own bottle to celebrate.”

“Huh.” Joker replied, sounding thoughtful. “And here I thought you’d be watching you and Shepard’s kids while we got drunk off our asses.”

Garrus was able to hide his surprise at Joker’s statement, but it was especially difficult since it was true. When he off-handedly mentioned Shepard’s future, he only imagined it with himself as a part of it. _Their_ house, _their_ kids, _their_ time to rest. “Well,” he shrugged, taking a sip of his brandy. “who knows. I won’t be _Expert Reaper Advisor Vakarian_ forever.”

“Oh come _on_ , man.” Joker said, setting his own drink down, “You two have _got_ to get this shit sorted out. You guys have been together for ages. Are you really still in that ‘I like you, do you like me?’ stage?” He paused for a second before adding, “I heard about that thing with the dining table, remember. You can’t possibly have not progressed since then.”

“Oh, we’ve progressed alright. We just don’t talk about it.” Garrus looked over at Shepard, her back rising and falling as she slept. “It seems like there’s always too much to do to sit down and discuss exactly what we are. I keep waiting for things to settle down, but hell, I don’t even know what I would say if I had the chance.”

“You’re so tight-lipped about this. Is it against turian culture to confess your love for someone?”

“The last time I brought up our relationship, pressing Shepard for her to tell me what she thought of ‘us’ as, she froze.” Garrus admitted, remembering the morning after he had asked Shepard if she and James had been involved. “She avoided the question. So now I’m just trying to wait until she’s comfortable enough with… whatever we are to talk about it.”

“Maybe you should just tell her how you feel.” Joker offered, a serious undertone to his voice. “Or ask her how _she_ feels. If Shepard is too skittish to bring it up, you’ll eventually have to.”

Garrus contemplated Joker’s suggestion, his mind running through possible scenarios. “So… how exactly do humans go about setting up the right mood to have a discussion like that?”

“Well, you could always take five steps towards that couch, wake her up, and just ask her.”

“Joker.”

“Fine, fine. I’ll find some vids and send you the links.”


	26. Maintenance

“So how long is the Normandy going to be under maintenance?” Shepard asked Joker, staring across the crowded bar at the others who were drinking or dancing, or both. It had been a few long weeks of missions and errands, including running into some old friends like Jacob and Samara, but they were docked on the Citadel again. And Joker had sent her a message asking her to stop by Purgatory, so she had taken him up on the offer.

Thane’s death wasn’t as fresh in her mind or quite as painful in her heart anymore, but docking on the Citadel had brought back those memories as strong as ever. Shepard still missed him, she didn’t expect that to change anytime soon. She and Garrus had spent many a night in the life support room, recounting stories of battles and visits with Thane.

It had helped Shepard, more than she could probably ever explain to Garrus, to talk about Thane. To talk about the way she felt now that he was gone, and how she was so angry that the rage almost overcame her at times. She could feel herself starting to heal, albeit slowly.

And now she was here, in a bar, with a nervous Joker who had only cryptically mentioned that he and EDI were going to be in Purgatory and that she should join them.

“The maintenance team should be done by tonight or tomorrow morning at the latest.” Joker responded, leaning on the bar to look out over the crowd. “It was just a few small things that needed to be checked on before we head out to the Far Rim.”

“The quarians contacted Admiral Hackett about us weeks ago, is it really okay to be living it up in a bar?”

“Hey, the second the Normandy’s ready to set out, we can go.” Joker raised his hand at the bartender to order a drink. “But until then, we’re stuck here. Might as well live it up while we’re here, right?”

Shepard shook her head, raising her own hand for a drink.

“Look at this!” Joker motioned at all the vicarious dancing that was taking place around them. “All it took was a Cerberus attack on the Citadel to get folks around here to pay attention to the war.”

Shepard followed his motion with her eyes, looking at the wild dancing on the dance floors. “How is this any different than normal?”

Joker scoffed at her response. “Can’t you see the desperation? This isn’t happy dancing. This is ‘forget my problems’ dancing. Look at the arms.” Shepard nodded at his words, picking up on the signs he was mentioning. “If a guy waves his arms like that, he’s worrying about a lot more than looking stupid on the dance floor.”

“That’s… surprisingly observant.” Shepard noted, looking over her shoulder at Joker. It surprised her to see how much effort he was putting into reading the crowd. He seemed a little pensive, once she began to take more notice of his expressions and words.

“I’ve had time to watch a lot of dancing from the sidelines. Speaking of which…” He trailed off for a moment, leaning on the counter next to Shepard, looking at the balcony above them.

“Dancing?” Shepard prompted, and Joker gave her a look out of the corner of his eyes.

“Watching from the sidelines.” He emphasized, before continuing. “What do you think about me and EDI?”

Shepard was a little surprised at the question. Not that she hadn’t expected the topic to be broached at some point. Neither Joker nor EDI were especially subtle about their affection for each other, at least not around Shepard. She just hadn’t expected Joker to come to her for advice, and certainly not today in this bar.

She took a long drink before answering. “Why not?”

“Because I could break a bone just from some light over-the-clothes action?” He responded dryly, taking a drink himself.

“That’s always a risk.” She conceded, choosing to move the conversation away from Joker and EDI’s future sex life. “But then, so are the Reapers.”

“Yeah, I wasn’t planning on dating Harbinger.”

Shepard shot him a look. “You know what I mean. If we all ended up dead this time tomorrow, what would you regret?”

“Getting a shattered pelvis.” He responded immediately, before adding in a quieter tone, “And a broken heart.” A few moments later and he looked over at her again. “It’s such a stupid idea.”

“If you could be out there right now on the dance floor, would you be waving your arms?”

“Yeah.” Joker admitted, looking down.

“Sounds like you’ve got bigger things to worry about than looking stupid.” Shepard responded simply, picking her drink up to finish it off.

“Yeah. Guess I do.” He muttered, taking a drink before looking back at her. “Speaking of the pursuit of romance, Commander, what’s the deal with you and Garrus?”

Shepard had hoped that the conversation wouldn’t turn to her own love life, and she had to force back a sigh. ”What do you mean?” She asked, stalling for time.

“Well, everyone needs a reason to keep fighting in this war. If that reason is love, then so be it.”

“Any reason in particular you’re getting philosophical on me, Joker?”

The one topic she had been trying to avoid even thinking about, and Joker had to go and bring it up while they were out relaxing and drinking.

Shepard didn’t _know_ what was going on with her and Garrus. She had _never_ known, from the start. Even looking back to their time on the SR1, when she knew she cared about him and wanted to start _something_ , she hadn’t know _what_ even way back then. And she had put it off, waiting for some day in the future when she would have more time to decide what she wanted out of her infatuation with him.

That time had never come, instead she had died and left him on his own for two years. And then miraculously come back from the dead, found him again, and had somehow muddled her way through a lot of alcohol and flirting to wind up with him in her bed. Their conversation about blowing off steam had laid the groundwork for a simple physical relationship, but she had been much too far gone at that point to be able to stop her feelings from growing into something more.

“Why haven’t you told Garrus that you love him?” He asked, simply.

She knew it was love. She had known it since the day she had decided to go back to Earth and face the Alliance for destroying the Bahak relay. When Garrus had told her he would wait for her, and held her when she cried, she had realized just how much he meant to her. And how she would have given anything to have stayed there in her cabin with him for the rest of their lives.

And the next morning, as they walked to the airlock to drop Garrus off on the Citadel, her heart had broken with every step. She had wanted to tell him then. To let him know that he had to stay safe, so she could find him if the Alliance ever let her out. To let him know that when she imagined her future, she wanted him in it.

But the thought of that life, a happy one with Garrus and a family, had stopped her from saying anything. She was never going to be allowed that life. Her past had been full of loss and heartache, and there was no reason that her future would be any different. And seeing Garrus’ tears as they parted, her hands reaching up to brush them away, had been the final thing to hold her words back.

She couldn’t tell him she loved him, when she would only hurt him worse in the end than she already was.

Seeing him again, after the Reapers attacked and she escaped Earth, had been something she didn’t honestly think would happen. After Palaven was hit, she had thought for sure she had lost him, had lost her final chance to let him know how she felt before they were separated for the final time. Instead, he had joined her again on the Normandy, and they had wasted no time rekindling what they had had before she left for Earth.

And then he had asked her if she had been sleeping with James.

That question had hurt her, and she had admitted to more than she planned when she answered Garrus. Despite there having been no official discussion of their relationship, Shepard had considered them exclusive. She couldn’t imagine having an interest in anyone else with the way she felt about Garrus. But she had wondered if maybe he hadn’t felt the same, until the next morning when he brought her a special breakfast under the watchful gaze of the Normandy crew.

At her hesitant questioning, he had turned serious, pressing her to ask what exactly she considered their relationship to be. And, instead of telling him how she felt, she had put it off again. Surely, she had thought then, there would be a better time to discuss it. When things weren’t so crazy, when she had more time to wrap her head around it all, when she had dealt with her fears of leaving him behind if and when she died in the war against the Reapers.

He had been her rock, for so long. He had been there for her in every way imaginable, and she still felt that it would be taking such advantage of him if she tied their futures together. She needed him, so much more than he could possibly ever need her, and that scared her. She had grown up all alone, to need someone now made her feel vulnerable.

Abandonment issues, fear of the future, and inability to commit because of a fear of the future. All wrapped up into one.

Shepard wondered now if there was a prize for how many issues one person could have in a relationship, because she would win it. But instead, she just raised her eyebrows at Joker instead of answering. She would play dumb with the pilot as long as she could.

He wasn’t buying it, however. “Oh, come _on_ , Commander.” Joker said, exasperatedly. “I know you probably better than you know yourself.”

“It’s… not the right time.” She gave him the most honest answer she could muster. She wasn’t lying to him, just holding back the details.

“And when _is_ the right time?”

“When I’m not one mission-turned-wrong away from dying.” Shepard shot back, raising two fingers at the bartender. She was glad to see he took the sign and brought her two smoking shots.

“That’s bullshit, Commander, and you know it.” Joker responded flatly, she shot a look at him and he met her gaze.

“Didn’t you have something you wanted to talk to EDI about?” Shepard asked, pointedly looking to where the AI was standing near the dance floor. “Let me drink in peace.”

Joker pushed away from the bar, shaking his head. As he walked away, Shepard heard him muttering under his breath at her, but she chose to ignore it in order to down the shots that were still smoking.

 

* * *

 

Garrus was looking at a new scope for his sniper rifle when the call came in on his omni-tool.

“Garrus, I think you need to come get Shepard.” Was Joker’s way of greeting when the screen came up with his face on it. Garrus felt his heart begin to pound.

“What’s wrong? Is she okay?” Garrus replaced the scope, moving out of the shop quickly. “Send me your location, I’m on my way-“

“Relax, she’s… mostly fine.” Only then did Garrus notice the loud background noise behind Joker’s words.

“Are you in a bar?”

“Purgatory.” Joker confirmed what he had suspected at the sounds. ”Shepard had a little much, and she ended up passing out on a couch.”

Garrus swore. “She was fine when she left the Normandy. What happened? It’s barely noon.”

“I, uh… I think I pushed her into thinking about some things she wasn’t ready to think about.” Joker responded, sounding both apologetic and evasive. “She should be fine until you get here, though. Aria T’Loak is guarding her pretty well.”

Garrus groaned, wondering what the asari would expect in return for guard duty. “I’m on my way, be there in 5.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard was just coming around when Garrus approached the couch. Nodding his thanks to a glaring Aria, trying to make a quick exit to avoid having to talk to her, Garrus slipped his arm under Shepard’s and helped her to her feet.

They made their way, very slowly, out of the bar. Garrus was aiming for the nearest car rental kiosk, so he could get her away from Purgatory, when Shepard spoke. Her voice was full of warmth and joy, of the kind that only alcohol gave lately. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Garrus.”

“Learn how to stop drinking so you can walk on your own?” Garrus shook his head and helped her into the car, trying to decide where to go. Shepard had told him about Anderson giving her an apartment. She hadn’t gotten the chance to fully check it out, having only stopped in there for a few minutes, and they had made plans to stay there tonight for the first time. He figured she couldn’t be too annoyed about him seeing it earlier than planned when it was her own fault.

Shepard laughed as he got into the car and drove them towards Silversun Strip. Garrus had seen happy-drunk-Shepard a few times before, and he was very glad for the laughter rather than the tears. She chattered away, and he kept up with answering her rambling, until they reached the apartment building and he helped her inside.

She leaned into his arm as they walked, her head against his chest. Looking up, she smiled. “You’d make a great husband, Garrus.”

Her words caused his hands to shake a little as he pressed the access code she had given him into the door panel. He led her into the apartment before answering, attempting to keep his voice light. “If that’s your way of proposing, I’d say yes, but you have to ask me again when you’re sober.”

“You mean you’d actually marry me?” She asked, after he helped her to a couch. She seemed amazed by the thought, and then she added, “You know I’m going to die, right?”

“We’re all going to die, Shepard.” He answered from the kitchen, finding Shepard some water. She had said earlier that she was placing an order to a nearby merchant so the kitchen would be stocked. It looked like the supplies she ordered had come in.

“Yeah, but I mean like _soon_.” Shepard emphasized, and at a soft thump, Garrus looked up to see that Shepard had let herself fall over to lay on the couch. “When the Reapers kill me, I’ll have to leave you all alone.”

Garrus’ hands shook as he handed her the water. He knew that yes, she was drunk, but she was also telling him a few things that explained some of the reluctance in her actions. “You’re not going to die. I’ve got your 6 in every battle we go into, and I’m _good_ with a gun.” He perched on the table next to the couch, brushing the hair from Shepard’s eyes. “If you knew you weren’t going to die, would you marry me?”

“Yeah, of course.” She reached for him, and he moved closer, expecting a kiss that tasted like alcohol. Instead, she pressed her forehead to his. “Even if you’re a spiky bird alien.” She added, and Garrus laughed before he could stop himself. Shepard pushed back from him, staring at him with a serious look that was slightly ruined by the fact that her eyes couldn’t focus on him completely. “If you knew I wasn’t going to die, would _you_ marry _me_?”

Garrus scorned himself for it, but he could feel a prickling in the corners of his eyes. Shepard had been holding back because of her belief that she was going to die because of the Reapers. Here, with her barriers down thanks to the alcohol, he finally understood.

“Of course I would, Shepard.” He whispered, pressing a kiss to her lips for just a moment. “Now get some sleep. You’ll feel better when you wake up.”

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, Shepard woke. Garrus heard her groan from the next room over, where he had been nursing a single shot of a nice brandy he had found under the bar. Pouring the rest out, he replaced the glass before moving back into the main room. “Regretting that alcohol yet?”

“I always do.” Shepard responded, her arm over her eyes to block the light. “Did you bring me here from Purgatory?”

“Yeah.” He answered, moving her feet to sit on the end of the couch. “You were passed out next to Aria T’Loak, and I didn’t want her to talk you into giving up the Normandy while you were incapacitated.”

Shepard groaned again, moving her arm to look at Garrus. “I don’t know what I’d do without you, Garrus.”

The familiar words brought a smile to his face, and when she asked what he was smiling about, he avoided the question. Instead, he encouraged her to shower and change so they could go out for dinner. She did, and they enjoyed a meal out at a fancy restaurant. And after, they returned to the apartment and enjoyed their night together in the new bed that Shepard had ordered.

Later that night, with Shepard asleep and curled up at his side, Garrus stared at the ceiling. They didn’t have time for it now, Joker had already sent messages saying the Normandy was leaving at first light, but as soon as they got back from meeting with the quarians, he was going to take Shepard out to talk about what she had told him earlier that day. He didn’t want her going any further into this battle against the Reapers without knowing that her future with him was settled and certain.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like it? Hate it? Please consider leaving a comment to let me know. <3 I write for my readers, and I'd love to hear from you.


	27. Comfort & Home

“We’re approaching the quarian home system. ETA to Rannoch: five minutes.”

Shepard stood behind Joker, her breather helmet securely in place so she could jump out the airlock as soon as the Normandy docked. “What’ve you got from the comm buoys?”

“Pretty much a big ol’ shitstorm, Commander.” He replied, resting his chin on his hand and gesturing towards the holograms in front of him.

“I have detected several hundred unique ship signatures engaged in active combat.” EDI spoke up, flipping through her own information.

“Yeah, like I said.” Joker replied, rubbing his eyes.

“Take us in, Joker.” Shepard decided, knowing there was no other way to get to the ship. And they needed to take out the Reaper signal to save as many quarians as they could.

 

* * *

 

Shepard led Garrus and Tali towards the airlock as the Normandy connected with one of the docking tubes. “All right, once we’re aboard, we find whatever’s broadcasting the Reaper signal and shut it down.” They stood in the exit, waiting for confirmation to leave. “Tali’s our expert on geth software. She’ll be handling hacking and security.”

“Good to have you back, Tali.” Garrus spoke up, his voice carrying across their comms from his closed helmet. “Maybe with another dextro aboard, they’ll get better turian food.”

“As long as it’s sterilized.” Tali retorted, sounding like she didn’t expect much.

“Dr. Michel did get me some dextro-amino chocolate.” He added. “You’re welcome to it, once we’re back.”

Shepard saw Tali’s helmet turn her way with a glance. “She got you… turian chocolate?”

“She said she saw it and thought of me. Why?”

“Watch yourself, Shepard.” Tali responded, bumping Shepard’s arm.

“Last time I was in Huerta, I saw Jacob and he asked how Garrus and I were doing.” Shepard replied, trying to keep most of the smugness out of her voice. “I made sure to answer him loudly.” She glanced at Garrus. “I don’t think Dr. Michel has sent you anything since then, has she?

“You lost me my source for free turian chocolates, Shepard.” Garrus grumbled, adjusting the gun on his back. “She probably looks over her shoulder for you anytime she gets _near_ a turian.”

“Good.” Shepard shot back, hearing Tali’s laugh.

“Shepard, there is a problem.” EDI’s voice broke through their chatter. “All tubes except one are physically secured.”

“I see the free one. Pretty torn up, though.” Joker’s voice came through next.

“Too risky for the whole team.” Shepard said, looking between Garrus and Tali. “I’ll secure the docking area. You two can follow me over after.”

“Roger that, Commander.” Joker responded before anyone else got to. “We’ll just stay here—you know—quietly.”

“Hang tight. It’ll just be a minute.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard stepped into the tube, and for a moment she regretted her decision to cross this alone. But she wouldn’t have wanted Garrus or Tali to have to push through the nearly-destroyed docking tube like she was going to do.

She took a few steps, feeling how shaky her surroundings were. Thankful for the mag-boots she had thought to put on, she began to walk along the tube’s side to avoid a hole. Through the hole, she caught sight of the dreadnought and she stopped for a second to look at it.

“No wonder the quarians were having trouble. That ship is enormous.” She commented, feeling the loneliness of the quiet surrounding her.

“It is 30% larger than an Alliance dreadnought.” EDI replied. Shepard sighed and continued walking.

When she reached another hole on the other side, she caught sight of Rannoch. “Tali, you’re going to like the view.”

“Better than a vid?” She heard Tali’s small voice over the comm, and she smiled.

“Much.”

After more walking, Garrus’ voice came over the comm. “You know, Shepard, if you want to do some sight-seeing, you could wait until we join you.”

Shepard laughed, looking through another hole in the tube. “Nothing to see right now but far-off gunfire.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”

Shepard nearly stumbled on a piece of debris in her way, her boots keeping her upright, but her comm caught the catch in her breath and Tali picked up on it. “How are you doing, Shepard?” She asked.

“The lack of gravity is a little disorienting.” She admitted.

“The dreadnought has artificial gravity.” Tali responded, Shepard knew she was trying to be encouraging. “You should be okay once you’re on board.”

“Until then, I’ll make do with the mag-boots.” Shepard stated as she continued through the docking tube.

“Hey, take your time, Commander. We’re fine until they, you know _, look out a window_.” Joker’s voice sounded a mixture between worried and impatient.

“Geth don’t use windows, remember?” Garrus spoke up. “Structural weakness.”

“Like the geth are just sitting there saying, ‘Those organics would never try the no-windows thing twice!’”

Shepard continued on in silence, and had almost reached the far door when she heard a screech of metal. Looking down, she saw the floor separating and she took a running leap. Her feet caught onto the platform in front of her and she swayed precariously, her boots keeping her righted.

“Shepard!” Both Garrus and Tali yelled across the comm, and when Shepard turned, she saw the entire docking tube floating away.

“Looks like you guys aren’t using the docking tube.” She responded dryly, her heart pounding in her ears.

“So I’m guessing you’d rather not solo the dreadnought.” Joker commented.

“Not if I can help it.” Shepard said, looking around her for a way to open the door as she watched the Normandy fly away. “Tali, get on the dreadnought schematics. If you can point me to another docking tube, I’ll override the controls and let you and Garrus on.”

 

* * *

 

“I’ve found another airlock.” Shepard called over the comm a few minutes later. “I think we’re good to go.”

“About time.” It was Garrus who responded first. “I thought we were going to have to wait out here forever.”

Tali answered before she could. “If you override the controls, we’ll be right there.”

Shepard climbed a ladder and fiddled with an interface until she found the right key sequence. “Got it. You’re clear to board.”

The door opened and she saw Garrus and Tali walk through. Tali stopped to look around the ship, but Garrus walked further in, calling out to her across the comm from the ground level. “See any action?”

“Not yet.” Shepard responded with a smile he wouldn’t be able to see because of the helmet. “But I’m sure you can help me find some.”

“If you two could keep the flirting _off_ the comm, that would be great.” Joker quipped. “I’d like to have it free incase, y’know, something starts attacking the Normandy again.”

Tali climbed up the ladder, shaking her head. “Here, let me see if I can get this open.” She pulled out a small pistol, setting it in front of Shepard. “In the meantime, take a look at this.”

Shepard approached the pistol and picked it up, looking it over, as Tali spoke again. “There, it’s open. We’re clear to go.”

“Looks impressive.” Shepard said, unsure about the lightness compared to her usual weapon of choice.

“It’s Admiral Xen’s design. It transmits an energy pulse on contact that disrupts shields and synthetics.”

“That’ll be handy.” Shepard replied.

“How come I don’t get a new gun?” Garrus asked, looking down at the sniper rifle Shepard knew he would never actually let go of.

“Couldn’t find one in your size.” Tali countered, tapping away at another panel until another door opened.

 

* * *

 

Shepard hit the Maintenance Override for the main gun, opening the door that led straight to it. Garrus peered in, not liking the idea of walking straight towards a giant cannon, but knowing it was the only way.

“That’ll buy us time.” He said, walking in and turning around to look at Shepard. “No way they’ll fire with that maintenance lock in place.”

“Let’s move.” She responded, taking point. Garrus wished that, just this once, she would actually let him face the danger first. But he knew better than to ask, and instead he followed her as close as he could without running into her.

When they leapt across a gap in the floor, the walls around them begin to spin, and Garrus felt his heart sink. “Gun’s coming back online!” He yelled across the comm, and Shepard started sprinting.

“Come on!” She yelled back, Tali and Garrus at her heels. “Let’s get out of here!”

She made it to the end first, but instead of running for safety, she moved to the side, waving Tali and Garrus through first. Garrus ran past her and immediately turned, and for a heart-wrenching second, he thought Shepard was going to stand there and let the blast hit her. At the last second, she dove to the side under the closing maintenance door, and Garrus was pulling her to her feet before she caught her breath.

“Cut that a little close!” He yelled, letting go of her arm as she got her footing back. She pulled out her pistol and had the grace to look apologetic. But before she could say anything, Tali was yelling for them to get to cover as the first shockwave came barreling past them.

 

* * *

 

“Shepard, did you do something _really badly_ in another life? Or do you _work_ to earn this level of bad luck?”

Shepard looked over the ledge that Garrus had just pulled her onto, staring at the elevator she had just been standing on that was now plummeting its way down the seemingly endless shaft.

“Gotta keep you on your toes somehow.” She patted his shoulder as she walked past him.

“I think the geth you let get through your shields took care of that already.” He responded, reloading his rifle.

“I miss my shotgun.” Shepard complained, looking down at the tiny pistol she was holding. The thing lacked the punch she was used to, and it changed her entire style of fighting. She was used to getting in close to enemies and blowing them away with the force of her shotgun’s blast. The pistol didn’t work that way.

“You’ll be able to use it as soon as we leave geth space.” Garrus started walking, but stopped and looked back at her. “Just don’t try head-butting any geth.”

A pronounced cough came over the comm, from Joker.

“It’s nice to see that having to leave the Normandy for a while didn’t dampen the entertainment supplied by you both.” Tali spoke up.

“At least this time it’s _you_ getting to keep them under control long enough to get the mission finished, Tali.” Joker remarked.

 

* * *

 

Shepard threw her helmet into a chair as she walked into the main battery, fuming. “She compared _Legion_ to my _pistol_. I want to tell her exactly where she could shove her gun, that _self-righteous ass of a_ -“

She broke off her rant, noticing the expression on Garrus’ face. “What’s wrong?”

“I got word from Palaven.” He said, pushing away from the console he had been working at. He looked both frustrated and anxious. “I don’t like what I’m hearing. The krogan are there in force, but they’re just slowing the Reapers down. Not stopping them.” He shook his head, looking at Shepard. “I’m not sure that’s going to be enough.”

Shepard felt a familiar sense of loss, knowing what he must be feeling. She felt it every day for Earth. “You hear anything from your family?”

He didn’t answer, but looked away, his mandible clenching. Shepard reached out and rubbed her fingers over his scars, waiting until he turned his gaze back to her. “You will.” She added, softly.

Garrus looked down, taking a moment before answering. “But I did hear from Primarch Victus. He wanted my advice on fleet strength when the Crucible is ready.” He turned away to lean against the barricade, staring at the far wall, pensive. “Still can’t get used to people asking me things like that.”

“What did you say?” Shepard asked, leaning next to him.

“I said at some point we’re going to have to decide if our fleets keep defending Palaven or we go on the offensive.”

“Can’t do both?” Shepard felt bad for Garrus, she knew what it was like to have that responsibility thrust out of nowhere.

“Not with the beating we’re taking.” He answered, looking down. “Like I said, not the sort of questions I’m used to answering.”

“You know what you’re doing, Garrus.” She laid a hand on his arm, looking up at him. “Trust me. Everyone can see that.”

“Maybe, but you spend so much time on the outside trying to get in, and when you do, it’s… not what I expected.” Garrus shook his head.

“How so?”

He sighed, leaning heavily on the barricade. “All the questions… and every one of them with a million lives riding on the answer.”

“You do the best you can with what you know.” Shepard crossed her arms, concerned over the amount of worry in his words. “It’s no different than your days at C-Sec.”

“You’re right. Though I’m starting to understand why the galaxy needs coldhearted dictators every now and then.” He glanced over at her, his eyebrow plates contracted together.

“They get things done?” She asked, unsure of his line of reasoning.

“They don’t give a damn about the consequences. Suppose that’s what it’s going to take, Shepard: the ruthless calculus of war.” He looked away, breaking his gaze. “Ten billion people over here die so twenty billion over there can live. Are we up for that? Are you?”

Shepard looked at him, her gaze steady. “If we reduce this war to arithmetic, we’re not better than Reapers.”

“A nice sentiment.” He answered quietly, still looking away. “Let’s hope we can live by it.”

Shepard moved to wrap her arms around Garrus’ back. It was hard to do, with his carapace and all, but she made it work. She hugged him tightly, and after a few moments she felt his hand on hers, squeezing it tightly.

“I’m okay, Shepard.” Garrus said, his voice sounding thick. “I have to believe it’ll work out and that my family’s okay, that I’ll hear from them at any time.” Shepard let go after a minute, but Garrus tugged her around him in order to return the embrace. His mandibles brushed her hair as he spoke. “Thanks for being here.”

“How about we have a quiet dinner in my cabin tonight?” The dining area had become even rowdier than usual with both quarians and Legion on the ship. Shepard figured the silence would do him good. “I’ll find us something good to eat, you can try out that fancy new wine I ordered, and we can relax for the evening before we head to Rannoch.”

“Sounds perfect.” Garrus murmured, his hands trailing along her arms as he let her go. “Send me a message when you want me to come up.”

 

* * *

 

After dinner, Shepard moved closer to Garrus on the couch, resting her arm on his shoulder. He ran a hand through her hair. “Feeling better?” She asked, and when he looked down, she was staring up at him.

He nodded, resting his chin on her head when she looked back down. “Yeah, thanks for showing up in the battery when you did.” It had felt good to get all of his worries out into the air between them, to let someone help him talk through the decisions he had made and still had to make in the future.

“Sorry for bursting in so loudly.” She said ruefully, leaning into his chest more. “I was ready to shoot Admiral Xen.”

“You said she compared Legion to your pistol?” At Shepard’s nod, Garrus shook his head. He knew the quarians wouldn’t be happy about Legion being aboard, but the thought of anyone treating Legion like an unknowing object left a bad taste in his mouth. “We better keep an eye on Legion, make sure nothing happens to him.”

“Already on it.” Shepard responded. “I told him to let EDI know immediately if he feels like he’s in danger, and she’ll alert me.”

“Good.” He said, moving his hand from her hair to her neck, feeling the tightness in her muscles. “You’re tense, lean up.” He pushed on her shoulder, wanting to rub her neck and back until some of the strain in her face left.

She turned to the side, and Garrus massaged those muscles until Shepard was lying against the cushion and looking like she was in danger of melting permanently into the couch. Garrus smiled at the sight, running a hand down her back to settle near her waist. “The bed’s right over there, Shepard.”

“I need a shower before I get in it.” She replied, her voice muffled from her face being buried in the couch cushion. “And I absolutely _do not_ want to move.”

“Even if it means you can go to sleep after?”

She turned, angling her face to look at him. “Not all of us get the chance to hop straight in the shower after a battle. Admiral Hackett was waiting on the vid comm the second we got back to the Normandy.”

Garrus prodded at her side, and she squirmed. “Get up, Shepard. Shower and sleep, stat.”

Grumbling under her breath, Shepard pushed herself up off the couch. When she moved past him to head for the shower, she stopped and leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his mouthplates, leveraging against his shoulders to keep from falling. After she broke off the kiss, she curled her hands against his shoulders. “You’re the one who needs a massage. Do you ever feel less stiff than this?”

He chuckled as she pushed away from him, digging through her closet for a clean t-shirt and shorts. “Not really. I’m not made to be soft and squishy like _some_ humans I know.”

Shepard stopped in the middle of removing her shirt, an eyebrow raised. “I’m pretty sure you _enjoy_ my soft and squishiness, Vakarian.”

“Oh, I do, believe me.” She looked satisfied and continued stripping as she made her way to the shower. He got up and began to clear off the table, placing the nice wines Shepard had bought next to her personal terminal on the desk. “Shepard, have you bought _another_ model ship?”

“Three more, last time we were on the Citadel.” Her voice came through the closed door, over the sound of running water. “Only one was in stock, though, I’ll pick up the others next time we dock.”

Garrus shook his head, smiling to himself as he looked from the model ships, to the space hamster, to the fish that were still miraculously alive.  He felt so at home in this room, with Shepard just a few steps away.

He dimmed the lights and turned the thermostat up –just a bit, so she wouldn’t notice—and began arranging the pillows on the bed to accommodate his neck. He had just gotten settled in the bed when Shepard exited the shower in a faded N7 shirt, turned the thermostat back down while shooting him a _look_ , and promptly climbed into the bed next to him.

After exchanging a goodnight kiss, Garrus felt so comfortable that he was drowsy within a few minutes. He barely heard Shepard’s voice from somewhere near his chest. “What was that?” He mumbled, pulling her closer to him.

“I said,” She responded, her own voice thick with near-sleep. “I know I never really had a home, but I’m pretty sure this is what it feels like.”

Long after Shepard’s breathing evened out to signify she had fallen asleep, Garrus laid awake, his hand running through Shepard’s hair, and her words running through his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was flip-flopping on how to end this chapter. But tomorrow’s my birthday, so I wrote a fluff ending, if only for myself.


	28. Some things to think about

****“I can’t believe you actually went into the geth consensus, Shepard.”

Shepard reached for her glass of wine. “It was an experience to be sure. You think anyone else has ever done it?”

“Of course not.” Tali shook her head, leaning back. “Only _Commander Shepard_ would be insane enough to try that.”

Shepard and Tali sat across from each other on the couches in Shepard's room, some wine and snacks in front of them, snacking as they talked. Shepard was so glad to have Tali back on board, she had invited her up to her cabin as soon as the Admirals and Shepard had finished making their plans for heading back to Rannoch the next day to destroy the Reaper base.

During a lull in their conversation, Tali got quiet for a minute before she spoke softly, "I'm sorry about Thane, Shepard." Shepard nodded her thanks at the sentiment, choosing to take a sip of wine instead of trying to answer around the lump in her throat that had formed at the mention of him. "Garrus let me know after it happened. Are we going to have a memorial service for him?"

"I've thought about it." Shepard admitted, looking down at her empty glass. "Kolyat brought up the idea, and we'd have to find time for everyone to get together..." her words trailed off as she stared at the far wall. "But yeah, definitely. He deserves it."

Tali nodded, examining a piece of the turian chocolate Garrus had given to her. "You and Garrus both look well." She said, angling her head at Shepard. "How are you two doing?"

"Same as always." Shepard replied, reaching for the bottle to refill her glass. It had been several days now since she had passed out at Purgatory and Garrus had had to come pick her up, and he had been acting differently since then. His expression seemed softer somehow when he looked at her, she had yet to figure out why.

"I noticed the large amount of pillows on your bed, so I assumed as much." Tali said with a humorous tone. When Shepard raised an eyebrow at her, she continued. " _One day_ you'll watch Fleet and Flotilla, like I've been asking you to since I joined you on the SR1. The turian and quarian couple in the movie had to get... creative with their shared sleeping quarters. They used a lot of pillows, too."

After a few moments of silence, Shepard spoke up, changing the subject. "So did Liara tell you about Joker and EDI?"

Tali nodded enthusiastically, but then the door to the cabin opened, and Shepard heard Garrus' familiar voice as he stepped through it. "Shepard, I hope you've got alcohol, because-" he stopped his words when he spotted Tali and realized Shepard wasn't alone in her cabin. "Ah, sorry Tali, I didn't mean to interrupt. I didn't realize you were up here."

"It's alright, I should be getting back to the war room." Tali responded, sounding amused as she pushed herself off the couch. "I'm sure someone will be needing my advice on the geth before too long." She added dryly, Shepard got the feeling that she had rolled her eyes under the helmet while making that statement.

Tali made her way to the door before turning to look back at them. "I'll see you both later, we’re setting out for Rannoch early tomorrow morning."

Shepard raised a hand in farewell, and Garrus sat next to her on the couch. "I didn't interrupt anything, did I?"

"No, we were just bringing each other up to speed on the latest news."

"It's good to see Tali back, she belongs on the Normandy." He settled his arm around Shepard's shoulders, after reaching for one of the dextro snacks that had been left over. Shepard nodded in agreement.

"What were you saying when you walked in?" Shepard prompted, glancing over at him. "Something about alcohol?"

Garrus nodded, and Shepard waited for him to finish chewing the snack before he spoke. "Ah, right. Well, one of the quarian admirals, Gerrel I think, found me in the main battery. He drilled me with questions about the turian fleet for at least an hour. After telling him what I could, and politely refusing to tell him anything I couldn't, he got angry and left." He reached for the bottle of wine that was labeled dextro. "So if you or Primarch Victus start getting complaints about the 'lack of turian cooperation', you know who they're aimed at."

He pulled Shepard’s empty glass out of her hand and poured the dextro wine into it. “Garrus, there’s more than likely some levo contamination in that.” He took a sip of the liquid anyway, and she shook her head in exasperation.

“Good.” Garrus responded, pouring more into it. “If I have an allergic reaction, I can’t get involved in any more interspecies conflicts.”

Shepard tugged it from his hand and stood up. Fetching two clean glasses, she came back and sat at his side, pushing one of the clean glasses towards him. “I’d rather you not have to throw up all night because of a glass.”

He chuckled, turning his head to press a kiss to her hair as thanks. “Why? You have _other_ plans in mind for tonight?”

“I didn’t, but I think we could do just about anything and have a better evening than you being sick.” She tugged on Garrus’ neck, pulling his face down to meet hers as he chuckled again. She ran her fingers across his mandibles as they kissed, feeling his hands pulling her closer.

It was several long minutes later, with Garrus’ head pressed against hers, that he spoke. His voice was soft and quiet, a hand running through her hair as he stared into her eyes. “You’re so beautiful, Shepard.” Shepard blinked at the unexpected words, and Garrus noticed her surprise. “What is it?”

“Nothing.” Shepard said quickly, and then added as an afterthought. “It’s just… that’s the first time you ever called me beautiful.” She thought for a moment, before continuing on. “Why are you being so nice to me lately?”

“I’m always nice.” Garrus said, with a mock-defensive tone to his words as he leaned against the back of the couch, angling to look at her.

“No, you’re usually nice with a side of sarcasm.” She replied, turning to stare at him, searching his face for an answer. “But the past few days you’ve been downright sweet and kind, no cynicism included. Is there something I should know? Did anything happen that you’re waiting to tell me about?”

“Shepard.” He cut in, exasperated. He reached out to pull her to him, but Shepard shook her head.

“No, tell me if something’s wrong, I can handle it.”

Garrus tugged insistently on her hand until she moved closer to him, and he pulled her until she was on his lap, facing him. “Nothing’s wrong.” At her suspicious look, he chuckled. “I _promise_ , Shepard.” He settled a hand on her waist, and another ran long her jaw. “As far as the beautiful thing goes, I always think you’re gorgeous. I guess I should be saying that more often.”

Shepard looked away, feeling self-conscious over the way his eyes were searching hers. “One would think you’ve seen too many of my scars to feel that way.” She was proud of her battle scars, but the thought of anyone being able to overlook them was absurd.

“Well, _one_ would be wrong.” Garrus replied softly, his hands moving to unzip her hoodie and push it off her shoulders. She wore a thin black tank-top underneath it, and his fingers moved to trail along the scars that were visible along the now-exposed skin of her chest and arms. “Every single one of these scars are beautiful. They mean you survived whatever it was that gave them to you, right?”

“Just like you survived a rocket to the face?”

He ignored her attempt to turn the mood light again, his fingers just under her collarbone. “This is the one from that time that Cerberus sniper got a shot in while your shields were weak.”

“You slathered me up in three times the amount of medigel that was actually necessary.” Shepard responded with a smile, remembering the way he had watched her so carefully for several days after that.

“And this one,” Garrus moved his hand, touching a long, thin line along her right arm. “is from that husk at the Collector base who got in a good swipe at you when your shotgun jammed.”

She looked at that line, remembering. “Thane shot the husk while you yelled across the comm that you were throwing that shotgun out the Normandy’s airlock the next time we left dock.”

“And I did. That was the fourth time it had jammed on you.”

“I _liked_ that shotgun.”

Garrus picked her hand up with his, bringing it to the right side of his face, pressing her fingers to the scars he bore. “Remember these?” He asked, his voice serious again. His eyes so intensely focused on hers.

“ _Vaguely_.” She responded softly, her fingers brushing his skin. “The day my heart was in my throat for hours, thinking I had found you again only to lose you to a rocket.”

“That was the best day of my life.” His hand left hers to brush along her face again. “Seeing you for the first time in two years, realizing you weren’t dead. It was the first time I had felt alive in _so long_.”

Shepard felt a familiar pang of guilt thinking of the message she still had saved on her omni-tool, from the day Anderson had told Garrus she died.

_‘It’s not true, Shepard. Please tell me you’re alive.’_

“Sorry for leaving you like that.” She whispered, pressing her forehead to his for a long moment. “I wanted to meet you back at the Flux. I even had a reminder set for three weeks, to be sure I made it there.”

Garrus rubbed a hand along her back, his eyes closing at the touch of her head to his. “Getting that news from Anderson… it was the worst day of my life, Shepard.” He opened his eyes to look at her, and she saw the pain in his eyes. “But I never regretted that night at the Flux. I knew there was something between us, and I never once regretted it, even when it hurt so badly to think of you gone that I couldn’t sleep without more than a few stiff drinks.”

“The only thing I regretted was that I hadn’t had the courage to speak up sooner.” He continued, his gaze still on her, holding her attention. “I had had it all planned out, how I was going to tell you that we should start seeing more of each other, how I was going to figure out a way to win you over.” His chuckle drew a smile from Shepard, even as she was remembering her own feelings of disappointment when she had left the Flux without any concrete development between them.

“But then you died.” His words caught for a second, and Shepard wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug as he swallowed and continued to speak. “You died, and all I could think about was how I had left so many things unsaid.”

Shepard couldn’t speak, she couldn’t find the words.

“I can’t go through that again, Shepard.”

She felt herself stiffen as his words sank in. Was he… ending it? Now? She knew there was a chance, an expected reality even, that she would die again in this war. But to hear that come from his mouth just-

“I can’t worry my way through every battle, not knowing what might happen, and know that if the worst _did_ happen, that I had repeated my same mistakes all over again.” Garrus continued, even as Shepard felt her muscles relax again, realizing he _wasn’t_ ending their relationship. He pulled back, his hands finding her own to clasp them tightly. “I couldn’t live with myself if I lost you again, never having really told you how much you mean to me.”

He brought her hands up to his mouth and kissed her knuckles, his mouth plates rough against her skin. Shepard felt as if she had never really before appreciated how gentle his actions towards her were, even as she tried to blink away the tears she felt trying to form in her eyes. “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Shepard. You’re the light of my life, and that’s not dependent on the circumstances of this war. My feelings won’t change, whether we have two weeks left together or two thousand.”

It felt like an eternity before her throat was clear enough that she could respond. And even then, all she could manage was a “Thank you, Garrus.” She couldn’t see disappointment in his eyes, but she thought he must be feeling it, because with another press of his forehead to hers, he shifted her off of his lap and stood up.

“You’ve got some things to think about.” He said gently, a hand brushing through her hair. “So I’ll meet you in the morning for gear check before we head to Rannoch.” Shepard nodded and stood, following him to the door. He turned before leaving, and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “Goodnight, Shepard.”

“Goodnight, Garrus.” She responded, and watched him board the elevator, her heart heavy.

 

* * *

 

Her first night alone in… she didn’t know how long, was spent mostly staring at the ceiling.

Garrus had bared his heart to her, and she had barely responded. She _still_ didn’t know how she should have responded.

She knew he meant the words he said, there was no doubt in her mind about that.

He loved her.

It didn’t matter if he hadn’t said those exact words, every word he had said had shown how he felt.

And she knew that would make it even worse for him when she eventually died fighting the Reapers.

But she wanted him to know how much he meant to her, too. She felt selfish wishing it, but it was all she could do not to run to the battery to tell him that she felt the exact same way he did. If Garrus had meant, _really_ meant, what he said, and she _knew_ he did, then there should be nothing more holding her back.

Shepard turned over on the bed, trying to get comfortable. The bed was too big and too cold without Garrus sharing it, even after she had turned the thermostat up.

Glancing at the clock next to the bed, Shepard groaned. She was supposed to be meeting Garrus and Tali to gear check and board the shuttle in a little over three hours. She flipped over again, burying her face in a pillow, acutely aware of how much it smelled like Garrus.

Her cabin felt a lot less like home without him in it.


	29. Pulling the trigger

****A quick shower to try and wake up and an even quicker breakfast was all Shepard had time for before Tali was pinging her omni-tool, double checking their departure time. She swore, downed the last of the too-hot coffee she had just poured for herself, and ran for the elevator down to the shuttle bay.

Garrus and Tali were already present, and both greeted her as she ran for the gear and weapons lockers. She returned the greetings as she strapped on her armor. Garrus passed Tali her pistol from the locker, laid his own rifle on the ground near his feet, and handed Shepard her shotgun as soon as her hands were through with fastening her armor. His expression was neutral, and he thankfully didn’t bring up their conversation from the night before.

Shepard accepted her shotgun, clipped it to her back, and reached past him to pull out the gun Xen had given her for the mission. “Admiral Xen developed a targeting system for this mission.” She explained to Garrus, as Tali had been a part of the meeting where Xen explained it. “All we have to do is find a good vantage point and aim this gun at the Reaper base. The Normandy’s targeting system will fire at my target and hopefully destroy it.” At Garrus’ skeptical look, she added. “Easy as that.”

His look didn’t change as he picked his rifle up, checking it and loading a thermal clip into it. “Shepard, when has anything in your life _ever_ gone according to plan?”

“You can say that again.” Tali agreed, securing her pistol to her hip as Cortez signaled for the shuttle to be boarded.

Shepard walked past them towards the shuttle, answering over her shoulder. “It’s a precision strike. If _anything_ is foolproof, it would be this.” She didn’t feel as confident as she was pretending to be, but she might as well play it up to prevent any awkward lulls in conversation.

Garrus sighed at her side, reaching past her to open the shuttle door. “You just cursed us, Shepard.” He said, waiting until she boarded and following behind her. “The one mission that could have gone right and you just had to say that.” They took their seats, and Shepard strapped herself in. Garrus turned to look at Tali, sitting on Shepard’s other side. “How many times do you bet we’ll have to run for our lives during this mission?”

“Low dozens?” Tali responded, and Shepard frowned at them both.

 

* * *

 

“Shepard-Commander, you have successfully opened the blast-shield doors.” Legion’s voice came over her comm as soon as she located the console to open the large doors that were blocking the Reaper base.

Shepard wiped the sweat from her brow, ejecting the thermal clip from her shotgun. “Good. We’ll be back out in a minute.” She was tired, hot, and sweaty. She wanted the base destroyed and the mission to be over.

“Negative.” Legion immediately replied. “The path behind you has been sealed. A nearby elevator can take you to the upper level. From there, you should have an acceptable line of sight for targeting.”

Thankful for the elevator, Shepard led the team towards it. When the elevator appeared, three geth were aboard, guns ready and were soon firing shots at them. Between her shotgun, Garrus’ rifle, and Tali’s pistol, the geth didn’t stand much of a chance.

“We have sent you the NavPoint with the new targeting location.” Legion spoke up as they took the elevator to the top floor. She pulled up her omni-tool, checking the location. When she looked up from her omni-tool, she caught movement further into the room. Half a dozen geth prime units stood between her and the target.

It was a harried battle. The prime units were tough, and the combat drones made short work of shields if they got too close. With a silent movement of her hand, Shepard sent Garrus to find a higher vantage point to take out the drones. After Tali’s drone disrupted the prime units’ shields, Shepard charged them with her shotgun ready and disruptor ammo loaded. The last one had barely hit the ground when Legion spoke again.

“Shepard-Commander, we detect no more geth in your immediate area. Reinforcements are minutes away.”

Shepard swore, ejecting another thermal clip from her shotgun. She didn’t want them to have to fight off yet another wave of geth, she was trying to save as many geth as she could. “You getting anything from the base?” She asked, checking her armor for damages.

“No. The Old Machines have not registered us as a threat. We recommend haste.” Shepard waved to Garrus and Tali, motioning them towards the NavPoint location as Legion continued talking over their comms. “The creator fleet will be overrun unless you sever the geth connection to the Old Machines soon.”

Tali spoke up, her voice wondrous as they looked out over Rannoch. “This battle was centuries in the making. To see it finally end…” She trailed off, shaking her head as she looked down.

”We’ll get it done.” Garrus reassured her, patting her shoulder as he moved to stand near Shepard, his gun out as he scanned for geth.

Shepard clipped her shotgun to her back as she stepped out onto the ledge above the Reaper base whose doors were now open. She unhooked the gun Xen had given her, flipped a switch on it, and the targeting system went live as she lifted the gun to peer down its scope. EDI’s voice sounded in her ear. “Normandy’s weapons systems are ready to sync to your target.”

Looking down the scope, Shepard aimed carefully towards the center of the Reaper base, forcing her hands to steady under the weight of responsibility she was carrying. The future of both the quarians _and_ geth depended on her getting this right. Focusing in on the black mass in the center of the base, she noticed a bright red light that she couldn’t place right away. Thinking that it seemed familiar, she heard EDI speak up again. “I recommend you withdraw to a safe distance.”

As she squeezed the trigger lightly, she watched a blue targeting laser match the red bead of her scope’s laser. With a roar of engines overhead, the Normandy flew over them, dropping missiles on the base as it flew. With a blast came a shockwave, and Shepard felt her feet leave from under her as she tumbled off the ledge and rolled until she hit the ground below.

With the sound of a heavy mechanical cry, Shepard looked up to see a clawed metal arm burst out of the ‘Reaper base’, and it hit her all at once where she knew that familiar red light from.

“Reaper!” She yelled into her comm, her heart pounding in her ears as she scrambled to her feet, swapping the new gun for her shotgun. She looked frantically over her shoulder, searching for where Garrus and Tali had landed, and saw them both on their feet and running towards her.

“We have located transportation!” Legion’s voice cut through the chatter on the comm, and Shepard spotted a bay door opened and a geth ship appeared.

“Copy that! Everybody get to the ship! Move!” Shepard yelled, ejecting the thermal clip from her shotgun as she ran, firing at the Reaper. She never stopped running, turning backwards as she moved, steadily sending gunfire towards the writhing machine as she moved towards the geth ship.

“Damn, that’s big!” She heard Garrus’ voice as he ran behind her, his rifle in his hand, his pace slowing as he tried to steady his aim at the approaching geth.

“Move!” Shepard screamed, grabbing his arm and pulling him forward, and then shoving his shoulder to force him to move ahead of her. They were all going to die today, and it was going to be all her fault. She had been so confident in the plan, never guessing what was hiding inside the Reaper base. She felt sick at the thought of the danger she had put Garrus, Tali, and Legion in.

“How are we supposed to fight that thing?” Tali yelled across the comm, sounding panicked as she ran alongside Shepard.

“I was hoping your fleet might lend a hand.” Shepard yelled back as they approached the ship. “Go!” She shouted, waving Tali and Garrus past her onto the ship. She ran along the top of the ship, jumping onto the turret and swinging around to face the Reaper. She had to do _something_ to at least try to get them out alive.

“We will attempt evasive maneuvers!” Legion called out as he pushed the thruster and the ship shot forward. Shepard was thrown backwards, barely managing to hang on to the turret.

She slapped her hand to her comm, one hand holding onto the turret to keep her on the ship. “Shepard to Fleet: It’s not a Reaper base! It’s a live Reaper! I need an orbital strike!” She heard the panic in her voice as she aimed towards the Reaper that was advancing on them. She pulled the trigger, a volley of gunfire raining down on the Reaper as Legion piloted the geth ship out of its reach. “We’re clear, fire at will!”

More missiles came down and struck the Reaper, bringing it to the ground. The ship skidded to a halt, and Shepard held her breath to see what would happen next.

“What did we hit?” Admiral Gerrel’s voice came across her comm, sounding surprised.

“The firing chamber. Looks like a weak point when it’s priming.” Shepard watched the Reaper closely as Legion brought the ship back to its previous speed, putting distance between them and the Reaper. It wasn’t moving, but she knew it wouldn’t stay incapacitated long. Its red ‘eye’, the firing chamber, was open, almost as if it was staring at her.

“Damn it, their jamming towers have us targeting manually. We can’t make a precision shot!” Gerrel sounded frustrated, and Shepard was thinking through her options as she clung to the turret.

 

* * *

 

Garrus’ heart was in his throat as he felt the ship sway with the force of the turret’s fire as Shepard tried to keep the Reaper off of them. And then they were far away enough that she was able to call down an orbital strike that brought the Reaper to its knees.

“We may escape before it recovers.” Legion interjected into the conversation Shepard was having with Gerrel. Garrus didn’t want to run, but he knew there was nothing more that could be done with a Reaper on the ground and only their ground team there to fight it.

“No! Pull over!” Shepard’s voice over his comm made his breath catch. He was already wrestling the safety strap from around his shoulders and fighting to open the door as he heard a thump outside when Shepard leapt off of the still-moving ship.

“Shepard-Commander?” Legion asked, at the same time Garrus was hitting his comm.

“Shepard!” He yelled, fighting against the door that wouldn’t open while the ship was idling. “Come back!” He turned to the front of the ship, glowering at the geth. “Legion, open this damn door!”

“If we run away, the geth stay under reaper control, and the quarians are dead.” He wasn’t able to see her, just hear her voice over his comm. Her voice was strained and there was a slight tremor to her words that probably no one else but he and possibly Joker would pick up on.

“Shepard, get back on the ship. Please.” Garrus fought to keep his voice calm, even as he felt like screaming as he leaned against the door.

“Negative, Garrus. You stay put.” She finally addressed him, her words softening slightly. “I’m taking that Reaper out. Now get off the comm so I can yell at the fleet.”

Garrus depressed his comm in obedience, sinking back into his seat, his head in his hands as he heard Shepard yelling in his ear at the fleet.

 

* * *

 

“This ends now.” Shepard yelled, pressing down on her comm to address the entire fleet. “EDI, patch the quarians to the Normandy’s weapons system. I want the targeting laser synced up to the whole damn fleet.”

“Understood.” EDI responded immediately.

“Do you need assistance?” Legion asked over the comm system.

“Just stay down, Legion. I’ll take it from here.” Shepard responded. Then thinking further, she added. “And keep Garrus on that ship, I don’t want him trying to save me.”

Garrus’ frustrated voice sounded in her ear in response. “I swear, Shepard, when you get back on this ship, I’m going to-“

“Yell at me.” She broke in. “And then take me out for dinner next time we’re on the Citadel.” She added, pulling out the modified gun and flipping on the targeting system. “Now get off the comm.”

“Shepard-commander… good luck.” Legion said quietly when the line was clear again.

“Acknowledged” Shepard responded, and the ship moved away, leaving her alone to face the Reaper that was beginning to stir.

 

* * *

 

“Shepard to Fleet! I’ll paint the weak spot. Link up with the Normandy and be ready to fire!”

The Reaper was back on its feet, and it was coming her way. She ran forward, needing to get into range, extending the barrel and scope on the modified gun as she switched on the targeting system.

Sliding to a stop, dust billowing around her, Shepard raised the gun to look through the scope, kneeling to steady her aim as the Reaper turned to face her. As its firing chambered opened up, the giant red laser pointed directly at her, Shepard heard EDI’s voice in her ear. “The destroyer is in range. Missiles are ready for launch.”

She rolled to the side to avoid the Reaper’s laser. Jumping to her feet again and raising the gun to her face, Shepard pressed lightly on the trigger, and saw the blue targeting lights meet her own targeting laser. As soon as the system locked on, a volley of gunfire from both the entire quarian fleet and the Normandy hit the Reaper, stunning it and causing it to nearly fall again.

After only a few moments, it righted itself and continued its advance towards her. She ran for cover as it fired on her again, and once the targeting system reset, she aimed until another wave of gunfire came from above, driving the Reaper down once more with a loud cry.

Once it had been hit a third time, the Reaper kept its firing chamber closed while it advanced. Shepard backed away until she had nowhere else to move, and was looking up into the glowing red ‘eye’ of the Reaper as it finally opened its chamber to prepared to fire.

As she stared into the red light for what felt like an eternity, thoughts of Garrus flashed in Shepard’s mind. Garrus back on the SR1, her faithful friend who had drank with her the night before the mission on which she had died. Garrus on the SR2 with Cerberus, the battle-hardened vigilante that had been there for her when so many others had viewed her with suspicion and hostility, who had worked his way so deeply into her heart, bypassing every worry she had had with his rough hands and tender words.

After Vancouver, back on the Normandy, the nights he had held her after she had nightmares, talking her down until she could sleep again. The way his hands always found hers, the way they felt on her skin, the gentle way they held her close. The way he comforted her, was there for her, was her one steady rock in the turmoil all around her.

The way he had held her and told her just how unfathomable his feelings for her really were.

The way she hadn’t told him how she felt the same. Hadn’t told him he meant more to her than the entire galaxy. How, if she died today, he would never know how very much she loved him. How she wouldn’t trade the time they had had together for anything, no matter what heartbreak might lie ahead for either of them in the future.

Shepard looked up at the Reaper, into the face of death. She wasn’t going to die yet. Not now that she had just managed to work her way through the feelings she had been running from for so long.

She took a deep breath to steady her hands and pulled the trigger, the targeting system matching her aim with perfect precision.


	30. Making decisions

As soon as Legion brought the ship to a stop when they heard cheers go up about taking down a Reaper, Garrus was climbing from the ship. The Reaper’s light was just fading as he caught sight of Shepard, Tali pushing past him to hurry to Shepard’s side, Legion following her.

Garrus stood back, waiting, his hands shaking from the worry he had felt so strongly when he had been trapped on that ship, not knowing what was happening to Shepard.

After a few minutes of raised voices and Shepard yelling at the quarian Admirals over the comm system, the centuries-long war between the geth and quarians was over. Garrus listened from his vantage point, not wanting to interrupt, but as Legion fell to the ground, Garrus was reaching for his sniper rifle as a prime unit approached Shepard and Tali.

He had his crosshairs on the prime’s energy storage unit, incendiary ammo selected, ready to take the shot if the geth so much as moved wrong. But instead, Garrus heard the prime offering help to the quarians. He lowered his gun and waited until Shepard had finished talking to Tali, and then approached her as Tali moved away to talk to Raan.

When Shepard turned to face him, he saw a tired smile on her grimy, sweaty, dust-covered face. “My legs are trembling.” She admitted as Garrus put an arm around her shoulder to steady her. “I’m due for one hell of an adrenaline crash after all of that.”

“You saved the day again, Shepard.” He chuckled to cover the way his voice shook as he spoke, the relief he felt over her being okay was palpable.

Her smile faded. “I… wish Legion wouldn’t have had to give himself up to save the other geth.”

“He did what he felt like he had to do.” Garrus replied, squeezing her shoulder, turning her away where she wouldn’t have to see Legion’s form lying on the ground a few feet away. “His sacrifice will give the rest of the geth a life, not to mention the help for the quarians.”

Shepard nodded, resting her head against his shoulder as they walked. “I was expecting more yelling from you, to be honest.”

“You yelled enough for everyone today.” Garrus looked up, scanning the skies for the Normandy. He wanted to get Shepard on board before she crashed completely. “But I do owe you that dinner whenever we dock on the Citadel next time.”

“Can I have shrimp again?”

He glanced down at Shepard, and found her looking up at him with a small smile. He couldn’t have refused her anything right then, had he wanted to. “Those bug things? Sure.”

“Do you know how long I’m going to be bragging about killing a Reaper while saving the quarians _and_ the geth?” She asked. “Maybe they’ll build a statue of me like the one on the Citadel for the krogan.”

Garrus was glad Joker was setting down the Normandy. Shepard was rambling, and he could feel her shoulders trembling from exhaustion as they walked together towards the ship. “Are you sure a statue is big enough?” He replied, guiding Shepard with his arm around her shoulders. “I think they should build you a damn _shrine_.”

Shepard laughed, an I’m-too-tired-to-think-straight kind of laugh. They made it to the Normandy and boarded, barely making it through decontamination before Joker was calling out for Shepard. “Councilor Tevos wants to speak with you when you get a chance, Commander.”

“Is it an emergency?” Shepard called over her shoulder as she and Garrus turned towards the CIC.

“I think the line can mysteriously disconnect without causing an intergalactic incident, if that’s what you mean.” Joker responded dryly.

“Sounds perfect to me.” Shepard replied, and a few minutes later they were dropping their gear outside of Shepard’s cabin before entering the door.

“Shower and sleep?” Garrus asked, rubbing Shepard’s neck as her shoulders sagged from exhaustion, the weight of the armor gone from them.

“A solid meal needs to be somewhere between those two.”

Garrus nodded in agreement, digging through the part of the closet Shepard had given him until he found a change of clothes. “Okay, you take the shower first and I’ll be back with food by the time you’re done.” He felt soft arms wrap around him, and he turned to return Shepard’s embrace.

After a moment, she wordlessly reached up to wrap her arms around his neck and tug his face to hers, pressing a kiss to his mouth. He returned it, his hands on her waist. She was still trembling.

When Shepard pulled away, Garrus pressed his head to hers. There was a different look in her eyes, but he wasn’t going to push her for answers. Yet. Not when she was so tired she could barely keep her eyes open. “Shower.” He repeated softly, running a hand through her matted hair.

“Yes, sir.” She responded with a tired smile, pressing another kiss to his scarred mandible before heading to the shower.

 

* * *

 

A shower, a meal, and a long, dreamless sleep later and Shepard was ready to speak with the asari councilor.

“Councilor Tevos, what can I do for you?” She crossed her arms, prepared for the worst. She had just saved two races, of course someone _else_ would be asking for her help less than 12 hours later.

“Commander Shepard,” The councilor responded. “I understand you’ve helped resolve the situation with the geth.”

“Yes, Councilor. Two, in fact.” Shepard nodded, so thankful that everything had worked out. It had been touch-and-go for a few minutes, and if she had been the cause for a mass quarian extermination, she couldn’t have borne it.

“I’ve read the reports. You ended a war three centuries in the making.”

“I had a lot of help.” Shepard answered simply, feeling a familiar ache when she thought about Legion, and how he had given his life for the cause. She would make sure his name was added to their memorial wall as soon as the plaque was made.

“We have isolated pockets of remaining geth. As best we can tell, they are geth bodies loaded with Reaper code. But they are just a tiny fragment of the full geth fleet.” Councilor Tevos took a deep breath, looking to Shepard with gratitude. “You’ve done the impossible, Commander. And I may be able to provide help of my own.”

Shepard didn’t say anything, surprised at being offered help instead of being asked for it. The councilor continued. “I’ve received information from my government. It’s too sensitive to discuss over an unsecured channel.”

“What if I come to the Citadel?” Shepard offered. She was hoping they could go soon, she wanted a chance to talk to Garrus away from the Normandy.

“Yes, that would be best, Commander. I’ll be waiting for you in Councilor Udina’s office.”

Shepard nodded her agreement, and the councilor’s hologram disappeared. She immediately went to find Joker and plotted a course for the Citadel.

 

* * *

 

Garrus was in the battery when Shepard found him, looking over some information he had received from Palaven. When the door opened, he looked up and was glad to see Shepard looking well-rested, without the dark circles under her eyes. “Hey, Shepard.”

“Hey.” She responded, crossing the room to stand next to the chair he was sitting on, her hand resting on his shoulder. “I contacted Councilor Tevos just now.”

Her casual tone caused him to raise an eyebrow plate. “And?” He prompted, curious about the relaxed attitude she had. He knew Shepard was feeling good about herself after saving the quarians and geth, but he had expected being asked to do something else would have annoyed her, at the very least.

“And she said that she found some information that will help us, but I need to go to the Citadel to get it.” She finished.

“Huh, that’s odd.” Garrus replied, wondering what the asari could know that required a trip all the way back to the Citadel. He was glad she hadn’t asked Shepard for help again, though.

“The timing is good, though. I also received an email from Admiral Hackett this morning, he’s ordering the Normandy to be docked for repairs.” He raised an eyebrow at the order, and Shepard continued. “The entire crew is on shore leave while the repairs are made.”

“That’s convenient.” Garrus stated, wondering how long of a shore leave they were going to be allowed. Shepard could definitely use a few more days of rest before they moved on to the next mission. “Everyone could do with some shore leave.”

“Yeah, but I was thinking…” Shepard paused, looking away for a moment before returning her gaze back to his. “Let’s spend some time together while we’re on the Citadel, just you and me.” When he didn’t immediately respond, she continued. “We usually end up running into the others when we’re there, maybe we could find somewhere a little more… secluded?”

“Well, sure, what did you have in mind?” At her blank look, Garrus couldn’t help but chuckle. He had planned an outing for them several days ago, and if nothing else, this was the perfect time to set those plans in motion. “Actually, never mind. You just meet me by the shuttles when we dock, and I’ll make sure we have a good time.”

Shepard looked relieved, and he pulled her hand to his mouth, kissing her fingers. She curled her hand against his face and leaned over, touching her head to his. “See you when we dock, then.” She said softly, smiling as she pulled away. “I’ll go finish those mission reports for Admiral Hackett, so we’ll both be free and clear once we arrive.”

When Shepard left the battery, Garrus put away the report from Palaven and went to his room. He pulled out an old box he had stored some things in and emptied it out. He had collected empty bottles from the Normandy’s lounge in preparation for this chance, and had a nice stockpile. He added several to the box, along with blank ammo and his favorite sniper rifle.

Once the box was packed, he spent the better part of an hour choosing a nice wine and an order-in dinner all to be delivered to Shepard’s apartment the night they arrived on the Citadel. If things went the way he hoped, they would definitely have something to celebrate.

 

* * *

 

Garrus was waiting outside of a skycar he had rented, trying to stop from fidgeting from foot to foot while waiting on Shepard. She had sent him a message that she was on her way to meet him, and he was starting to get a little nervous.

He had made up his mind, he was going to ask her point-blank if she had plans for their relationship to move forward. If she said no, he wasn’t sure how he was going to handle that. He loved Shepard in a way that he had never loved anyone else before. But he wanted a future with her, he wanted a family one day. And if her plans for the future didn’t include him in it, he needed to know sooner rather than later.

The sound of approaching footsteps drew him from his troubled thoughts, and he looked up to see Shepard approaching.

“Shepard.” Garrus said, pushing off the car he had been leaning on. “Glad you came.”

“What’d you have in mind for today?” She asked, looking past him at the car. The box he had brought along was visible in the back seat.

“Something that doesn’t involve fighting Reapers.” He commented, and got a smile in return.

“I don’t think they’ve conquered the bar yet.” She responded, crossing her arms.

“I already scoped it out.” He replied immediately, planning on keeping her as far away from Purgatory as he could for the present time. “But then I thought, if this was my last day alive, I’d actually like to remember it.”

“So…?”

“So I had an idea.” He said, turning and opening the car for Shepard to climb in first. He settled into the driver’s seat and took them away from the docks.

“Where we going?” Shepard asked, looking out the windows as he drove.

“Somewhere we’re not supposed to.” He answered evasively, feeling the nervousness in the pit of his stomach. What if Shepard thought his idea was stupid? He had looked through every link and vid that Joker had sent him, but still…

“Now you’re talking.” She responded with a smile, leaning back in her seat.

“Ever have that one thing you always wanted to do before you died, Shepard?” Garrus asked, glancing over at Shepard relaxed in her seat.

She turned and shot him a sly smile. “I’ve woken up with a turian next to me.”

Garrus chuckled. “Still trying to make me blush, huh?”

“Until it works.” She countered. “So what’s your one thing?”

“The whole time I worked at C-Sec, I’d stare up at the top of the Presidium and say to myself: I want to go up there.” He looked forward, staring at the skyline. “But I never did. There were 137 regulations telling me I couldn’t.”

“So you got them changed?”

“No. Now I just don’t give a damn.”

Shepard laughed at his response, and he parked the car. As she climbed out, Garrus pulled out the box and set it next to the car. “Figured it’s time to do something stupid just for the hell of it. Might be the last chance we ever get. After we kill the Reapers, we’re going to be considered respectable, responsible adults.”

He turned to look at Shepard, she was staring out across the Citadel, a smile on her face. “It’s incredible.” Her voice was soft as she looked at the view.

Garrus swallowed, turning to face her. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping it would inspire a certain… mood.”

She turned to face him, her smile still in place, but a look of hesitation in her eyes. “Something on your mind?”

Garrus took one of her hands in his, lacing her fingers in his own as best he could. “It seemed like you needed time to… figure us out.” He finally said. “I don’t want to push you, Shepard, if you’re uncomfortable making this decision. But I need to know if you’re as serious about, well, _us_ as I am.” He took a step forward, pulling her a little closer. “Are you ready to be a one-turian kind of woman?”

The unease and anxiety he had been afraid of seeing in her eyes wasn’t there. Instead, Shepard smiled up at him gently and squeezed his hand with her own. “The only thing that made leaving Earth bearable was knowing you were out there somewhere.” She said simply, but then her smile faltered slightly and she looked down at their joined hands. “I should have told you this the night before Rannoch, but I…” He saw her throat move as she swallowed, looking back up at him. “I was afraid, Garrus. Part of me still is, to be honest.”

“I know.” He replied softly, running a hand along her cheek.

“When you told me how you felt that night, I was so happy. I wanted to tell you that I felt the same way.” Garrus felt his breath catch as she spoke, her eyes never leaving his. “I wanted to tell you that you have always meant so much to me, from way back when we were on the SR1 and stayed up so late so many nights talking in the comm room.”

He smiled at the memory, and she continued. “I wanted to tell you that nothing in this galaxy means as much to me as you do.” She let go of his hands, reaching up to place her hands on either side of his face, her thumbs rubbing his mandibles lightly. “I love you, Garrus Vakarian.”

The words came out as a whisper, Garrus thought for just a moment that maybe he had imagined them. But the look on Shepard’s face echoed what she had just said, and he leaned forward slowly to press a kiss to her lips. When he pulled back, he rested his hands on her waist.

“The vids Joker gave me… well, they never got this far.” He admitted, trying to cover up the lump in his throat at her words with humor. He had known for a while how she felt, of course, but to hear her say it without alcohol to encourage it made his heart swell. “There was the part about sleeping together, but this… I don’t exactly know what-“ His words were cut off by Shepard pulling his face down to meet hers for another kiss, this one more insistent and drawn-out.

When they broke apart that time, both of them were breathing hard, and Shepard’s face was somewhat flushed. “Who needs a vid when you’ve got me?” She asked, a look on her face that made Garrus wish they were far away from the Presidium, somewhere a lot more private.

His hands tightened around her waist and he pushed her back just enough that she grabbed his shoulders to steady herself before he dipped her backwards. Leaning over her, he kissed her again, long and slow.

 

* * *

 

When he eased her back to her feet, Shepard steadied herself against Garrus before letting go of his arms. She felt as if a weight had been lifted off of her chest now that she had told him how she felt, and the look in Garrus’ eyes was so much more tender towards her than she had ever seen before.

“Now, before we head back, I’ve been hearing some talk of bets among the crew on the Normandy. So there’s one thing we’re going to settle once and for all…” Garrus said, interrupting her thoughts with a jarring change of subject. When she turned to look at him, he was holding his sniper rifle and a bottle. He turned, tossing the rifle to her. “Not saying you don’t know how to handle a gun. Just saying some of us know how to make it dance. So let’s find out who’s really the best shot, _Commander Shepard_.”

Shepard caught the rifle, looking down at it sourly. She had learned how to properly shoot a sniper rifle in her training, of course, but had only used one afterwards when it had been forced on her. She wasn’t going to tell Garrus that, however. “There are a few people in the galaxy who’ve seen me in action, Garrus.” She cocked a hip, suggestively. “They seemed impressed.”

“Yeah, but I’ve actually seen you dance, Shepard.” Her eyes narrowed at the laugh she could hear under his words. “No comment.”

“All right, Vakarian.” Shepard answered, flipping the safety off the rifle. “You’re going down.”

He turned, his mandibles flexing in a smile as he got ready to throw the bottle. “Don’t worry, I loaded it with practice slugs for when you miss.”

Shepard readied the rifle. And when Garrus threw the bottle, by some random chance, she managed to hit it. Keeping her own surprise off her face, she shoved the rifle towards Garrus. “That was an easy one. Letting you build up your confidence” He responded, taking the rifle. “Long range, I wrote the book. Nobody alive can do this, not even _Commander Shepard_.” He aimed the rifle, and Shepard picked up a bottle, getting ready to throw it. “Give me a tough one.” He added, looking through the scope.

She threw the bottle as hard as she could and, sure enough, Garrus shot it cleanly, at a much greater distance than the one she had shot. He laughed, and she heard the pride in his voice. “I said a _tough_ one!”

Taking the rifle from him, Shepard peered through the scope, wondering if her luck would hold up again. “Step aside.” She said, and Garrus readied the next bottle. When she felt that her hands were as steady on the rifle as they were ever going to get, she nodded towards Garrus. “Do it.”

He didn’t pull his throw that time, and the bottle soared unbroken as her shot missed completely. She felt a short twinge of regret at the miss until she heard the joy in Garrus’ voice. “I’m Garrus Vakarian, and this is now my favorite spot on the Citadel.” He said, raising his arms in triumph.

“It’s windy up here.” Shepard protested, shaking her head and setting the rifle down on the box Garrus had brought. “Give me my shotgun, I could take those bottles out with that.”

“Sorry Shepard,” He replied, gloating. “The bottles won’t get scared at your yelling and play dead.” Shepard shot him a look, and he moved to her side, wrapping an arm around her. “Besides, I know there are _other_ things you’re good at.”

 “Maybe you should have thought of that before challenging me to a shooting contest using a sniper rifle.” Shepard complained, a feigned pout in her tone. She moved to turn away, and he caught her around the waist, pulling her against him. “Now I think I should go spend the night at the shooting range practicing.”

“You _could_ do that. But… I ordered shrimp for you. It’s waiting at the apartment right now.” Shepard glanced up at him over her shoulder, unsure if he was kidding or not. He had acted so repulsed the first time she ate them in front of him, she didn’t think he would willingly buy them for her. “And some of that really expensive purified wine you’ve been wanting to try.”

“The kind that we can share?” Shepard had seen it on the extranet, a wine that was safe for both dextro and levos, with a price tag to match the hype.

“That’s the one. And then we have the rest of the night all alone, you don’t have to meet the councilor until late tomorrow morning.” Garrus answered, and she felt warmth spread from her neck as he bent his head to kiss her skin there first, and then her jaw as he spoke low into her ear. “Do you think we can figure out how to put that time to good use?”

Shepard knew her pulse was pounding so loud he could probably hear it, but the way his mouth had moved against her neck just then was giving her _plenty_ of ideas. “We’re nothing if not creative, Garrus.” She responded, and pulled him towards the waiting skycar. “I’m sure we can think of a few things.”


	31. Restful, uneventful shore leave: part 1

Shepard stifled a yawn as she walked through the door of late Councilor Udina’s office. She hadn’t gotten nearly enough sleep.

Not that she _minded_ , but still.

She saw C-Sec agents scouring the room, and then spotted Councilor Tevos speaking with one of them.

“I want all remaining files secured and marked for Tentron clearance only.” The turian nodded and walked away, and then the Councilor noticed Shepard standing near the door. “Commander Shepard. Thank you for coming.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard walked out of the office a few minutes later, her head full of the information Councilor Tevos had given her. There was information about the Catalyst somewhere on Thessia. That was her next stop, whenever the Normandy was ready for flight again.

The Councilor had called her the ‘sole ray of hope in a very dark night’.

She shoved that thought far back in her mind.

She wasn’t going to think about the galaxy depending on her. She was going to enjoy her few days of uneventful shore leave, preferably holed up in her apartment with Garrus.

A few elevator rides and a quick trip by skycar and she was back at her apartment. Garrus had went out to do some weapon and armor shopping, and he was still gone. Shepard let herself fall onto the couch, resting her head against a cushion and closing her eyes.

She was tired.

A few days of restful, uneventful shore leave were exactly what she needed.

 

* * *

 

Waking up to the sound of her omni-tool alerting her of a message, Shepard blearily blinked at the words projected.

_‘Hey Shepard,_

_I've got a few things I wanted to go over with you. With the Normandy in dry dock, I figured we could meet up at that Ryuusei sushi place down in the Wards. I hear it's the best. Meet you at 15:00._

_Joker’_

Shepard groaned as she glanced at the time. Ryuusei was close, but she would be late if she didn’t get ready and leave in the next few minutes. Glancing down at her clothes, she sighed. The hoodie was comfortable to be sure, but not acceptable for that type of restaurant.

Forcing herself to get off the couch, she trudged up the steps to the master suite. Walking over to her closet, she flipped through the few pieces of clothes she had picked up the last time she and Garrus had been on the Citadel and went shopping. She pulled out something nice enough to not look out of place, pulled off the tags, and stripped off her comfortable clothes to put on the less comfortable pants and sleeveless dress shirt.

Tapping out a quick message to Garrus, telling him where she was going, she left the apartment. There was a skycar rental kiosk right outside and before long she was parking her car outside of Ryuusei and letting out a frustrated groan at the line waiting to get inside the restaurant. But she had barely gotten out of her car and stepped into the line when the maître d’ was waving her forward.

She felt others in the line staring at her as she passed, but she ignored them. Her face was regularly plastered in news vids for one reason or another, so she was bound to be recognized. When she reached the man waving to her, he spoke. “Ah, Commander Shepard. Your table is ready.”

Looking past him, to where he was gesturing, Shepard saw Joker at a table in the back of the restaurant, his hand in the air so she would notice him. She made her way through the crowded room until she reached the table and slid into the free chair next to Joker.

“Hey, Shepard.” He greeted her, a drink in hand. “Not bad, huh? This sushi place is serious. Like ‘French guy at the door’ serious.” Shepard looked around, admiring the wall decorations of flowing water and fish. “Only had to save the galaxy twice to get a table here. You’ve seen the line outside?”

He motioned to the line Shepard had passed by, and Shepard looked. There was a woman in the line waving in their direction. She almost managed to get past the attendant, but he pushed her back and looked apologetically in their direction.

“But here I am, drink in hand.” Joker continued, not noticing the waving woman. “Best pilot in the universe _and_ a rock star.”

Shepard laughed at that, waving a hand to a server for a drink. “Any news from the Normandy?” She asked, relaxing in her seat.

“Ah, you know. Maintenance stuff. It’s hard knowing a bunch of strangers are poking around in my ship.” He caught his words and corrected himself. “I mean… your ship.”

“The best thing we can do right now is park her, and let the techs do their work.” Shepard said, trying to ease his worries. She knew the Normandy was just as much his home as it was hers.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Joker sighed, looking down at his drink. “Maybe an oil change, space-tire rotation.”

“Right.” Shepard replied, accepting a drink from the server and taking a long pull from it. “Trust me, it’ll do her some good.”

“Oh, I trust _you_.” Joker said, rolling his eyes. “Not sure about those shifty aerospace engineers. Always stealing the silverware.”

Laughing, Shepard shook her head. “Let someone else do the work for once. Hackett’s orders. We’re all on shore leave, including you.”

“Yeah, whether we like it or not.” He said cynically. “Speaking of shore leave, what do you have planned?”

“I’m hiding in my apartment, spread the word that no one’s allowed to bother me unless it’s an emergency.”

“Except Garrus, right?”

“Except Garrus.” She confirmed, taking another drink, and not answering the inquisitive tone in his voice. “And you, if you’re planning on inviting me out for sushi again.”

“Hey, I wouldn’t have pulled you away from your love nest if your email hadn’t of said it was important.” Joker shot back, shifting in his seat.

“My email?” Shepard frowned, glancing at Joker’s drink. It was almost full, there’s no way he was drunk already. “I’m here because I got a message from you.”

“The hell?” She saw the confusion in his expression. He wasn’t kidding around this time. “I didn’t send anything.”

Shepard put down her drink, a twinge of worry crossing her mind. But a commotion across the restaurant soon drew her attention.

“Commander!” The woman who had been waving from the door called out to her, apparently she had ducked the attendant and was now yelling as she ran towards the table. “Commander, this is urgent!” She made it to the table, knocking over a few people, before continuing to speak. “Commander Shepard, I’m Staff Analyst Maya Brooks. Alliance Intelligence.” She saluted, trying to catch her breath. “There are people trying to kill you.”

Joker caught Shepard’s eye, and Shepard could see him trying to hold back a sarcastic grin. He looked at Brooks, raising an eyebrow. “Yeah… I think she’s aware of that.”

 

* * *

 

Garrus had just made it back to the apartment when he received a priority call from Joker through his omni-tool. He pulled up the hologram, setting down the bags from his shopping trip, and accepted the call.

“Joker, what’s the problem?”

“It’s Shepard.” Joker said, breathing heavily. Garrus could see the Siversun Strip in the background. “We were at that fancy sushi place, gonna grab some dinner, when some mercs raided the place. Shepard was fighting them off and we got separated.” Joker paused to catch his breath. “Well, she shoved me out a side entrance after using _me_ as _bait_ , but-“

Garrus was already at the door, his rifle in hand. “How many were there?”

“Half a dozen, at least?” Joker looked like he was in pain. “All she had was a pistol that she grabbed from one of the mercs. I heard glass shattering as I escaped, I think she fell through their fancy fish tank floor.”

Garrus swore and disconnected the call, running out the door while he connected his comm channel to Shepard’s through his omni-tool. “Shepard? Can you hear me?” He could hear gunshots through the comm as soon as it connected. His mind blanked for a moment. She _had_ to be alive. “You okay?”

A few more gunshots sounded in his ear as he looked around, orienting himself to find the best and fastest route to where she would be if she was still near Ryuusei. His nerves calmed marginally when he heard Shepard’s voice respond in his ear, no trace of fear in her words. She mostly sounded angry. “I’m fine. Might need a little backup.”

“Lucky for you, Archangel is your boyfriend.” He moved as fast as he could through the crowd, running for her last known location judging by the echoing screaming and sounds of gunfire. “Joker filled me in.” He added, hearing the shots through the comm. “I’m on foot. Be there as fast as I can.”

An unfamiliar voice filled his ear. “Excuse me, who is this? You’re on an unsecured channel, and you’re putting _Commander Shepard_ in danger!”

He bristled at the words. “I’m doing _what_?” He asked, and a few people turned to stare as he pushed through the crowd. “Who is this?”

“Hang on.” Shepard interrupted, her voice accompanied by a few more gunshots. “Joker mentioned Staff Analyst Brooks, yes?” Garrus didn’t bring up the fact that he had hung up on Joker and hadn’t heard anything about Brooks. “That’s her. Everybody play nice.”

A few moments later, EDI’s voice broke through the comm silence. “Commander, Jeff told me what happened. The crew is headed your way.”

Garrus was grateful to hear that the others were headed for Shepard, just as he was. Especially when Shepard spoke up again. “Good to hear. Things are a little dicey.”

He rolled his eyes as he ducked around a building to avoid a crowd of shoppers. EDI’s response fit what he felt. “I will attempt to register surprise.”

Garrus stayed quiet for a few more minutes as he ran, cutting through alleyways. It wasn’t until he heard a loud alarm, followed by Shepard’s yell of “Dammit!” that he felt worried again.

“Shepard, what’s happening?” He said, scanning the area around him for any signs of her. They had to be close, just a building or two between them. “I heard that from here!”

“It’s all under control!” She replied, the last word almost drowned out by gunfire.

“I’m detecting multiple alarms across the Wards. What’s the situation?” EDI asked, and Garrus waited tensely for the answer.

“Thought I’d make things more interesting.” Shepard’s sarcastic reply came over the comm, and Garrus bit back a laugh.

“I see.” EDI responded, pausing for a moment. “Did you sustain cranial damage in the fall, Commander?”

Garrus’ omni-tool pinged, and he saw a message from Brooks, telling him Shepard’s itinerary including a NavPoint for the lot she was headed to. He pressed his comm. “Shepard, Brooks sent me the NavPoint for the skycar lot. Meet you there.”

“Good.” Was her quick response, along with gunfire.

“What do we know about the mercs?” He asked, trying to keep the comm open so he could be sure she was okay while they were trying to rendezvous.

“They have guns and don’t like me?”

“Not _helping_ , Shepard.”

“Commander, it would really be great if you could stay off the comm.” Brooks spoke up, sounding harried.

“Hey, _they_ called _me_!” Shepard shot back.

Garrus reached the skycar lot, and nearly ran headlong into a group of mercs. Ducking behind a car as they started shooting at him, he could hear the mercs yelling about not believing Shepard had made it as far as she had. He unfolded his sniper rifle and set it up on the hood of a car, taking out one of the mercs with a quick shot.

Peeking around the car, he saw Shepard on the other side of a door leading to the skycar lot. She wasn’t wearing armor. Not wanting the mercs’ fire to be drawn to her, he swapped his rifle for the pistol on his back, and leapt over the hood of the car, firing as he ran. Shepard approached, gun drawn, but he managed to take out everyone without her having to fire a shot.

As the dead mercenaries slid to the ground, he approached Shepard, finally feeling at ease now that he could see that she was okay. She had a slight limp, and winced when she lowered her gun, but he didn’t see any blood. “So having a bad day, Shepard?” He asked.

“You could say that.” She replied, holstering her gun, moving towards him.

“Landing pad is just over there, but it’s behind a locked gate.” He motioned to the closed gate across the lot.

“Let’s look for a control panel.” She responded, brushing against his arm as she walked past. As she moved past him, he again noticed the absence of her armor. In its place was a tight pair of pants and shirt that accentuated every curve that he had come to appreciate so well.

“ _Nice_ outfit.” He said appreciatively, and Shepard looked over her shoulder, an eyebrow raised when he finally moved his gaze up to her face. “Control panel, right.” He added, catching the slight smile Shepard had as she turned to head towards the manager’s office.

“Word is you fell through a fish tank.” Garrus added as he walked behind Shepard, scanning the room for any hidden enemies.

“We’ll talk about it later.” She answered shortly, brushing back a piece of still-wet hair from her face with her free hand.

“A damn shame.” He responded, shaking his head. It had been the restaurant he had made reservations for himself, Shepard, and Thane the day the Citadel had been attacked by Cerberus. “Great food there.” He added, provoking her just a bit more.

“We’ll talk about it later.” Shepard repeated, looking over her shoulder at him again, her eyes narrowed.

As they approached the office, and found it locked, they noticed a volus hiding. Shepard drew the pistol again, getting ready to fire at the glass. “Stand back.” She said.

“Hold on.” Garrus responded quickly, pushing her arm down to stop her from firing. He knew she had been through a lot in the last hour, but he didn’t think it was a good idea to shoot up the building. Moving forward, he knocked on the window lightly. “Hi there.” He said, trying to sound as friendly as possible. “Could you open this up?”

The volus didn’t respond, but with a sound of movement, Garrus and Shepard turned to see the gates being lowered. Garrus turned back to the volus. “Much appreciated.”

“Please leave!” Was the only response he received.

Gesturing Shepard forward with a smile, Garrus moved past her. He heard her mutter “Well, I could have done that.” behind him as she followed.

They ran across the lot towards the open area, where they were expecting a shuttle to land. Sure enough, a C-Sec shuttle approached, and Garrus lowered his pistol, grateful the extra help had made it.

The door of the shuttle opened, and before he had a chance to fully recognize what he was seeing, Shepard was slamming into him, forcing him to the ground and putting herself between him and the mercs that were firing at them. After he got his breath back, Garrus tried to maneuver around Shepard, yelling tersely over the gunfire, “Shepard, you’re the one not wearing armor, now _get down_!”

She started to argue back, when a loud roar from above caught their attention. Looking up, they saw a large red figure leap through a window, directly onto the C-Sec shuttle, causing it to land. They watched as Wrex managed to completely take out the entire merc crew single-handedly before Shepard finally moved from their hiding spot.

“Wrex? What are you doing here?”

“Ah, just butting heads with the Council over krogan expansion.” Wrex answered, rolling a merc over, searching the body until he found another gun for Shepard. He tossed the gun towards Shepard and she had barely time to look at it when a large explosion sounded behind them, and both Garrus and Wrex dove for cover. Garrus made sure to grab Shepard as he went, pulling her down out of harm’s way.

“Shepard, if we make it out of this, you’re wearing full body armor anytime you step outside of the apartment.” Garrus yelled above the noise, peeking around the corner and spotting mercs being air-dropped in.

“I thought you _liked_ this outfit.” She replied, crouching behind him to get a better look.

“I like you being alive even better.”

“Shepard, we got a way out of here?” Wrex cut in, firing at the approaching mercs.

“Wrex, I’m a professional!” She called back, vaulting over the cover she had been hiding behind, running and firing her way to the next bit of adequate cover.

“That’s not a yes!” Wrex grunted in response.

“It’s not a no!”

Judging by her voice, Shepard was enjoying this battle much more than Garrus was, and he was the one safely wearing armor.

“Commander!” Joker called over the comm, and Garrus sighed with relief. Help was on the way if Joker was talking.

“Joker!” Shepard responded between bursts of gunfire. “We lost our ride! Where are you?”

“Of my way.” He responded, confirming Garrus’ hopes. “Picked up Brooks. Figured you’d have a few questions.

“That’s an understatement.” Garrus muttered, and he heard Joker snicker.

“Good call.” Shepard replied, ducking between display cars to fire from cover.

“Good to be back!” Wrex called out, running across the lot, yelling while firing.

“Commander, did C-Sec find you?” Brooks’ voice broke through the noise. “Are you okay?”

“Yes and no. Mercs in a C-Sec shuttle.”

“What?”

“Little busy right now!”

 

* * *

 

Shepard settled onto one of the upstairs couches in the apartment, Wrex and Javik having abandoned the area to look around. It wasn’t long when Garrus found her there, settled down next to her and draped an arm over the back of the couch.

“So what was it, Shepard? Five minutes before someone started shooting at you?”

“At least ten.” She answered, resting her head back on his arm. She was frustrated and angry over what had happened, but she was also aching from the fall she had taken through the floor of Ryuusei. Her left ankle was probably sprained and she had at least bruised a few ribs. “I had managed to almost finish one drink before the shots started.”

“First you go after a Reaper all alone and then you go and take out a hundred or so mercs without armor and only armed with a pistol.” She almost winced at the reprimand in his voice. “You should have called me.” He added gently, moving his free hand to squeeze one of hers. “When I got the call from Joker, my heart was in my throat until I managed to get up with you.”

“Sorry.” She said, and she meant it. It hadn’t crossed her mind to call for help, she had been pushing just to keep moving. Being caught without a weapon or armor had frightened her more than she planned to let Garrus know. “Next time I’m out to dinner and a band of mercenaries start shooting up the place, I’ll be sure to call you right away.”

Garrus laughed, removing his arm from behind her so he could rub the muscles at the back of her neck. “Let’s hope there’s not a next time. The Citadel doesn’t have enough good restaurants as it is.” Shepard glanced at him out the corner of her eyes, she could see the smirking tilt to his mandibles. “Really could have went for some of their sushi.”

“Guess you’ll have to make do with the leftovers in the fridge instead.” She said, stretching out on the couch and closing her eyes, resting her head on his legs. “Wake me up when Liara’s ready to tell us what she found out about that gun.”

“Sure thing.” He responded, and Shepard opened her eyes at his tone. He was staring down at her, a worried expression on his face.

“I’m okay, Garrus.” She said softly, raising a hand to rub the side of his face.

He caught her hand in his own, linking his fingers with hers. “I know.” He replied, moving her hand to press a kiss to it. “When I heard from Joker, I thought the worst. You really scared me for a minute.”

“Another time I was one wrong step away from dying, right?” She said lightly, trying to play off the stress she was still working her way through. “A regular day on the job.” At Garrus’ frown, she continued with an encouraging smile. “Hey, you knew all of this before. You’re not allowed to back out now. Not after yesterday.” She added.

That finally drew a smile from him, and a chuckle. “I’m not going anywhere, Shepard. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.” He ran his free hand through her hair. “Just wear armor next time you meet Joker for dinner, okay?”

“I’ll bring my shotgun, too.” She said, closing her eyes at his touch.

“Even better.”


	32. Restful, uneventful shore leave: part 2

It was only a few minutes later that Liara called up the stairs, looking for Shepard so the meeting could start. Garrus ended up having to tip Shepard off his lap by standing up to make her move, but regretted the motion despite her laughter when he saw the wince cross her face. She clutched her side as she took the first few steps before taking a deep breath and standing straight.

“We should find a doctor to look at you, Shepard.” Garrus commented, taking Shepard’s arm to inconspicuously help her down the stairs. “You fell a long way.”

“I’ll be fine once I’m bandaged up.” She replied, shaking her head. “I just need to tape my ribs.”

Garrus wanted to continue arguing the point, but they were approaching the table and the team was gathered. He withdrew his hand from Shepard’s arm and took an empty place around the side of the table to listen to the mission briefing.

 

* * *

 

After the plans to infiltrate the casino had been made, Shepard walked down the stairs after changing into the red dress she had worn one time before for only a few hours, way back during the first time she and Garrus had tried to go on a ‘date’. The not-a-date that had been interrupted by the Collectors attacking the Normandy and kidnapping the entire crew except Joker and EDI. Tugging on the dress’ hem as she walked, she hoped this mission went better than that one.

She had just made it to the door of the apartment when Liara’s concerned voice called out behind her. “Shepard, is that a rash on your leg?”

The red dress was one of the few she owned, as her life afforded her few chances to wear them. And that one, in particular, was shorter than she had remembered. When she spared a glance down, she could see red patches of abrasions covering the insides and backs of her thighs, only _just_ visible where the hem of the dress stopped.

“Must be something I ate. I’ll put some medigel on it and grab a different dress.” Shepard replied calmly. She shot a covert look at Garrus, who was looking everywhere but at her, his mandibles showing his smile even as he stared at the fireplace for much too long.

Marching back up the stairs, Shepard closed her room door and stripped off the red dress as she walked to the bathroom to find some spare medigel. Garrus had applied the analgesic ointment well the night before, after his shoulders had rubbed her thighs nearly raw, and she hadn’t thought to check the extent of the abrasions when she put on the unfamiliar dress.

After applying the medigel, she put the red dress back in the closet and pulled out a black dress she had only worn once, on an undercover mission with Kasumi. It was a little longer than the red one, and after checking that it covered what it needed to cover, she exited the room to find Brooks and Garrus waiting outside already in a rented skycar.

Shepard couldn’t say anything about the ‘rash’ with Brooks in the car, but Garrus spoke up as he drove them towards the casino. “You must have gotten ahold of something dextro to cause a rash like that.” He was smiling as he looked ahead, his words innocent and his tone inconspicuous.

“I must have.” Shepard replied, keeping her own tone just as light. “I need to be more careful next time and be sure to stick with levo.”

At her response, she finally saw him glance at her out of the corner of his eye, his eyebrow plate raised. She leaned back in her seat, crossed her legs, and listened to the voice in her ear as Liara began going over their mission one more time.

 

* * *

 

Garrus stepped out of the car, surprised at the amount of people lined up on either side of the walkway to the entrance. He was glancing at either side of the path, sizing up the people standing there, when he felt an arm loop through his. Shepard tugged him forward slightly, and they began to walk, Brooks trailing behind them.

Finally getting a chance to see Shepard fully, he couldn’t help but notice the difference in her appearance. The sleeveless, short black dress she was wearing showed off her well-muscled body, and her light hair had been pulled up, showing off her neck. The shoes she was wearing, ones he couldn’t image actually walking in, added a little to her height, but he still had a good foot and a half advantage.

He didn’t know much about human fashion, but he liked what he saw now. “Looking good, Shepard. You’ve got some heads turning.”

“Those heads are turning for the well-dressed turian at my side.” Shepard held his arm closer as they walked, he felt her body brush against his side. “But I did the best I could without a carapace or a crest.” She added, nodding a greeting to people as they passed.

Garrus raised his hand in a wave, playing up their entrance the way Liara had said they would need to. “Your best has my mandible on the damn floor.” He said, lowering his head to speak in her ear. “If we weren’t stuck on a mission, we’d be going back to the apartment sooner rather than later and testing out the lock on your bedroom door.”

Shepard pulled his arm around her waist, and settled her own around his hips as they walked through the door. “Stuck on a mission? We’re drinking and dancing while waiting for Brooks to hack us through a door. I think you and I were _made_ for this mission, Garrus.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard had noticed on the few rare occasions she and Garrus had been out alone together that he tended to catch the attention of other turians and even some asari and quarians. Despite not really knowing what women of different species considered handsome, she had figured out that whatever traits they liked in turians, Garrus obviously had them.

It was no different in the casino.

Every time that they split up for a few minutes to mingle, Shepard would finish her conversation and look around for wherever Garrus had went. And she would find him mingling with a group, an admirer or two hanging onto his every word. After a few times of it happening, Shepard approached Garrus instead of waiting for him to come back over to her, and draped her arm around his hips as he talked. The turian female that had been carrying the conversation looked surprised, and then with a tightening of her mandibles, she ended the chat and excused herself.

Garrus looked down at Shepard, an eyebrow plate raised as his arm went around her back. “Problem, Shepard?”

“Just making sure that you remember you’re going home with _me_ tonight.” Shepard replied, her eyes narrowed slightly as she saw the female turian turn to look over her shoulder at Garrus before quickly looking away when she saw Shepard looking at her. “I should have worn that red dress and shown my legs off after all.”

“I _am_ sorry about that, Shepard.” Garrus said, leaning his head down to press his mouth to her hair. “I’ll make it up to you.”

“By making it worse?” She asked, and he chuckled in her ear.

“If that’s what you want.”

“You think they’ve got a private room around here somewhere that we could borrow?”

Garrus laughed again, his arm around her back pulling her a little closer. “Ah, damn, Shepard. Now that’s going to be on my mind the rest of the time we’re here.” She moved her hand from his hips as she heard her comm beep in her ear, brushing his waist lightly as she moved her hand to her ear. She didn’t miss the way Garrus shivered slightly when she brushed his waist as Brooks asked for help with disabling a camera.

 

* * *

 

“Khan, I’m not here to threaten you. We need to talk.”

Garrus moved closer to the unresponsive man as Shepard spoke. As the silence dragged on, he began to have a bad feeling about the whole situation. Very few people in the galaxy could stand against Shepard’s questions, especially when she spoke with that natural authority in her voice. It only took a slight push on the man’s chair to see that his suspicions had been right.

Khan was dead and his terminal wiped of data. Only his comm had information left on it, and soon Shepard had a call pulled up on the vid screen above Khan’s fireplace. Both the voice and image were distorted, but Garrus could make out a few traces of hair that looked almost the same shade as Shepard’s. He filed that bit of information away, trying to piece together undistorted fragments of the person’s image to give them some clue as to who it was.

He half-listened to Shepard’s calm responses until the mysterious figure spoke a line that caused Shepard’s fists to clench, drawing his attention away from the vid screen.

“I’m going to take everything you have and everything you are.”

Garrus saw Shepard glance at him for just a moment before the call disconnected and she was moving forward, slamming a fist against the vid screen.

“Damn it!” Brooks said, closing her omni-tool. “Sorry, Commander. There wasn’t enough time to trace the call.”

Shepard shoved a stack of papers off of Khan’s desk, flinging away the things blocking the computer terminal. “We’re not finished. Help me pull out the data drives.” She said, jerking her head in Garrus’ direction. Garrus reached for the drive enclosures, his hands covering hers, helping pull one of the drives free.

“Let me, Shepard.” He said softly, worried her shaking hands might slip and drop a drive. Shepard agreed and he worked to pull all of the available drives while Brooks questioned Shepard about whether or not data would still be viable from them. Garrus carefully secured the drives in the enclosures he had removed.

Brooks stepped out of the room to check that the coast was clear, and Shepard rubbed her forehead in a way that Garrus knew meant that she was getting a headache. He set the drives down on the desk and tugged Shepard closer until he could press his forehead to hers.

“No one’s taking me away from you, Shepard.” He said softly, a hand moving to rub the back of her neck as she looked up at him.

“Am I that obvious?” She asked ruefully, a half-smile across her lips.

“Only to me.” Garrus pulled away, reaching to pick up the drives as Brooks came over their comm to tell them that she had distracted the guards. “We’re all here for you, Shepard. Nothing’s going to change that.” He held out his arm towards her, and motioned to the main room of the casino. “Ready to go turn some heads one last time?”

“As long as no one tries to chat you up again.”

He chuckled. “Shepard, you look ready to take on a Reaper bare-handed. No one’s going to come _near_ me with you on my arm.”

“Mission accomplished, then.” Instead of taking his arm, she draped her arm across his hips again as they walked through the casino.

Garrus pulled her close as they walked, talking quietly as they moved through the crowd of people. “I would say I never took you for a jealous type, but the lack of chocolates from Dr. Michel lately say otherwise.”

“I’ll buy you some chocolates myself.” Shepard replied, nodding towards the parked car as they walked through the exit. “Along with something to make me unable to feel my feet after having to spend so much time in these shoes.”

 

* * *

 

“Wait, you _danced_ while waiting for Brooks to get you into the panic room, Commander?” Joker asked, with a guffaw. “I’m surprised the security guards didn’t come get you right away. There’s no way they saw you dancing and assumed you were just a regular guest.” He paused his onslaught of teasing for a moment before continuing. “Maybe they thought you had a medical condition and were afraid to say anything.”

“Or maybe they saw your pistol holster, Lola.” James spoke up from the kitchen, and Shepard looked over to see him step back from the fridge for a moment. “Now, where are you hiding all the grub? All I can find is a bunch of dextro stuff in here.”

“You were wearing a holster?” Garrus asked, raised an eyebrow at James’ statement. Shepard saw his eyes traveled up her legs and waist. “I thought it was a no-weapons-allowed mission.”

“Well _you_ couldn’t really smuggle in a sniper rifle without alerting a _few_ guards, Garrus.” Joker spoke up dryly.

Shepard discreetly tugged up the side of her dress, pulling a pistol out of the thigh holster she had worn. It had been uncomfortable, to say the least, on her already raw skin. “After what happened at Ryuusei, I didn’t want to go out without a weapon again.” She set the pistol down on the table in front of the couch she was sharing with Garrus.

“James noticed a thigh holster and not you, Garrus?” Joker said from the opposite couch, a fake note of concern in his voice. “Wow. Trouble in paradise.”

“James didn’t _notice_ it.” Shepard broke in before Garrus could reply, shooting Joker a look. “I sent him out to buy me a new holster and some rib tape while the rest of us were finishing up the plans to infiltrate the casino.”

“Yeah, I’m not that stupid.” James quipped, plopping onto the couch next to Joker. “I know where to keep my eyes if I want to keep them in my head. Shepard may look smokin’ in that dress, but I prefer to stay alive until the Reapers get to me.” He stretched out, crossing his arms behind his head. “Now, seriously, you have _got_ to get some food in this place.”

Shepard pushed off the couch, picking up the pistol from the table. “I’m going change.” She said to Garrus, nodding towards EDI and Brooks. “They should have some information for us before too long, and I want to be ready.”

 

* * *

 

She was standing in the small closet in her underwear when a knock sounded at the door. “It’s me.” Garrus’ voice sounded muffled through the door.

“It’s open.” Shepard called back, hanging up the dress she had just taken off. She kicked the heels off as Garrus walked in, hoping she wouldn’t have to wear the damn things again for a very long time.

Garrus waited until the door closed behind him and locked the access panel before stripping off his own shirt. Shepard watched appreciably, until Garrus sat on the edge of the bed in his pants and caught her staring at him. “And here I thought I was the one that never kept my eyes to myself.”

“What can I say? When a turian starts stripping in front of me, I’m almost _expected_ to watch at this point.” She replied, carrying both her armor and her more comfortable hoodie and pants over to the bed. Garrus pulled her over once she had set everything down and her hands were free, and within a few minutes, they were a tangle of limbs sprawled across the bed.

“To borrow a phrase from Vega: you looked _smoking_ in that dress, Shepard.” Garrus said, his voice low in her ear. “I’m pretty sure most of those looks directed towards me were from people wondering how a turian like me ended up with a girl like you.”

“Bullshit, Garrus.” Shepard answered, her pulse quickening as she felt his rough hands on the clasp of her bra. “I was about to have to fight half a dozen female turians off of you if I had let your conversations go any longer.” He pressed his mouth to her neck and Shepard bit back a moan as his hands moved down her body. “ _Christ_ , Garrus, we don’t have time. You know EDI and Brooks are-“ Her words were cut off as he pressed his mouth to hers.

“You were saying?” He asked as he pulled away, a hand on the waistband of her panties. He had an eyebrow plate raised, and he trailed a finger along her stomach, moving it slowly downwards.

“Never mind, they can wait.” She answered, pulling him back down to meet her. “We’re on shore leave.”


	33. Restful, uneventful shore leave: part 3

“Shepard, Brooks and I have finished analyzing the data from the drives you removed from Khan’s personal terminal.” EDI’s voice came through Shepard’s omni-tool as she finished up a quick shower. “Whenever you are ready to discuss the results, we will be waiting.”

“Hear that, Garrus?” Shepard called as she found a towel and began drying off.

“Already getting dressed.” He called back. “Need any help with the analgesic?”

“I’ve got it.” She replied, applying it liberally once her skin was dried off. She pulled on her clothes, opting for the comfort of her hoodie, before leaving the bathroom. Garrus was back in his civilian clothes, standing by the door.

“Do you want me to head downstairs before you?” He asked, his mandibles showing a tilt of a smile. He reached out a hand and ran it through her hair as she approached.

Shepard leaned into his touch. “We conspicuously disappeared together for what –a half hour? We might as well reappear together, Joker’s going to have a comment no matter what.”

Garrus chuckled, unlocking the door. “True enough.”

They made their way downstairs, and Shepard called for everyone to gather around the table to discuss the results.

“Commander, welcome back with your questionably disheveled hair.” Joker said as he moved to stand next to her before anyone else had reached the table besides EDI and Garrus.

“Joker.” Shepard replied, cutting her eyes at him.

“Hey, no one’s judging.” Joker responded, raising his hands in mock surrender. “Good job, Garrus.” He added in a stage whisper.

Shepard sighed and turned to EDI. “So, what did you find?”

 

* * *

 

Garrus threw Shepard’s shotgun her way after checking it for jamming. She caught it in mid-air and hooked it to the back of her armor, strapping extra thermal clips to the available space on her armored legs.

“You know, Shepard, if you ever decide not to bring your boyfriend along for _every_ mission, I could take point with you sometime.” James said dryly, reaching past Garrus to grab his assault rifle from the makeshift locker that had been brought in and placed by the door of the apartment.

“Vega, sometimes Shepard needs someone who knows how to handle a real gun.” Garrus replied, looking down the sight of his sniper rifle, towards the ceiling, adjusting the aim. “Not that little pea-shooter you _call_ a rifle.”

“Guys, is this _really_ the time?” Shepard asked, exasperatedly. She had heard nothing but complaints ever since she had chosen Garrus and Tali to be at her side during the infiltration mission into the Citadel Archives.

“Let them fight it out, Shepard.” Joker chimed in, leaning against the counter as the others prepped for the mission. He took a sip of one of the beers Shepard had stocked the fridge with. “They don’t have any other way of confirming their masculinity,”

“Says the one staying behind.” Wrex shot back, checking his own ammo supply.

“Hey, you figure out a way to fit the Normandy into the archives and I’ll be right there fighting with the rest of you.” Joker answered wryly. “Until then, I’ll keep this place safe while you guys handle the rest.”

“Make sure you keep your comm line open.” Shepard said, running through a mental checklist as she tapped on her omni-tool to arrange rental of several skycars. “If things get dicey, we might need you to help us get out of there quick.”

“Sure thing, boss.” He took a slice of the pizza James had ordered. “Who’s driving everyone over to the archives?”

“I’m handling Shepard’s car.” Cortez spoke up, waiting by the door. “James and Kaidan are operating the others.”

“I _can_ actually drive a skycar.” Shepard complained, cutting her eyes at Garrus. Despite him trying to look innocent, she knew he had volunteered Cortez to drive them.

“Shepard, a few of us rode with you on the Mako.” Tali responded immediately, shaking her head. “Not every vehicle is made to be quite that… _sturdy_.”

“We all plan on living through this mission, not dying from a flipped skycar.” Kaidan added.

Shepard hit the access panel and waved them towards the door. “Get to the cars, and _pray_ I don’t end up having to drive any of you before the night is over.”

 

* * *

 

After James set the bomb that let them into the archives, it wasn’t long before the team found themselves in the first firefight of the mission. Garrus was staring down the sights of his sniper rifle, picking off mercenaries, when a familiar voice from above stopped him dead in his tracks.

When the woman ordered them to drop their weapons, Garrus complied. He set his rifle on the ground and put his hands behind his head, trying to see past the glaring lights to the person whose voice sounded so much like Shepard’s. It was only a few moments later that he saw why her voice sounded so similar. He thought back to the colored flashes of hair he had seen on the vid call in Khan’s office and began chiding himself for dismissing that clue despite the fact that he _never_ would have imagined the possibility of a clone.

“I don’t care who you claim to be.” Shepard interrupted the clone’s sentence, stepping forward slightly. “The role of _Commander Shepard’s_ already filled.”

“By the wrong woman.” The clone replied. “It’s time the understudy had her day.”

Garrus took a step forward, not wanting Shepard out of his reach if a fight broke out again. “Why are you trying to kill us?” He asked, stalling for time while he tried to think of a way to get them all out.

“Because I don’t have her memories. I’d never fool my supposed friends.” The clone replied, leveling her gaze at Garrus. It was unsettling how although she looked just like Shepard, Garrus couldn’t feel any familiarity at her gaze. It held nothing but ice as the familiar eyes pierced him. The clone turned and walked a few steps away before looking over her shoulder at him. “Like you, Garrus Vakarian. You’re nothing more than a burnt-out cop past his prime.”

He bristled at her words. “And you’re just a pale imitation of the real thing!”

“I’m the real thing perfected.” The clone shot back, spinning on her heel and marching back towards them. “I’m you without the wear and tear, Shepard. The doubts, the failures.” She leaned forward, her face almost touching Shepard’s as the clone sneered at her. “I’m the lone wolf you were always meant to be… without the emotional baggage holding me back.”

Garrus saw Shepard glance first towards him, then upwards towards the rest of the team that were all being held at gunpoint. The clone let out a dry, humorless laugh. “Really, Shepard. You’re an embarrassment to the human race.” Shepard turned her gaze back to the clone, narrowing her eyes. “I saw some vid feed from the casino. You couldn’t even get a human? You went after a _turian_ , Shepard?”

“No one will ever believe you’re me.” Shepard spat the words out, and Garrus saw her fists clenching and unclenching. It was only a few moments later that the clone had said her piece, called to get the Normandy ready for takeoff, and was turning to leave when Shepard made her move. She dropped to the ground, snatching up the pistol Tali had thrown down, and jerked the gun upwards, firing at the Citadel replica overhead.

Her aim was true, and Garrus shoved Tali out of the way of the crashing decoration as Shepard dove in the opposite direction, the siege broken as they all reached for their weapons.

 

* * *

 

“We still got everyone?”

Shepard ejected the thermal clip out of her shotgun as she heard the team firing at the mercenaries. Her heart felt as if it was in her throat, and the numbness was finally leaving her fingers. The sight of her clone had thrown her, but not as badly as the fear that she was about to get nearly every person she cared about killed.

“We’re on the balcony!” At the sound of Liara’s voice, Shepard felt the knot in her stomach ease a little. Glancing around the cover she was behind, Shepard took a quick headcount and counted only half of the team.

“Where’s everyone else?” She asked, forcing down the note of panic in her words.

“Other side!” Cortez yelled in her ear.

“Having a little party up here!” Came Kaidan’s harried response. “With bullets!”

Shepard forced out a laugh, sighting her shotgun and taking out a mercenary that was closing in on her. It wasn’t long before she heard, through the chatter of her team, the mercs starting to figure out who they were up against.

“I think that turian they’ve got is Archangel!” Her head jerked up at the words, and she quickly aimed her gun at the direction the yelling voice was coming from. “How the hell are we going to kill him?”

The merc’s head exploded in her sights before she squeezed the trigger. Pulling her face from the scope, she spotted Garrus looking through the scope of his sniper rifle with a smile on his face. “You’re not!”

One of the other mercs yelled back. “Maybe the other Shepard should’ve stuck around to help!”

“We’ve got ‘em psyched out!” Shepard heard James’ laugh over the comm as he yelled down from the balcony. “Hey, _pendejos_! Our Shepard is better than yours!”

Shepard laughed, shaking her head as she took out another merc. Garrus dove past her for cover, and Shepard saw several shots ping off of his nearly depleted shields. She glared at him for the close call, and his mandibles tilted in an apologetic smile as he responded over the comm. “Better looking, too!”

“Flattery isn’t always going to save you, Garrus.” She responded, pushing him down and leaning over him to shoot the merc that had shot at him moments before.

Before long, all of the mercs were lying dead, and the teams made their way into the archives.

 

* * *

 

“Commander, the other you is searching for something 200 meters ahead.” Glyph buzzed in front of Shepard, she waved him away with her gun.

“Got it.” She responded.

“Fighting your own clone is crazy, even for us.” Shepard heard Tali speak up over the comm, and a round of agreements sounded over the comm from the others.

“But useful.” She heard Javik’s voice in her ear. “If there is a task you don’t wish to do, Commander, let her handle it.”

“So, like a personal butler?” Brooks piped up.

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Shepard repeated for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

“Right.” Garrus said, brushing his arm against hers as he scanned the area to her left, raising an eyebrow plate in her direction. “So let your clone do it.”

It wasn’t long before James’ voice sounded over the comm. “Garrus, you getting any ideas?”

Shepard groaned at the question, but Garrus responded, his tone ambiguous. “Ideas about what?”

“What you could do with two Shepards.”

Shepard heard a faint embarrassed cough over the comm, either from Liara or Tali. Or both. Garrus chuckled though, before responding. “Vega, you’re talking about _two Shepards_. Does that sound like something you want to sit around fantasizing about?”

Silence filled the comm, but Shepard could hear what sounded like Kaidan laughing in the distance, before James finally responded. “Good point. I think one would kill me quick enough.”

“Damn right.” Shepard replied. “Now let’s move. The… other me can’t be far. Keep up the pressure, and we’ll try to surround her.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard watched as her life was strategically erased before her eyes, as the clone uploaded her own palm data into the databanks. She felt a tightness in her chest, as both the anxiety and anger fought against her ability to breathe.

“Biometric identifier updated.” The computer terminal spoke as the data was accepted. “Good day, Commander Shepard.”

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, the Normandy needs its captain. So…” The clone walked towards the door as Shepard tried again to punch her way through the containment field. Looking over her shoulder towards Shepard, an amused smirk on her face, the clone spoke up. “I should go.”

“Farewell, Commander.” Brooks said as she stood by the door, looking pleased with the outcome. “I guess this is where ‘legends’ go to die.”

The door hadn’t fully closed behind the clone and Brooks when the floor jerked so violently that Shepard was thrown off of her feet. Garrus and Tali fell almost immediately after as the vault sealed itself and dropped suddenly, in a motion that Shepard knew was the vault putting itself into a place that it was meant to stay for a very, _very_ long time.

 

* * *

 

Garrus moved in the dark, his hand out, reaching in the direction that he knew Shepard had been in. His hand connected with something, and Shepard spoke up immediately. “Was that one of you guys? Because if there’s some type of _creature_ being held in here, I’m about to start shooting.”

“It’s me, Shepard.” Garrus said quickly, not wanting Shepard’s shotgun aimed at himself, pulling on the limb he had grabbed until Shepard moved towards him. At his words, he felt her stop struggling, and he pulled her to him. If the lights suddenly came on, there would be some embarrassment for sure, but he was so thankful to still have Shepard in one piece that he wouldn’t have minded.

“I can’t believe they actually locked us in here.” Tali spoke up, and Garrus saw the orange glow of an omni-tool. He assumed she was checking for ways to open the vault.

“I can’t believe they let us go.” Shepard said, and Garrus stared downward at her, forgetting for a moment that she couldn’t see the look of disbelief on his face.

“Let us go?” He repeated, trying to hold the incredulity out of his tone. “Shepard, they left us in here to die before turning their backs and walking away.”

“Yeah, besides that.” Shepard was quiet for a few minutes before speaking up again. “She said, ‘I should go’. Do I sound like that?”

The concerned tone in Shepard’s voice nearly drew a laugh from Garrus, despite their circumstances. He had the feeling that she had a way out forming in her head, and he wasn’t going to let her see that he had been feeling as apprehensive as Tali sounded. “Ah, …yeah. Kinda.”

“Shouldn’t we be worrying about the impregnable vault we’ve been sealed inside forever?” Tali responded, sounding clearly worried for both of their sanities.

“How come nobody told me this before?” Shepard asked, Garrus could tell by the way she shifted that she was looking up at him. Probably glaring his way. But he could also hear the underlying humor in her words. “I’m open to feedback here.”

“I’m not really one to talk.” He answered, dropping his head to press it against hers for a moment. “I’ve been told that I say ‘calibrating’ more than a turian should.”

Shepard snorted. “Damn right you do. Joker and I started a betting pool on the number of days you could go without bringing it up.”

“There’s probably not much air in here, either.” Tali interrupted them, sounding more panicked. “For the three of us, maybe an hour, if we take shallow breaths.”

“Maybe it’s: I should _go_. I _should_ go. _I_ should go.” Shepard mused, trying out different inflections of the same sentence, drawing a chuckle from Garrus before Tali yelled at them both.

“Shepard, Garrus, please! Why aren’t you two more worried about this?”

“Hm?” Shepard asked innocently, Garrus could almost see her smile in the dark. “Oh, Glyph!” She shifted away from Garrus and yelled. “You still out there?”

Garrus held his breath, but it was only a few moments later that he heard the familiar voice respond with, “Yes, Commander.” Tali sighed, sounding both frustrated and relieved.

“Unlock this damned thing, and go find the others.” Shepard yelled through the vault wall, standing up. “No one steals my ship. Not even me.”

After a minute or two, the vault swung back upwards and opened, throwing them to the floor again as they were met with fresh air and freedom. Shepard was pulling up her omni-tool before she even stood up, Joker’s face coming into view.

“How could I _possibly_ have guessed that you would be needing my help?” was his form of greeting.

“I hope you only had that one beer.” Shepard responded, as Garrus helped her up after he had stood up himself and pulled Tali to her feet. “I need you at the Archives, stat! The Normandy’s going to be stolen if we don’t get there to stop it!”

Joker swore loudly, and Garrus could see him lunging to his feet. “What the hell, Commander?” Joker yelled. “Who’s stealing it?”

“My evil clone.” Shepard shot back, punching buttons on the console to call the other vaults to the platform to release the rest of the team. “No time to explain, just get here now!”

Joker disconnected the call, his worry for the Normandy apparent in the way that he didn’t question the absurdity of Shepard’s statement. By the time they had all been released from the vaults and made their way back through the hole that they had created to infiltrate the vaults, Joker was landing a skycar, and the ones they had driven there were missing.

“I’ve got room for Shepard plus two.” Joker said as the car’s top opened, sounding agitated. “And figure it out fast, because the other Shepard is stealing my ship!”

 

* * *

 

“Turians were not made for tight spaces.” Garrus grumbled as they made their way through the maintenance shaft on the Normandy, after Traynor’s toothbrush had let them through the hatch.

“I bet you don’t say that to Shepard.” James replied quietly, without missing a beat, and Shepard heard Garrus fail to stifle a laugh.

“Oh, _goddammit_ James, if we get caught because of you-“ She cut off her sentence, hearing voices ahead. Waiting until they sounded distracted, she signaled to the others and hit the button to open the hatch and they leapt out, guns blazing.

After a brief firefight, an angry realization that the clone had been planning on getting rid of her space hamster and model ships, and Garrus encouraging James to kill for touching his weights during the elevator ride, Shepard was face to face with her clone again. The clone had found a spare suit of N7 armor, spray-painted the red logo blue, and was looking down the scope of an N7-issued assault rifle.

Shepard felt her blood boil at the sight.

Everything she had worked for, everything she had accomplished in her life. She was _not_ about to lose it to that imposter.

Shepard raised her shotgun and fired as she ran for cover, ducking from the return fire the clone was sending her way.

 

* * *

 

“The rest of the squad’s waiting outside, Commander. We’ll have the Normandy back in shape in no time.” Cortez said as they made their way to the shuttle bay’s door. The Normandy was landing, and as Garrus moved to where he could see Shepard’s face, she looked nearly dead on her feet. Between the blood, dirt, and whatever else she had rolled in while fighting her clone, she was in rough shape.

Shepard had a tired smile on her face as the door opened and they made their way off the ship, the rest of the team exiting the skycars they had managed to find. Garrus caught up to her and put an arm around her shoulders. “Well, what happens on shore leave stays on shore leave.”

Shepard laughed, looking around at the crew. “Come on. Maybe we can take some actual time off.” She looked up at Garrus. “No explosions or anything. Just us.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it.” Garrus replied, turning Shepard towards a waiting skycar. “But it’s worth a shot.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard walked into her apartment and made a beeline for the couch, setting her shotgun on the coffee table before letting herself collapse onto the couch itself.

“I’m not moving from here for at least five hours.” Garrus could barely hear her words, muffled by the sofa cushions.

“So, after a hard day spent fighting an evil clone, you know what comes next?” Joker asked as he walked in, taking a seat on the couch opposite Shepard.

A groan was the response Shepard gave him, followed by “A nap?”

“Please.” Joker scoffed. “We party down.”

“Party, huh?” Garrus asked, moving Shepard’s legs out of the way so he could sit down on the couch as well. He didn’t feel like having a party in the least. He wanted ten hours of solid sleep.

“No pressure.” Joker responded, his eyes on Shepard’s exhausted form. “No one’s gonna make you throw a party.”

“I need to unwind.” Shepard said, rolling onto her side, so her voice was discernable. “Let’s say that yes, there will be a party… _eventually_. But after we take care of a few more pressing matters first.”

“Awesome. EDI and Cortez and Traynor are in.” Joker answered immediately, tapping away on his omni-tool. “What?” He asked, after Shepard’s head jerked up at his words. “You know you’d have invited them anyway.”

“I have also informed Dr. T’Soni about any potential upcoming celebrations.” Glyph added, floating around Joker's head.

“Just be sure they’re all aware that the party isn’t happening just yet.” Garrus broke in before Shepard could form her objections. “The last thing any of us need right now is a night of drinking and loud music when everyone’s so tired we can hardly stand.”

“You’re so sure the party will even _have_ drinking and loud music.” Joker retorted. At Garrus’ silence and a skeptical look, he consented. “Okay, of course it would.” His omni-tool beeped. “Also, Cortez just invited James, so…”

“I’m in charge of the guest list.” Shepard spoke up, sitting up and folding her legs underneath her. “Whenever we actually decide to throw the party, I’m inviting the rest.”

“Sure thing, boss.” Joker responded, closing his omni-tool. “Now I’m going to go out and see how much trouble EDI and I can get into without me snapping a femur. I’ll let you know when the Normandy’s in flying condition again.” He waved as he left, and Shepard rested her head against the cushion on the back of the couch.

Garrus moved over, reaching out a hand. “Lean forward. If you ever needed some help for tense muscles, I’d bet on you needing it now.”

“What gave it away?” Shepard asked, leaning up as he asked. “The fact that we just fought my evil clone, killed an Alliance traitor, infiltrated the Normandy with a toothbrush, or blew a hole in the Citadel Archives?”

“I was thinking the whole falling through a fish tank thing.”

“I’m too tired even to tell you to drop it.” She complained, sitting motionless as he rubbed the back of her neck. “How about we never try to plan another shore leave? Ever?”

“Sounds like a smart plan to me.” Garrus replied. “Except for that party. We’re going to have to do it eventually or Joker will riot.”

“Right.” Shepard responded, staring forward at the fireplace for a few moments before continuing. “Let’s wait, though. We’ll need something to look forward to, so let’s throw the party sometime when everyone needs a distraction even more than they do now.”

He made a noise of agreement and pulled his hands away, standing up. “Come on, Shepard. You need some sleep just as much as I do.” She stood up, and he saw her wince as she took a step. “And a doctor tomorrow for those ribs.”

“I’m not arguing with you on that.” Shepard stated, linking her fingers with his as they ascended the stairs. “But first, sleep.”

“A _lot_ of sleep.” He agreed. “After all, didn’t you say that a few days of restful, uneventful shore leave was just what you needed?”

She groaned, pulling her hands free to start tugging off her armor. “Seriously, Garrus. No more shore leave.”


	34. Turian Brandy

“So, any plans for today?” Garrus asked, taking a bite of the still-warm breakfast that he and Shepard had ordered to be delivered to the apartment. It was a delicious dextro dish, one he hadn’t taken the time to enjoy in a few years. The weather on the Citadel was always the same, but to him the sunlight seemed especially bright and peaceful this morning as it shone through the windows of the apartment.

“EDI mentioned coming over later.” Shepard responded, after swallowing a bite of food. After spending most of an entire day in the apartment relaxing, and another day with various crew members in and out of the apartment visiting, she finally looked rested up after the whole ordeal with the clone. “Something about learning more about shore leave customs.”

Garrus chuckled at the thought. “Be sure to make it clear that shore leave doesn’t normally consist of being left for dead by your evil clone.”

Shepard shook her head, chewing. After a few moments, she spoke. “I’m going visit Dr. Bryson’s lab before EDI comes over, I’ve been meaning to stop by when I had a chance.”

“That’s the mission Admiral Hacket messaged you about?” Garrus asked, recalling what Shepard had told him about the message she had received a few weeks before. “Didn’t he say that Dr. Bryson uncovered information about the Reapers?”

“Yeah.” She responded. “I’m not sure what it is, but I’ll at least check it out. If EDI shows up while I’m gone, let her know that I’ll be back soon.”

“Sure thing.” Garrus said, before they both turned their attention back to finishing their meal, accompanied by the peaceful quiet of the apartment.

 

* * *

 

“So what were you and Shepard planning on doing?” Garrus asked as he fixed himself a drink. EDI was sitting at the bar, having arrived a few minutes before. Shepard had left less than a half hour before, Garrus was expecting her back at any time.

“I thought we could experience a morning of acquiring material possessions for our associates.” EDI replied, setting her datapad down on the bar.

“Shopping, huh?” He tasted the drink as he moved around the bar, sitting on one of the vacant stools next to EDI. It would do Shepard good to have a couple hours to relax and window shop with a friend. “That’s something Shepard doesn’t get to do too often. What shops did you have in mind?”

“Physical proximity is unnecessary.” EDI answered, moving the datapad closer to him so Garrus could see the various extranet shopping sites she had chosen. “The extranet provides a greater variety of services while retaining entertainment value. Jeff has even lent me his credit chit for the occasion.”

Garrus watched her browse through the sites, slowly sipping on the turian brandy he had poured. “So who are you shopping for? Joker? Shepard?”

“Jeff is indeed the first on my list.” EDI nodded, reaching for a small black box she had set on the counter. “However, I have already procured this gift for Shepard, and am just waiting for the best time to give it to her.”

Turian couples didn’t exchange rings, their culture’s militaristic focus had seen to that frivolity never taking hold in their race. But Garrus recognized a ring box when he saw one, and he had learned of the connections that humans made to them, mostly thanks to Joker’s tips. “You planning on competing with me for Shepard, EDI?” He asked, dryly.

EDI smiled, opening the ring box to show him. “Not at all, Garrus. It’s a special ring made from metals from Council homeworlds. This particular ring was one of the last the jeweler made, it’s crafted entirely of metals from only Earth and Palaven.” Garrus glanced up from the ring, and found that EDI’s expression showed how pleased she was with the gift. “I thought it seemed like a good fit for her.”

Garrus accepted the box to look at it closer. “I have to agree, you chose well.” He said, handing the box back to EDI. Truth be told, he had never heard of those rings. But if he had, he would have been interested in buying one for Shepard himself. Enough research on the extranet surrounding human engagement and marriage customs had imprinted the importance of a ring in his mind, and that ring would have been a perfect choice.

“Thank you, Garrus.” EDI replied, closing the box. “Do not worry, I don’t believe Shepard will be swayed from her affections for you over a simple ring.” The smile on the AI’s face showed a hint of teasing, leaving Garrus feeling that she had been spending too much time learning from Joker.

“I don’t know, EDI, you raised the bar pretty high.” Garrus said, inserting a false tone of defeat into his words. EDI responded with laughter, and began flipping through extranet sites of skycars.

A few minutes into their discussion over which car to rent for Joker, EDI suddenly stopped speaking in the middle of a sentence, her expression suddenly one of worry. “I have picked up a C-Sec alert from the position that corresponds with the GPS location of Shepard’s omni-tool.”

Garrus’ fist clenched around his empty glass, the relaxed atmosphere of the room replaced by tension. “C-Sec? What’s wrong?”

“Something about a shooting. I believe Shepard called it in.”

Garrus stood at her words, and EDI was quick to mimic the motion. “Do you have her coordinates?”

“Uploading the NavPoint to your omni-tool now.” EDI replied as Garrus moved quickly to the spare bedroom to grab his sniper rifle. He spotted Shepard’s cleaned armor leaning against the wall, the N7 logo shining. He felt his heart sink at the sight.

He was going to have to requisition a hood to be added to that suit of armor. Maybe she would wear it more often that way.

 

* * *

 

“Shepard, I monitored a C-sec alert from this location.” At EDI’s voice, Shepard turned from her talk with Derek Hadley, the assistant that had shot Dr. Bryson. “Were you harmed?”

“I’m fine.” She responded. It was true that she was feeling a little rattled from Hadley’s ominous words about the darkness, but she was physically fine. “But I could use your help sorting this out, EDI. Take a look through their files. I need to know what this task force was up to.”

“At once.” EDI replied, walking past her towards a computer terminal. She paused and looked back at Shepard, seeming to remember something. “I am sure Garrus will be of help, as well. He was debriefing the C-Sec agents outside before entering.”

Shepard closed her eyes for a moment when EDI’s words registered, and she swore under her breath. “Garrus is here?”

“Yes, I believe he should be done momentarily.”

“EDI, when my angry, slightly-overprotective turian boyfriend asks to come along on something like this, _tell him no_.”

“I didn’t ask, Shepard. I _drove_.” Garrus spoke up behind her, and Shepard wished that C-Sec would have at least cleaned up the blood on the floor before he made it in the door.

“Garrus, glad you’re here.” She replied automatically, turning to face Garrus and immediately diving into the problem at hand so he didn’t have a chance to lecture her on getting into a firefight without her armor. Again. “I can use your help interrogating this guy.”

Garrus managed to stop glaring at her long enough to look at Hadley, and noticed the bruise developing on the man’s neck. “What happened to him?”

“I hit him with a datapad when he tried to shoot me.” Shepard said grudgingly, knowing any lie she tried to make up wouldn’t convince him.

“Someone pulled a gun on you and you threw a _datapad_ at him?” Garrus repeating her words made the story sound even worse than it already was. The C-Sec agents standing around were looking at them curiously.

“It’s _fine_ , I have great aim up-close.”

“Where was your gun?” He asked the question she had been hoping he wouldn’t think of. The pistol she had promised to carry at all times since the fiasco at Ryuusei was sitting outside in the skycar she had rented. A science laboratory in the middle of the Citadel hadn’t seemed like a dangerous enough place that she needed to be carrying.

Thankfully, Hadley chose that moment to start waking up. Shepard stepped past Garrus, eager to face the possibly indoctrinated scientist rather than the frustrated turian glaring her way.

 

* * *

 

Upon arriving back at the apartment, EDI passed along the news from Joker that the Normandy would be ready to leave the Citadel the following morning. Shepard asked her for a rain check for the shopping trip, waited for EDI to search the extranet to understand the reference, and then bid the AI goodbye as she left the apartment.

A few minutes later, Garrus arrived after returning the skycar he had rented. “I just got the message from Joker, we’re leaving in the morning?”

“That’s what I heard.” Shepard responded, making her way to the kitchen. She knew Garrus would eventually broach the subject of her carelessness in nearly getting shot, and she was going to put it off for as long as she could. “Apparently the aerospace engineers were faster with the maintenance than anyone expected.”

“They’re probably trying to hurry up and get out from under Joker suspiciously watching them while they do their work.” Garrus replied, following her into the kitchen. “I think everyone’s feeling like this shore leave is a bit jinxed. We’re all ready to get back to space flight.”

Shepard nodded her agreement as she dug through the refrigerator, hoping there was some beer left after James and Cortez had raided it the day before when they came over to watch a game. Finding two lone cans, Shepard tossed Garrus one before taking the last for herself and opening the can, leaning against the counter. “Gotta admit, despite shore leave being a pain in the ass, this is a nice place to relax and unwind.”

Garrus opened his own can of purified beer and leaned against the counter next to her, his free arm winding its way around her waist as he took a drink. “That’s for certain. A nice place to retire after the Reapers are dealt with.”

Shepard glanced up at him as he took another drink. She needed to write up a will soon, to leave the apartment to Garrus. He deserved somewhere nice to call home once the war was over. Knowing better than to bring that particular plan up, she leaned her head against his shoulder idly. “A day when the Normandy isn’t our home anymore? Perish the thought.”

“Hey, I love the old girl just as much as you do.” He responded, and Shepard couldn’t help but smile as he defended his love for the Normandy. “But having a place to live that’s at _least_ ten times the size of the main battery all to ourselves is pretty inviting.”

“And here I thought you’d get bored without something to calibrate at all times of the day.”

“I would, if I didn’t have to spend so much time making sure you stay alive whenever you walk out those doors.” He replied dryly, and Shepard winced.

“It’s not like I planned to get shot at today.” She said, and it was her turn to sound defensive. “It’s not as if I jumped off of a moving ship to go take on a Reaper single-handedly or anything.”

“Shepard.” He said, a note of warning in his voice.

Shepard turned to him, looping her arms around his neck. “I’m sorry for making you worry.” She said, and she really did mean it.  She was grateful that there was someone out there who worried about her making it home safe.

“Just wear your armor next time.” Garrus sighed in response and pressed his forehead to hers. “And carry a damn pistol.” He added, drawing a laugh from Shepard as they stood in the kitchen, sharing what she knew might be one of their last moments of peace.

 

* * *

 

“Shepard, here’s your hamster. Tali found it wandering around somewhere in Engineering. He probably likes the heat down there.”

Shepard held out a grateful hand, accepting the hamster from Garrus. Although it had been saved from her clone’s plan of being given away, some of the maintenance crew had accidently let it loose when they had moved her things back up to her cabin. She had thought he was lost for good, but apparently Tali had worked some magic to find him while Shepard, Garrus, and Kaidan had been exploring T-GES Mineral Works looking for Dr. Garneau.

She put the space hamster back in its cage, patted its head, and then closed the lid securely before turning her attention back to the pile of model ships that she still needed to put back in their display cases. She had only been back on the Normandy for two days, but her clone had managed to make a mess of all of her things and she was still getting it straightened.

“At least she didn’t throw away anything irreplaceable.” Garrus commented, motioning to the pile of ships as he made his way to the closet, replacing the clothes of his that had been thrown away by the clone with new ones.

“That we know of.” Shepard grumbled, adjusting the wing on the model SR1 as she hung it back in the case. “If my fish start dying, I’m going find her and kill her again.”

Garrus chuckled, settling down onto the couch where he could watch Shepard work. “So, when do you plan on us heading for Thessia?”

Shepard took a step back, making sure that the SR1 was suspended properly in the case. She wasn’t actively avoiding Thessia, she knew the asari were wanting to help, but chasing down the Reaper-killer had seemed a higher priority. “I say let’s go back to the Citadel, check out that artifact in Dr. Bryson’s lab, and see where we should go from there.”

“As long as you plan on suiting up this time.”

Shepard leaned around the partition so she could see Garrus’ face. From the flexing of his mandibles, he was managing a smile along with his grumbling now. She relaxed, picking up another one of her model ships. “I’ll even carry my shotgun.”

“That’s my girl.”

 

* * *

 

Garrus poured himself another glass of brandy, drinking it a little slower than he had downed the first. After they had boarded the Normandy with Dr. Ann Bryson, and Shepard had taken her someplace quiet to give the woman time to grieve until her transportation to the Citadel arrived, Garrus had needed something to calm his nerves and the brandy would definitely help with that.

He had watched Shepard nearly fall to her death half a dozen times during their run through the excavation site. During which she had faced down a horde of Reaper forces, including a few harvesters that had nearly blown them all to bits. Then, after they had rescued Bryson, Shepard had made sure to be the first person to charge through the barricades to get the doctor to safety. And the last person to get onto the shuttle, of course.

Admiring her bravery was one thing, and it wasn’t independent of hating the way that she always threw herself headfirst into danger despite others being there that could help take some of the front line hazards off of her shoulders.

He emptied the glass and sat staring at it for several long moments before refilling it. Not much had changed between him and Shepard in the days since she had finally accepted their relationship and confessed how she felt. There were still the infrequent petty arguments, the nice way they tended to make up after those arguments, and the times that he wanted to sit her down and explain why her carelessness about her personal safety threatened to drive him insane.

But he also felt a peace when they were together, just the two of them, enjoying the quiet times that were few and far between. And he saw it in her eyes that she enjoyed those times, too. It was the feeling of home that was present between them now, and that was something that he wasn’t willing to give up anytime soon. If ever.

The door opened behind him, shaking him out of his thoughts as Shepard walked in. She hadn’t even taken the time to change, instead she began stripping off pieces of armor and throwing them on the couch before joining him at the bar in her sweaty fatigues.

“Glad to see you’ve taken up my favorite sport.” She commented, coming over to the bar and reaching for the levo bottle that he had taken out in preparation for her joining him eventually. “Nothing like a good round of drinks to help with the adrenaline crash after a wild battle.”

Garrus nodded noncommittally, pouring himself another glass as the one he was holding was emptied again. Might as well let Shepard think that he was drinking away battle nerves, instead of the lingering fear from worrying about her. She was already calling him over-protective.

“Though, you usually seek out other things before a drink.” Shepard continued conversationally, taking a sip of the asari honey mead. “Like a shower, a change of clothes, food…” She trailed off, looking over at him finally. “So what is it that had you running to drown in that brandy?”

Garrus raised an eyebrow plate, playing for time. He prided himself on usually being able to keep his worries in check, where Shepard wouldn’t notice them. He didn’t know what had given it away, until she continued speaking. “Your hand brushed against mine a few times on the shuttle ride back.” She said gently, turning on her stool to face him, moving one of his hands from his glass so she could take it in her own. “I felt it shaking. What’s wrong?”

He couldn’t help but chuckle, thinking of himself in past times, checking on Shepard only to find her drinking to bury her fears. He had wanted her to talk through them with him back then, and here he was avoiding doing that very thing. “It’s no big mystery Shepard,” He responded, feeling a thickness to his tongue as he spoke the words. He shook his head a little to clear it, he hadn’t drank _that_ much. “Seeing you nearly killed… what, half a dozen times today? It strained some nerves. I’m just trying to calm them down.”

“You were worried for me, you mean.”

“Of course I was worried, things got pretty hectic.” He took another drink. “You have to be the only person in the galaxy that runs over that many falling platforms in one mission.”

Shepard squeezed his free hand, taking a sip of her own drink. “We made it through okay. Just a few extra explosions to keep us on our toes, right?”

“I’m just not used to feeling like that, you know?” The words tumbled out before he could stop them. The brandy was encouraging him, and he didn’t see a reason to not listen to it.

“Like what?” She answered, looking curious when he finally looked back up at her. Or, he _thought_ it was a curious expression when he blinked a few times to get rid of the second Shepard he was seeing when he tried to focus on her.

“Being afraid of you dying.” He responded, tipping his glass over as he tried to pick it up. “I mean sure, I didn’t _want_ you to die on the SR1. But my heart wasn’t in my throat every damn time someone shot at you.”

“Good thing, since it happened every five minutes or so.” Shepard replied lightly, reaching out to right the glass that was lying in front of him. She pushed it away slightly, taking his other hand in hers, too. “I think it’s normal to get more worried about someone, the more you care about them.”

Garrus sighed heavily. “That’s what love does. Turns a guy like me into a nervous wreck with something to lose and the aim to make sure he doesn’t.” He noticed a glimmer of a smile on Shepard’s face as he spoke, but didn’t know why it would be there. “Nobody better hurt you, is all I’m saying.” He finished lamely, squeezing her hands with his own.

“They won’t, Garrus.” She said, leaning forward to press her head to his softly. “You’ll protect me.” He thought he felt the stool wobble underneath him, and he clutched at her hands to keep from falling off. Hearing a noise that sounded like a laugh, he looked at Shepard, but her expression was neutral, so he figured he must have imagined it.

“That’s right, I will.” He answered, wishing the room would quit moving around him so he could focus on Shepard. When she stood up, he turned, and the room spun even more.

“How about we get up to bed?” She asked, not letting go of his hands as she stood. Instead, she looped one of his arms around her neck and pulled him off of the stool. He didn’t know why she thought he needed the help, but he would let her feel useful if she wanted to. “We have a big day tomorrow, we’ll be scouting out Thessia before deciding on a landing zone.”

“Thessia, right.” Garrus answered, holding onto Shepard’s shoulder as they walked to the elevator. “That’s where we’re going to get that… thing.”

“The Catalyst, the last thing we need to finish the Crucible.” She supplied, hitting the button to make the elevator take them up to her cabin. Garrus didn’t let go of her shoulder, he liked having Shepard this close. “And once we get that, we can kick the Reapers’ asses and take back our galaxy.”

“I’m going to protect you, Shepard.” The words were fumbled, hard for him to say through the dry feeling in his mouth. He tried again. “You’ll make it through this damn war and we’ll move to the Citadel and live in that fancy apartment.”

She helped him into the cabin and all the way over to the bed, not answering until she sat him down on the edge. “Sounds perfect to me, Garrus.” Was her only response, along with a kiss pressed to his mouthplates, before she left him and went into the bathroom.

 

* * *

 

When Shepard got through with her shower, she exited the bathroom to find Garrus asleep, sprawled sideways over the bed with a few pillows haphazardly stuck under his neck, waist, and hips. She shook her head and tried to move him gently, not wanting to wake him up, but not wanting him to be sore in the morning from improper support while sleeping.

He moved easily, not really waking up, but flexible enough that she was able to get enough pillows under him to help. With the amount he had drank, she wasn’t expecting him to wake anytime soon.

She sat on the edge of the bed next to him, and ran a hand lightly along his scarred mandible, keeping her touch gentle and light as she traced the broken blue markings across his face. Handling a seriously drunken seven foot tall turian had been no easy feat, but she had managed it. She’d have a story to tell him when he woke up and got over the hangover that was sure to come along with that much alcohol.

She got back up to turn off the lights before climbing back into the bed, curling up at his side. She wasn’t sleepy yet, the battle nerves were still there for her. But she was content lying in bed, letting herself think over the things he had said to her in his drunken stupor, until she drifted off to sleep.

She didn’t have her regular nightmares that night. Instead it was dreams of Garrus, a home away from the threat of danger, and a family that she’d never have to leave.


	35. Defeat

Shepard had discovered something new about Garrus the morning after his evening of drinking. Even more difficult than getting a drunk turian into bed was getting a hungover turian _out_ of bed.

The thought humored her as she stood next to the bed, tugging on one of his hands. She had never tried to wake him before, and it was proving more difficult than she had ever expected it to be. She laced her fingers in his and pulled slightly, but he wasn’t budging, even though she had spotted his eyes open for a few moments to peek at her. “Garrus, you have to wake up eventually.”

“No I don’t,” His face was buried in a pillow, and one of his arms was thrown over his eyes. Shepard felt that it was a small victory that he was conscious enough to talk, though. “the Reapers can come pull me out of this bed if they want to fight that badly.”

She laughed, dropping his hand to sit on the edge of the bed. His back was to her, and she leaned over to rest her chin on his shoulder. “So a fourth of a bottle of turian brandy –on an empty stomach, no less- wasn’t the amazing idea you were making it out to be?”

“Don’t lecture me when I’m hungover, Shepard.” Before she could move, Garrus turned enough to wrap an arm around her torso and pull her over him. She felt his chest against her back as his arm wrapped around her waist. “How about we just sleep in?” He murmured against her ear, drawing a smile from her. “Tell Thessia to put the Reapers on hold for a day.”

Shepard smiled, looking over her shoulder at him. His eyes were still closed in a stubborn refusal to accept the need to get out of bed. “Or how about we go get the information on the Catalyst, come back to the Normandy, and have a celebration?”

He finally opened an eye at that, raising an eyebrow plate as he looked down at her. “A private one?”

Shepard turned over to face him and ran one of her hands along his chest plates, liking the idea even more as she thought about it. “I think we have some more of that purified wine.” After their enjoyment of sharing the first bottle, she had bought another and had it delivered to her cabin during their shore leave. Thankfully the clone hadn’t destroyed that along with everything else she had wrecked.

“ _Definitely_ private then.” Garrus replied, moving his head to push against hers lightly. “Morning, Shepard.” He finally said, managing to open both eyes to look at her.

“Morning, Garrus.” Shepard responded, smiling as she pressed a kiss to his mouth plates. “You finally ready to start the day?”

“No, but you’re dressed already so I get the feeling that if I don’t get up, you’re going to run off to Thessia without me. And next thing I’ll hear is that you wrestled two Reapers to the ground bare-handed.”

“Give me credit, Garrus.” Shepard objected, leaning back and managing a hurt expression. “I could take down at _least_ three before you hopped off the Normandy to stop me.”

“I didn’t mean that as a compliment, Shepard.” Garrus said dryly.

“Just remember: if you’re too hungover to shoot straight, I can take down _all_ the Reapers myself. No gun needed.”

Garrus groaned at that and began shifting, letting go of her in order to get out of bed. “How did I even make it to bed last night?” He turned from his seat on the edge of the bed to look at her. “Did you _carry_ me, Shepard?”

“Gotta stay in shape somehow.” She flexed her arms, and he threw a pillow at her in response.

 

* * *

 

“Commander, Thessia is under heavy Reaper attack!”

Joker’s voice sounded over the ship’s comm system as Shepard stood at the galaxy map, where she was contemplating where the best LZ for the Normandy’s shuttle would be. She pushed away from the railing at that, turning and sprinting for the cockpit as he continued. “There’s activity across most of the planet.”

“What about the temple?” She asked, hitting her ear as she ran. She saw Liara out of the corner of her eye, running off of the elevator, a look of horror on the asari’s face. “Can you raise the scientists?”

“Negative.” Joker answered as she made it to the cockpit. “All channels are scrambled across the spectrum. The mission’s looking really dicey.” He looked over his shoulder as she made it to his chair, his expression grim. She knew what he meant, he wanted it to be put off for the team’s safety.

“This is too important.” Shepard answered, shaking her head. “It’s now or never.”

“Shepard.” Liara spoke up at her side, her voice full of worry. “That’s my home down there. I have to go.”

“Then get to the shuttle and let’s do this.” Shepard responded, pressing her comm as she walked past Liara towards the CIC. “Garrus?”

“Already suited up and in the shuttle bay, Shepard.” He replied immediately, before she had a chance to ask the question. Nodding to Liara, they took the elevator down to the shuttle bay. Shepard pulled on her armor as quickly as possible as Garrus sorted out their weapons, and within minutes they were on the shuttle.

During the ride to Thessia, Liara sat quietly, staring at the vid screen showing the Reapers invading her homeworld. Shepard hated to disturb her, but she needed more information. “Liara, do you have anything more on this artifact?” She asked.

After a few moments, Liara tore her eyes away from the screen, answering Shepard. “These coordinates the councilor gave you are for the Temple of Athame. My mother took me there once. It’s several thousand years old. And for some reason, it has classified government funding.”

“Sounds like we’re on the right trail.” Shepard said, gripping the stability hook on the ceiling as the shuttle shook. There had to be a reason the asari government would fund a Temple, and she could only hope that it meant the Catalyst, or the information on it, was there.

“What if we’re too late? My people are dying down there.”

“Not for long.” Shepard turned to look at the vid screen. It was as if she was watching Earth being invaded, all over again. “We’ll find the Catalyst and save Thessia.” The words were both for Liara and herself. She needed to save this world, to help ease the guilt of being unable to save her own.

“I hope you’re right.” Liara replied in a small voice. A few minutes later and the shuttle was approaching the LZ on Thessia.

Shepard froze for a moment when the shuttle stopped for them to exit. The burning buildings, the corpses. It was Earth all over again. She felt a hand on her shoulder, drawing her out of her frozen state. “We can’t stay up here, we’re exposed!” Garrus yelled in her ear, his hand firmly pushing against her shoulder. She shook herself, trying to regain her courage, and leapt from the shuttle.

 

* * *

 

The sight of the asari that had died to hold the path to the Temple was getting to be too much to bear.

After coming across outpost after outpost, fighting their way through waves after waves of Reaper forces, only to find more dead bodies, Shepard was finding it harder and harder to draw in a full breath. She recognized the shortness of breath, and tried to actively counter it by taking in deep, steady breaths.

When they found one lone asari holding her ground with an assault rifle, Shepard yelled above the gunfire. “We’re trying to reach Outpost Tykis!”

“You’re looking at it!” The asari yelled back, ducking as gunfire rained over their heads.

Shepard looked around, her heart sinking as she took in the emptiness of the other vantage points. “What about the rest of your squad?” She heard Garrus ask from her side. He was covered in Reaper blood and remains, just as she was, clutching his sniper rifle.

“They’re all dead.” The asari replied, grasping her gun. “We tried punching through to the scientists, but…” Her voice broke for a second as she looked down. “I’m all that’s left.”

Shepard felt her heart clench at the words, but she had to press on. “What about reinforcements?”

“We had gunships flying support, but things got too hot with that Reaper. They can’t chance it.”

“I know it’s rough, but I don’t see another way in without their help.” Shepard hated herself for asking for more help, but she knew that the only way to stop this was to get the Catalyst and finish building the Crucible. And her team wouldn’t make it to the temple unless they had more support.

“Have I told you how much I hate this war?” The asari soldier answered, shaking her head as she pressed her comm. “Talon Swarm, this is Outpost Tykis! Is anybody left on this frequency? We are in need of immediate air support!” She glanced up at Shepard before continuing. “Commander Shepard is here.”

Shepard hated the fact that she heard the response from the pilots, saying they were on their way. She hated that the soldier –whose name she still didn’t know- loaded a new thermal clip into her assault rifle to help take out the ground forces, screaming for her to run ahead while she provided cover.

And when the first gunship fell and exploded, she hated the fact that everything that was happening was because these people had agreed to help her try to save the galaxy.

Garrus was at her back, pushing her through the ground forces as he and Liara picked off targets while they ran. The solider and the second gunship were still providing support, and Shepard shot when monsters got within range of her shotgun, but Garrus insistently pushed at her back to keep running. It was as if he knew that if she stopped, it was going to be for good.

When three Harvesters appeared out of nowhere, and started firing at the second gunship, Shepard dove from the cover that Garrus had pulled her behind, slapping a new thermal clip into her shotgun. She fired as she ran, thinking of nothing but getting the fire drawn from the gunship to herself. Liara threw up a barrier in front of her as one of the Harvesters turned their attention to her, but it was too late. With a yell from the pilot, the gunship crashed and burst into flames.

Liara’s attention was diverted when the ship went down, and the barrier dropped. The Harvesters wasted no time firing, but before her shields were halfway depleted, Shepard was hit by the full weight of a turian and knocked off of her feet. Garrus grabbed the side of her armor and rolled her into cover with him, jerking her up to face him. Shepard didn’t think she had ever seen so much anger and fear in his eyes.

“Shepard, if you’re not going to be smart about this fight, get the hell back to the Normandy!” Garrus yelled at her, ripping her shotgun from her hand and replacing it with the longer-ranged assault rifle he had pulled off her back when he tackled her. “Liara and I can find the damn Catalyst ourselves if it means that you don’t end up dead from your recklessness.”

She nodded her response, drawing several deep breaths before finding the air to answer a simple “Sorry”. Garrus watched her for a few more moments before leaning around the cover and firing at the nearest Harvester. Liara focused her attacks on it as well, and Shepard carefully aimed the assault rifle to help bring it down. The other two fell quickly after, and the team left cover as they saw the approach to the temple was empty.

Shepard hooked the assault rifle to her back and pulled her shotgun back out, ejecting the thermal clip for a fresh one. She looked ahead, blocking the silence of the radio that had, just a few minutes before, been full of asari chatter. “Looks like we’re in the clear.” She said, motioning towards the blue barrier at the entrance to the temple. “Let’s get inside.”

“It looks like a security lockdown.” Garrus commented as Liara made her way to a console nearby with an access panel.

Liara touched the panel to bring it to life, and began tapping at the keys. “It’s military-grade encryption. I think I can override it.” She tapped a few more keys. “Give me a few minutes.”

Garrus caught Shepard’s eye and motioned to the far side of the entryway. She followed him, expecting what was coming, and dreading the talk.

“Do you need Cortez to get you out of here?” Garrus asked, his words were gentle but his tone stern. She knew why he was asking, she knew it was only out of worry for her. But she felt ashamed that someone on _her_ team, under _her_ command, was having to worry about their leader being fit for battle. “We know what we need to do. If you can’t do it, then-“

“I’m good, Garrus.” She interrupted, not wanting to hear him say the words. “I just… lost my head there for a minute. I wanted to save the pilot and I wasn’t thinking.”

He stared at her, long and hard, before speaking again. “Shepard, none of this is your fault. Do you understand?” She looked at him, but couldn’t bring herself to answer. “You’re here to find a way to save the galaxy. These people all believe in you, just like I do. That’s why we’re fighting to keep you alive. You’re the best hope we’ve got, and you need to believe that.”

Shepard swallowed, looking down at her hands clutching the shotgun.

“I’ve got it, we’re in!” Liara cried out from the access panel, and Shepard turned her head to see that the barrier was gone. She glanced up at Garrus, who nodded towards the temple, and they made their way through the entryway.

 

* * *

 

Shepard didn’t care that Kai Leng had a sword. She didn’t care that she was exhausted, hurting, and bone-weary from fighting through the Reaper forces. All she wanted to do was inflict as much bodily harm on Kai Leng as possible, to get him back for what he had done to Thane. And for what he was trying to do to Liara and Garrus.

She saw him run after Garrus, his sword flashing as he attacked. Garrus was quick, though, and had traded his sniper rifle for an assault rifle to fire quickly. Garrus’ shields were holding, but Kai Leng was relentless. Shepard vaulted over the cover that separated her from them and fired, the shotgun blast forcing the assassin to retreat.

“Head’s up, gunship!” Garrus yelled, shoving her down as she heard Kai Leng calling for someone to cover him. Sure enough, a gunship appeared in the entry way.

“Get to cover!” Shepard yelled to Liara, who dove behind one of the columns holding the temple ceiling up.

After a few moments, the gunship moved away, and Shepard looked from around the cover to see Kai Leng heading towards her. She rolled out, firing as she came up, aiming directly for the center of his chest, before rolling towards the cover opposite. Garrus gave cover fire while she ejected the thermal clip in the shotgun and loaded another.

“Your friend Thane died like a coward.” Shepard felt her blood run cold at the sound of Thane’s name coming from Kai Leng. She swung her gun around and leapt out of cover, firing as she ran towards him. The assassin turned from his current fight with Liara, sneering at her. “You’ll be joining him soon.”

Shepard shot him at point-blank range as he pushed Liara away. His shields deflected most of the shot, but she saw him stagger slightly. She swung the shotgun forward to bash it against his head, but he caught it. “Shepard is mine now.” He yelled, speaking to whoever he was in contact with over his comm.

Shepard heard Garrus yell at her, but all she could see was red. When Kai Leng’s hands were busy pulling her gun away, she swung at him with her omni-blade, stabbing it into his shoulder. He grunted, dropping the gun to try and shove her away. “Finally, a real fight!” He called out, pulling up his omni-tool, but Shepard wasn’t going to give him time to dispense medigel. “After you die, your friends will be next!”

“You’re never going to hurt the people close to me again, you bastard!” She yelled, throwing hit after hit, Kai Leng deflecting all of them as she pushed him further back towards the entrance.

“You’ve had your fun, now, Shepard.” He threw at her, raising a hand in between two successive hits that Shepard aimed at him. She was committed to the second hit when she saw a flash of silver, but ignored the pain in her side to keep up the barrage of attacks. "It's a pity the good ones never last."

Shepard saw the blue light when he raised his hand a second time, and she dove back. Garrus was at her side, firing at Kai Leng to prevent her from getting hit. The assassin targeted Garrus instead, and the blue shockwave threw the turian off of his feet, flinging him over an outcropping of cover. Another wave was sent out and Liara was thrown aside next.

“Target the supports.” Kai Leng said, tapping his fingers to his ear. Shepard leapt forward, firing at him, but he was holding up a barrier and her shots pinged off uselessly. When she saw the gunship priming missiles, she quickly stepped backwards, putting some space between herself and the gunship.

When the missiles hit the support columns, Shepard was thrown backwards from the blast. She righted herself, looking up to see Kai Leng walking towards the VI, Vendetta, but a crack overhead drew her attention. Barely registering what was happening, she rolled forward, losing her grip on her shotgun as a piece of the ceiling crashed down where she had been just moments before. Trying to draw her breath, she looked down and saw cracks forming under her hands.

She stumbled backwards on her hands and knees as the floor began to collapse, pushing herself away from the gaping hole her shotgun has disappeared into. Managing to get to her feet, she turned and stumbled away, hurdling over pieces of the collapsed ceiling. She felt the floor move underneath her feet and she leapt forward, grabbing onto a protruding beam, trying to get a firm grip on it. Kai Leng walking past caught her attention, and that moment’s distraction cost her precious time, and before she knew what was happening she was plummeting down into the hole.

Arms flailing wildly, Shepard managed to grab ahold of a piece of collapsed floor that was hanging down. She gripped a handhold and her body slammed into the flooring, sending a wave of pain through her as she hit it. Closing her eyes against the pain, Shepard gritted her teeth and swung a leg up to try and gain a foothold on the jagged edge of the flooring. Her foot slipped at first, but she tried again and it found traction. She pushed up, reaching up with her opposite hand, clutching against the floor until she found a rough place to pull up on.

She repeated the movements, slowly and painfully, until she reached solid flooring above. As she began to pull herself up onto the stable floor, watching Kai Leng make his way to the temple entrance, the floor piece she had climbed on broke away, and the grip her legs had was gone. Shepard cried out, knowing that the grasp her fingers barely had on the floor wouldn’t hold her up, and then Liara was there, grabbing her hands and pulling her onto safe ground.

Shepard let Liara pull her up, and then she ran after Kai Leng, jerking her pistol from her hip as she ran. She would stop him, kill him. She _had_ to. She fired on the ship, aiming for anywhere she thought could do damage. She continued firing until the ship was nearly out of sight, then her arm fell limply to her side, the pistol clattering to the floor.

“…anyone on this frequency? This is Lieutenant Kurin. My squad is trapped!”

The voice of an asari in her ear startled Shepard. She slapped her hand to her comm, answering the radio call, a spark of hope in her heart. Maybe she could save someone after all. “This is Shepard! Give us your location!”

“I repeat: Is anyone on this frequency?”

Shepard turned, looking around her desperately. She saw Liara and Garrus approaching, Garrus was holding his side and limping slightly. “We read you! Give me your-“

“The lieutenant’s down!” Another voice was on the comm instead of Kurin, and Shepard felt the small light of hope extinguish. “Our whole zone is collapsing!” Shepard looked over at Liara, who shook her head in response. “What happened to Shepard? Did her team make it to the temple?”

Shepard closed her eyes, swallowing hard. Another voice spoke over the comm. “I saw them approach—Wait, I’ve got a Reaper inbound!” She jerked her head up, scanning the horizon.

It didn’t take more than a few seconds before she saw what the soldier had spoken of. A Reaper descending from the sky, followed by another. They were reaching, ready to fire as the screams of the asari soldiers echoed in Shepard’s ears.

“Please! Is anybody there? I—Oh, goddess. No!”

Shepard felt Liara’s hand on her shoulder as the screams echoed in her ears. She jerked away, not taking her eyes off of the Reapers destroying the world in front of her. Destroying the world she had failed to save.

Finally she turned and walked past Garrus back into the temple, her eyes downcast as she began to try to radio Cortez for a pickup.

 

* * *

 

No one spoke during the shuttle back to the Normandy, and Shepard left Liara and Garrus in the airlock as she stripped off her armor and pulled on the hoodie she had left on the armor bench in the shuttle bay. She took the elevator alone to the CIC, and went to the vid comm room.

The call light was flashing, and Joker’s voice came across the ship’s comm system. “Commander, Councilor Tevos is on the line.”

Shepard sank against the wall, her head in her hands. Of course the asari councilor was calling. Shepard had just failed at the mission she had been given. She hadn’t saved Thessia, and she hadn’t found the information on the Catalyst.

She had failed. Earth, and eventually the entire galaxy, was going to be completely decimated because of her.

She linked her hands together, pressing them against her head as she watched the reflection on the floor of the call light flashing. 

“I’m sorry.” She whispered, watching the light flash, thinking of all the lives that were being lost because of her failure. Knowing there was nothing she could say that would make it any better.


	36. Blood and Memories

Shepard wasn’t answering his calls or messages, and she had hard-locked her cabin door where no one could enter, even with the access code. Garrus sighed as he tried to bypass the door one more time. When the access panel turned red, he knocked again, speaking loudly enough that she would be able to hear him through the door. “Shepard, if you don’t want to talk, I understand. But at least let me know that you’re okay.”

No answer.

He had watched her slowly self-destruct during the mission, faced with watching the Reapers destroy yet another world. And he hadn’t seen her since they made it back to the Normandy. He had no doubt that she was passed-out drunk, but he wanted to be there whenever the nightmares woke her up.

“EDI?” He called out, knowing the ship’s AI would hear him.

“Yes, Garrus?” She responded immediately.

“I can’t get up with Shepard, did she get you to hard-lock her cabin door?”

“She did.” EDI responded. “I promised her I would leave it hard-locked until she stated otherwise.”

Garrus looked up, ready to beg if he had to. “EDI, I need to check on Shepard. She’s not in a good place right now.”

A few moments passed before he saw the access panel turn green.

“Thank you, EDI.” Garrus said, before walking through the door.

He smelled the blood before he saw it, but it didn’t register in his mind until his eyes took in the red drops spattered across the floor. He followed the trail with his eyes and saw it lead to the bathroom. He moved quickly to the bathroom, opening the door, and found Shepard sitting on the floor of the shower.

She was naked, her head resting against the shower wall with her eyes closed, surrounded by two empty liquor bottles. And then his eyes fell on the deep red gouge in her right side, where blood was oozing from.

He nearly slipped on the wet floor, trying to get to Shepard, a wordless cry leaving his throat. The thought of her dying in here, dying alone after he hadn’t sought her out sooner… he pulled her to him, hitting a button on his omni-tool, targeting Shepard with medigel and then tapped a button on his visor to scan her.

She had a heartbeat. Not as strong as it usually was when he scanned her, but not dangerously low. He breathed a sigh of relief, trying to stop his hands from shaking as he turned off the shower and reached for a nearby towel to wipe away some of the excess blood from her skin. After he got the area around the medigel-sealed wound cleaned, Garrus stood up and carefully lifted Shepard from the floor. He carried her over to the bed where he laid her down, trying to not jar the wound to make it start bleeding again.

After he covered Shepard with a blanket to make sure she didn’t get cold, Garrus called Dr. Chakwas on his omni-tool and explained the situation to her. Within minutes the older woman was entering the room, a small bag in her hands. She crossed the room and stood next to Garrus, surveying Shepard. “Was she like this when you found her?”

“I found her in the shower.” Garrus answered, keeping his voice low. He didn’t want to wake Shepard until after Chakwas had treated her. “She was passed out, and her side was bleeding badly. She had been drinking.”

Dr. Chakwas nodded, pulling the blanket away from the side Garrus had motioned to. She leaned closer to look at the wound, then glanced up at Garrus. “Did you apply the medigel?”

“When I found her.” Garrus replied, nodding. His heart was nearly back to its usual pace, after the shock of finding Shepard seemingly dead in the shower had started to wear off.

“Do you know when she received this wound?”

“We were in a pretty harried fight on Thessia, against someone with a sword. It’s possible he caused it and she just didn’t say anything.”

“It’s _probable_ , you mean.” Chakwas said, her omni-tool scanning Shepard. “I suspect she was applying medigel to stop the bleeding until she became too intoxicated to continue. Knowing Shepard, she was trying to handle this on her own.”

“Will she be alright?” He couldn’t help asking, fists clenched at his side while he watched the doctor applying random medications to the wound.

“Oh, she’ll be fine in a few days.” Dr. Chakwas answered automatically. “The wound isn’t dangerously deep. As long as she keeps up a constant application of medigel, she probably won’t even notice it’s there.” She patted the bag she had brought, stepping away from Shepard as she pulled the blanket back over her. “Here’s extra medigel, it should be reapplied every hour at first, especially once she’s moving again. After that, every two to three hours. And there’s analgesic in there for the pain, if she wants it. I gave her some, the next dose should be in six hours or whenever she wakes up.”

“Thank you, doctor.” Garrus said gratefully, following her to the door to lock the access panel so that no one could decide to visit Shepard and wake her up. Then he settled down on the couch to wait for a sign of movement.

 

* * *

 

Between the exhaustion, alcohol, and analgesic, Shepard didn’t wake until the next morning. Garrus had moved to the bed after a few hours, and woke up when he felt her stirring beside him. He opened his eyes at the movement, and saw from the contortion of her face that she was having a nightmare. Her eyes popped open a few moments later, her breathing hard and fast as she looked around the room.

Garrus stayed away, like he knew was best, until the look on her face changed to one of recognition after she stared at him long enough. “Good morning, Shepard.” He said, after giving her a minute or two to collect her bearings. She stared at him for a few moments longer before answering him.

“I locked you out.” Was her response. Garrus would have felt hurt at that, if she didn’t look so ridiculous saying it, her hair sticking up in every direction while wrapped in a blanket, frowning at him through squinted eyes. “EDI was supposed to hard-lock the door.”

“She did.” Garrus replied, stretching as he moved to sit on the foot of the bed. “And then she unlocked it for me when I asked.”

Shepard frowned deeper, and started to move, but Garrus pushed her back down by pressing his hand to her shoulder. “I found you in the shower.” He said, watching her expression. “Passed out and bleeding.” It took a moment for Shepard to realize what he was saying, and then her hand moved to her side as she looked down. “Dr. Chakwas fixed you up.”

She sat up slowly, and unwrapped the blanket, examining the wound in her side. “Did it happen during the fight with Kai Leng, Shepard?” Garrus asked, voicing part of the question that had been haunting him since the moment he found her. He couldn’t bring himself to add the second half that he was thinking. Wondering if she had done it to herself.

“Yeah.” Shepard answered, gingerly touching the wound and hissing slightly as a circle of blood began to pool around her fingers. Garrus moved quickly, grabbing some medigel from the bag and kneeling in front of her. He pushed her hand out of the way and applied the medigel quickly, wiping away the blood with the edge of his shirt. Then he covered the wound with the fast-acting analgesic that had been left in the bag.

He looked up at Shepard, who was staring down at him with such a miserable expression that it hurt his heart to see. He reached a hand up and rubbed the side of her face gently. “Shepard.” His voice was soft, he kept his tone gentle. “Why didn’t you say anything? Why didn’t you treat this?” He swallowed, remembering the sight of her in the shower. The sight of what he thought was her dead body. “I thought you had died when I found you.”

“I _was_ treating it.” She responded, shivering slightly as the room’s air cooling unit cut on. Garrus pulled the blanket she had unwrapped closed around her again. “Between the battle and getting back to the Normandy, I used up all of my medigel. And when I got in here and started drinking, I…” She stopped for a few moments, looking everywhere but down at him. “I didn’t care what happened. I just wanted to sleep and to forget.”

Garrus pulled her hands out from under the blanket, grasping them with his own. “Shepard, look at me, please.” She finally did, but it took a few moments. “No matter what happened yesterday, we’re all still here. We’re all still in this fight. I need you. The galaxy needs you.”

Shepard let out a noise that he thought was between a laugh and a sob. “I’ve done nothing but fuck up every mission I’ve tried lately, Garrus. The galaxy could get along without me.”

“It couldn’t.” He meant the words more than he could have ever explained to her, and when she looked down at him, he hoped she could see that. “I couldn’t.”

“You don’t need me to save you, Garrus, you can hold your own in a fight.”

“I didn’t say that the galaxy needs you to _save_ it. I didn’t say that I need you to _save_ me.” He pulled her hands to his face, pressing his mouth to her fingers. “I need you alive, Shepard. I need you to survive this war because I need you to live, to enjoy a life with time to rest and to celebrate and just… to live.” He squeezed her hands again. “With me there to make sure that you and Joker don’t get too out of hand at the parties we’re going to have when this is all over with.” He added, hoping for a smile. He got one, though it was accompanied with shining eyes that were trying to blink back tears.

It was a long time before she spoke. His legs were cramping from crouching at an odd angle, but he wasn’t moving until he absolutely had to. “I want to go to the apartment, Garrus. I need to get away from everything for a few days.”

Garrus nodded, finally accepting that it was safe to stand. He stood up, gently pulling Shepard up with him. He wrapped her in a hug. If she was asking him to stay with her during her grief, instead of pushing him away like she had the other times, he would have went to the ends of the galaxy to fulfil her request.

 

* * *

 

That night they arrived at the apartment, Joker having set a course straight for the Citadel when Garrus explained the circumstances and asked him to. Shepard and Garrus left the Normandy alone, Shepard was still quiet and Garrus didn’t feel it was the time to push her back into the swing of things just yet.

When they made it to the apartment, the vid comm system was flashing, and the screens indicated it was Anderson. Shepard stared at the screen by the door for a few moments before turning to Garrus. “I’ve been avoiding his calls since yesterday. I’ll go take this in the den.”

Garrus nodded, and carried their bags up to the bedroom while Shepard went to talk to Anderson. He waited for several minutes before descending the stairs again, but they were still talking as he went into the kitchen and grabbed a beer. He didn’t try to listen to the conversation, but Shepard had left the door to the den open and he could hear both of them speaking.

“Shepard, you know how many times I got my ass handed to me over the years?” Anderson’s voice echoed through the room, sounding like a father reproving his child. “Surviving the First Contact War back in the day was a goddamned miracle. They said I was a hero. I just felt lucky to get out alive.”

There was a pause. When Shepard didn’t answer, Anderson continued. “So maybe Kai Leng did beat you. What of it?”

“It could cost us the war.” Garrus heard Shepard reply tersely.

“These guys in the resistance, they know it’s a losing proposition. They know the chances of seeing tomorrow are slim to none. But we all signed up anyway.”

Another pause.

“Shake this off, Shepard.”

“I will.” She replied, her voice barely audible. Garrus could hear the tremor in her words.

“Anderson out.”

 

* * *

 

Later that night, after Garrus had fallen asleep only after Shepard had went to sleep first, he awoke to find the bed empty. Checking the time on his omni-tool to confirm that it was still the middle of the night, he called out for her, wondering if she was just in the bathroom. When no answer came, he got out of bed and went to find her.

He found her in the spare bedroom, headphones in her ears as she punched and kicked the punching bag that Anderson had left in the room. Garrus leaned in the doorway, watching her, and couldn’t help but appreciate her movements. But he had an inkling suspicion about why she was training her hand-to-hand abilities that he had only seen her depend on a handful of times, and he didn’t want to go back to bed without talking it out.

“Shepard.” He said loudly, and she turned quickly at his voice.

She pulled the headphones from her ears, wiping the sweat that was trailing from her brow with a towel tucked into her waistband. “Garrus, what’s wrong?”

“I woke up and you weren’t there, got worried you had left to go find a more interesting turian to spend time with.” He answered lightly, moving further into the room to sit on the foot of the bed. Shepard managed a forced chuckle at that, wiping her neck with the towel. “Why are you up in the middle of the night, practicing your hand-to-hand?” He asked, seeing no reason to mince words.

“Usual story. Tried to sleep, had a nightmare, knew the rest of the night was shot.” Shepard replied, sitting on the edge of the bed next to him. “When I was being held prisoner at Vancouver, I couldn’t sleep for more than an hour or two at a time. And then James worked it so that I could go and run around the training course every night. I would exhaust myself until I was too damn tired to dream or worry about anything, and then I could sleep. I thought maybe it would work again.”

“And it’s not?”

“No, now I’m just thinking about how I should have been training like this every day.” She rubbed her right knuckles. They were red, probably from punching the bag. “I might have been able to take out Kai Leng if I had. Hell, I might have been able to stop him back on the Citadel before he-“

“Shepard, stop.” Garrus said gently, his hand closing over hers. “No what-ifs. What happened to Thane wasn’t your fault. What happened at Thessia wasn’t your fault. Being able to throw your punches a little faster wouldn’t have changed either of those outcomes.”

Shepard sat quietly, staring down at their hands for a few moments. “I’d like to hold that memorial service soon. The one for Thane, that Kolyat asked about having.”

“That sounds like a good idea.” Garrus responded, squeezing her hands. “We’ll work on the preparations tomorrow, and let everyone know.” Shepard looked up at him and nodded, before her expression changed to one of chagrin and she looked down quickly, her hand moving to her side. “Shepard?”

“I think I’m bleeding again.” She said, sounding more annoyed than worried. “I must have torn the regrown skin when I started on kicks.”

Garrus let out a frustrated sigh, standing and pulling Shepard to her feet. “How about you try to _not_ bleed out while I’m sleeping, Shepard? Upstairs, I brought the extra medigel.”

 

* * *

 

“We are gathered here to honor the life of Thane Krios.” Shepard said, standing next to the piano in her apartment, staring at the myriad of photos she had placed on it. There were photos that Kolyat had provided, of Thane and Irikah, others of Thane with various members of the Normandy crew during their time on the SR2, and even one of herself, Thane, and Garrus during one of the too-few visits they had made to the hospital. Her eyes burned as she looked over them, and she blinked quickly. “Thane touched each of our lives in different ways.”

She swallowed before continuing. “The councilor knew him as a hero. The Normandy’s crew knew him as a brother-in-arms. And others as a father devoted to his son. Though his life took him to very dark places, Thane cared for the better angels of our nature.” She clenched her fist, looking from the people standing in front of her, back to the photos of Thane. “Even when he was terminally ill, he ran through war-torn streets to reach me… because he knew I needed help.”

“You all know the results of that day. An assassin, a professional criminal, and one of my dearest friends, gave his life for his galaxy.” She turned and looked at the single photo of Thane by himself, staring forward, as if he was staring at her. She swallowed again, speaking directly to the photo. “Goodbye, Thane. You… you meant so much to me. You didn’t deserve the death that was forced upon you so suddenly. I wish you could have had years with Kolyat, with us all. The Normandy will never feel the same without you aboard it.”

“But now you can rest, across the sea, with Irikah.” She stopped, trying to collect herself. “And know that we’ll see you again someday, and we’re going to have one hell of a reunion party.”

Shepard looked up, and her eyes connected with Garrus’. After a few moments, he took a breath and began to speak of his memories and friendship with Thane. She closed her eyes, listening to his words, and then to the rest of the crew as they each, one-by-one, told of their memories of Thane.

 

* * *

 

Later that night, Garrus left the apartment to pick up dinner for them both. He could have called it in, but he needed the fresh air. The apartment was finally empty, except for Shepard, who had said she was going take a bath while he fetched food.

He felt drained. The memorial service had been difficult, especially watching Shepard try to get out the words she wanted to say about Thane when she was already in such a low place after Thessia. Garrus looked at his omni-tool, noting the time. He wanted to get back to her as quickly as possible. Leaving Shepard alone wasn’t something he was comfortable with doing for long periods of time right now.

 

* * *

 

“As I was saying, we saw a beautiful sunset in New Mexico and a scorpion eating a cricket. I wish you could have joined us.”

Garrus heard Thane’s voice as he stepped through the apartment door, and his heart sank. He had hoped that Shepard would wait and watch the vids after a few days, when the grief had subsided again. Not the very night of the memorial service.

“The bad news is, I had… I fainted and struck my head. Kolyat has convinced me to stay at Huerta Memorial on the Citadel. I will be there from now on.”

He set the bags of food down and carefully made his way up the steps, not wanting to disturb Shepard. Thane’s voice echoed through the rooms. “I still don’t want to die in a hospital, but it’s where the doctors are. And Kolyat… I love him. That means I must trust him.”

Reaching the bedroom, he stood outside of the door. Shepard was sitting on the floor at the end of the bed, still in the black dress she had worn for the memorial service. Her face was streaked with tears and makeup, leaving black lines trailing from her eyes as she watched the screen, transfixed. She hadn’t even noticed him approaching.

“I think of you every day, _siha_. I miss you and hope you are well. Your friendship helped me through dark times, and I wish I was able to do the same for you. And in case I am unable to say it later, goodbye, Shepard. May your journey across the sea be much later after I make mine.”

The vid ended when Thane shut the camera off, and the next began to play automatically. Apparently Shepard had turned them on a loop. Garrus used his omni-tool to turn off the screen, and only then did Shepard realize he was there. She turned her head to look at him, tears still streaming from her eyes. Garrus wordlessly crossed the room and sat on the foot of the bed, pulling her up and into his arms.


	37. Underwater

“Joker called me while you were out, he said to pass on a message.” Garrus said, as soon as Shepard walked through the apartment door. “He said that if you don’t get back to the Normandy soon, he’s taking over as Commander and flying her off the station.”

Shepard set down her pistol on the counter in the kitchen, pulling a beer out of the refrigerator. “He might get his wish. I just left from meeting with Dr. Ann Bryson, we have a lead on where Leviathan might be.”

She saw the interest on Garrus’ face as he looked up from the book he was reading on his omni-tool. He had been relaxing on the couch, but sat up at her words. “Really? How did you manage that?”

“We let the artifact indoctrinate Ann, and EDI tracked its location while it spoke through her to us.”

Garrus nearly dropped the glass he had been holding loosely in one hand. “You spoke to Leviathan through Ann, _again_? What did it say this time?”

“More of the same bullshit about the darkness, and not breaching it.” She took a sip of the beer, trying to ease her way into the things that had been said. “It called me a threat this time, that’s a new one.” She added conversationally, as if the phrase hadn’t caused her to rethink pursuing the lead, if only for a moment. The sight of James struggling with a tiny woman half his weight wasn’t something she was going to forget in a hurry.

Garrus waited until she sat on the couch next to him before speaking. “It called you a threat… anything else?” His voice was carefully controlled, she knew he was trying to not overreact.

“Then Ann said it wants to kill me,” Shepard said, hurriedly rushing through the words. “But hey, what doesn’t these days?” It didn’t work, Garrus was staring at her anxiously.

“So we still don’t know what this Leviathan is, but we think it’s a rogue Reaper who can kill other Reapers. And now it wants to kill you. And you _still_ want to go chasing after it?”

“Garrus, we’re at a stalemate.” Shepard sighed, bringing up their current position in the war yet again. They had been confined in the apartment for almost a week now, and had been through this several times. “Traynor and EDI are still trying to track where Kai Leng went after Thessia, but no luck yet. We have no other lead on the Catalyst to finish the currently-useless Crucible. Finding an ancient monster that can kill Reapers seems like the best thing we can hope for at this point.”

Garrus shook his head, pushing off of the couch and walking to the next room. She heard a bottle clink, it sounded as if he was pouring himself a drink. “Are you sure you’re ready to jump back into this, Shepard?” She heard him call out from the next room.

She wanted to say no. She wanted to say that the only thing she felt ready to do was hide here, in the comfortable apartment, for the rest of the time they had left before the Reapers made it to the Citadel. She wanted to say a lot of things, none of which were appropriate for _Commander Shepard_ to feel about her position in the war.

“Yes.” Was all she said.

 

* * *

 

Garrus was watching Shepard closely, while fighting off the Reaper forces aboard the tossing ship. He felt slightly ill between the waves throwing the ship around, being surrounded by water, and the constant worry that Shepard was going to throw herself into harm’s way yet again, like she had done to try and save the gunship pilot on Thessia.

Shepard seemed to be back to normal, when it came to her fighting at least, despite this being the first fight since her defeat on Thessia. She was sticking to cover, only ducking out in order to fire off a round from the new shotgun she had requisitioned. Garrus let himself breathe a sigh of relief –for just a moment –after taking out a husk with a controlled shot from his sniper rifle.

Cortez finally managed to get the shuttle back in the air, but it wasn’t for long. Garrus felt a shockwave shake the ship, and Cortez’ voice sounded over their comms. “Another pulse hit me! Flight control’s scrambled!”

Garrus watched helplessly as the shuttle went into a tail-spin, crashing onto the far-end of the ship. Shepard’s voice yelled in his ear, over the comm. “Damn it! Cortez is in trouble! Get to him!”

And it happened again. She leapt over the cover she had been behind and ran forward, charging straight towards two marauders as she tried to get to Cortez. Garrus took aim at one of the monsters, taking it down as Shepard’s shields failed from return gunfire just as she got behind another shipping container, using it for a makeshift cover. “Shepard, if I see you step out of cover before your shields regenerate, I’m throwing that damn shotgun overboard!” Garrus said tersely, taking out the other marauder.

She didn’t answer, but EDI did. “I’m holding the husks off of the shuttle, Shepard. Garrus, can you target the enemies that are attempting to flank us?”

“Got it, EDI.” He responded, steadying his gun and taking aim again. It didn’t take long to whittle down the remaining forces, especially once Shepard’s shields were back up and she was able to join the fight again.

“Okay, we’re clear.” Shepard said, making her way across the ship to Cortez and the shuttle. Garrus scanned her with his visor as she walked in front of him, towards Cortez. She hadn’t been injured in that firefight, and he thanked the Spirits for that.

“Nice work, Commander, but there’s a development.” Cortez replied over the comm, sounding grim. “We need to talk.”

Garrus listened to Cortez explain his plan to Shepard, keeping watch of the deck along with EDI to make sure the husks stayed at bay. He was content listening to the two discuss tactics until Cortez mentioned the diving mech, Triton, drawing Garrus’ attention away from the husks.

“As long as the seawater hasn’t corroded it, you should be good to go.” Cortez was saying when Garrus left his post. She was planning on getting _in_ the damn thing. He knew Shepard was a risk-taker, and he knew that lately she had been taking every risk presented to her. But this was pushing things too far.

“We chased Leviathan this far. Let’s finish this.” She said, throwing her shotgun and assault rifle in the shuttle. She kept the pistol that was strapped to her hip after she caught the look Garrus gave her when she reached for it.

“It’s a long ways down.” Cortez answered, taking a long look at the mech. “Not going to sugarcoat it.”

Garrus looked from Shepard, to the sea, and then back to Shepard before finally speaking. “Shepard, there has to be another way. Hold on a minute and let us think this through.”

“Shepard, perhaps you are unaware of the degree of risk.” EDI spoke up, firing at an approaching husk. “There is serious endangerment to your life, including the possibility of-“

“I know what there’s a possibility of, EDI.” Shepard cut her off, looking at the Triton standing behind them. She made her way to the diving machine, Garrus at her heels as she walked away.

“Shepard, let me do this.” He finally managed to get the words out as he watched Shepard surveying the machine. The thought of going into that water in that machine terrified him. But the thought of Shepard going down in it made him feel like his heart was going to stop beating at any moment. “You stay up here, keep searching for a way off this ship, and… and I’ll go down there and find Leviathan.” He finished lamely, unable to come up with a good reason as to why he should go down instead of her.

“I need to get in the water before those Reaper forces come back.” She answered, ignoring his pleas to take her place. The Triton opened and she climbed in, and Garrus moved forward, unable to keep the panic from his voice.

“Listen, Shepard, I’m all for crazy ideas, but this one’s off the charts.” He reached a hand out to her, needing her to take it. To get out of the mech. To not go into that water, where he would be useless if anything went wrong. “Please, Shepard, don’t do this.”

“We can’t get off of this place unless we find Leviathan.” Shepard replied, reaching out and taking his hand in hers, and squeezing it. But not getting out of the mech. “We’ve come too far to stop now. The way home is through Leviathan.”

“Okay, seals check out. Oxygen pressure is nominal.” Cortez was rattling off figures as he checked the stability of the diving mech. “Systems are a go. It’s as ready as I can make it.”

“I’m going.” Shepard said, and Garrus met her gaze again. He felt her grip slacken as she let go of his hand.

“But Shepard-“ He reached for her hand again, but she made the mech move back a step, and closed the domed hatch between them.

“I’ll be fine.” He heard her voice over his comm. He walked by her side as she made the mech walk, trying desperately to find some way to hold her back, but there was none.

Instead, he had to watch in horror as she walked to the edge of the platform and dove into the water below. As she sank out of sight, Garrus had never felt so helpless in his life. A turian stuck aboard a ship, unable to swim. If anything happened to Shepard in the water, he knew he wouldn’t be able to do a single damned thing to help her.

 

* * *

 

After Shepard’s comm cut out only a few minutes after she dove, Garrus started searching the ship for another Triton. He needed to go into the water, he needed to find Shepard and get her back to the surface. He ran to each shipping container, throwing the doors open and searching the contents to confirm that there wasn’t another Triton available.

He finally approached the shuttle again, breathing hard. Partly from the exertion, partly from his frayed nerves. “EDI, how can I get down to where Shepard’s at?”

EDI looked at him, an expression of unease on her face. “I’m sorry, Garrus, there is no other way available to us with the shuttle out of commission.” Garrus swore, not at EDI, but at his own incompetence. “Even if you were able to swim, you could not swim down far enough to help her should she require it.”

“I know, EDI.” Garrus leaned against the shuttle, rubbing his head as he ran through scenarios in his mind. Scenarios in which he had managed to talk Shepard out of diving. Where he had sat her down before this mission and had a talk with her about the way she seemed to be doing everything she could to put herself in the way of danger.

He stayed that way until the Reaper forces came back, and then it was time to fight. With EDI at his side, it wasn’t difficult to keep the creatures at bay, but he was distracted. He was listening for Shepard every moment, and when, what seemed like a lifetime later, a splashing sound came from off the side of the ship, he looked out above the cover.

There was the Triton, with Shepard inside, making its way back onto the ship. His heart rose for only a moment before the hatch opened, and he caught sight of Shepard. Her eyes were closed, and he could see blood running down her face as she pulled herself out of the mech. She didn’t so much as climb out of the mech as she did fall from it, landing hard on her hands and knees on the deck, near two Brutes. Shepard tried to stand, but her legs seemed unable to hold her, and Garrus was running for her before giving it a second thought, yelling to EDI for cover fire.

She collapsed before he reached her, she was trying to crawl out of the way of the monsters. But as he made it to her side, one of the Brutes began to fight the other. Ignoring the oddity in order to focus on Shepard, Garrus reached under her arms to pull her up, then looped one of her arms around his neck, grasping it with one hand while the other went around her waist as he pulled her along the deck. “Shepard’s back! Cortez, talk to me!”

“We’re good to go!” Cortez’ voice came over the comm, sounding relieved. “I don’t know what the Commander did, but the pulse is offline!” The shuttle came soaring over Garrus’ head and touched down nearby.

Shepard took a few steps here and there as he dragged her towards the shuttle, but soon became limp. Bearing the dead weight of Shepard and her armor, Garrus picked her up and heaved her into the shuttle, climbing in after her. He pulled on her arms to move her away from the door as the shuttle lifted off, EDI climbing in after them at the last second.

Garrus ignored Cortez’ warnings of a Reaper as he ripped off his gloves and slapped his hands against Shepard’s face, trying to get some warmth back in her skin. Her eyes were closed, she wasn’t responding, and she was as cold as ice. “Shepard! Wake up!” His voice was strained as he shook her shoulders. “She’s freezing!” He said anxiously, looking up at EDI, who was scanning Shepard with a worried look on her face.

“Shepard’s body temperature is roughly 5 degrees below human ambient body temperature.” EDI said, kneeling on the opposite side of Shepard. “If it does not raise soon, she will begin to go into organ failure.”

He wiped the blood from her nose and pressed his hands back to her cheeks, praying to the Spirits that she would open her eyes. “Shepard, wake up, please.” He pleaded, pressing his forehead to hers.

A loud noise next to his face made him pull away, as Shepard began violently coughing, fighting against him until she realized who he was. Garrus pulled her close, wrapping his arms around her shaking shoulders, as EDI commented. “Body temperature rising, blood pressure rising, and pulse rising. At this trajectory, vitals should return back to normal within minutes.”

“Thanks, EDI.” Garrus responded shakily, pulling away to sit down in one of the seats against the wall, tugging Shepard up to sit next to him. He scanned her with his omni-tool, checking for any wounds. “How are you feeling, Shepard?”

“Hell of a headache.” She replied, sounding slightly hoarse as she put her head in her hands.

“ _Never_ do that again.” Garrus answered, closing his omni-tool after it showed no immediate danger to her life. “What happened down there?”

“I found Leviathan.” Shepard said, looking up at him. Instead of looking exhilarated as he had expect, she looked even more tired than when she had originally dove into the water. “I threatened it, told it that the Reapers would come after if it didn’t fight. Leviathan said it’s going to fight.”

“That’s good news, isn’t it?” Garrus asked, hopeful that there was more to what she had learned. More than the defeated tone she had come back with.

“It’s not going to fight for us.” Shepard said, putting her head back in her hands. “It was very specific on that. It’s fighting for its own survival, nothing more.” She paused for a long moment, drawing a deep breath. “It’s not on our side. This was all a waste of time.”

“I am sure the intelligence you gathered on the Reapers will be a massive help to everyone involved in this war, Shepard.” EDI said, her tone one of calculated optimism.

“We needed them to help us, EDI. Not to tell us stories.” Shepard answered, sighing as she leaned back in her seat, resting her head against the wall behind her.

“I’ve got Ann Bryson on the comm.” Cortez spoke up, drawing Shepard’s attention with his words.

She sat in silence for a few moments, as if contemplating whether or not she wanted to answer. After a long silence, she answered. “Put her through.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard threw her armor down in the shuttle bay and made a beeline for the elevator. Garrus quickened his pace to catch the door before it closed, and hit the button for deck 3 while cancelling Shepard’s request for the elevator to go to her cabin.

“You’re going see Dr. Chakwas first.” He said, meeting the frustrated gaze Shepard was sending his way.

“I don’t need a doctor, Garrus. I’m fine.” She said, crossing her arms. He could still see the streaked, dried blood that had been pouring from her nose when she exited the Triton.

“Like hell you are.” He answered, holding the door open and motioning for Shepard to lead the way. She begrudgingly left the elevator and walked towards the med bay. “You collapsed, were completely unconscious, and your skin was cold as ice. All while nearly giving me a heart attack. Let her check you over, at least.” He knew his last sentence sounded like begging. He wasn’t above begging at this point, if only to make sure she was okay and to ease his worries.

Shepard didn’t argue with him, she looked too exhausted to try and fight him. Instead she walked into the med bay, walked over to one of the examination beds and laid down, motioning to Garrus. “He can tell you why he thinks I should be in here.”

Dr. Chakwas raised an eyebrow at him, and he began to explain.


	38. Back in the Fight

Shepard knew that Garrus’ intention hadn’t been for her to have to spend the night in the med bay, but she was a little bitter that that was the outcome. The cot was uncomfortable, the room was empty and sterile, and she was still colder than usual. Even after Dr. Chakwas gave her extra blankets, she was still chilled.

Glancing at the clock on her omni-tool, she noted the lateness. She had fallen asleep shortly after Dr. Chakwas gave her a sedative while she ran some diagnostics on her brain activity, and had only just woken up long enough to realize how cold the room was. It was nearly late enough that she could risk sneaking back into her own cabin without being caught. A long, hot shower sounded like a great idea.

The fact that Garrus didn’t stay in the med bay with her was disappointing, but she chided herself for wishing he had been sitting at her side, waiting for her to wake up. He had to have been nearly as tired as she was. If she couldn’t get a decent night’s sleep, at least she could hope that he had. She sat up, closing her eyes to the slight dizziness she felt from the sudden movement.

Hearing footsteps outside, Shepard laid back down, pulling the blankets back up to her neck and closing her eyes. The door opened and she heard the familiar sound of uneven footsteps crossing the room, and the scrape of a chair. “Shepard, I know you’re awake, EDI just told me there was movement in here. Cut the bullshit.” She opened her eyes, looking over at Joker sitting next to her bed. He was leaning back in the chair, giving her a look of disbelief. “You chased that Reaper-killing Reaper underwater? Seriously, Shepard? Are you _trying_ to see how many stupid things you can do before getting yourself killed?”

“I was chasing a lead.” She answered, sitting up more slowly this time. She pressed a button and the bed folded, allowing her to sit up instead of lie down. “I survived and got fuck-all for my troubles, so it was a waste of time anyway.” She glanced down at her omni-tool again. “Why are you even awake? Even pilots need sleep, I’m pretty sure EDI can handle the ship while you catch some shut-eye.”

“I’m relieving Garrus, he looked dead on his feet when I came down here to check on you earlier.” Joker responded, reaching for a cup of coffee that he had apparently left on Dr. Chakwas’ desk. “It took a long argument to get him to leave, but he needs the sleep more than I do.”

Shepard was glad to hear both that Garrus had been at her side, and that he was getting some much-needed rest, but she felt that everyone on the ship was prone to extreme overreactions these days. “Thanks, Joker, but I’m fine. You can go to bed and I’ll go to my cabin.”

“Yeah, sure, because ‘fine’ is definitely a word I would use to describe you right now.” His tone was serious, and every time Joker had gotten serious with her in the past, it never ended with her feeling good after the talk was over. It was usually because he felt that he needed to intervene about something, and it always left her feeling like shit.

“Meaning?” She asked, sighing. Not wanting to hear the answer, but knowing he wouldn’t leave until he had said his piece.

“EDI says that according to your armor’s metabolic scans, you’re under more stress now than during the Skyllian Blitz. Like, more than Elysium, where it was pretty much you versus 10,000 batarians trying to kill you.” He looked at her, his frown even more pronounced. ”Not to mention the fact that you pretty much went AWOL after Thessia.”

“I needed some time, Joker.”

“Exactly. You still do. You need time to sit down and get your head back on straight. But instead of doing that, you keep throwing yourself into every dangerous situation possible. You took on Kai Leng one-on-one, right? A guy with a sword. Versus you with your fists. Does that sound like the actions of a stable individual?”

Shepard threw the blanket off of her legs in frustration, swinging off the bed to pace the room. “It was a heat-of-the-moment thing. It happens in battle, I wasn’t thinking. I just reacted.”

“That’s what I’m _talking_ about Shepard.” He answered, sounding just as frustrated as she felt. “You’re not thinking anymore. You’re reacting. You’re like a damn robot at this point, operating purely on adrenaline. What happened to the Shepard that calculated the outcome of her actions, that knew when to keep going or when to step back when it was a fight that couldn’t be won?”

“She’s dead, along with everyone else that keeps dying in this war.” Shepard threw at him, turning to face him. “I’m no different from any of those people, Joker. Why should I be allowed to live, while all of them die, day after day? They’re dying by the millions, and I messed up the _one_ shot we had at saving them when I lost the damn Catalyst information to Cerberus.” She took a breath, before continuing on. “I know what you’re trying to get at, and you’re right. I _don’t_ care if I live or die. Hell, I haven’t for a while now. But I do care about stopping the Reapers. That’s all that matters. If I die doing it, fine. The galaxy goes on, and someone else can take my place.”

“So you’re trying to check out early and leave the rest of us here to deal with this shit?” Joker replied, his voice angry as he pulled himself to his feet. “You think you can just give up, roll over, and get yourself killed while the rest of us are doing everything we can to keep you alive?” He took a few hobbling steps towards her, standing up straight to look her in the eye. “Do you know what Anderson told me the last time we had a briefing? He told _me_ to take care of _you_. The guy leading the resistance –on Earth- is worried about _you_. Don’t you understand that we’re all doing our best to help you? Can’t you _get_ that?”

“I know you are.” She said, feeling a sense of shame run through her as she stared into Joker’s eyes. He looked worried, angry, and so frustrated with her that she wouldn’t have been surprised if he had thrown a punch or two. “I know.”

“And you’re okay with throwing your life away, after all of us risking ours to keep you safe?”

She didn’t answer. The lump in her throat at the thought of her team that fought at her side, the resistance on Earth depending on her to stop the Reapers, the Normandy crew following her lead every day that she directed the ship into more danger. They didn’t question her orders, they all believed that she would get them through the war if there was any way possible.

“You’re okay with Garrus dying for you? Because you know that’s what will eventually happen, if you keep going like this, don’t you? You’re going to throw yourself into something, not caring if you make it out, and he’s going to try and save you and get himself killed.”

She turned away, walking towards the door to the AI Core room, then back to the door leading to the dining hall. Then, still unable to find a way to deny his words, she marched back across the room and stood glowering at him. Because the only way she could deal with his statement, other than cry, was to face it with frustration. “Goddammit, Joker.” She finally said, after neither of them would lower their angry gazes first.

“You’re welcome.” He answered sarcastically, limping back to the chair and sitting down. “Now get back in the damn bed before I get in trouble for letting you get up.”

 

* * *

 

Garrus awoke to the smell of food permeating through his room off the main battery. He didn’t usually wake up starving, like Shepard did, but he had collapsed into bed the night before without any supper, and he could almost feel his stomach begging for food. He opened his eyes to find Shepard sitting in the chair at his desk, cleaned up and reading a book he had finished a few days before while they were at the apartment. Sitting on the desk were various plates of food, the source of the delicious smells.

“Are you supposed to be up yet?” He couldn’t help asking, and she glanced up from the book, setting it down after marking her place.

“I slept enough for two days, at least.” She responded, moving to sit on the edge of his bed. “You, more like three.” He looked at his omni-tool at her words and groaned. He _had_ slept much longer than he ever intended to.

“Sorry, I should have gotten up hours ago to make sure you were okay.” He started to move, but Shepard climbed into the bed next to him instead, after kicking her shoes off. She wrapped her arms around him, gripping his back as her head rested against his chest. “Shepard, what’s wrong?”

“When you found me in the shower last week, after Thessia, what did you think when you saw me?” Her voice was muffled against him, and he couldn’t see her face, but she was worrying him.

“I thought you…” He swallowed, changing his mind before saying the words. She had asked a question he didn’t want to answer truthfully. “I thought you had bled out, all alone, without me there to help you.”

“Did you think I had tried to kill myself?”

The direct question startled him, and it took him a few moments too long to answer a simple “No.” She looked up at him, and he knew that she had heard the lie in his voice. He swallowed again, and finally told her what had been on his mind ever since that day. “Yes, I did. Until I got a better look at the wound, and thought about the fight in the temple, I thought it was self-inflicted.”

Silence stretched between them for several minutes, he didn’t know what to say. He felt like he should apologize for thinking that, but Shepard’s expression didn’t seem to be waiting for an apology. If anything, she seemed to be fighting with herself over what to say next. Finally, she pushed herself up, where he could see her better, and took his hands in hers.

“I’m sorry, Garrus.” Of all the things he had expected her to say, it hadn’t been that. He opened his mouth, but she shook her head and continued. “No, let me get this out. I’m sorry for the last few months. I’m sorry for the drinking until I blacked-out nearly every night, the throwing myself in the way of every danger we met without taking the proper precautions, the…” She looked around for a moment, as if searching for words. “the complete disregard for my own life. I’m sorry that I cared so little for my life that you had to think, even for a moment, that I might have given up and ended it myself.”

“I’ve known this war was killing you for a while now, Shepard.” Garrus responded, letting go of one of her hands in order to touch her face, rubbing her skin with his thumb. “You don’t have to apologize for that.”

“I’m not, I’m apologizing for how I’ve handled it.” She answered, leaning into his touch. “I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t going to make it through this fight, and I know that’s still a possibility. But that doesn’t mean that I should go ahead and throw in the towel now.” She stopped, looking a little uncertain at her words. “…right?”

“Right.” He answered, wanting to breathe a sigh of relief. Her eyes seemed so much less troubled than they had in a very long time. He reached a hand up and pulled her down to him, pressing his forehead to hers for a long moment. “What brought all of this on? Did your night in the med bay really knock that much sense into you?” He watched her eyes, before adding, “Because if I’d have known that, I would have locked you in there ages ago.”

She pushed against him, and he saw the glimmer of a smile that reached her eyes. “After being stuck in that room with an angry Joker, I decided it was time to do whatever I had to in order to not go through _that_ again.”

Garrus rested his arms around her waist, feeling some of the tension he had been carrying dissipate. “I need to buy him a gift basket or something. Remind me to send him after you the next time you get out of hand.”

Shepard shook her head, and climbed out of the bed, moving over to the desk. “I brought you breakfast, but keep threatening me with angry pilots and I’ll go find another turian to give it to.”

“One good thing about the Normandy is that there usually _aren’t_ any other turians aboard.” Garrus said, stretching his arms before moving to get out of bed. He stepped over to the desk and leaned down, pressing a kiss to Shepard’s smiling mouth. “Good morning, Shepard. Thank you for the breakfast.” He said against her lips. “It’s good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back.” She whispered, returning the kiss.

“Next time you feel like things are too out of control to keep going, remember this: There’s no Vakarian without Shepard.” Garrus said, pulling away just enough to press his forehead to hers. “You can’t head out early and leave me behind, Shepard.”

“Deal.”

 

* * *

 

Shepard stood in the war room later that day, waiting for the rest of the team to gather for their meeting. Traynor and EDI had both informed her that they had information, and she was anxious to hear what it was.

Talking through things with Garrus had taken a few more hours after they had finished their late breakfast, but it finally felt like the air was clear between them. She had told him everything. What she saw in her nightmares, how she had felt ever since destroying the Bahak Relay, how every defeat had just made her feel more and more like her life wasn’t worth very much.

He had listened, waiting for pauses to speak his rebuttals. She was so thankful that he had listened to her reasons instead of just blindly arguing over her feelings of uselessness. Working through the things she had been thinking and considering, especially the things she had never wanted him to know about –such as the nights she had drank until she passed out, hoping she wouldn’t wake up-, had been difficult. But it had been exactly what she needed.

She knew, better than ever, that she never would have made it this far into the war without Garrus at her side. But instead of dealing with the anxiety and depression that had been hounding her since destroying the relay, she had pushed it down. Tried to hide it from Garrus in order to not make him worry, and ended up only making it worse. So instead of hiding it, she had promised him that they would talk through things when she felt like she was too overwhelmed to deal with them.

“Shepard?” She looked up, Garrus had walked into the war room without her noticing, she was so lost in her own thoughts. “Everything okay?”

“I’m good, I was just thinking.” Shepard replied, pulling up the map hologram for whenever the team arrived. She took another look at Garrus’ face, his mandibles were pulled tight to his face, he looked like he wanted to tell her something. “Something on your mind?”

“I just heard from my dad.” He answered, coming to stand beside her and leaning against the wall behind him. Closer to him now, Shepard could see the look of relief on his face. “He and Solana made it off of Palaven. They’re safe.”

Hearing the news, Shepard pulled him into a hug, feeling his arms tighten around her as she pulled him closer. “That’s fantastic, Garrus. That must be a weight off your shoulders.”

“It is.” He responded, pulling back enough to look her in the eyes. “Today’s been an all-around good day.”

“Agreed.” Shepard responded, as Garrus leaned forward to press his forehead to hers. Moments later, a throat clearing interrupted them, as James walked into the room, a satisfied smirk on his face as he looked at them both.

“Glad to see _someone_ on this ship is getting some action, seeing as how we’re in the middle of nowhere and the dating pool is pretty damn small.” He stood across the central station from them both, his expression still smug.

“Sorry, James.” Shepard responded, not moving from Garrus’ arms. “Garrus is taken. You’ll have to find yourself another turian next time we make dock.”

“I feel like I need some more context for that statement.” Kaidan commented as he came into the room next, followed by EDI and Traynor. Liara showed up a few moments later. “But it sounds like a generally bad idea.”

Shepard pulled away from Garrus when the rest of the team arrived, and they all gathered around the central station in the room, staring at the hologram of Thessia that Shepard had pulled up before they arrived. Liara spoke when she recognized the planet.

“Shepard, nobody could’ve predicted Cerberus would reach Thessia before us. Nothing that happened is your fault.”

“It’s my job to be prepared—no matter what.” Shepard responded, her fists tightening on the cool metal of the station in front of her. “But I wasn’t, and we’re suffering the consequences now.” She took a deep breath, looking around the team. “I’m sick of Cerberus beating us to the punch.”

“Let’s kick ‘em in the balls first for a change.” James interjected, his arms crossed as he sat on a nearby step. A general murmur of agreement went through the team.

“I’m with James.” Shepard said, turning the hologram of Thessia off. “EDI, Traynor, I know you two were tracking to try and find us where Kai Leng went. Any luck?”

Traynor twisted her hands before speaking up, sounding hesitant. “I was able to track Kai Leng’s shuttle through the relay and extrapolate his destination. But the signal disappeared in the Iera system.”

“Naturally.” Garrus sighed, shaking his head in disappointment.

“It’s not _just_ gone though.” EDI added, stepping forward. “The signal is being actively blocked.”

“How?” Shepard asked, looking from EDI to Traynor.

“Something is interfering with all signal activity in that region of space.” Traynor replied.

“The Iera system is home to Sanctuary and little else.” EDI supplied, pulling up a hologram of the Iera system. “Sanctuary is a supposed safe haven for war refugees.”

Shepard couldn’t imagine why Kai Leng would have went to Sanctuary, where refugees were staying, but it was a lead. And it was the only one they had, now that the Leviathan case has left her empty-handed. “You think it’s worth checking out, Traynor?”

Traynor stood up straight, looking confident in her work. “Yes, ma’am. I do.”

“If Specialist Traynor hadn’t examined the data so astutely, the interference would’ve been undetectable.” EDI spoke up as Shepard turned from the station, closing out the hologram.

“Nice work, Traynor. You’ve given us a shot.” Shepard nodded at her, hoping she understood how much she had done for the Alliance in that one assignment. “Now let’s make sure we don’t waste it.”

As she walked around the station, heading back to the CIC, Kaidan spoke up. “I was stationed on Horizon in the Iera system, Shepard. _You_ were the only Cerberus presence while I was there.”

Shepard felt herself bristle at the mention of her previous work with Cerberus, but Garrus stepped in. “Then it’s a good thing we’re going back to follow this lead. Maybe the time _we_ spent with Cerberus, _trying to save the galaxy_ , will give us an edge on taking out the Reapers.”

“It’s a slim lead.” Liara admitted, looking around at the others. “Let’s hope it’s the right one.”

“I don’t care how slim the leads are at this point. We’ve come too far to let Cerberus stop us.” Shepard looked at each team member, one by one. “I want that Prothean data. I want the Catalyst. We’re going to find both. No excuses.” She pushed away from the central station. “Dismissed.”


	39. Last Call: part 1

Kai Leng had escaped.

Shepard leaned against a computer console, rubbing her head with her hands. Sanctuary had been a place of horrors, where innocent civilians flocked by the thousands, expecting hope and a home, and were met with death and corruption. It hurt her heart to see it, but at least it was all over now. No one else would ever come to Sanctuary, thanks to Miranda’s work.

She looked over at Miranda, who was getting her sister away from the sight of their dead father. She had thought for a moment that she was going to lose Miranda to Kai Leng, just as she had lost Thane. But Miranda had survived, and Shepard was grateful.

Looking over her shoulder, she saw Garrus watching her while EDI worked at one of the other computer consoles. “What’s our status?” She asked, walking over to them both and looking at the screen. “Any intel we can use from this place?”

“Research data is gone, but we’ve got basic facility information.” EDI answered, looking over her shoulder at Shepard. She tapped on the keypad, motioning towards the displayed information. “Shuttle arrivals and departures, Cerberus included.”

“No direct links, but it’s a start.” Garrus added, resting his hand on Shepard’s shoulder.

“Grab anything you can off the computer. We’ll take it back to be analyzed.” Shepard rubbed her head again, trying to force the headache to go away. Not how she had hoped the mission would end. But it was better than nothing.

“I can do better than that.” Miranda spoke up, drawing Shepard’s attention as the woman walked over to another computer interface and began accessing it.

“What?” Shepard asked, making her way over to Miranda. She felt a touch of hope at her words, and the confident way that Miranda was smiling at her.

“Before Kai Leng took off, I planted a tracer on him. You and EDI should be able to track him right to the Illusive Man.”

Shepard stared at Miranda for a moment, unable to formulate a response as her mind worked to wrap itself around the words. Then she looked at EDI, and then lastly at Garrus. Their gazes held for a long time, and Shepard knew he was coming to the same conclusion she was.

It was almost over.

 

* * *

 

When they arrived back on the Normandy, Shepard went to speak with Admiral Hackett, Miranda said she and EDI were going catch up, and Garrus was left with a sense of apprehension.

He knew what the intel from Miranda meant. As long as EDI was able to clean up the signal from the tracker, they would be going after the Illusive Man very soon. And if they took him down, and got back the information on the Catalyst, they would be headed to Earth next to stop the Reapers.

After waiting so long for this moment, Garrus felt like he was driving a skycar with no breaks.

He made his way to Shepard’s cabin –their cabin- and stood in the doorway, looking around. There were pictures on the desk, ones that Shepard had slowly added over the past months. One of Shepard and himself, another of Shepard and Thane, a few of the other members of the crew, one of the SR1… the sight of the memories nearly overwhelmed him.

He could lose all of this within the next few weeks. Everything they had here, everyone, it could all be taken away because of the Reapers.

Garrus pulled out the chair at Shepard’s desk, and put his head in his hands. They all had to make it through. They _had_ to. His father and sister had made it off of Palaven, that was one huge worry off his mind. Now, those he had come to think of as his new family –Shepard and the rest of the team- had to make it through as well.

 

* * *

 

“Okay, so we need to give everyone time to get to the Citadel before we actually have the party.” Garrus heard Joker say, sitting across from Shepard in the apartment, as Garrus made his way from the kitchen. The Normandy had made a direct course back to the Citadel after leaving Horizon, everyone agreed that a few days to enjoy themselves was in order before going storm the Cerberus base.

“I think three days should be more than enough time. Let’s put two nights from now on the invitation.” Shepard replied, taking a sip of the beer Garrus had just thrown her way. “Sound good?” She asked, before she looked up at him for his input.

“Sounds fine to me.” He responded, sitting on the arm of the couch and putting his hand on the back of her neck. “Your terminal in the den is talking, I think you have some new messages.”

Shepard stood, stretching. “Everyone’s wanting to meet up for some last-minute fun before the big mission starts.” She said, making her way to the den. “Let me go see who this is, I’ll be right back.”

Joker waited until Shepard was out of earshot to comment. “She seems better.”

Garrus moved onto the couch, closer to Joker so he didn’t have to speak as loudly. “Much better.” He agreed, thinking of the past few days ever since Joker had talked to her in the med bay. Shepard had been sleeping better, less prone to drink, and wasn’t blaming herself for setbacks. “I’d be a little jealous that it took you to knock some sense into her, but I’m just glad you were able to.”

“Well, I’ve been around the Commander for a while.” Joker said, crossing his arms behind his head as he leaned back. “Sometimes it can take a lot to get through to her. And you’re too soft on her.” He added, rolling his eyes at Garrus. “You’d let her get away with anything if she asked nicely enough.”

Garrus chuckled, sipping the beer Shepard had left on the table. “Nearly.” He had to admit. “So what are you planning for this party? A quiet night in, for everyone to just relax and enjoy the last time we’ll be here for a while? Or a wild night with loud music and plenty of alcohol?”

“Hell if I know.” Joker responded, opening his omni-tool and looking through a list. “But Shepard finally agreed to just invite everyone, so we’re at least going to have a crowd no matter what.”

Garrus stared at the fireplace for several minutes before glancing to make sure Shepard was still in the den. Then he spoke, his voice even quieter. “You know this could be the last time we’re all together, right?”

“I know.” Joker responded, his voice just as quiet and subdued. “But we’re going to make it a night for everyone to remember.” He paused, before managing a grin. “Well, unless that bar gets put to good use. Then the only way we remember it might be through vids.”

 

* * *

 

“And then she started _singing along_. I swear, she knew every song in the entire vid.” Shepard said, before taking another bite of the lunch Garrus had called in for them. The apartment was quiet, Tali having just left as he was getting back after spending some time at the shooting range with Zaeed.

“What vid was it?” Garrus asked, after he swallowed a bite of food.

“ _Fleet and Flotilla_ , she said. Have you ever seen it?”

Garrus didn’t answer, instead he just chose to nod and take another bite of food. That vid had been one of his favorites since the first time he saw it as a teenager. Hell, his idea of taking Shepard to the top of the Presidium had been just as much a product of a scene from _Fleet and Flotilla_ as it had been from the vids Joker had linked him to. He hoped Shepard hadn’t made the connection when she watched it.

“I got the feeling, listening to Tali talk, that that vid had created some interest in turians for her for a while.” Shepard commented, looking at her food as she spoke. “Something about the lead turian, called… Bellarus, I think?”

“Bellicus.” Garrus corrected her, without thinking. He didn’t realize what he had said until Shepard started laughing. He sighed, putting his fork down, waiting for Shepard to quit laughing so she could speak. “Okay, _fine_ , I’ve seen the vid, Shepard. Many times. How did you know?”

“One of those songs that you hum sometimes when we’re in battle, it’s from the soundtrack, isn’t it?” Shepard finally responded, after she had managed to stop laughing. “I heard it playing during the vid.” He stabbed at a piece of meat, eating it instead of answering, making Shepard’s smile grow even bigger. “It’s nice to know that you have interests other than calibrating. We’ll have to watch it together some time.”

Garrus rolled his eyes as he chewed the piece of meat, and Shepard continued talking. “But that does make me wonder… since Tali seemed to have some turian fantasies, what about you?” He looked up, eyebrow plates furrowed in confusion. “I mean, did you ever have any interest in quarians after seeing _Fleet and Flotilla_?”

He shook his head, swallowing the food he had been chewing. “Sorry, Shepard, can’t say that I did. My interest was always solely grounded in the turian race.” At Shepard’s raised eyebrow, he amended. “Until you came along, at least.”

He felt her foot bump against his leg under the table as she smiled, turning back to her food. “Then I ruined it for you with my soft, squishy, human self, right?”

“Absolutely.”

 

* * *

 

“Here, this is for you.” Shepard’s voice pulled his attention away from reading. She had left right after lunch to go meet up with Zaeed, and he hadn’t even heard her arrive back at the apartment.

Garrus looked up from the book he was reading, and was face-to-face with a volus. A tiny, stuffed volus, that Shepard was waving in his face. He looked up at her quizzically, then back down to the stuffed toy, before taking it from her. “You… brought me a stuffed volus?” He asked, unsure of what to make of the gift. “Why?”

“It’s a gift from your girlfriend, Garrus.” She answered, pushing on his shoulder with her hip until he moved over to let her take a seat next to him on the couch. “Be happy and keep it somewhere safe.”

“I think this whole apartment is generally considered ‘somewhere safe’, Shepard.” He stared at the gift. It was an ugly doll, but the fact that Shepard had declared it a gift made him feel like it was something special. “I’ll put it on that shelf in the den.” He moved to get up, but Shepard tugged on his arm until he settled back on the couch. He looked at her, eyebrow plates raised.

“I met up with Javik while I was out.” She said, pulling up a page on her omni-tool. “Have you ever heard of _Blasto_?”

“Sure I have, why?” Garrus asked, leaning against her as she flipped through information about Blasto on her omni-tool.

“I think I may end up in the next Blasto movie.”

From the look on her face, that story was going to take a while to tell. Garrus settled more comfortably against her side and waited to hear about what had happened in such a short amount of time away from the apartment.

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Kaidan, you headed out?” James nearly ran into Kaidan as he walked through the apartment door while the other man was leaving out the same way.

“Yeah, I ate too much.” Kaidan responded, patting his stomach. “Haven’t had a nice kitchen to cook in for a long time, so I went a little overboard. Need to go find somewhere to run this off.”

“Thanks for dinner, Kaidan.” Shepard called out after him, waving her goodbye. “Stay safe.”

“Always, Shepard.” He responded, and the door closed between them.

James nodded at Garrus as he walked into the living room. “Hey Scars, heard you kicked Zaeed’s ass in the arena earlier.”

“Damn right I did.” Garrus replied, closing the book he had been reading after the dinner with Kaidan. Shepard, feeling entirely too full herself, made her way to the couch where Garrus and James were both sitting now. “You should have joined us.”

“Maybe we can get in another round in the morning.”

Garrus pulled up his omni-tool, tapping out a message. “I’ll get up with all of the gun-users of the team, see who we can round up.”

“Shotguns are allowed for this little pissing contest, right?” Shepard asked, sitting on the arm of the couch next to Garrus. “Because I want in this time.”

“Sure thing, Lola. But we won’t go easy on you.” James responded, and Shepard shot him a look. “And don’t plan it too early, Scars, getting up early is gonna be rough.”

“Why’s that, Vega?” Garrus asked, tapping out the invitation while he spoke. “You got a hot date tonight?”

James laughed, stretching out in his seat. “Nah, I stopped… _fraternizing_ when I joined the military. The two don’t seem to go well together.”

Shepard was surprised by that news, she would have figured James for a real ladies’ man before joining the Normandy. “Hasn’t stopped you from being a shameless flirt.” She commented.

“Yeah, well, that’s just my way.” He answered, shrugging. “I don’t mean anything by it, Lola.”

“Uh-huh.” She responded, crossing her arms.

“Why?” He asked, sitting up and grinning. “Am I make this hard for you two?”

“Not even remotely.” Garrus said dryly, without looking up, drawing a laugh from Shepard.

“So what is it that’s going to keep you up most of the night, if not a bedmate, James?” She asked, running a hand idly on Garrus’ carapace.

“Ah, I’m just planning to find somewhere to get in a good workout tonight. Can’t spend shore leave letting myself get out of shape.”

“Don’t call this a ‘shore leave’.” Shepard spoke up quickly. “You’re going to curse it.”

“Damn, Shepard, a little superstitious, huh?” James answered, getting up and walking to the kitchen.

“You get confronted by your evil clone and see how you like it.” Shepard said, watching him grab a beer from the refrigerator. “You said you had something to show me?”

“Oh, shit. Right.” James said, walking back into the main room and setting the beer down on the coffee table, standing in front of the fireplace. “I wanted to show you this.” He turned his back to Shepard and Garrus and pulled his shirt over his head. In the middle of his upper back was his new tattoo, the N7 symbol. “Look at that bad boy.”

“Looks good, James. You’ve earned it.” Shepard said as he turned back around. It was the tattoo she had seen him getting on the Citadel, what felt like years ago.

“Jealous, Shepard? You could always get one to match.” James replied, and Garrus laughed. James looked at him, curious, as he pulled his shirt back on and sat back on the couch. “What is it?”

“She already has one.” Garrus said, looking at the book in his hands, but Shepard could see his smile from the way his mandibles were flexed. “Not that it’s anywhere you’d ever see-“

“Anyway, James.” Shepard interrupted, shooting Garrus a look. James didn’t need to know that she had gotten the N7 logo tattooed right under her breasts the day she had gotten word of her acceptance into the N7 program. “There’s some equipment in the spare bedroom, if you want to work out in there.”

“Oh hell yeah, thanks Lola.” He said, pushing himself off of the couch and making his way across the room. “It’ll give me something to do while I try to imagine where that tattoo is at.”

“Watch it, Vega.” Garrus spoke up from the couch, as Shepard followed James to the spare room. “Remember my score from the range this morning.”

“Noted, Scars.” James called out to him, tapping the punching bag gently to test it. “Damn, Shepard, you’ve been holding out on me in more ways than one. This is _sweet_.”

Shepard shook her head, moving over to the pull-up bar. She had only used it a few times, and only for a few sets of ten, but she needed to work off dinner. She walked into the closet and turned around, jumping up to grab ahold of the bar. After she pulled herself up once, James looked over with a smile. “You know, my record is 182. You think you can beat it?”

“You better believe it.” She responded, pulling herself up again. She had never tried to make it that high. Even in training, she had never tried to go above 100. But she’d be damned before she told him that.

“Oh, this should be good.” James said, before going back to punching the bag in front of him.

 

* * *

 

“Holy _hell_. You did it!”

At James’ exclamation, Garrus decided to get off the couch and see what was so exciting for the man. He walked into the room to find Shepard dangling by her arms from a bar in the closet, and James staring at her with a highly impressed expression on his face.

“I… don’t know what to say. How you feeling?” James asked Shepard, who let go of the bar and dropped down onto the floor, her arms dangling limply at her sides.

“What did you do, Shepard?” Garrus asked, concerned over the fatigue he saw on Shepard’s face.

“I beat his damn pull-up record.” She answered, her voice strained. “I might need help pulling on my armor tomorrow.”

“I’m happy to help, Lola.” James responded before Garrus could, and Shepard laughed between the deep breaths she was pulling in.

“Don’t tease a girl when she’s… winded.” She managed to get out, stopping for breath every few words. Garrus shook his head. Shepard looked ready to drop, and all because she had to outshine Vega, who looked like a kid that had just met his hero.

“Damn, you still got it.” James said, walking towards the door, but stopping to look over his shoulder at Shepard one last time. “Don’t let anybody tell you different.”

“Don’t worry. I won’t.” Shepard responded, groaning as she tried to lift a hand to wave goodbye.

When the door closed after James left, Garrus locked the access panel and turned to Shepard, who had slowly made her way out of the spare bedroom. “You gonna need some help getting out of those clothes?”

“Yes, please.” She answered, grimacing as she moved her arms slightly. “And take my name off of that invitation you’re sending out for the shooting range practice in the morning. If I can brush my hair when I wake up, I’ll consider that an accomplishment.”

Garrus followed her up the steps, turning off the lights as they walked through the rooms, and when she stopped in the middle of the room, he reached out and pulled her towards him, his hands on her hips. Shepard laughed when he pressed his mouth to her neck. “I think I’d be kind of useless tonight, Garrus.”

He moved his hands from her hips to her waist, pulling her shirt up and over her head, being as gentle with her tired arms as he could be. “Even if you don’t need to use your arms?” He asked, pulling her to him again after he pulled off his own shirt, her back pressed to his chest. “You could let me do the work tonight.”

She made a sound of agreement, and his hands moved to the clasp on her pants. Garrus had just managed to get them off and pushed Shepard onto the bed when her omni-tool rang. He knelt over her, pulling the last clothes off of her as she hit the ‘ignore’ button.

It rang again just as he had gotten his own pants off, and Shepard let out a frustrated groan as she hit the ‘accept, audio only’ button. Garrus heard Wrex’s voice as soon as she hit the button, before Shepard had a chance to speak. As soon as Wrex stopped speaking long enough for Shepard to get a word in, she answered him with a tone of impatience. “Wrex, can it wait for a bit? I’m in the middle of some calibrations.”

Ending the call, Shepard pulled Garrus down to her, wrapping her legs around his waist as he laughed.


	40. Last Call: part 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> New chapter notifications are acting up, and don't seem to be getting fixed anytime soon. This chapter follows directly after chapter 39, Last Call: part 1. You should read that chapter first, if you didn't get the notification for it.
> 
> Thanks, as always, for your continued support of this story. Your kudos and comments are what inspire me to keep me writing.

Shepard awoke the next morning, and immediately regretted every decision she had made the day before. Well, almost every decision. Every decision involving James, at least. The ones involving Garrus had all turned out extremely well.

She groaned as she tried to push the blankets off of herself, met with so much soreness that she stopped immediately.

“Did you just lose a fight with a blanket, Shepard?” Garrus’ lazy drawl came from the doorway. She looked up to see him standing dressed, holding a tray of food. “It’s a good thing I didn’t wake you up to come shooting with us, I don’t know if you could even hold your shotgun right now.”

Deciding it was too much effort to retort, Shepard closed her eyes. “Was Wrex there?”

“Sure was.” Shepard felt the bed dip as Garrus sat next to her, pulling the covers off of her.

“Did he… ask questions?”

“He congratulated me, which led to the rest of the guys having a long discussion about _calibrations_ while I ignored them all and ended up with the best score. Again.” Shepard finally opened her eyes again, and saw Garrus was smiling as he looked down at her.

“You don’t actually mind the attention, do you?” She asked, exasperated. It seemed more like he was enjoying it.

“Mind the envy over the fact that I’m going steady with the savior of the galaxy, destroyer of Reapers, head-turning, smoking hot Commander Shepard?” He asked, tapping his chin as if he was thinking over the question. “No, I don’t mind.”

Shepard endured her screaming muscles long enough to push at his side. “You’re ridiculous, Vakarian.”

“It’s a good thing you love me, then.” She pulled him down for a kiss in response, before turning her attention to the breakfast tray he had set on the bed. “What did you have planned for today?” He asked, as she opened the tray.

“Cortez wants me to meet him at the transit station as soon as I can make myself get out of bed.” Shepard replied, taking a minute to flip through the messages she had received. “Liara is stopping by after that, Miranda wants to come see the apartment, and Traynor may pop in later.”

“You’re in high demand, Shepard.” Garrus chuckled, flipping through his own omni-tool messages. “C-Sec sent me a message about a krogan… I’m assuming it’s Grunt. He’s caused some trouble, I need to go get him out of it. And then Jacob wants to try my hand at some arcade game since I out-shot him so badly.”

“What time do you want to meet tonight?” Shepard asked, after swallowing a bite of eggs and washing them down with orange juice.

“Let’s say 17:00, if we haven’t seen each other before then.” Garrus replied, pressing something on his omni-tool. “Near the bar in the casino?”

“Sounds good to me.” Shepard said, taking another bite of food. “Remember, act like you don’t know me. This is our ‘first date’.”

Garrus shook his head, closing out his omni-tool as he got off the bed and walked to the closet. He began changing out of his armor into his civilian clothes. “You know our track record with dates isn’t the best, Shepard.”

“That just means that this one has to be perfect.” Shepard replied, finishing off her breakfast before making her aching muscles move to get out of bed. “It’ll be exciting, just wait.” She walked towards the bathroom, shivering in the cold air of the bedroom. “Two strangers, a chance meeting at a bar…” She peeked around the doorway, meeting his eye with an eyebrow raised. “Haven’t you ever fantasized about going home with a ‘complete stranger’?”

“Is that what’s going to happen?” He asked, eying her suggestively as she turned the shower on.

“It might.” She answered, setting the analgesic lotion out on the counter to reapply it after the shower. “Depends on how well you impress your date.”

 

* * *

 

Garrus came back to the apartment around lunch, and found Shepard lying on the couch with Liara hovering over her, looking concerned. “Shepard, what’s wrong?” He asked, dropping his shopping bag by the door and hurrying over to the couch. “What happened, Liara?”

Upon closer inspection, Liara looked like she was trying not to laugh, and Shepard was pale, her eyes closed and her mouth set in a grim line.

“Her outing with Cortez took a little more out of her than she had expected.” Liara answered, stepping back and showing a small smile once she was standing where Shepard wouldn’t be able to see her if she opened her eyes.

“Cortez?” Garrus repeated, feeling confused. He had heard from the pilot that all he was going to do was take Shepard flying in the shuttle around the Citadel. “What did he do?”

“He turned off the inertial dampeners.” Shepard finally spoke, her voice sounding rough. “And then proceeded to flip the shuttle over at every possible chance he got. I think he misses flying his fighter ship.”

Garrus took a moment before responding, in order to keep his voice steady. “So… you didn’t enjoy it?”

“I enjoyed it up until the last flip.” She answered, sounding bitter. “And then he had to make an emergency stop so I could throw up in a garden somewhere on the Presidium.”

He couldn’t stop the laugh that came out at her words, and neither could Liara. By the time their laughs had regressed to softer chuckles, Shepard had opened her eyes and was glaring at them both.

“Sorry, Shepard.” Liara broke first under Shepard’s glare, but she still had a small smile. “I’m going to head out and take care of some business since Garrus is here to take care of you now. I hope you feel better soon.”

“Bye, Liara.” Garrus spoke up as she left, and when he turned, Shepard was still frowning at him. “I’m not going to take back the laugh, I know you’d be laughing if it was me that had lost breakfast during a shuttle ride.”

Shepard sighed, throwing an arm over her eyes. “I would say it’s a good thing Liara was here, but she mentioned James asking her if she had heard about any ‘calibrations’ and that took a while to talk my way around.”

Shaking his head, Garrus moved her feet out of the way long enough to sit down, and then put them in his lap. “So, besides the motion sickness, how was your day so far? What did you and Liara do?”

“She brought me a memory capsule that she’s gotten ready, in case this thing with the Reapers goes sideways.” Shepard said, moving her arm to look at him. “She’s planning on ‘writing my name in the stars’ to tell of the things I’ve done. Kind of a codex about me for future generations.”

“That sounds interesting.” He said, rubbing the tight muscles in her legs.

“Yeah, I think that was her way of trying to help me feel better.” Shepard said. “I told her to write the truth about me, everyone deserves to know the kind of person I was in case anyone tries to make me into some kind of hero.”

“Hopefully that includes your illicit romantic liaison with the turian vigilante Archangel.” Garrus said, running a talon along the pad of one of Shepard’s feet, feeling her squirm under his touch to get her feet away.

“If you mean my long-term, steady relationship with Garrus Vakarian, the Expert Reaper Advisor to the turian Primarch, then yes. It’ll be mentioned.”

“Well fine, if you want to be boring about it.” He grumbled, all the while feeling a well of happiness at her words. If something happened to them, the galaxy would know that he had been at her side through it all. Just as it should be.

 

* * *

 

Garrus tugged at the neck of his shirt nervously, making his way up the steps in the casino. He had bought new clothes for the date, after he had caught a glimpse of the new dress Shepard had picked out for it the night before.

It was their first –and possibly last- real date. He wanted it to be one that they both remembered for as long as possible.

Not seeing Shepard near the bartender, Garrus turned and spotted her sitting at the bar near the dance floor. He paused, taking a moment to admire the view. She was wearing a short, white dress that showed off her legs, and her hair was pulled up, exposing her neck.  He was so focused on her as he made his way through the crowd that he almost knocked over a female turian, and had to hurriedly apologize before reaching Shepard.

Shepard turned in her seat as he took the barstool next to her, looking him up and down as if appraising him. “So, a turian on shore leave. You come here often?” He noticed her look past him and smirk in the direction of the turian he had just almost knocked over. She was staking her claim, and he didn’t mind in the least.

“Oh, I come here often.” He answered, brushing a leg against hers as he turned towards the bar. “Good place to… blow off steam.” Garrus saw Shepard’s mouth turn up slightly at his words. “Scenery’s not bad either…” He continued, looking around the room. He glanced at each corner of the room, double checking that the casino’s security was still in place, and didn’t realize until he returned his gaze to Shepard that she thought he was checking out the females dancing behind them. “Though the view in front of me is even better.” He added, trying to cover up the mistake.

“Is that supposed to melt a girl’s heart?” She asked, taking a sip of the drink in front of her, looking less interested than before.

Garrus leaned forward, picking up the drink she had ordered for him, and leaned in close to her as he answered. “No, but this voice is.” He saw her throat move as she swallowed, her glaze flicking over to him as he spoke low in her ear. “I’m Garrus Vakarian. Codename: Archangel. All-around turian bad boy and dispenser of justice in an unjust galaxy.” He trailed a hand down her back as he leaned back in his seat. “Also, I kill Reapers on the side. And you are?”

Shepard leaned back in her own seat, turning towards him and crossing her legs. “Commander Shepard, Alliance Navy.”

He saw a few people turn to stare when they heard her name, but he ignored them. “Shepard, huh? I might’ve heard a few things about you.”

Shepard raised an eyebrow, wiggling her foot in time with the music as she took another drink. “Oh? Flatter me.”

“Word is you’re smart.” He let his gaze travel up her legs before lazily settling on her face again. “Sexy. Good flexibility. A wicked shot. Also, you kill Reapers on the side, too.”

“Uh-huh.” She responded, setting her drink down and staring at him.

“And you look like you’d enjoy doing some calibrating.”

He almost broke her façade with that, he saw the glimmer of a smile that she quickly shut down. “Do most girls fall for that?”

“Most of them do.” Garrus said, glancing at the bartender. It was the sign for him to start the music that he had asked for when he visited earlier that day. “But if the voice isn’t enough, then let me show you what else I’ve got.” He took Shepard’s hand in his own and pulled on it, tugging her down from her stool as he heard the song start up.

“What are you doing?” She asked, her cool demeanor gone as he pulled her towards the dance floor.

“It’ll be fun.” He answered, a smile on his face as she argued back, trying to dig her heels into the floor as he easily moved her away from the bar. Despite her protesting, he pulled her around and took one of her hands in his, placing her other hand on his back as he began to move his feet in the steps of a tango.

“Been taking lessons on the side.” Garrus commented as Shepard stumbled along with his steps, trying to match them. It wasn’t a _complete_ lie, he _had_ watched a few vids the day before to brush up on the dance. But he had learned it several years back, when trying to impress a female turian that liked to dance. He thought he should keep that fact to himself.

“You’re going to pay for this later.” Shepard said, glaring up at him. She had never been one for dancing, Garrus had seen her attempts first-hand.

He spun her outwards, and when she let go of his hand, he grasped it again to pull her back in. Drawing her close to him, he smiled down at her. “Promises, promises.”

Their dance started out rough, with Shepard trying to move her feet in time with his, but she was picking up the steps quickly. And then as he was pushing one of her feet along, she moved it under his and almost made him stumble. He thought it might have been an accident, until he felt her holding him up and saw her smirk.

He put his hand back around her waist and continued the dance, and the next time he moved her into a twirl, she spun graciously and her hands immediately found his again, a slight smile on her face at the success of her movements. And when he went to step backwards, Shepard wrapped a leg around his hip and leaned forward as he leaned back, her body pressed against his as they moved together, making the room seem a lot warmer than it had been just moments before.

She moved her leg back to the floor and they continued the dance, she was matching him turn for turn now. He loved the smile on her face as she moved gracefully with him, he even caught the sound of a pleased laugh coming from her when she wrapped her leg around his for one of the steps. “Now you’re getting it.” He said, smiling down at her, squeezing her hand.

When he spun her out from him for the last time, Garrus noticed the crowd that had gathered to watch them. In the front of it, right where he had aimed Shepard, was James. With an incredulous smile on his face as he watched the dance.

But Shepard turned in her spin to face him, not James, and smiled suggestively at him as she crooked her finger to call him closer. Garrus moved forward and they circled each other before resuming the dance again, Shepard’s steps matching his own, her feet moving in perfect time with his as they glided across the empty floor in unison.

As he heard the ending of the song coming near, Garrus moved Shepard in a half-circle before wrapping one arm firmly around her back and leaning forward, clasping her other hand in his own. She let him take her weight, hooking a leg around his waist as he dipped her backwards. He watched her let her head fall, exposing her neck to him in a way that took all of his self-control to tear his eyes from it.

“So tell me,” He finally spoke up, swallowing hard against the feel of one leg around his waist and the other between his own. “think a girl would fall for _that_?”

“Oh, hell yes.” She responded immediately, pulling against his hand to lean up enough to look him in the eyes. Her face was flushed and her eyes bright, taking him back for a moment to how she had looked that night on the dining table aboard the Normandy, so long ago. She gripped his arm, pulling herself up further. “I see you’ve been putting that reach and flexibility to good use.”

“You know it.” Garrus answered, his hand moving down her back, along her thigh, before letting it fall to his side. “And it gets even better when you try it in bed.”

“Were you planning on this being a dinner date?” Shepard asked, letting her leg fall to stand on her own. “Because I think we need a shower before dinner.” He raised an eyebrow plate at her words. “That big shower in the apartment, the one that could fit… oh, a human and a turian at the same time?”

Garrus chuckled, taking one of her hands in his. “You’re inviting a complete stranger back to your apartment, Commander?” He asked, low in her ear as he turned her towards the stairs, back to the first floor of the casino. “Is that a wise thing to do?”

“It is when he was that impressive.” She answered, letting go of his hand and moving it to rest on her hip as they walked through the crowded room.

 

* * *

 

“You need to shower, Shepard.” She heard Garrus say as she laid on his chest, his hand running through her hair. “The last thing you need is to end up in Huerta for an allergic reaction tonight. The team would never let you live it down.”

“My crew knows far too much about my personal life already.” Shepard grumbled, not wanting to move away from the warmth of his skin. He picked up her right hand and brought it to his mouth to press a kiss to her fingers.

“Nice ring.” He said, drawing Shepard’s attention. She glanced up at him, seeing him study the stone. “EDI showed it to me after that whole situation with your clone. I had to make sure she wasn’t trying to propose to you with it.”

Shepard laughed, turning the stone around so it would catch the light. “I asked her the same thing.” She admitted, staring at the ring. It was beautiful, especially knowing thought and care that EDI had put into selecting it for her. “I don’t have a chance to wear rings often, so I thought I’d take advantage of shor-“ She stopped in the middle of the phrase, correcting herself. “of this… vacation to wear it.”

Garrus chuckled and pushed her off of him onto the empty side of the bed so he could sit up. “If you say ‘shore leave’ three times, do you think your clone will show up?”

“Shut it, Vakarian.” Shepard said, throwing a pillow at him.

He caught the pillow and tossed it on the floor, grabbing her hands and pulling her to him. “Shepard, your skin is getting red. Shower, now.”

Shepard leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his frowning mouth. “Let’s get in the hot tub.” His expression made her laugh, despite trying not to. “Come on, it’ll be fine. I’ll make sure you don’t drown.”

He looked past her towards the tub, his look apprehensive. “Why did you re-fill it earlier?”

“Traynor borrowed it when she visited. She’s really got a thing for baths.” Shepard stood up, pulling on his hands. “So now it’s all fresh and ready for you and me.”

Garrus sighed, but let her pull him to his feet. “If it’s either this or having to explain to a doctor at Huerta why you’re splotchy, then fine.”

Shepard came to a stop, a sudden idea forming in her head. “Wait, Garrus, we should go to Huerta instead.”

“Why?” He asked, and she could hear the worry in his voice as he looked her over. “What’s wrong?”

“Dr. Michel still works there, right?” She asked, raising an eyebrow at him. “I could make sure _she_ was the doctor assigned to my case, and tell her _exactly_ what happened to cause this in explicit detail-“ Her words were cut off when Garrus lifted her into the air and carried her to the hot tub, dropping her into the water.


	41. Last Call: part 3

“And that’s pretty much how it happened… which is why you should comp my drinks.”

Shepard stood behind Joker, arms crossed as she tried not to laugh. The story he had just told was one that needed to be recounted for the entire team. She hoped she’d be able to remember it all at the party.

“No.” The asari bartender responded after a moment’s deliberation.

“Aw, come on!” Joker appealed, pushing away from the bar. Shepard moved to his side, still not drawing attention to her presence just yet.

“I barely believe what they’re saying about Shepard.” The bartender said, looking Joker up and down. “You? I don’t think so.”

“Okay, trying not to be offended there. Look, if Shepard were here…” His words trailed off as Shepard took a step forward to stand close at his side, finally getting in his peripheral vision. He did a double take when he saw her. “Uh, Shepard. Hi.”

Shepard stood straight, nodding at the bartender. “I’m Commander Shepard, and I’ll vouch for my pilot.” She clasped her hands behind her back, putting every bit of sincere authority she had into her voice. “Jeff Moreau is a hero. Everyone in this room owes him their lives, myself included.”

The bartender pushed herself off the bar, going from slouching to standing tall. “I’m so sorry, Commander. I had no idea.” She sounded flustered, looking from Joker to Shepard. “Drinks are on me, Lieutenant.”

“Uh… thanks, Commander.” Joker said when the bartender had moved away, as he pulled a stool out. Shepard took the one next to him.

“You can pay me back later.” She replied, ordering a drink from the terminal. “What are you doing hitting up the bar in the middle of the day, anyway? Trying to imitate your favorite Commander?”

“Right, I’m the next Conrad Verner.” He answered, rolling his eyes. “Actually, EDI sent me to pick up a gift for you and Garrus. She said she picked out a nice wine that the extranet said was an acceptable host gift.” Shepard eyed the bottle sitting by Joker’s hand that she hadn’t noticed before, and had opened her mouth to thank him for the nice gesture when he continued. “And I heard that if you stake out this place long enough, you sometimes run into a human and turian couple tearing up the dance floor.”

It was Shepard’s turn to roll her eyes as she threw back the shot she had ordered, not signaling for another. She knew the party would probably consist of enough drinking that she didn’t need to be buzzed beforehand. “So much for having a private first date.”

“Don’t first dates come before… _everything_ else that’s happened with you two since you came back from being dead?” Joker asked, downing the shot that had been placed in front of him. “After all, half the ship was involved in getting you and Garrus together in the first place. Nothing about your relationship has ever been private.”

“It wasn’t _half the ship_ , I’m pretty sure it was only you.” Shepard shot back.

“Don’t forget the dining table thing.”

“Goddammit Joker, _nothing happened on the dining table_.” She answered, exasperated, and Joker laughed until he nearly fell off his stool.

“How awkward is it for your entire crew to be involved in your romantic life?” He asked after a few moments, grinning over at her as he ordered another drink.

“About as awkward as Javik telling me that he knows I’m banging Garrus because of my pheromones.”

Joker snorted, nearly choking on his drink. Shepard tapped him lightly on the back, afraid to hit him harder. Finally his coughing and laughter subsided, he was nearly crying at that point. “ _Please_ tell me you’re not exaggerating, Commander.”

“I’m not.” Shepard said, crossing her arms. “Now change the subject.” She added, when the laughter started back up again.

“I’ve _got_ to write this shit down.” He answered as Shepard turned away to order the supplies they needed for the party.

 

* * *

 

“I’ve got beer being delivered at any minute, we need to find a good place for it.” Shepard said, looking over the list Joker had sent her of things they needed for a ‘ _wild, Normandy-worthy blowout’_.

Garrus sat down next to her on one of the stools at the island in the kitchen. “And I ordered plenty of food, both dextro and levo. Everything will be marked so no one eats the wrong stuff. Relax, Shepard, everything’s ready.” He wrapped his arm around her waist, and she leaned into his embrace. “Soon everyone’s going to be showing up and you won’t have time to worry over missing details.”

“Because I’ll be busy making sure no one drunkenly sets the place on fire.” She answered, flipping through her list one last time. “I do think we’re ready, though. This thing ended up a lot bigger than Joker had originally said.”

“I’m pretty sure agreeing to invite everyone on the guest list forfeited any chance of having a quiet night in.”

Shepard’s omni-tool alerted them to the fact that someone was at the door. “That’ll be the food or the booze.” She said, moving off the stool. “Maybe we can just spread the food around the apartment where everyone can eat no matter where they’re at.”

Her omni-tool went off again, and Joker’s face appeared. She pressed a button to answer the call. “Commander, I’m outside with this shitload of beer that you ordered.” He moved his face so Shepard could see the crates. “Let it never be said that you don’t know how to properly stock a party.”

Shepard shook her head, hanging up the call as she unlocked the access panel on the door. Joker was sitting on one of the crates, grinning up at her. “Time to party down, Commander!” He patted one of the crates. “But you _are_ planning on breaking into that very well-stocked bar Anderson left behind, right? Because that thing is an absolute beauty.”

“Maybe later in the night, we’ll see how it goes.” Shepard replied as Garrus came out into the hallway, privately hoping that everyone would be content with just the beer. She knew things would get out of hand fast if the supply of hard liquor was broached. “First things first, we need to get this stuff inside and find a place for it.”

“Good thing someone invited the muscle of the crew.” James’ voice echoed as he stepped off of the elevator. He approached the boxes, and Shepard saw the muscles of his back flex as he bent to pick up two crates at once. “Watch this, Shepard. You can see how a _real man_ does things.”

“A _real man_ who got outstripped at pull-ups by a _real woman_ less than half his size.” Garrus said dryly, picking up one of the crates.

Shepard laughed and picked up two crates herself, not going to be outdone by James after Garrus had complimented her in that way. “My arms are still sore from the last time, don’t encourage him into challenging me again.” She said in an undertone as they carried the crates of beer into the apartment.

“I’m sure you could get the best of him again, Shepard.” Garrus responded, pressing a kiss to the side of her head as he walked past her to set his crate on the table in the kitchen.

“You two really have reached that established, affectionate couple stage, haven’t you?” Joker said as he took a seat on one of the stools. “You finally tired of jumping each other’s bones every chance you got on the Normandy, now we’re all going to have to suffer through you two sounding like an old married couple.”

“Or you could give up eavesdropping.” Shepard responded, unpacking the bottles of beer. They were already chilled, so she put them in a tub with a small amount of ice to stay cool. “If that’s even possible for you at this point.”

“But you two do provide some _great_ entertainment.” James quipped, setting down two more crates on the table next to Shepard. “That’s all of them. Hell, Shepard, are we doing anything _besides_ drinking tonight?”

“Shepard likes to prepare for contingencies.” Garrus spoke up as he poured ice into one of the empty tubs Shepard had set out for the bottled beer. “And one contingency we don’t want to happen tonight is to run out of beer and have to try to make sober conversation with everyone.”

“Yeah, like we might accidently talk about the Reapers.” Joker said, his voice subdued. “Or the fact that we’re about to storm the actual Cerberus base to finish building the Crucible.”

“That topic’s off-limits until tomorrow.” Shepard interrupted. “In fact, we should make up a party rule. Every time someone brings up the Reapers, they have to do a shot of ryncol.”

“Hell yeah!” James agreed, popping a cap on one of the beer bottles. “Best way to get this party crazy, after all.”

“Speak for yourself. Wrex got me to try it once, and that was enough.” Joker grumbled from his seat. “I don’t want to be puking purple in the morning.”

Shepard’s omni-tool went off again. “Food delivery?” Garrus asked. And when Shepard nodded, he went to the door and came back with his arms loaded. “Could use some help, James, Shepard ordered enough for an army.”

“Or just one hungry crew.” Shepard called out, stacking the last of the bottles on the ice. She and Garrus began spreading the food throughout the apartment on various tables, double checking the markings on the platters so no one would get sick. By the time they finished, it was time for the party to start, and Shepard made her way to the door to greet the incoming guests.

 

* * *

 

“Thank you for having us all here tonight, Shepard.” EDI said as Shepard walked into the den. EDI was sitting at the bar, talking with Miranda, Jacob, and Joker. “We appreciate the chance to… I believe Jeff called it ‘let loose’.” She made quotation marks in the air with her fingers.

“No problem, EDI. Ready for some examples of bad human behavior?”

“Is that what we’re going to get?” Joker asked, leaning against the bar next to EDI.

“By the rate the beer is disappearing, I’d assume so.” Miranda spoke up, smiling towards Shepard. “I do like the music, though. Nice choice, Shepard.”

“You can thank Glyph for that.” Shepard replied, taking a sip of her beer. She was going slow on the drinking, wanting to stay mostly sober incase anything happened that she needed to fix. “It’s taking care of the music for the evening.” She took another sip. “What about you, Jacob? Enjoying yourself? How’s Bryn doing?”

“She’s doing good Shepard, thanks.” Jacob answered, shaking the empty beer bottle he was holding. “I’m glad she’s back on Earth, she’s got a great doctor that’ll help out when the time comes.”

“Glad to hear it.” Shepard said. “You guys need to start eating at some point, we have a _lot_ of food.”

“She’s not lying.” Joker said dryly, draining his beer. “So eat up.”

Shepard made her way out of the den, looking up in time to see Wrex and Grunt head butting each other. “Hah! Now the party’s starting!” Wrex called out, raising his fists.

“Another time, guys!” Shepard called out from the ground floor, feeling a slight twinge of worry at the sight. “I don’t have time to buy new furniture.”

“Aw, just when it was getting good.” Wrex complained, glaring down at her. “Why don’t you go do some more _calibrations_ while me and the pyjak settle this?”

“ _Wrex_.” Shepard warned, and he shrugged in response.

“Ah, you just got lucky.” Grunt told him, and Shepard turned to check on the group gathered in the living room. As she passed by the kitchen, she heard Garrus mention sniper perches and retiring, and Liara calling the apartment the ‘Shepard-Vakarian love nest’, bringing a smile to her face as she took a seat on the couch.

“Try not to look so happy, Shepard. You’re gonna make me puke.” Jack said after glancing at Shepard and seeing her contented smile. “You two are gonna grow soft if you stay holed up in this apartment all the time. Better make sure to get out and have some excitement every few days.”

“I think Shepard’s had enough excitement for her lifetime already.” Kaidan responded, and Shepard nodded.

“Man, this music is hot.” James commented. Shepard heard Glyph state its thanks as it floated by. “The right music sets the tone for the whole party, right Esteban?”

“It sure does.” Cortez answered, raising his beer to Shepard. “Hey, Shepard. You gonna have a drink?”

“I’m working on it, Steve.” She said, taking another sip of the beer she was carrying. “How’s everyone doing?”

“Ask me after five more of these.” Jack replied, taking a long drink of her own beer.

“As long as you keep control of those biotics of yours.” Kaidan said, setting an empty bottle on the table in front of him.

“So what does happen to a biotic when they’re completely _borracho_?” James asked, an expression of interest on his face. Shepard felt like she should warn James that Jack might be a little too much for him to handle, but decided to let him find out for himself.

“Stick around, Muscles. Maybe you’ll find out.” Jack replied coolly, taking another drink with a raised eyebrow.

“Thanks for doing this, Shepard.” Cortex said, leaning back against the couch cushions. “I think we all could use a night to unwind.”

“Agreed.” Kaidan said. “Now who needs another beer?”

When Kaidan got up after the round of requests for more beer, Shepard made her way into the kitchen to where an already tipsy Tali was perched on the counter.

“I remember first meeting you, Shepard.” Tali spoke up as soon as she saw Shepard lean against the counter next to her. “All I kept thinking was, “I hope she took a shower, because my filter needs replacing, and humans carry a _lot_ of germs.”

“And three years later, here you are, drinking her beer through a straw.” Liara said, smiling over at Tali as she set down an empty bottle and picked up a snack. “I’d call that progress.”

“So, Shepard, I saw you serve this swill, but you’re not drinking it.” Garrus commented, his eyes on the still half-full bottle she had been carrying around the apartment with her. “What gives?”

“Someone has to drive everyone home.” Shepard answered, reaching past Tali to grab a levo snack.

“Everyone except Garrus, you mean.” Kasumi spoke up, appearing at Garrus’ side as she uncloaked. “I saw some _interesting_ thing in the master bedroom upstairs. You _definitely_ haven’t been staying here alone, Shep.”

“Really, Kasumi? You’re searching drawers now?” At Shepard’s exasperated words, Kasumi disappeared with a giggle. Or she might have left because James was calling for her to come give him details. “I hope you’ve got your toothbrush on you, Traynor. I heard that Kasumi might have the Normandy on her list of things to steal.”

“We can always get another Normandy.” Tali responded with a hiccup, the bottle she was holding slipped precariously in her hand. “Call up Cerberus,” another hiccup, “and ask them to pleeeeeeease build us the SR-3.”

Shepard steadied the bottle, afraid it would fall and shatter, listening as Samara question Tali about her name change. Garrus crossed the kitchen, resting an arm around her waist as they listened to the others talking. “It seems to be going well.” He said quietly, as not to interrupt the conversation. “You enjoying yourself?”

“Of course.” Shepard replied, leaning against him. “What about you?”

“I think everyone’s going to end up completely plastered before the night’s over.” He commented, his mandibles flexing in a smile. “But it’s a nice send-off before we go fight the Reapers.” His expression told Shepard that he didn’t realize what he had said until she continued staring at him expectantly. “Oh, hell.” He groaned as Shepard pulled on his arm, tugging him towards the den and the _very_ well-stocked bar.

 

* * *

 

“Garrus, _what_ are you doing?” Shepard asked, after watching him inspecting the glass decorative wall for several minutes. He had been completely engrossed, and hadn’t even heard her approach until she spoke when he almost dropped the beer bottle he was holding.

After he downed the shot of ryncol, the rest of the partygoers had decided it was fair game to invade the alcohol supply and were now mixing drinks or adding to the beer. They were all steering clear of the ryncol, unless Reapers were accidently mentioned. And Shepard was glad, especially after seeing the potent effect it had had on Garrus.

“Hmm?” Garrus asked, pushing away from the glass. “Oh, nothing. Just, uh, admiring the polish on this glass.” Shepard crossed her arms, staring at him, waiting for him to confess when Zaeed’s voice came over Garrus’ omni-tool so loudly that Shepard could hear it.

“Good. Don’t tell her. She wouldn’t understand.”

“You mean like rigging the hot tub to go thermonuclear?” Shepard asked, glancing upwards at the ceiling. She hoped that Zaeed had given up his hot-tub rigging idea.

“And it would’ve worked if it hadn’t been for goddamned DNA!” Zaeed complained.

“And what’s this supposed to do?” Shepard asked Garrus, motioning to the glass wall.

“It’s just, well… one man’s decorative glass wall fixture is another man’s _explosive_ glass wall fixture.”

Shepard groaned and rubbed her head, and Zaeed’s voice piped up again. “Now you’re in for it. I can already hear the old ball and chain frowning.”

“ _Explosive_?” She asked, making sure she had heard Garrus correctly. She knew he was beyond tipsy at this point, but _still_.

“Micro-filaments, Shepard.” He emphasized, his mandibles flexing in a proud smile. “Tiny strips of explosives laid across the glass in a grid. It’s your first line of defense. When an intruder enters, hit the switch, and _boom_!” He threw his hands up, emphasizing the resultant explosion. “They’re shredded to pieces!”

“Weaponized wall fixtures, Shepard.” Zaeed said proudly, his voice echoing through the omni-tool. “Wave of the future in home defense.”

“Uh-huh.” Shepard replied, shaking her head.

“Shepard, sweetie…” Garrus reached out a hand and pulled her close, pressing his head to hers as he spoke. “Love of my life. Indulge your crazy boyfriend. I need to know you’re safe.”

Shepard couldn’t help but smile at his words. Garrus had never actually told her that he loved her, but apparently an intoxicated Garrus had _no_ qualms about saying it every few minutes. Since downing the ryncol, Shepard had heard him telling nearly everyone in the room that he was ‘celebrating having fallen in love with the Normandy’s captain’ while saluting her with a beer bottle.

“If it’ll make you feel better, honey.” She responded, pressing a kiss to his mouth lightly.

“Oh, go get a room.” Zaeed spoke up, sounding irritated. “God knows this place has enough of them.”

Shepard left Garrus and Zaeed to planning the apartment’s defense, and climbed the stairs to see what the group in the upstairs lounge was doing.

 

* * *

 

When she walked up to Tali, EDI, and Traynor, she walked in on a conversation that she could have done without.

“Anyway, I was just joking. You know, stress of the retrofits.” Traynor was flustered, arguing for her own composure against EDI’s calm words.

“Really? My diagnostics suggested that you were genuinely aroused.” EDI responded, her legs crossed as she smiled at the woman. Shepard knew Traynor hadn’t been around the AI much, and she probably couldn’t tell that she was being toyed with.

“It’s really rare to get herbed dextro cheeses.” Tali broke in, sounding even more flustered than Traynor. “The turians almost never bother. Did Garrus pick it out?”

“I don’t think-“ Shepard didn’t remember Garrus mentioning any dextro cheese, but Traynor interrupted her.

“You have diagnostics?” Traynor asked, her voice rising slightly. “Cerberus programmed you to check body language?”

“I get more reliable results measuring pupil dilation and thermal readings of erogenous zones.” EDI said conversationally, looking over at Shepard with a smile. “Shepard, for instance, started exhibiting increased pulse rate and body temperature as a response to Garrus’ voice before they ever consummated their relationship. I noticed the change in readings not long after she rescued him from Omega.”

Tali coughed loudly, and Shepard closed her eyes. But EDI continued. “In fact, I noticed even just tonight that her heart rate still rises when he talks. So you are not alone in your sexual attraction towards voices, Specialist Traynor.”

“ _Thank you_ , EDI.” Shepard said, wishing there was a possibility of the floor swallowing her up whole. “Now to prepare myself for awkward looks from the crew anytime Garrus opens his mouth.”

“Wait, this _is_ dextro cheese, right?” Tali spoke up, drawing Shepard back to more pressing matters. “Keelah, did I forget to scan the cheese? _This_ is why I don’t drink!”

“Don’t mind us, Tali’s going to go run a toxin treatment program so she doesn’t die.” Shepard pulled Tali off the couch and towards the nearest bathroom. Looking to both help her with the problem at hand and get as far away from EDI and Traynor as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Updates will be slowing down presently, as this semester is nearing its end and I'm incredibly busy. I hope to update once a week instead of twice.


	42. Last Call: part 4

Shepard stared at the photo she had managed to get before the latest round of drinking had started. It was a nice picture, and she felt grateful at the friendships that she could see evident even in the still image. She and Garrus in the image were sitting cozily on the couch next to Joker and EDI, who also looked the happy couple part. She glanced at the smaller version on her omni-tool and smiled, forwarding it out to everyone that had been present for the photo.

Her quiet moment of reflection ended when she heard Wrex and Grunt in the next room discussing their drinking contest in loud voices, and she knew it wasn’t wise to leave them to their own devices for long. She walked around the separation wall and sat down on one of the ottomans, looking between the two krogan.

“Shepard.” Grunt said, nodding towards her.

“Grunt.” She answered, nodding back.

“Shepard!” Wrex called out, sounding elated.

“Wrex.” Shepard returned with a smile.

“ _Commander_ Shepard.” Grunt stated, his tone solemn and formal.

“Shepard, Shepard, Shepard.” Wrex chimed in.

Shepard glanced from one to the other, not sure what was happening between the two krogan. “Wrex? Grunt?”

“Sheparrrrrd.” Grunt dragged the word out, shaking his head slightly as he said it.

Wrex followed Grunt’s lead. “Shepard.”

Glancing down, Shepard saw the large number of empty bottles and overturned shot glasses on the table between the two and figured she wouldn’t be getting a straight answer from them about their newfound fascination with her name. So instead she chose to smile awkwardly at them both and quickly make her way up the stairs, where she saw several others gathered talking.

 

* * *

 

“Biotics can’t give you the kind of _fine_ instrument, the _peak_ physical form that you see before you. Maybe it’s not conditioning, exactly. Maybe it’s just the condition of one _James Vega_.”

Shepard bit back a laugh as she heard James’ words. When she rounded the corner, she saw James flexing in front of a group of biotic crew members.

“Hey, what’s going on here? Everyone playing nice?” Shepard felt the need to ask, worried about where that line of reasoning would get James in present company.

“Of course, Shepard.” Liara answered, glancing at James for a moment before looking at Shepard with a gaze full of longsuffering. “James was just explaining how physical conditioning trumps biotics.”

Shepard laughed, glancing at the outnumbered James. “Really? You going there, James?”

“Come on, Lola! I’ve seen you train, you have to go with me on this one.” He flexed again, and Shepard shook her head. “Biotics are strong but unpredictable. All that cooling down…” He trailed off, letting his gaze linger on Liara. “This guy here never has to cool down! In fact, the hotter the better.”

Liara pressed a hand to her head, looking down, as Kaidan glanced from her to James. “Wait. We’re still talking about combat, right?”

Jacob laughed, but James wasn’t letting the argument go. Shepard stuck with it until he started rolling his tongue to try and interest Liara, and then she knew it was time to duck out of yet another conversation.

 

* * *

 

She found Garrus and Zaeed in the master bathroom, where Zaeed was still complaining about the inability of science to distinguish between Shepard’s DNA and a Shepard clone’s DNA. Finally she stepped forward and put her hand on Garrus’ arm, catching his attention. “Why don’t you two relax and enjoy the party? The apartment’s fine.”

“’Fine’ is good for someone else, not the love of my life. I want to know you’re safe.” Garrus took one of her hands in his own, bringing her knuckles to his mouth to kiss them. Shepard saw the empty glasses sitting on the counter and knew that he and Zaeed hadn’t let up on the alcohol after the picture was taken. “Suppose it isn’t your clone? It’s Liara’s clone that comes after you… or Joker’s!”

Zaeed grunted as he looked through the wiring coming from the hottub. “Then you and all your clones could have a sodding lovefest. Think I’m gonna puke.”

“Then carry on Zaeed, but I’m going to steal my boyfriend for a while.” More than anything, Shepard was concerned over the many things Garrus and Zaeed could dream up together when it came to defending her apartment. And many of them, all of them if she was honest with herself, wouldn’t be safe or entirely legal. She tugged on Garrus’ hand and led him through the bedroom. She stilled when she felt his hand in her hair as he bent low to press his head to hers.

“Shepard, I know I don’t say this enough, but I love… your hair.” He chuckled as he ran a hand through her hair, his mandibles moving in a smile. “And I’m pretty damn partial to the rest of you, too.”

“Well, thanks Garrus.” Shepard responded, standing on her tiptoes to press a kiss to his scarred mandible. “I think you’re amazing as hell, yourself. But let’s go see what the guys are doing downstairs, I hear Joker arguing with someone.”

“Of course, sweetie.” His mandible pressed against her cheek as they descended the stairs. Shepard didn’t try to hold back a smile.

“You know, I could get used to this overly affectionate side of you.” She commented, her arm around his hips as they walked into the bar. The rest of her words were cut off by Joker’s raised voice from where he stood behind the bar.

“The weapons locker is on the bridge. Practically right there!”

“A weapon you can’t get to is no weapon at all.” Cortez said from his seat at the bar, where he was nursing a drink. “When’s the last time you trained with a handgun?”

“Sometime before I got the ass-kicking robot as my copilot.” Joker responded dryly.

“That’s no good.” Garrus spoke up from Shepard’s side as he made his way behind the bar, searching for a bottle of something to fill his glass, inserting himself into the conversation as if he had been there for all of it. “What if you have to save EDI someday?”

“You are _not_ taking me shooting. My testosterone levels are plenty high. I fly a deadly war machine, remember?”

“Joker, I’m surprised at you.” Shepard said, watching Garrus refill his glass and wondering if she should step in. “What about the Collector attack? The bridge can get dangerous.”

“And that just proves my point. If I had pulled a gun and managed to get a shot off, I would have been mobbed.” Joker pushed away from the bar, looking at Shepard. “The real weapon is your brain. Take that away, you got nothing.”

“Well, it _would_ have been nice to have a little backup at the sushi bar.” Shepard grumbled, crossing her arms.

“You know, there’s a combat simulator across the street.” Cortez supplied, sipping his drink.

“ _Hell_ no.” Joker said immediately. “ _Maybe_ a shooting range, if we’re not letting this go. Maybe. But not while I’m wasted, _or_ hungover. If you’re in condition to take me there, you can. But tonight, you gotta match me… shot for shot.”

It wasn’t long before Joker was mixing some terrible looking green concoction up and pouring shots for himself and Cortez. Shepard grabbed half a glass of asari hard liquor and decided to step out while Cortez was agonizing over the taste of the first shot.

 

* * *

 

Shepard stayed in the kitchen long enough to overhear Zaeed trying to hook up with Samara, and echoes of Jack and Miranda arguing from the lounge one room over. Making her way upstairs to get away from the two deteriorating situations, she found Joker, Traynor, and Kaidan in a conversation about EDI.

She overheard enough of it to understand what she had missed, and raised her now-empty glass to Joker and Traynor. “Well, I’m glad you two are drunk enough to finally deal with this.”

“Oh, we weren’t planning to deal with it.” Traynor spoke up quickly, draining the glass that Shepard had saw her preparing for herself earlier in the evening of something pink and strong.

Joker took a sip of his own beer. “We’re just happy giving each other shit. No harm done.”

“We can call EDI over, and you can discuss your feelings like mature adults.” Shepard supplied helpfully, and Kaidan laughed heartily at the sight of both Traynor and Joker looking horrified at the suggestion.

“What?”

“No!”

“That would be weird.” Joker added quickly, looking between Shepard and Traynor.

“Just… just, no.” Traynor pleaded, her head in her hands.

“You don’t think she knows?” Shepard prodded them, knowing she would never bring any of this up to EDI. “You guys, she’s the Normandy AI. She sees every extranet site you browse.”

A long pause met her words. She could almost hear Joker’s brain whirring into action, delayed from the excess alcohol he had put away. “Note to self: delete browser history.” He finally said, folding his arms. “Not that you actually follow your own advice, Shepard. EDI brought up one time a couple months back that you were a dedicated partner to Garrus, as you had run several extranet searches for ‘best ways to please a tur-‘”

“Learn from my mistakes.” Shepard interrupted, setting the glass down on the table and getting up. The alcohol was dulling the embarrassment that she normally would have been feeling. Or else, she mused to herself, she was finally accepting that her crew wouldn’t stay out of her and Garrus’ relationship, no matter how much she begged them to. “I think it’s time to turn this party up. Anyone seen Glyph lately?”

 

* * *

 

“Jägermeister, blue curacao, and seltzer.” Traynor said loudly, trying to be heard over the music as she slid a shot glass towards Garrus. “One Dextro Heat Sink.”

Garrus downed it before Traynor had the chance to list off the ingredients in the glass she was pushing towards Shepard. “Tequila, Hpnotiq, parfait amour, pineapple juice, and a little something to make it pretty. Drink up, Commander.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice, Traynor.” Shepard turned the glass up, emptying half of it in one go. It was late, she was getting tired, and she didn’t want the night to end just yet. So getting herself shitfaced was the best plan she had for keeping up with the rest of the crew. “Glyph, keep that dance music going.”

“I’ve cued up quite the extensive playlist of popular nightclub tracks for this very occasion, Commander.” Glyph responded, floating alongside her as she rounded the wall to find the couches pushed back and a large area cleared in the main room for dancing. Most of the crew were already dancing, though Shepard could see Wrex, Grunt, Javik, and Zaeed shooting empty beer bottles off the kitchen table. Downing the other half of her drink, Shepard decided that was a problem she could pretend to not see for tonight.

“Hey, that’s my song! They’re playing my song!” Shepard heard Joker say, as he hopped up from the couch he had been occupying ever since the music started. It looked like her suggestion for EDI to get him more intoxicated had worked. “Do you still want to dance?”

“That is a wonderful idea.” EDI responded, sending a quick smile Shepard’s way as they moved to the cleared area of floor to dance with the others.

Shepard saw Garrus in the middle of the rest of the crowd, dancing along to the music. She bumped her hip against his as she joined him, moving her arms to the beat of the music. Her movements were met, as expected, with laughter from the rest of the crew.

“Hell yeah!” Jack called from her place on top of the coffee table nearby, which she was dancing on top of. “Work that ass, Shepard!”

“Hah, Captain on deck!” Cortez called out, raising an arm in mock salute.

“Hey, Traynor, can you make me another one of those drinks before you come join us?” Shepard called out, ignoring the rest of the comments as she moved. It felt good to let loose, and she was going to enjoy it.

“Already made, Commander.” Traynor called back, and crossed the floor to bring it to her. Shepard tossed her empty glass on the couch and took the full one, taking a drink as Traynor watched her dance. “Very enthusiastic.” She commented, and Shepard gave her a thumbs up.

“Shepard is saving the galaxy.” Tali spoke up, her arms above her head as she shook her hips. “You have to forgive a few eccentricities.”

“Hey, that’s my girlfriend you’re all making fun of.” Garrus broke in, pulling Shepard towards him to match her movements with his.

“I’ve heard you make fun of her dancing just as much as we have, Scars.” James called out, and Joker voiced his agreement.

Garrus’ glare finally broke as he laughed. “Ah, damn it, almost kept it straight. What are you _doing_ with your arms, Shepard?”

Shepard ignored his remarks and continued dancing, grinding her hips against his a few times for good measure. “Thank you all for your loyalty and support.” She said sarcastically.

“By the way, you have excellent taste in underwear, Shep.” Kasumi said, uncloaking as she sat on an ottoman near the wall, drink in hand. “I especially like that pink frilly pair.”

“Those are Garrus’ favorite pair, too.” Shepard responded, emptying the second glass and tossing it over to Kasumi, who caught it and set it on the floor. “I have to wear them for him at least once a week.”

“Speaking of which,” Garrus said in her ear, pressed against her back as they moved to the music. “is it just the alcohol, or do you have vids running in your head of us mostly naked, completely alone, and shamelessly rolling all over that big bed upstairs?”

“It’s like you read my mind.” Shepard answered, turning to face him. She ran a hand along his waist, enjoying the way his eyes were on hers like she was the only other person in the room. “I’ll get the alcohol, you get the door lock. Deal?”

“Deal.” He responded, pressing a kiss to her lips before she stepped back, pulling on his hand. “Meet you upstairs.”

 

* * *

 

When Shepard finally awoke the next morning, it was to the knowledge that drunk Shepard hadn’t bothered to shower before falling asleep. She was itching like hell, and she didn’t want to know what her skin looked like.

Hearing Garrus’ steady breathing, she opened her eyes to see him still sound asleep. He didn’t stir as she stretched, or even when she worked to remove her legs from where they were still intertwined with his. In fact, even after she got a quick shower and applied liberal amounts of analgesic _and_ took two antihistamine tablets for the rash before making her way back to the bed, Garrus was still sleeping.

Shepard glanced at her omni-tool for a long minute. It was early, and she knew that it was unlikely that anyone else would be up at this hour. So she pulled on a faded N7 shirt and climbed back onto the bed, working her way back under Garrus’ outstretched arm and snuggling in at his side to get a few more hours of sleep.

 

* * *

 

When Garrus awoke, the first thing that registered in his mind, besides his aching head, was Shepard moving at his side. When he managed to drag one bleary eye open, he saw her smiling up at him, her face against his chest. “Now this is what I call a perfect morning.” She said, a hand reaching up to trace along his mandible. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I wish we could do last night all over again.” Garrus said truthfully, though choosing to leave out the part about feeling like he needed to throw up from the amount of alcohol he had consumed the night before. He pushed Shepard’s shoulder back slightly so he could lean over and kiss her, long and slow. “And again…” He added, before kissing her again. “and again.”

Shepard smiled even wider, her hands running along the back of his neck. “And you’d still be trying to keep up with me.”

“Probably.” Garrus assented, chuckling. He pulled Shepard to him, pressing his head to hers.

“We should see if anyone else is up.” Shepard said quietly, but Garrus didn’t want to let her go.

“They can take care of themselves for a few more minutes.” He responded, closing his eyes at the feel of her head on his. He didn’t want to let go of the peace he felt. Besides the ache in his head, the nausea in his stomach, and the knowledge that he didn’t quite remember every detail about what had happened the night before, he felt such a peace here with Shepard that he never wanted to let her go.

He knew what leaving their bed meant. It meant noise, movement, and having to re-board the Normandy with the knowledge that they were on course to storm the Cerberus base. To go after the Reapers.

It meant the possibility of losing the people that he loved. Of losing Shepard.

“Garrus, what’s wrong?” Shepard’s concerned voice drew him back to the present. He realized his hand was trembling against her cheek. Her own hand covered his, gripping his fingers, providing warmth.

“Just thinking.” He answered, pressing another kiss to her lips before pulling away. “But you’re right, we should go check on the others before something gets set on fire.” He could feel Shepard’s eyes on him as he climbed out of the bed and began looking for clothes to throw on, but she didn’t press the matter.

 

* * *

 

“Shepard, I’m so sorry that I didn’t ask before putting the strawberry liqueur in your drinks last night.” Traynor said, looking at Shepard with concern. “I added it for a little color, but I never would have done it if I had known you’re allergic.”

“It’s okay, Traynor. There’s no way you could have known.” Shepard replied, taking a drink of coffee as she watched James cooking breakfast. She didn’t like lying to her crew, but sometimes it was necessary. A strawberry allergy sounded like a good excuse for the red splotchy patches that had raised across her face during the night. “How are those eggs coming along, James?”

“Yours’ll be done in a minute.” He said, moving them around with a spatula. “Where’s Scars? I cooked him some dextro bacon that I found in the freezer. You sure keep a well-supplied variety of alien food, Lola.”

Shepard laughed a little, taking another sip of coffee. “Well, this place is just as much his home as mine. And I like to cook when I get the chance, even if I’m not the best at it.” She tapped out a message to Garrus about breakfast on her omni-tool instead of calling out for him, since she knew there were a lot of aching heads this morning, including hers.

“I’m going to go check on Joker.” Traynor commented once she finished her plate of eggs, slipping off the stool she had been seated on. “He looked pretty queasy last time I saw him, and if he smells eggs we might have a mess at the bar.”

Garrus entered the kitchen a few minutes after Traynor left, taking the seat she had vacated. “Breakfast smells great, James. Glad to know someone on the crew can cook if needed.” At a look from Shepard, he amended. “Besides Shepard, of course.”

“So, anything particular happened last night that no one remembers, Shepard?” Kaidan asked, leaning against the bar as he walked into the kitchen. “I know you didn’t start drinking until way later than anyone else so if anyone remembers, it’ll be you.”

“Ah, nothing too serious.” Shepard replied, stabbing into the scrambled eggs as soon as James set them down in front of her “Nothing that’ll come back to haunt anyone, at least.” Remembering something she wanted to tell Garrus about without telling the rest of the room, she began typing discreetly on her omni-tool.

_‘I’m pretty sure Tali drunkenly brought up a threesome to me last night.’_

She heard a stifled chuckle from Garrus, and he caught her eye, his eyebrow plates raised before he sent back a message.

_‘I hope you turned her down. I’m not interested in sharing you.’_

_‘I don’t think it’s **me** that would have been shared.’_

Garrus’ hand stilled on his omni-tool, and Shepard saw his mandibles pull close against his face as he tried to not laugh.

_‘Blame it on Fleet and Flotilla.’_

She rolled her eyes at the message before responding.

_‘Oh, believe me, I am. But for the record, I’m not sharing **you** , either.’_

_‘Good. I’m a one-woman kind of turian, after all.’_

“Why are you _possibly_ smiling so big this morning, Shepard?” Miranda asked, taking the stool on the other side of her and reaching for the glass of tea she had left behind. “Half of the apartment’s occupants are trying not to throw up, and you look perfectly chipper.”

“It’s just a good morning, Miranda.”

“Yes, it is.” Garrus agreed, resting an arm around her waist as they returned to their breakfasts.

 

* * *

 

A while later, Shepard left the apartment full of her hungover crew members, to order a few taxis to get them to Bay D24 so they could all make it safely back to the Normandy. She blinked against the bright lights of Silversun Strip as she hit the buttons, engrossed in focusing on the menu options until Joker spoke at her side.

“Duty calls, huh?” He asked, limping over to her. His hat was shielding his eyes, but he looked like he felt just as badly as she did. “Even with a hangover?”

“There’s still a war on.” Shepard answered, looking down at the transit kiosk. As much as she wanted to stay in her apartment with the people she loved most, she needed to finish the fight.

“Unless the Reapers are on shore leave, too…?” Joker responded, his voice trying to carry a tone of playfulness to offset her somberness.

“I’m guessing they’re not.” Shepard said, giving him a small smile. “Round everyone up, pass out the aspirin, and have them report to the Normandy.”

“You got it.” Joker said, giving her a feeble salute before heading back into the apartment.

Shepard made her way to the docks alone, trusting Joker to get everyone out of the apartment and trusting Garrus to make sure the place was locked up. She leaned against the railing in the docking station, staring out the window at the Normandy.

It was her home, the best home she had ever known. The best memories of her life could be attributed to that ship, and staring at it brought a lump to her throat.

The times she had spent with Garrus, Joker, Thane, everyone. Everyone that had come to mean so much to her, including the ones she had already lost to the war. Their memories would live on as a part of that ship, just like hers would once she was gone.

She heard footsteps behind her, and glancing up at the window, she saw the crew walking up. Most of them walked past her, to board the Normandy, but Garrus walked up to her and put his arm around her waist, leaning against the railing with her.

“So I guess it’s back to the fight?” He asked, and she could see his reflection looking out at the Normandy like she was.

“At least we threw one hell of a party.” Shepard responded, looking over at him. “Probably the last one.” She added, unable to keep the wistfulness out of her voice. She knew she may never see this station with her crew again, and it was hurting her every time that thought crossed her mind.

“That doesn’t sound like my girl.” Garrus said gently, pulling her closer. “You’ll find a way to win. And when this is over, I’ll be waiting for you.”

Shepard smiled at his words, looking back out towards the Normandy. She remembered when he had told her the same thing before, when she had dropped him off at the Citadel to go to Vancouver to be arrested by the Alliance.

He had waited for her then. And she had no doubt that as long as hope remained, he would wait for her now.

“Best times of my life were spent on that ship.” He said softly, gazing out the window. “Been a damn good ride.” He pushed away from the railing after a few minutes, pressing a kiss to the side of her head before turning and walking towards the airlock.

“The best.” Shepard whispered, before turning to catch up with him.


	43. A little black box

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My sincerest apologies for the long wait for this chapter. Life hit me full-force, and I was unable to even think about writing while trying to deal with some of the things happening.
> 
> I know it's short, but I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

“Admiral Hackett is waiting for you on the vid comm, Commander.”

Joker’s tired voice sounded through Shepard’s cabin, where she had been sprawled across the bed ever since they had boarded the Normandy to leave the Citadel. She wasn’t even sure they actually had left the Citadel, as she had turned all the lights down in her cabin and reduced all noises as far as possible to help with the pounding headache she had woken up with that morning.

Shepard groaned a response and rolled over, letting her feet rest on the floor for a few moments before she finally sat up on the edge of the bed. “Tell him I’m on my way.” She called out as she stood, trudging towards the door of her cabin.

“Will do, Commander.”

After a short elevator ride, she made her way to the vid comm room, and found the hologram of Hackett waiting for her.

“Shepard, the intel you sent looks good. The fleets are ready to go.”

Shepard heard the lingering tone in his statement, and felt her stomach clench a little. “But…?”

“Once we’re committed against Cerberus, it won’t be long before the Reapers take notice.” Hackett finished.

“And the Crucible?”

Hackett glanced away for a moment, before meeting her gaze again. “Ready, except for the Catalyst, but there’s no way to hide the ships we’ll be sending at Cerberus. Once we attack, the Crucible won’t stay safe for long. For all intents and purposes, an assault on Cerberus will be the first stage of our attack on Earth.”

“What happens if Cerberus doesn’t have the intel we need? Or they stop us from getting it?” Shepard hated to voice her doubts, but she needed to know what would happen if she failed again. What contingency plan would be in place should everything go wrong.

“Then we lead the fleets to Earth, and we take our chances.” Hackett took a deep breath, nodding solemnly. “But your intel points to Cerberus and the Illusive Man holding the information we’re looking for. And… we have the element of surprise. Cerberus won’t know what hit them.”

Shepard contemplated his words, aware of the magnitude of the decision she was about to make. It was the only decision that _could_ be made, really. They had to stop Cerberus and hope that the VI was at their base. “The Reapers and Cerberus started this.” She finally said, squaring her shoulders. “Now we’re going to end it.”

Hackett nodded again. “I’ll get the fleets mobilized.” He said simply, before turning and leaving the hologram, disappearing from Shepard’s sight.

She stood there for several minutes, staring at the place that Hackett had left. She had just declared war against the Reapers for the last time.

Shepard pushed away from the interface, turning to make her way slowly through the Normandy. Raising a hand in greetings to a tired-looking Traynor, she kept walking until she made her way to the cockpit. She pulled out the extra chair to Joker’s left and sat in it, leaning her head back against the seat rest and closing her eyes as Joker turned to stare at her. She could feel his gaze on her without having to open her eyes, and she sat in silence until he finally spoke.

“So… bad news then?”

“No.” She responded simply. “Take us to Cronos Station. We’re going take down Cerberus and get this show on the road.”

“Sure thing, boss.” At his relieved tone, Shepard glanced at him. He caught her look and shook his head. “I thought you were coming to tell me that Earth was gone or something. How about you call ahead next time and warn me when you’re coming in here just to collapse?”

“I’ll try to remember that.” She answered as Joker shook his head at her again.

“When do you want our ETA? Immediately?” He asked, moving his hands across the screens in front of him, his tone focused.

Shepard thought for a few moments before answering, suspecting what the rest of the crew must feel like if they felt anything like she did. “No, get us there tomorrow morning. Give everyone one last night to prepare for this.”

“And to quit puking and cowering at loud noises.”

“That, too.” Shepard agreed, feeling her own head aching. “At least no one can say that the Normandy doesn’t know how to throw a party.”

 

* * *

 

Garrus was in his room off the main battery when Shepard’s message came through on his omni-tool, warning him that they would be storming Cronos Station the next morning. It was only a few minutes later, probably after she had informed the rest of the immediate team, that she made a ship-wide announcement over the comm system. She stated their reason for storming the base, what they expected would happen, and what she hoped to accomplish.

When her voice faded from the room, Garrus looked down at the small box he had been holding for the past half hour.

When they boarded the Normandy, Shepard declared her intention to hide in her cabin away from the noise of the busy ship. She had invited, and probably expected, Garrus to follow along. But he had begged off with some reasonable excuse about tending to the main guns since it had been a few days since his last maintenance.

And he _had_ calibrated them upon arriving in the main battery, of course. He wasn’t one to shirk his duties. But after the most important adjustments were complete, he had made his way to his room and sat on the empty chair, and he had pulled a small black box out of his pocket to examine the contents.

Over the last few weeks, Garrus had read enough on the extranet to know everything about human customs concerning engagement and marriage. Some of them weren’t so different from turian traditions, some were unfamiliar. Like the ring.

And now, faced with the knowledge of what was going to happen the next morning, he continued to simply stare at the ring he had purchased during their last shore leave while Shepard had been tending to party preparations. He knew it was probably cliché to do this kind of thing the night before yet another suicide mission, just like it had been cliché for him and Shepard to consummate their relationship immediately before storming the Collector’s Base.

But if this battle was going to lead them straight into the fight to take back Earth, Garrus wasn’t letting Shepard go into that battle without making sure she knew what was waiting for her on the other side.

Finally working up his nerve, Garrus snapped the box shut before standing. He had a feeling Shepard would be in her cabin, going over the details of the mission since she hadn’t sought him out after the announcement.

He was going to give them both a little something extra to look forward to after the Reapers were taken care of once and for all.

 

* * *

 

Shepard was sitting on her bed when she heard the door open. Without looking up from her datapad, she knew from the sound of the footsteps that it was Garrus.

“Shepard.” Garrus said, making his way towards her. “Thought you might be up here.” She smiled, glancing down at the datapad as Garrus moved to sit next to her as he continued speaking. “You know what the best part is about a battle that decides the whole fate of the galaxy?”

“Winning it?” Shepard answered, shifting slightly as he sat down next to her. She set the datapad down on the bed, pushing it out of the way so he could move closer.

He smiled at her answer, a hand resting on her thigh. “I was thinking it’s a good excuse to remind the ones you care about that… well, you care about them.” Shepard smiled in return, covering his hand on her thigh with her own and squeezing it. “Want some company?” His eyes drifted to the datapad that she had pushed away before he sat down. “If you’re not too busy getting things together for tomorrow’s big mission, that is.”

“I’m never too busy for you, Garrus.” She responded, her free hand moving to run along his mandible as she spoke. “I haven’t even been doing work, to be honest. I was looking at old pictures.” She reached past him and pulled the datapad back. “Want to see?”

“Of course.” He said, moving further onto the bed and then pulling Shepard closer, where they could relax while looking through the photos. She found the oldest photos that had been saved, and they began looking through them together. It wasn’t long before the cabin was filled with soft laughter over the memories contained in the photos.

 

* * *

 

As Garrus reached the end of the photos, the last image being the one taken at the party of the crew, he ran his hand through Shepard’s hair. She had made several references to her ‘family’ as they came across photos of the crew. He knew what she meant, he felt the same way about them. They were all his family, just as much as his father and sister were. But thanks to all the talk about family, and the feeling of the small box in his pocket digging into his side, he knew it was time to work his way up to asking her the question that had been forming in his mind for quite a while now.

“What’s your name, Shepard?” Her hand stilled on the datapad momentarily, as she looked up at him with a quizzical expression. He continued, not wanting her to start questioning his motives. “I’ve heard people call you a lot of different things, and I know I should _know_ this by now, but…” He trailed off, acutely aware of the way she was looking at him. “It’s _not_ Lola, is it?”

That finally turned her expression from thoughtful to laughing, as she shook her head and leaned in closer to his chest as they laid nestled together on the bed. “No, it’s definitely not Lola.” She paused for a moment, staring past him at the ceiling before continuing. “But, in all practicality, it’s just… Shepard.”

She trailed off again, and Garrus didn’t push her to speak. He wanted to know the reason her expression seemed forlorn and a little lonely, but he wanted to give her a chance to tell him before he asked. It was only a few minutes before she started speaking again.

“I wasn’t raised by my parents.” She finally said, crossing her arms across her chest as she spoke. “I don’t know why they didn’t want me, but they didn’t. I was given to an orphanage when I was a baby. Whoever birthed me didn’t bother to give me a name.” She looked over at him, and he tried to keep the anger off of his face towards the people who had abandoned Shepard. “I’m sure the people over the orphanage must have given me a name, but I don’t remember what it was.” She shrugged. “Because what I do remember was being so overly protective of the younger kids in the orphanage that the caretakers would talk about it, calling me a ‘little shepherd’ with my sheep following me along. That just kind of stuck as I grew older. So I took to calling myself that.”

Garrus thought back to one of the few times Shepard had talked about her childhood before, remembering some of the things she had said. “I thought you grew up hungry, on the streets. Did the orphanage not take care of you?” When turian children had to be taken care of by people other than their parents, Garrus knew they were treated as well as if the parents themselves were taking care of them. The orphanages were well stocked and even inspected by the turian government.

Shepard shook her head, shifting against him. “I was a… problem child. A lot of unresolved anger towards the people that left me at the orphanage.” She took a breath, uncurling the fist she had made. “I ended up leaving the orphanage early after I got in some trouble with the local police. I didn’t want to make things bad for them, so I took to the streets until I was old enough to join the Alliance.” She thought for a minute, her eyebrows furrowed. “I think I signed _Jane Shepard_ on the forms they made me fill out. I’ll have to check. I eventually told Anderson that that wasn’t my name, and he requisitioned me special dog tags without a first name later.”

When he didn’t reply, Shepard glanced up at him. “So don’t worry about not knowing my name, hell _I_ don’t even know it.” When he managed a chuckle, she laid her head down on his outstretched arm. “Why the sudden questions about my name? Passing curiosity?”

Garrus swallowed, thinking fast for the right words. He had planned out a long, heartfelt speech about how he felt, and now he was faced with the fact that Shepard had been effectively thrown away at birth. No wonder she had had such a hard time trusting others with getting close to her, she had never known the warmth of love and family as he had.

When he finally spoke, it was over a lump that had risen in his throat at her story. “I thought… well, it doesn’t _really_ matter, of course, but I thought I should know your name before I…” He trailed off, trying to decide how to get out the things he wanted to say. He gave up trying, and pulled the ring box out of his pocket, and held it in her line of sight as he flicked the top open. “Well, before I gave you this.”

She didn’t respond. He watched her eyes move from the ring, to his face, and back to the ring. He swallowed again, and continued. “I want to be your family, Shepard. For us to have a family of our own. To have a future together.” Garrus set the box down on the bed, taking her hand in his. “I want a house out of the city with you, me, a couple of kids. You’re the most important thing in my life, Shepard. You have been since the day I met you. Like I said before, there’s no Vakarian without Shepard.”

When he saw the first tear slide down her cheek, he thought for a heartbreaking second that Shepard was going to turn him down. But a moment later she had pushed herself up to a sitting position and tugged him up after her, before pulling his face to meet hers in a long, slow kiss. When they broke apart, she pressed her head to his, her hands on his mandibles as she said “Yes. _Christ_ , Garrus, yes.”

She started laughing at his expression, which he couldn’t blame her for if even half of the relief he felt showed on his face. Pressing his head to hers for a moment longer, Garrus then reached for the ring box that had been set aside. “The shop told me that if it didn’t fit, you could get it adjusted. Or if you don’t like it, you could probably trade it, or-“ His rambles were cut off by a look from Shepard, as she held out her hand, wiggling the finger he had read that the ring was to be put on.

He knew she wouldn’t be able to wear it in battle, but seeing Shepard, his future _wife_ , sitting there while wearing the ring brought a smile to his face that he thought would probably crack a mandible if it stretched any wider. It was only a few moments later that Shepard was pulling him back to her, and this time he could feel the unfamiliar coolness of the metal ring against his skin. It was present throughout the night, as they shared what might be their last time to spend together.

And later, when Shepard was curled against his side with her steady breathing signaling her sleep, Garrus ran his hand through her hair and pressed a kiss to her head before falling asleep himself.

 

* * *

 

Shepard didn’t have nightmares that night. She rested easily in the arms of the turian she had pledged to spend the rest of her life with. Knowing that whatever happened would happen, and she would face it by Garrus’ side.


	44. Kalahira, I ask forgiveness

When Shepard awoke the next morning, Garrus’ arm was around her waist and she could feel his steady breathing as his chest moved against her back with each rise and fall.

She laid that way for several minutes, her eyes closed, willing that everything in her life –every duty, responsibility, and task ahead of her- could just be put on hold. She wanted to stay right there with Garrus, in the peaceful warmth of his arms, and let someone else fight the Reapers. Let someone else say goodbye to the person they had pledged to spend their life with, so that she didn’t have to.

Shepard opened her eyes at that thought, feeling a little guilty at the selfishness. She _didn’t_ want anyone else to have to lose someone important to them, especially not because she didn’t want to step up to the plate and take on the tasks that had been set before her.

She moved a hand to her pillow, and looked as the soft light from a nearby lamp caught on the polished tungsten ring. Clenching her fist tightly against her chest, Shepard closed her eyes again.

This might be the last time she ever laid this way, in Garrus’ arms. In the arms of the turian who was going to be her husband. Who wanted _her_ to be his wife. Who she loved more than any other person in the entire galaxy.

Turning gently, as to not wake him, Shepard moved until she was facing Garrus, his arm still around her waist. She ran a hand lightly across one of his mandibles, before pressing her face to his chest, her arms wrapping around his back.

She didn’t want to let go of him. She didn’t know if she was _ever_ going to be able to let go, knowing what might lie in store for them.

So she laid there, holding onto Garrus and being held in turn, and silently begged whoever might be out there to not take the love of her life away from her. And to not take her from him.

 

* * *

 

Garrus had overslept, not waking up until Shepard pinged his omni-tool to ask if he was on his way to the shuttle bay to suit up. Apparently she was making last-minute preparations with Joker, and he was still in bed.

He swore and rolled out of bed, pulling on the clothes he had left strewn across the floor the night before. As soon as his pants were fastened, he ran out the door and began pressing the elevator’s touch screen to take him down to the bottom floor. Only after it started moving did he take the time to reply to Shepard’s message.

_‘Ready to go whenever you are.’_

Her reply came back almost immediately.

_‘Really? Because EDI told me you were still in my cabin when I sent that message, and that there weren’t any noises in the room.’_

Garrus swore under his breath as he left the elevator and caught sight of EDI waiting with a smile. He nodded in greeting and went to the armor bench and started quickly pulling on his gear as he tapped out another message.

_‘Definitely in the shuttle bay. Maybe she had the details wrong.’_

He didn’t get a message back from Shepard, because only moments after he had strapped his sniper rifle to his back, she exited the elevator in the shuttle bay, waving for him and EDI to follow as she ran for the shuttle. Cortez was already waiting in his seat, his hands moving across the screens as he prepared them for takeoff.

Shepard dropped into the seat next to Cortez, looking over her shoulder at Garrus after he boarded. “You look like you just rolled out of bed 10 minutes ago.” She commented as he took a seat in the next compartment.

He glanced at his omni-tool. “More like 6.” He admitted, knowing Shepard had seen through his attempt to hide his lateness. “Maybe you shouldn’t have kept me up most of the night before an important mission like this.” He added, taking in the sight of a chain he could just barely see around Shepard’s neck when she leaned forward to look at something on the hologram in front of her. He recognized it, even from a distance. It was the chain he had put in the box with the ring so Shepard could wear it around her neck if she wanted to. The jewelry shop had given him the idea when he was trying to find a ring that wouldn’t fall apart under her tendency for battle.

Shepard caught his eye when he looked up, and her smile let him know that she knew he had spotted the chain. “I’ll try to keep that in mind once we’re married.” She answered offhandedly, turning back to the controls in front of her. “This is going to be a rough landing, strap in.” Her voice tensed as Cortez flew them into the station. From the viewing screens the pilot had put up, Garrus could see Cerberus soldiers on the ground firing at them.

He readied his gun and tightened the harness holding him to the seat, bracing for impact.

It _was_ a rough landing, and Shepard was up and moving before the shuttle had finished sliding across the station hangar. Garrus was right behind her with EDI at his side, their weapons drawn as they exited the shuttle and dove for cover as the gunfire started.

 

* * *

 

“Shepard, that console has not been fully scrubbed. It contains data you may find interesting.”

Shepard turned to the location EDI was pointing to, and saw a console with a lit screen. She walked over to it and touched the screen, watching as it responded to her input. “What am I looking at?” She asked, glancing back over at EDI.

“Project Lazarus.” EDI replied, still trying to get through the locked door preventing them from going any further into the station. “Your reconstruction.”

Shepard sensed, rather than heard, Garrus move. As she touched the option labeled [First entry], she felt him standing behind her. She drew a deep breath as the video started, not sure what she was going to see.

Shepard watched the Illusive Man argue for her to be saved, dismissing the scientists’ facts that she was brain-dead as something that could be overcome with enough money and resources. As the scientist spoke of Shepard going without oxygen, her mind flashed back to when she was spaced, and suddenly it was all rushing back to her.

All she could feel was the crushing blackness around her as she saw the Normandy explode in front of her eyes and she realized with horror that her helmet’s oxygen line had been severed. She couldn’t reattach it. She couldn’t breathe. She fought against the numbness in her limbs and her lungs screaming for air, but there was nothing she could do. She was going to die.

She _had_ died.

A warm hand on the back of her neck drew her back to the present with a jolt. Garrus was at her side, rubbing his thumb along the side of her neck as his other hand found one of her own. She could feel her fingers trembling as he took her glove off to grasp her hand better.

“I… I didn’t realize it was that bad.” Shepard said, having to focus in order to form the words.

Garrus gripped her tighter, his voice steady and comforting. “That was pretty stark. You okay?”

“I’m still me.” Shepard responded immediately, taking a step backwards from the console and closer to him. “I doubt I’d have been able to turn against Cerberus otherwise.” She took another deep breath. “But I don’t remember anything between being spaced and waking up to the place on fire with Miranda yelling at me. Maybe they really just fixed me, or maybe I’m just a high-tech VI that thinks it’s Commander Shepard.” She paused for a moment, looking down to her hand entwined with Garrus’. “But I don’t know. I-“

“You’re real.” Garrus interrupted, and she felt his mouth press against her temple. “A little crazy, maybe.” He added, drawing a smile from her. “But definitely real.”

She stared at the screen for a long moment. There were two more logs available for her to view, but she was apprehensive. What if the logs proved to Shepard that she really was nothing more than a good copy of the actual Shepard, the one that died when the Collectors attacked the Normandy?

“You don’t have to watch the rest.” Garrus spoke up, correctly reading the tension she felt spreading through her body. “It doesn’t matter what they did to bring you back. They brought you back, and that’s all that matters.”

Shepard reached up and pulled the chain out from under her armor, where she could see the ring she couldn’t wear on her hand because of the risk of battle damage. “You’re right, it doesn’t matter.” She agreed, only halfheartedly believing her own words as she reached forward to select [Second entry] before tucking the ring back in her shirt.

This time, the scientist was telling the Illusive Man how Shepard’s tissues were regenerating and that her brain had been kept intact because of her helmet. She made a mental note to wear her helmet more often as she scientist continued to state his worries over the fact that Shepard was Alliance and they were a Cerberus organization. The Illusive Man was certain that Shepard would work with them, and she felt her stomach clench at the certainty in his voice.

“He really had you boxed in.” Garrus commented as the entry ended, and Shepard nodded.

“Every instinct I had told me not to trust Cerberus.” She could still feel a trace of guilt over her voice to work with them. “But I needed their help. So I played along.”

“You did what you had to do, Shepard.” Garrus responded, his hand squeezing the back of her neck in comfort. “And I was there with you.”

Shepard looked over her shoulder at him and gave him a small smile before selecting [Third entry] on the screen. The last video started with the scientist reporting that Shepard was showing signs of neurological activity. The Illusive Man wasted no time informing both present scientists that Shepard would be in need of a crew, and he wanted to put it together. When he mentioned finding some of Shepard’s old friends to join in order to get her ‘invested’, Shepard gripped Garrus’ hand in frustration.

The Illusive Man had tried his best to make her dance to his every whim, even down to who he picked for her team. It had worked, to a point, until the very crew he had chosen for her had stood at Shepard’s side and collectively turned their back on him as they brought down the Collectors.

And now they were working to bring down Cerberus itself, minus the team members she had lost to the war.

As an image of Thane went through her mind, her hand trembled in Garrus’. Kai Leng’s signal had been tracked to this station. She would finally get her revenge, on both Cerberus and Kai Leng.

It had been a long time coming.

She squeezed Garrus’ hand one last time before letting go and turning to EDI. “How’s that door coming, EDI?”

“We are clear to proceed.”

 

* * *

 

After several more gunfights and a lot of spilled Cerberus blood, the team found the room they had been searching for.

Garrus held his breath as Shepard went through the door, making her way to the only seat in the room and sitting down in the chair. She immediately began accessing the console in front of her, and it was only moments later that the Illusive Man appeared behind her as a holograph in the circle on the floor.

Despite them both knowing that guns weren’t capable of hitting the man, both Shepard and Garrus pulled their guns on the hologram as Shepard spoke to the Illusive Man. Their conversation lasted until the Prothean VI appeared, and the Illusive Man disappeared with a warning for them to not stay too long.

Within minutes, they had learned that the Catalyst was the Citadel, and Shepard was more than ready to leave to spread the word to the outside team that was waiting with the Crucible.

“It’s as ready as it’s going to be. Let’s get it to the Citadel.” She turned to leave, but the VI spoke up.

“That may no longer be possible.”

“Why not?” Shepard asked, and Garrus could hear the frustration in her voice.

“The one who broke through my security protocols, the one you call the Illusive Man, has fled to the Citadel and informed the Reapers of our purposes.”

Garrus swore and EDI spoke up. “Then the Citadel is in danger. The Reapers will take control of it.”

“They already have.” The VI answered. “The Citadel has been moved to the Reaper-controlled space.”

“Moved?” Shepard asked, quickly turning back to the VI. “To where?”

“To the system you refer to as Sol.”

Garrus felt his heart clench at the look of pain that crossed Shepard’s face as she took in the words. The place she had been working so hard to save. The Reapers had beat them to it.

“Earth.” She whispered.

“Correct.” The VI confirmed. “The Reaper forces will now consolidate power around the Catalyst and protect it at all costs. The odds of accessing it are remote.”

“Don’t count us out yet.” Garrus spoke up, stepping over to Shepard’s side. “We’ve come this far, and we’ll finish this. We’ll get the Crucible to Earth.”

“I hope you find success.” The VI replied.

“EDI, get me Hackett. He needs-“ Shepard’s words were cut off by a biotic blast shooting past her to destroy a console. As they all turned, Garrus fixed his gun’s sights on the assassin they had last seen stealing the VI on Thessia.

The assassin that had taken the life of a very dear friend.

His hand gripped his gun, and he steadied the trembling he felt in his fingers.

 

* * *

 

The fight was over, and Shepard stood over Kai Leng’s body for a long moment. Her pistol was pointed at his head, and her finger on the trigger, but she couldn’t bring herself to shoot the man. She knew he would die of blood loss before long, and wanted to give him his last moments to reflect on everything he had done wrong.

Turning her back to Kai Leng, and the destroyed room, Shepard sat back down in the chair, trying to establish a comm link to reach Hackett.

She heard the heavy breathing behind her as Kai Leng began to move across the floor. The sharp metallic clatter as he pulled himself up with his katana was as loud as a gunshot to her ears. The sound of his footfalls, soft enough that Garrus and EDI didn’t pick them up, resounded in her brain.

Shepard heard Kai Leng draw a breath as he raised the sword above his head, and she turned in her seat. Breaking his katana with her armored forearm, she drove her omni-blade as deep into his side as she could manage.

“That was for Thane, you _son of a bitch_.” Shepard asserted as she drew the blade out, his body slumping to the floor as dead weight.

She kicked him aside as she left the room, hooking her shotgun onto her back as she made her way back to the shuttle, Thane's final prayer for her echoing in her ears.


	45. On my command

Shepard pushed away from the console in the vid comm room after Anderson disconnected. She drew a deep breath, turning and walking from the room. Focusing on the floor as she walked, hoping to not be called over by any of the technicians working along the walls. She kept her head down until she reached the CIC, walking through to the cockpit.

She found Joker, a drink in hand, staring at the screens in front of him. Shepard stood at his side for a few moments without speaking before Joker began to talk.

“You remember our first run to Eden Prime all those years ago, with that turian Spectre watching us?”

“Nihlus.” Shepard supplied the name, taking a seat in the extra chair available, nodding a greeting to EDI when the AI turned her head to look at Shepard.

“Yeah,” Joker grunted. “I told you that mission was going to be bigger than we thought.”

“I think you can mark that prediction down as accurate.” Shepard answered, resting her head against the back of the chair, watching Joker empty the glass he was holding.

“And now we’re heading back to Earth.” He answered quietly, looking down at the empty glass.

“Is this mission going to be bigger than we thought, too?” Shepard prompted, watching the pilot. The same strain she felt was showing on his face.

“Man, I hope not.” Joker answered, the familiar tone of jest back in his voice. “A nice routine delivery run would be fine with me.” He finally turned to look at her, his brow furrowed. “It’s been an honor, Commander.”

“Same here, Joker.” Shepard answered, feeling a tightness in her throat as she answered. “I don’t know how it’s going to end, but whatever happens…” She trailed off, unsure of how to finish that thought.

“What do you mean, whatever happens? Everyone knows what’s gonna happen.” Joker leaned forward in her chair, frowning at her. “You’re gonna kick some Reaper ass. That’s what you do.” He waited a moment until Shepard nodded her agreement, before leaning back in his chair. “And I’ll be flying you there in style.”

 

* * *

 

 

When Shepard found her feet walking the familiar path to the main battery, the door opened on Garrus and Tali talking across the console. They looked up when she entered, and she didn’t miss the way Garrus’ eyes swept over her face, probably searching for any sign that she was folding under the stress she felt crowding her every breath.

“Shepard.” Tali spoke up, raising a hand to her. “We were just saying goodbye.”

“And making friendly wagers.” Garrus added, motioning with his head to her. When she moved to his side, he stretched an arm around her shoulders. The weight was comforting, as if grounding her.

“Optimistic wagers, in your case.” Tali answered, and Shepard could hear the amusement in her voice.

“A turian military operative competing with a quarian mechanic, and I’m the optimistic one?”

“Do you _remember_ Ilos?” The sarcasm was nearly palpable in Tali’s voice.

“Yes.” Garrus conceded before continuing. “It was filled with geth, which tilted the odds in your favor.”

“Excuses, excuses.”

“I doubt you’ll be hacking any synthetics this time.” He shot back.

“I still have the shotgun.” Tali replied, shrugging.

“I’ll be sure to let a few Reaper forces get close enough for you to use it.”

“Thanks!” Tali answered with a false optimism. “Of course, if they get past me, they’ll be right on top of you.”

“That’s what the armor’s for.” Garrus answered dryly.

“ _And_ that’s why you stay behind Shepard. To let her deal with the up-close-and-personal forces before you have to.” Tali said, pointedly turning her head towards Shepard.

Shepard smiled, despite the heaviness she felt when the upcoming battle crossed her mind. “You two have been with me longer than most.” She said, looking up at Garrus and then over at Tali. “You believed in me when nobody else did.” It took her a moment, swallowing hard to stop her voice from shaking. “Thanks.”

“Keelah se’lai, Shepard.” Tali answered, reaching out a hand that Shepard gripped with her own for a long moment.

“Well, you did give me some _incentive_.” Garrus said, squeezing her shoulder.

Shepard smiled up at him in response before moving out from under his arm. “I’ll leave you two to finish betting on how this fight’s gonna go. Need to finish making my rounds.”

 

* * *

 

Garrus found her a half hour later. Shepard was sitting in Life Support, holding a cup of coffee and staring at the empty chair across the table. She glanced up as he entered, and at the raise of his eyebrow plates, she tilted her head towards the chair sitting next to her.

Feeling relieved that she wasn’t turning him away, Garrus made his way across the room, moving the chair closer to Shepard’s side before sitting down by her and pulling her close. He knew she wanted to be strong and keep face, but he also knew that she was about to lead the entire galaxy into a war against the Reapers. And her face was showing the strain.

They sat that way, Shepard’s head leaning against his chest, both looking across the table at the chair Thane should have occupied, had the galaxy been a kinder place. It was a long time before Shepard spoke.

“Thane should have been here to see this. He helped us stop the Collectors, he deserved to be here for this. To be known for the hero that he was.” She went silent for a moment before adding, “And Mordin, too. We wouldn’t have made it this far if it hadn’t of been for him. For them both.”

“You’re right, it’s not fair that they’re not here today.” Garrus tightened his arm around her. “But I know they’d be proud of you, for everything you accomplished.”

“The Reapers aren’t dead yet.” Shepard answered, and Garrus felt her head shift as she looked up at him.

“You brought the galaxy together for this fight.” Garrus brushed the side of her head with his mandible. “As we speak, fleets of just about every race we know of are waiting for your word before they make the jump to the Sol Relay.” He felt her tense at his words, and leaned back far enough to get a hand to her shoulders, where he started kneading his fingers against the tensest muscles that he felt. “I know it’s scary, Shepard. But we’re all behind you.” Garrus tilted her head towards him, so he could press his forehead to hers. “I’ve covered your six for a while now. And I’ll cover it ‘til the end.”

“Thanks, Garrus.” Shepard responded, her eyes closed, her head pressing against his. He could feel her pulse racing when his hand moved to her cheek and then neck, where he could angle her face enough to press his mouthplates to her lips. She returned the kiss, her head leaning back against his shoulder, a hand curled under his fringe. When they broke apart for air, Shepard didn’t let go of him. She held his face close to hers, her nose brushing against his own.

“I don’t want to let go.” He heard her whisper, and he felt her hand tremble against his face. He reached up and clasped it in his own.

“I know.” Garrus answered, pulling Shepard closer, burying his face in the crook of her neck. Her words were the ones that he wanted to shout, to find someone that could explain to him why he had to watch the one he love shoulder more responsibility than any other being in the galaxy.

That’s how they were sitting when Joker’s voice came over the intercom, letting Shepard know of Admiral Hackett’s request to board the Normandy.

And when she found the strength to let go of him to go meet the Admiral, Garrus didn’t hold her back.

 

* * *

 

_‘Commander.’_

The Citadel’s arms were closed, the Crucible wouldn’t be able to dock unless the arms were opened.

_‘Are you ready to bring the might of the galaxy to bear on the Reapers?’_

The Hammer transports wouldn’t be able to land unless the Hades cannons were destroyed.

_‘Then let’s make sure the fleets are ready.’_

Shepard was to lead a ground team through the streets of war-ravaged London to take out the cannons

_‘Never before have so many come together – from all quarters of the galaxy.’_

Shepard had to make sure someone made it to the beam that would take that person to the Citadel, where they would open the arms for the Crucible to dock.

_‘But never before have we faced an enemy such as this.’_

She clenched her fists against the back of Joker’s seat.

_‘The Reapers will show us no mercy. We must give them no quarter.’_

“Approaching Sol Relay, Commander.” He said, his hands moving across the holographic screen in front of him.

_‘They will terrorize our populations. We must stand fast in the face of that terror.’_

Shepard nodded, staring ahead. She had made a promise to Hackett, and she was going to fulfil that promise.

_‘They will advance until our last city falls, but we will not fail.’_

She would get the Citadel arms open, even if she had to travel through the damn beam herself.

_‘We will prevail.’_

“We’re through the relay in 30 seconds.” Joker’s voice cut through her thoughts. And, when those 30 seconds were up, she was seeing Earth with her own eyes for the first time since leaving Vancouver.

_‘Each of us will be defined by our actions in the upcoming battle.’_

“Alliance fleet reporting.”

“Turian fleet reporting.”

“Asari fleet reporting.”

“Quarian fleets accounted for and ready.”

“Geth fleet reporting.”

_‘Stand fast. Stand strong. Stand together.’_

“All fleets reporting in, Commander.”

_‘Get the Citadel arms open, Commander… whatever the cost.’_

“Ready to engage on your command.”

_‘Yes, sir.’_


	46. Come back alive

Shepard watched the carnage from the Normandy’s cockpit. A few Reapers were falling, but even more of the fleets she had ordered into battle were being destroyed right before her eyes.

“Breaking off.” Joker’s voice pulled her back to the present, away from the black dots that were beginning to dance around the corners of her vision. “Preparing for descent.”

Once the Normandy cleared the worst of the gunfire, and Earth was in its sights, Shepard turned to leave the cockpit. “Commander.” The sound of Joker’s voice behind her stopped her movement, and she turned to see the pilot stumbling slightly as he found his footing. He pushed away from his chair and saluted her, his face solemn and his voice quiet. “Be careful down there.”

“We’ll be fine. Stay focused.” Shepard felt that her words were harsher than she intended, but she was fighting against a lump that has risen in her throat as she raised a hand to return the salute.

“Aye, aye.” Joker answered, dropping the salute.

Shepard took a step back, trying to leave with the air of a commander that had her battle nerves under control. Instead, she took a step forward and embraced Joker for a long moment. She would rather leave the ship knowing that her friend knew how thankful she was for the place he had in her life.

Letting go, Shepard took a few steps back and nodded at Joker. He returned the nod, and she left the cockpit to make her way to the shuttle, where EDI and Garrus would be waiting.

 

* * *

 

Garrus didn’t know what he had been expecting to happen when they landed in London, but seeing Shepard nearly die twice in the first five minutes hadn’t been on the list.

She wasn’t being unnecessarily reckless, she wasn’t doing anything she shouldn’t in the battle they were fighting. But every time he saw a bullet shot her way, or a Reaper force get too close before he was able to take them out, his heart was in his throat.

They were fighting their way through the ground forces that were standing between them and the turret. They had to find the heavy weapons that the downed shuttle was supposed to be holding.

Garrus always had Shepard in his sights. There wasn’t a time that her shotgun fired that he didn’t see it.

“Damn it. You’ve got airborne hostiles inbound.” Cortez’ voice sounded through their comms, overriding the sounds of the battle around them. “Gonna try to keep ‘em off you!”

“Careful Cortez!” The words had barely reached Garrus’ ears before he heard the shuttle overhead. When he looked up, he saw the shuttle hit from behind and heard Cortez’ voice cry out.

“Cortez!” Shepard yelled, her eyes wide with fear as she turned to watch the shuttle’s descent. Garrus ran forward to her side, trying to determine where the shuttle’s trajectory would have caused it to land.

“I’m all right.” Cortez’ voice sounded in their ears again, breathing heavily. “But I won’t be picking you up. I gotta land this bird quick.”

“Get safe, Cortez.” Garrus spoke up, hitting his comm before pushing Shepard forward to get her out of the line of sight of a Marauder. He took aim and took the creature down with two carefully aimed shots.

“There’s the shuttle!” EDI called, pointing towards the smoldering wreckage of the second shuttle they had started out flying beside.

“Keep an eye out for their heavy weapon supplies.” Shepard answered, moving from cover to fire at a Cannibal that was advancing towards her.

Once the landing zone was cleared, Garrus approached the wreckage at Shepard’s side. She found the M-920 Cain before he did, and raised her eyebrows at him as she hefted the cannon onto her shoulder.

“You don’t have to look so disappointed, Garrus.” She said, brushing his shoulder with hers as she turned to face the Hades Cannon. “I’ll let you use it next.”

Garrus laughed despite the situation, moving behind Shepard as she aimed the M-920. “Are you sure you’ve got this, Shepard? I would hate for any sudden wind gusts to throw off your aim.”

She grunted in response, and he watched her steady her hands before firing. The M-920’s shot locked onto the turret and destroyed it with a burst of flames. Debris rained down around them as the turret exploded, crashing to the ground.

Garrus heard marines from the Hammer team chattering over the comms, acknowledging that the guns were down, but no one mentioning how they were supposed to get out. He heard movement behind him, and turned with his rifle raised. The Reaper ground forces were advancing again.

Shepard slapped a hand to her comm, spinning around at the sight of forces coming from the opposite direction than the ones Garrus had spotted. “Anybody, come in! We need extraction.”

A crackle of static sounded in their ears as a response, and Garrus heard the shriek of a Banshee. His blood felt cold at the sound, and he backed up until he felt Shepard’s back against his. “Heads up, we’ve got company.”

 

* * *

 

It was several close calls and a few depleted shields later that Shepard heard an unfamiliar, but very welcome, voice in her ear.

“Commander. Prepare for extraction.”

She looked over her shoulder, and met eyes with Garrus, who nodded at her before taking another shot. Looking to her right, she caught sight of EDI, who nodded as well. They had both heard the voice.

It was only moments later that a familiar blue and white shuttle came into view, and Shepard immediately felt Garrus’ hand on her back, pushing her towards the waiting extraction. She hesitated for a moment, unwilling to drop her weapon before the others made it onto the shuttle.

“Come on, we’ll cover you!” The same voice came over the comm, and from the now-open door of the shuttle. Nodding her acknowledgement, Shepard shoved Garrus in front of her and ran through the gunfire with her head down.

EDI made it to the shuttle first and took the leap in stride. Garrus was next, pulling Shepard along with him as he leapt. The soldier standing at the door was true to his word and kept the Reaper forces back long enough for the door to close and the shuttle to make its escape.

“Get us out of here, Corporal.” The man said, before turning to look at Shepard. “You okay?”

“I’m alive.” Shepard answered, winded. She leaned on the arm Garrus had around her back for a moment, before straightening up and reaching to wipe some of the Reaper blood off of her face.

“That you are, Commander.” At Anderson’s voice, Shepard turned quickly. The sight of her old friend was enough to push the exhaustion she felt out of her mind completely.

“Anderson!” She replied, taking a few steps forward to where he stood with his hand outstretched.

“I knew you wouldn’t let me down, Shepard.” He replied, pulling her forward into a much-welcome hug. Shepard felt his hand pat her back a few times, and she reciprocated the gesture. She knew he was just as relieved to find her alive as she was for him.

“It’s good to see you.” Her words were an understatement, and a big one.

“And you’re a sight for sore eyes.” Anderson answered, pulling back to look Shepard up and down. She saw his eyes linger on the parts of her face that she had just smeared Reaper blood when trying to clean it.

“How are we looking?” Shepard prompted, wanting to find out more about the situation on the ground.

“Now that the heavy air defenses are dealt with, Hammer can land.” Anderson answered, gripping onto a handle built into the wall of the shuttle to keep himself from being jostled about.

“And not a moment too soon.” The soldier Shepard had heard over her comm spoke up from his place near the door.

“What’s left of the resistance is holding a Forward Operating Base.” Anderson explained. “But the Reapers are countering already. Once we regroup, it’s gonna be up to Hammer to take up the fight.”

“It must have been brutal here. Cut off from the rest of the Alliance.” Shepard said, shaking her head.

“It’s been touch and go from day one.” Anderson answered. “But once we figured out the Reapers were focusing on the major centers, it became easier to avoid direct contact.”

“Until London.” The soldier spoke up, and Shepard glanced at him.

Anderson sighed. “Yeah. We held back as long as we could. Sending in recon teams. Lost a lot of good men planning this attack. But with soldiers like Major Coats,” Anderson gestured to the soldier by the door, finally giving Shepard a clue as to who the man was. “and knowing you’d being us help… we held on.”

“Without you and your resistance, we’d be dead in the water.” She replied, grateful to Anderson for the impossible task he had risen to when the Reapers attacked Earth,

“Yeah, the Admiral’s being modest. He’s the reason any of us are still alive.” Major Coats spoke up. Anderson shook his head in response.

“Let’s not start handing out medals just yet. This fight is just getting started.” He glanced at Shepard, then behind her to Garrus and EDI. “And Hammer better be ready for it.”

“They didn’t start out together, but they’re ready to stand side by side and win this war.”

“Good.” Anderson said, turning to look at the screen behind him. “That’s what it’s going to take.”

“We’ll get it done, Anderson.” Shepard answered, stepping forward to put a hand on the man’s shoulder.

Anderson turned back to face her. “The entire galaxy united… too bad it took the Reapers to bring us together.”

“Shepard’s the one that brought them together.” Garrus interjected, and Shepard shot him a covert smile at his tone of voice.

When she glanced back at Anderson, the older man was smiling, as well. “That’s exactly what I meant.” He said. “I know you didn’t like leaving, Shepard, but nobody could’ve accomplished what you’ve done.”

“It’s good to be back home.” Shepard said, feeling as if she had never meant the words more than at that moment.

 

* * *

 

Upon landing at the Forward Operating Base, Garrus left to go coordinate the turian troops with Victus and EDI went ahead to the waiting conference with Anderson. Shepard was left to wander through the ruins of London, her breath coming short when she heard the strikes overhead.

She was home again. Walking on Earth, after being gone for so long, ready to fight the Reapers one last time.

She didn’t know which she wanted more: to drink, or to cry.

Forcing her feet to move her through the streets, it didn’t take long before she found James.

“Hey, Commander.” He said when she approached, his voice subdued and solemn.

“What, no ‘Lola’?” Shepard asked, attempting to inject some lightness into her words.

James tried to chuckle, sounding forced, and shrugged. “Yeah, sorry.”

“You okay?”

“I don’t know what I thought I’d feel coming back to Earth.” He answered, looking at his hands. “I was ready to fight, ready to die if I had to. But seeing everything like this…”

Shepard looked over her shoulder at the wreckage behind them. “I know it’s hard to see, but this is only temporary.” She looked back at James. “But first, we need to win this thing. Stay focused. Don’t let them take your will to fight.”

“I know, I know.” He responded, raising his hands in mock surrender. “You’re right.” He paused for a moment, looking down. “So, I guess this is it, no? One more push… one last fight.”

“Not necessarily our last.” Shepard shot back, rubbing her shoulder that had been aching ever since she fired the M-920 earlier.

James suddenly stood at attention, saluting her. “It’s been an honor serving with you, Shepard.”

Shepard reached out a hand and took his, shaking it firmly. “You’re a good man and a terrific soldier. Whatever happens out there today, I know you’ll make me proud.”

“That means a lot to me, ma’am.” He answered, before finally showing a bit of a smile. “Good luck out there, Lola.”

Shepard hit him on the arm before walking past him, spotting Kaidan standing across the road. She drew a deep breath and made her way over to him, preparing herself for yet another goodbye.

 

* * *

 

After speaking with Kaidan, and then managing to vid-call nearly every one of her former team members that served with her under Cerberus, Shepard made her way up the only path left to her. It was a pile of rubble and dirt that led the way towards the conference she knew Anderson was waiting for her to attend. She trudged the hill, feeling her shotgun dig into her back as she tread the path.

She was tired. She was hot, sweaty, and tired.

When she reached the door at the top of the rubble pile, Garrus’ voice reached her ears as soon as it opened. Her heart leapt back into her throat when she heard it, and then seemed to plummet somewhere around her toes.

Her last final round of goodbyes was going to have to include Garrus. How had she not realized that.

Thankfully, Victus called her over as soon as she entered the room, delaying the moment she had to face the turian who was supposed to be her husband one day.

“Commander Shepard.” He reached out a hand, and Shepard shook it.

“Primarch Victus. I didn’t realize you were here.”

“I wanted to return the favor in person.” Victus said, clasping his hands behind his back. “Though I’m sorry to see your world looks as bad as ours.”

“I’m surprised you’re not back on Palaven.” Shepard said, grateful to the turian for the gesture of kindness.

“This war will be won or lost today. Here on Earth, not Palaven.” He answered, and Shepard nodded in agreement. “Everything comes down to this moment. And history will record that the turian hierarchy stood among the brave.”

“Thank you for your support, Primarch.” Shepard responded, and Victus went back to his conversation with the turian at his side. When Shepard turned and looked up, she saw Garrus’ eyes on her from across the room. With a slight motion of his head, he beckoned her over.

Shepard drew a deep breath before walking the steps it took to bring her to his side.

 

* * *

 

Garrus noticed Shepard as soon as she walked in, of course, but he let Victus capture her attention first. He didn’t interrupt, waiting instead for their short conversation to finish. But when she looked up afterward, and her eyes found his, he knew she would come find him.

When she approached, Garrus could see from her eyes that she was a few bad reports away from needing those breathing techniques that Dr. Chakwas had taught her. He set aside the gun he was holding. “Shepard. So I guess this is-“

“Just like old times?” She supplied, interrupting him, and finishing the sentence he had started. She even _sounded_ exhausted.

Forcing a chuckle into his voice, he shifted on his feet. “Might be the last chance we get to say that.”

He regretted his words as soon as he said them, because Shepard’s face seemed to fall ever so slightly. “Think we’re going to lose?”

“No, I think we’re about to kick the Reapers back into whatever black hole they crawled out of.” He backpedaled quickly, trying to fix what he had said. “Then we’re going to retire somewhere warm and tropical and live off the royalties from the vids.” He paused for a moment, cocking his head slightly and looking at Shepard. “Maybe even find out what a turian-human baby looks like.” He didn’t have to force a smile, the thought of a child with Shepard’s eyes and his gun skills was enough to draw it out of him.

Shepard laughed at the suggestion, and stared into his eyes for a long moment. “I’m game.” She replied, and Garrus felt his heart tighten as she looked up at him and smiled. “Though I think adoption’s a better idea – biology might not cooperate.”

“Hmm… I suppose there will be a lot of little krogan around soon.” He answered, trying to keep the emotion out of his subvocals. Shepard wouldn’t hear it, but everyone else in the damn room would. And they didn’t need to know how close he was to packing Shepard back up on the Normandy and getting Joker to fly them away.

She wanted children.

She wanted _them_ to have children. To have a family. A home. The family and home he had promised her.

Thankfully, she kept talking. “We just have to beat the Reapers, first.”

Garrus could hear the tiredness back in her voice. She didn’t have to expound on that statement. She was saying it as clear as day.

If they didn’t win this fight, there would be no children. No family.

If they didn’t win, he would lose her.

“James told me there’s an old saying here on Earth: ‘May you be in heaven half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.’” He had to fight to get the words out, looking away from Shepard a few times when the sight of her eyes made it too hard for him to keep talking. “Not sure if turian heaven is the same as yours, but if this thing…”

He swallowed, unable to continue for a long moment.

“If this thing goes sideways and we both end up there… meet me at the bar.” He managed to finish, his voice hollow in his own ears. “I’m buying.”

“We’re a team, Garrus.” Shepard responded, blinking quickly as she looked up at him. “There’s no Shepard without Vakarian, remember?”

That drew a chuckle from Garrus, hearing his own words turned around on him. “I don’t think that’s quite how it went, Shepard.”

“Well, it is now.” She answered, pressing a hand to the armor on his chest. “So you better remember to duck.”

“Sorry, turians don’t know how.” He reached a hand up to clasp hers. “But I’ll improvise.” He looked down at their joined hands for a long moment before speaking again. “And Shepard…?” She looked up at him as he took a step closer, pulling her other hand into his as well, holding them tightly. “Forgive the insubordination, but your fiancé has an order for you.”

She was so close, he could see the tiny scar through her left eyebrow. He thought back to the night they had spent at the Flux, so very long ago. That was the first time he had noticed that scar.

Garrus squeezed her hands tighter. “Come back alive.” He whispered, closing his eyes for a moment against the memories. Opening them again, he could see the same emotions he felt reflected in Shepard’s eyes. “It’d be an awfully empty galaxy without you.”

When Shepard tilted her head ever so slightly to the side, Garrus pressed his mouth to hers. He didn’t care who was watching, or what they would say. He didn’t care that the sight of a human Commander and her turian subordinate publicly displaying their affection was probably breaking several rules in the Hierarchy.

All he cared about was the feel of Shepard’s hands on his neck, the feel of her mouth pressed to his, and the shaking grip of his fingers on her waist.

When she finally pulled away just enough to breathe, Garrus could hear the strain in her voice as she forced herself to speak. “Goodbye, Garrus.” He saw her throat move as she swallowed hard. “And if I’m up there in that bar and you’re not –“ She faltered for a minute, and closed her eyes, pressing her forehead to his. “I’ll be looking down. You’ll never be alone.”

It wasn’t until Shepard had pulled away and turned to leave the room that he found his voice. As her hands slipped from his, he whispered “Never.” into the growing distance between them.


End file.
